Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84220
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we have a laptop, and i didn't set a account for my dad yet so he has been using guest.
silly me forgot my password, so i went on guest to do some research. i guess he didnt know how to delete history..and i found some very nasty things.
not porn but like stuff about other woman like "desires" and more nasty stuff..i don't know if i should inform my mom.
he has asked me numerous times to delete the guest part of the computer, but i keep saying its for guests (haha)
so should i tell my mom
i don't wanna be the reason for any friction.
i'm SO scared
help? (link)
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Well, if it is over and he has stopped then maybe it would be best to forget it. Because as the other advisor said, maybe he was doing research. But if he continues to go on the computer, and spends hours and hours alone with the computer, then that is not good. But also your mom might just notice that too, and make him stop. Maybe you should delete the whole guest thing. That he will know that it is gone, and he won'tbe tempted.
If the guest thing comes back, then you know it could only be him. Why not encourage your mom to use the computer for something. If he knows she's using it too, he may be to scared to use it for nasty things. YOu could even say to him, Oh by the way, mom was using he computer the other day, hope she didn't erase anything by mistake"
Michele
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haha i didnt know what to put this under buttt. everytime i burp i have this really bad burnt, fried movie popcorn. it makes me want to throw up =[ i had tried pretty much everything to get this taste out of my burps haha. all i pretty much ate around whne it started was nestle chocolate chip cookies, a coke, and pretzel bites. im thinking its pretzal bites but i have never had i problem with them before
please help!
thank in advance =] (link)
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That flavor you taste is "bile" it comes from your gall bladder. It is an enzyme that helps your body digest fat. It does taste awful, but it is unusual for you to be tasting it all the time.
Your digestive system is producing too much bile, perhaps you are eating too many foods that are high in fat. Eat more fruits and vegetables and see if it stops.
Michele
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what do people mean by "your a lost cause" ? (link)
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WEll, it is not a nice thing to say. The person who says that to you is really saying "No matter how much I teach you, or tell you, or show you, you never get it right.....you're a lost cause!"
So it is sort of like, you are not good enough, you don't make the grades, despite that person's efforts to change you.
So my advice is, just be yourself. Figure out who you want to be, and don't let other people mold you into something they want you to be.
Michele
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So, a very dear freind of mine got raped 3 weeks ago. she has just turned 14
her parents are worried about her health cause since the inncadent she has BARLY been eating. shes refuses to go to therpy. she doesnt talk much eather. shes not herself. i understand that she needs time to adjust. shes kinda like in shock.
last night, she called me. crying hastericly. she thinks she pregnate. her period stoped and never came back. i keep telling her that it has only been 3 weeks and that nothing is sure.
she took a pregnacy test and she said she took it 2 times one time it said she was pregnate, the other said she wassnt, both taken the same week.
hellppp
thank all you guys so much. (link)
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Of course she is upset, and not eating, and the possibility of being pregnant adds insult to injury. Salt in the wounds, so to speak. She needs to be in therapy whether she wants to go or not. She needs to feel that she is not alone, and that there are people who are emotionally strong that can get her through this. It does not matter that she doesn't want to go to therapy. It does not matter if she sits there for four weeks and doesn't say a thing. Therapist are used to that. They expect that in a case like this, but she still needs to go so that when she is ready to talk, she will be talking to someone who is ready to deal with the STRONG emotions that will be coming out of her. The anger, the tears, the pain, the loss of innocense. Her family is in no position to help her. They just want her to be happy again, and forget about it. After all, their thinking is they still love her and they know it is not her fault, so they are willing to forget it so she should. But it just doesn't work that way. She will never forget, but she can learn to cope. With the right therapist. It has nothing to do with her parents. She needs the support of someone who had experience with these things. I hope the boys who did this to her have been arrested. If she is pregnant, she should seriously consider getting an abortion. Early. It is just more pain, I know, but in time this incident can move to the back of her mind and she can have a chance at a normal life. Please talk to her folks. She is a minor child, they can make her go to therapy, and that is what she needs. Even if she doesn't realize it yet. She will never have a normal relationship with a man in her future, if she doesn't get help. Don't let her throw away her future, because some guys are jerks. I hope they go to jail. She did the right thing, she survived. She is alive. Now she needs to take back her life. She may not be ready yet, but without therapy, she will always blame herself. Crawl into a hole and never come out. Please try to talk her into therapy.
Write again if you like. She can write me to if she likes.
Michele
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this is from:Sharing the bed
okay i understand what u mean, i dont force her to like me, i treat her as my friend like i do to mine other friends. and i am trying to move on and i still will be her pal. but what she did, thats nothing to worry about right? it dosent mean anything? just woundering. (link)
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Well, that is a whole different question. She would not be the first woman, who was not sure about her sexual orientation, or maybe curious about what it would be like to be with a woman, and she wouldn't be human if she were not flattered by your admitting that you have feelings for her that go beyond friendship.
Today, being bi-sexual is no big deal, and kids are not discouraged from experimenting.
I think she IS curious. My concern is YOUR feelings. She may just be curious, and she may want to experiment. Only experiment. How do you feel about that. What may only be curiosity on her part, but a longed for romance on your part, could ruin your friendship. And you will be the one who is devastated by it. You'll have lost her as a friend and as a potential lover.
Ok, this is what I think, I think that soon, maybe after having a drink or too, she will relax and may make it very clear that she would like to try making love with you. Are you ready to be someone's sexual experiment? Can you handle it emotionally if it never grows beyond that in her heart? If not, #1, don't make the first move, and #2, if she does, are you ready to just have sex, and not be emotionally involved?
I don't mean to say that a long and committed relationship is not possible between you two, but you know the signs of true love. She should be as devoted to you, as you are to her. If you have doubts, I say go with your gut feeling and say you are only interested if love is involved.
Because I am afraid that you are going to end up hurt, and even alone, and who knows she may even start to gossip about you, or say that you took advantage of her. I hope I have not discouraged you from looking for true love. It will happen some day. I know it will. You can't hurry love.
Michele
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Ok, so I'm a 15 year old female, I'm abouot 5'3 or 5'4. I weigh 137.8 lbs. and I really want to lose 20-30 pounds within 3 months. Does anyone know a really good way to do this without buying weightloss supplements? (link)
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You can loose 20 lbs in three months if you follow this plan:
You need a two fold plan. Burn calories and tone or build muscles. Burning calories is any exercise of long duration. Running, walking, biking, skating, swimming. rowing. Any or a combination of all, for an hour at least 5 times a week. Then work with free weights. Low weights like 3 to 5 to 8 lbs will help tone muscles, higher weights will build muscles. (You can use cans of beans to start.)You don't want to work on building muscles until you have lost weight. Otherwise you build the muscles under the fat and you will not look better. GEt a book on weight lifting or go to www.about.com they have a section on weight loss and weight training, you can sign up for their free newsletter. If you are going to work out a home can you invest in a few hand weights and a work out bench. You can't do the right kind of exercises on the floor. Look for books by Joyce Verdral, PHD. She has books about weight lifing that explain everything, and they have pictures and all. YOu can find used books and old books on the web at www.half.com for very little money.
And finally, yo need to go on a very low fat diet, here is a basic one that I used for many years, and still try to follow. I know this works. I lost 45 lbs. in 5 months. The more fat you have the mor weight you will loose
Cut all fat out of your diet. Read the labels and see what food you eat that contains fat. I mean the nutrition labels. Foods that are high in fat are
Whole milk
ice cream
potato chips
cookies
cakes
pies
cheese
cheese
cheees
especially cheese
cheetos
doritos
french fries
NO FRIED FOODS
snack only on pretzels and low fat popcorn
no candy
no soda
drink lots of water
consume low fat or no fat versions of
milk
yogurt
drink lots of water
eat lots of fruits and veggies
white meat chicken and turkey or fish baked or broiled or grilled. NO FRYING
no red meat.
Eat a piece of chicken or turkey no larger than the size of your hand.
Cereal is a good snack food. Choose cereals low in fat and low in sugar, have with skim milk.
Eat dairy, fruit and cereal in the am.
snack on fruit
eat dairy, fruit, 4 oz of meat, and one slice of whole grain bread, or pretzels or popcorn and veggies or salad for lunch
repeat for dinner.
have a smalll bowl of cereal with fat free milk as a snack after dinner. Or pretzels or popcorn
follow this NO CHEATING, and you will loose 10 lbs in two weeks.
This is taken form the FAT TO MUSCLE DIET. It is a book, see if you can find a copy.
Good Luck to you. You go girl!
Michele
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im 17 years old and i have to have open heart surgery. i has ASD which is atrial septal deffect. in the top two atriums of my heart, i have no wall. the tissue is completely gone. they may have to take out my top two ribs, and break my chest bone. im really scared and the only person i have to tell is 5 hours away. my bf. oh yeah, not to mention. i'm pregnant. but my mom and doctors don't know that. how do i deal with all of this. im not supposed to be stressed out. (link)
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Well the first and most important thing is the pregnancy. They won't want to put you under anesthesia for the length of time that you will be under for the surgery. It will harm the fetus. If you think you want to have this baby, and put off the surgery, I am afraid that your heart, because of the ASD will not be able to withstand the stress of the pregnancy.
Here is the bottom line......
You are not going to survive without this surgery. You can be stubborn and say you want to put off the surgery because of the baby, and the doctors and even your parents, may have to HONOR your decision (depends on what state you live in.)
But you may not survive the pregnancy. Your parents, Wow, what kind of dilema are they in? It is possible you may not survive this surgery, but they know it is your only chance. If you don't survive, they will loose you and any future chance of loving your child, their grandchild. If you forego the surgery, until after the pregnancy, you may not survive, and they may loose you, but gain a grandchild.
You need all the best medical information available in order to make an informed decision. Of course you;re scared and who wouldn't be. You should be scared. None of it is your fault though, and today doctors save the lives of many many young people with heart conditions.
If it were me, and even if I were your parent, I would want you to have an abortion, and go through the surgery, and survive, so that you have some chance at a normal life in the future.
One thing is for sure, the date of the surgery may be put off until you have made a decision about the baby. Use that time to educate yourself about your condition and what the best treatment is. I am sure that there is a lot of information over the internet about Atrial Septal Defect. Google it, and you'll see.
I wish you luck and will say some prayers for you.
Michele
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this is kind of awkward but how can you tell if you're guy is "hard" or not? Like it should be pretty obvious but just so i dont try anything while he's soft.
thanks. (link)
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Well you would have to tell by the eagerness of his kiss. If he is soft, but welcomes your advances, and kisses you back, he won't be soft for long. If he doesn't welcome your attention, then nothing will make him hard. If he is nervous, he will tell you. Then it is important to be patient.
Michele
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Okay, I've heard from several sources that you're supposed to have the equivalent to your body weight in grams of protein.
Is this right?
But then, should someone who's 300 pounds eat 300 grams of protein? That seems a little ridiculous.
Is it possible to overdo it?
I thought I understood this whole thing, but apparently not. How do you measure how much protein you need? (link)
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Let me try an make it a little more simple. You should have a serving of protein at each meal, meaning three times a day. For breakfast, your protein can be in from a protein fortefied cereal, or a protein drink. For lunch, you can have fish or chicken, and the protein should not be more than 6 oz. or a piece the size of the palm of your hand. Even a hamburger, which has more fat than fish or chicken, should not be more than 6 ounces. Same rule for dinner, as lunch, 6 ounces. For snacks, you can add protein in the form of nuts or dairy products, but not 6 ounces. 2 ounces is enough protein for snacks.
As a rule dinner and lunch should be 1/2 veggies and fruits, and 1/4 protein and 1/4 carbs. Lunch too.
At breakfast, most people don't eat meat because breakfast meats are usually bacon and sausage, and they are very high in fat and salt, so a protein drink is good, or even nuts like almonds and pecans. Eggs are good too, as a source of protein for breakfast.
10% of your daily intake of calories should be from fat. And it is important to get enough Omega3 Fatty acids which can come from eggs or fish.
Hope this helps.
Michele
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okay so i got totally fried two days ago. like my whole back is seriously as red as a firetruck. i've put burn relief crap on but it's not helping. i've been in highly severe pain for the past two days straight. it's gotten to the point where i can't move my arms without it hurting worse. does anyone know anything that will help me? anything at all. even if it's a litte thing that might not help or won't help much i will love you forever! thank you!!! (link)
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Couple of things. Do you have an Aloe Vera Plant, the juice and gel inside the thick leaves can be a great relief for sunburn. I use it for small burns, all the time. The other thing I tried once, years ago and it worked wonders was, Take a hand full of tea bags, soak them in cool or even cold water until the water turns brown from the tea. Soak clothes in the tea and wring out and place on the burned areas.
Since it is your back, I hope you have someone to help you.
Vitamin A & Vitamin E will help you heal faster.
Michele
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i'm 15/female/virginia
how can i move out of my house and into a house like the seton house? like i cannot stay in my house. i can't. dont try to tell me to stay because you dont know the circumstances, but how can i get out of my house? (link)
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Go to this website: www.covenanthouse.org
they take in teenage runaways. no questions asked. Read the stories about the kids who lived on the street first. It is very hard.They have places all over the US and Mexico and Canada. Soon, at 16 you will be able to get a job, and maybe get your own place. I know it is hard. I ran away myself when I was just 15, then again at 16. I always ended up back home and nothing changed. At 18, I moved out an never went back. An education is very important though, hard to get by on a job as a waitress for food clerk at McD's. The covenant house had helped millions of teens, they even get you back in school and/or help you get your GED diploma, and some even go to collge. Check them out.
Michele
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well im like the luckiest girl ever because i have the cutest, funniest, sweetest boyfriend in the world and i know he really loves me. the problem is, everyone else likes him too... and he's always telling me about it. every other day he tells me "i think sarah likes me" or "john said ashley wants to go out with me". i know he's not making it up, cuz i hear those things too. and i dont really think he's saying it just to make me jealous, cuz he kinda brags about other stuff too (like how his coach says he's so good at football). i think it just makes him feel good that all these girls like him, and he likes talking about it. but it REALLY makes me mad!! i just want to tell him "i dont want to hear about which girls like you!" but on the other hand, maybe i should be glad that he's so open with me instead of keeping it a secret. should i tell him to quit bragging about his fan club, or should i be thankful he tells me things and try not to let it bug me? (link)
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You and your boyfriend are both "coming of age". He and hopefully you, are both learning about your abilities, your strenghts, and that you are considered "cute" by the opposite sex. It is normal for him to be both flattered and amazed by this. I hope you are getting your share of attention too. This is a normal part of growing up, and it will give you both the confidence to try new and even harder things so that you can both achieve your goals.
Now jealousy, that is all inside you. Jealousy is all about the person who is jealous, and nothing about the person they are jealous about. And it will not serve you well in the future, if you let it take over. It can ruin your relationships and ruin your life. Usually people who are jealous don't think they measure up. They don't think they deserve the attention of anyone nice or "special". It is how you behave that determines what you deserve or what you will end up with. If you continue to have feelings of jealousy that interfer with relationships, you will greatly decrease the number of people who are willing to date you or be your friend.
Relationships are all about trust. You have to learn to trust each other. and you both have to act trust worthy. Believe me, temptation does not only come to those that are considered "hotties" (I know that's an old word now, sorry) We can be tempted by the opposite sex for the rest of our lives. So do we think only about ourselves and give in to the temptation, or do we think about the people we say we care about who will be hurt and dissapointed, if we give in to the temptation.
Is your boyfriend trustworthy? If you say yes, then you should give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him. Be patient with yourself, and start by telling yourself each time you feel that green monster, that jealousy is a wasted emotion. GOod luck to you. I think you have it in you to succeed at this.
Michele
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I have been accepted at a university and at a community college. I don't have much money, though. I was thinking about going to the community college and transfering. Would that be risky? What are the odds of the university accepting me again after I go to a 2-year school? (link)
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Yes this is a great idea, and there are FEW colleges that won't accept credits that are transfered from a community college. But there are exceptions, AND in some cases, they will accept some but not all of the credits you earn at a community college. The best thing is to inquire at the community college of your choice, which colleges (or name your specific college) accepts their credits with no problems.
Attending community collge for the first two years is a great way to save money. I'll bet that if you queried some of your HS teachers, you will find that many of them did that, and they were greatful that they did not have $40,000 in student loans after they finished 4 years of college.
I hope this helps. Also, unless you have your heart set on any IVY LEAGUE or prestigious private college, you might consider the State Colleges in your state. In most cases, state residents pay much less than students who live out of state.
Michele
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Friends share the bed with one another, sometimes. But when that happens to the person you told that you like them more than a friend it is hard to understand there side. What I mean is that I told my friend about myself and I was expressing my feelings to her. she said she not feel the same about me and she not ready for any relationship and not sure what gender she is interested. And I ‘m a women who found out that I am Bi and she the first person I told her. She was there to understand and I was glad she is and a great friend, I'm not ready for a relationship too (with a women.) We had my birthday party at my apartment we all started to watch TV in my room when the party was over. Me and my friend Sara sat on the bed as my other two gal friends sat on the 2nd bed that is the bed mattress under the day bed I was sitting on. I told my friends that one can sleep on the 2nd bed as two sleep on the floor. As the movie ended Sara stay on the bed with me as I lay down she lay down too, but my feet was to her head as her feet to my head. I told her that I might kick her as I slept she said "so what , I kick u back." Now It got me confused about her, she is a touchy close person to me and now she does THIS! Why is that? It might not mean anything but I just need a second understanding.
(link)
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I think Sara still wants to be your friend, and assumes that you can still be friends. She told you once that she didn't think of you that way, but she still values your friendship. I am not saying that she won't change her mind, but she needs to be the one to make the first move. Don't make it, or you will ruin your friendship, and you won't see her at all.
This is what love is about, sometimes we cannot have the person we want, and it is hard. But I can tell you that many people have forced the person they care about into and "ultimatum". "If we can't be lover's then I don't want to see you at all", And then that is exactly what happens. The person leaves and is out of their life completely. And then the person who is in love, regrets it. So be prepared if you persue this, that you may push her away completely.
I hope this helps.
Michele
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SHITSHITSHIT.
idno what to do.
I can't take this anymore.
All I can think about is the
cabbnet of pills downstaris.
AHHH!
helpppp
pleaseee
(link)
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Well you must be familiar with the contents of the cabinet, and the pills, and how they make you feel. And if the pills worked, you wouldn't be thinking about them, again. In my opinion, the pills don't make you "feel good", as much as they make the bad feelings "go away". But the effect is temporary, and they always return.
That is why you are thinking of them again. Whether you work now to find out what is causing the bad feelings and do something about that, or let the next 25 years go by, where you will be continually experimenting with drugs, alcohol, breaking the law, breaking people's hearts, dissapointing people who care about you. Loosing job after job, spending time in prison, being broke, owing a lot of money. Maybe getting married and having children and then ruining their lives. Being involved in car accidents, ruining your health. Fixing it so some people will never speak to you again. Fixing it so that some people will never trust you again.....and after all that, once you finally hit bottom, and do the hard work it takes to change and stop the addiction......you will look back of the 25 years and wish SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD, that you had made the choice to stop TODAY.
It may not be your fault that you are feeling so bad inside. My experience has been, that whenever I have encountered young people who abuse drugs and alcohol, they have always have come from a home where they are not cherished. And that includes myself and my brother and sister. So I know. So the help you need to find out that you are a person worth saving and worth putting forth the effort to be good, may not come from your family of origin. (your home) Can you find the support you need somewhere else?
I believe, that since you did ask the question above, you don't want to go down this road. Please find some help. You'll be greatful that you did.
Michele
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For some reasons whenever I'm in my menstruation cycle I always have sex on my mind. I think about it constantly and I have urges to do it. Is it normal for me to feel this way? (link)
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Yes it is normal. Women can have urges just like men. Women get horny just like men do, only the nice word for it is to say that you have a healthy libido. You are lucky, I have friends who have no desire for an intimate relationship with their man. That is sad.
So having a strong and healthy libido is a good thing. But of course, how do you deal with your urges, and avoid getting a bad reputation. I mean those things still count today right? So what many girls do, is they masterbate. Some use their hands, some use a vibrator, which is great. I recommend it. Save your healthy sex drive for someone who is deserving of your attention, rather than waste it on someone who just wants to use you. Good luck to you.
Michele
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15/f
I've never had a REAL boyfriend before. not that I don't want one, just not interested in anyone. but I've never masturbated before. I kind of think it's gross & don't like to touch myself down there. I'm also afriad of having sex. since it's never been on my mind since I've never had a real boyfriend. I'm afraid it'll hurt & I'll be bad at it, etc.
Is it weird not to have any desire to have sex or masturbate at all? I like kissing.. but just I don't know since I haven't had boyfriends to do that stuff with. (link)
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This is not unusual, and you don't have to be in a hurry. You have the next 60 years or so to figure it out. And I am sure that you will long before then. At your age, the boys you are exposed to are mostly immature jerks. They don't know how to be nice. They can be mean. When you get older and meet a more mature man, he would never hurt you. He will wait until you are ready, and when you are, you'll be relaxed and it won't hurt. Of course I think it will happen long before 50, the best time I think is in your 20's. That is when you'll meet boys who are mature and want to be in a committed relationship, and don't want to just hurt or use other people.
I hope this helps.
Michele
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Ok..my parents have been divorced for about a year n a half. My mom is kind of dating and every guy that she goes out with..she makes sure to tell me that shes going out..just to keep me updated and let me know that shes seeing other ppl. Well my dad is a business man..he travels everyweek and lives 3 hrs away from me. He doesnt tell me anything about his relationships at all. Soo the other day i decided to look on his phone when he wasnt there and it turns out he is in love with another woman and one text said "be ready to meet your future step daughter" I couldnt believe it! She has a child too..she sends him pics of her child! Its mind boddling. Im so upset..what do i do? (link)
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Parents are jerks, especially when it comes to divorce. They soon start dating because hey, now they can, and when they meet someone they like, they want the kids to like them just as much. They can't BELIEVE that you would like the person they like! They don't understand that you had no choice in the matter, and you might like some time to think about it.
Anyway, you don't HAVE to like anyone you don't want to, but you do have to be POLITE> That is required at all times. Everyone should at least be polite. She may try and win you over, and you'll see through it. She just wants you to like her cause she knows that it will strengthen her relationship with your dad is you do like her. But hey, that is there problem. They are probably going to do what they want anyway, whether you like to or not. I don't blame you for being upset.
And who knows, maybe you will like her, or at least like her kid. Let's hope her daughter isn't a spoiled brat.
good luck.
Michele
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it was a few days ago. i did know the guys it from the college i think. i hope i an pregant how would i know (link)
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It is too soon to tell today, but you could go to the drug store, and get one of those pregnancy tests. Some can be used a week after you think you might be pregnant. Read the instructions. I think they cost about $10.00, You will have to use your 1st in the morning Urine to take the test. Just a few drops.Follow the instructions. I sure hope you are not pregnant. Are you going to be OK to get through this. Are you sure your mom wouldn't understand? She wouldn't want to help you even if you were raped? This is going to be very hard to live with,and hard to take without some therapy. You didn't do anything wrong, no more than many young girls your age do becasue they are so curious, and while we adults know the consquences, we also know that some kids are going to push the envelope and try things they shouldn't like to to parties where they don't belong. Those boys who took advantage of you know that they broke the law. I hope you are strong. YOu can write again. I will help as much as I can.
Michele
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Is the week before your period the best time to get pregnant? (link)
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Usually it's right in the middle. But it can depend on sooo many things. Mostly, it is best to believe that you can get pregnant any time you have unprotected sex. Unless you already ARE pregnant. Why not use birth control, and then you won't have to worry about it. If you are to young to ask for or understand how to use birth control, including condoms, then you should have sex.
Michele
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