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no desire..
15/f
I've never had a REAL boyfriend before. not that I don't want one, just not interested in anyone. but I've never masturbated before. I kind of think it's gross & don't like to touch myself down there. I'm also afriad of having sex. since it's never been on my mind since I've never had a real boyfriend. I'm afraid it'll hurt & I'll be bad at it, etc.
Is it weird not to have any desire to have sex or masturbate at all? I like kissing.. but just I don't know since I haven't had boyfriends to do that stuff with.
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It's not weird at all to not masturbate for whatever reason. many people don't because of cultural, religious or other reasons including the fact that the idea of it or the actual act of it does nothing at all for them sexually or otherwise.
It is not however, gross, dirty, shameful etc to touch your own genitals for your own pleasure. I'm sure you know but I'll reiterate it for other readers that it's normal if you do and normal if you don't. The statistics I was told in health class quite a few years back was that 70% of females do and 80-90% of males do.
The number for females may in fact be higher as girls are more discreet about it than guys are. regardless, you're normal if you do and normal if you don't or if it does nothing for you.
I just wanted to reiterate that it's not gross, dirty etc and it's okay if you don't want to do it for any reason you have in your mind. For some people the idea and or masturbation itself does nothing for them.
When it comes to having sex for the first time you need talk to your partner before hand and go over your fears, expectations etc and get a backup method of birthcontrol as you cannot always count on condoms not breaking etc.
If your partner turns out to be more experienced than you are have them take their time and walk you through the experience and talk to you during it to see that you're okay.
Does it hurt? For females it can but it depends on the individual girl. Usually, there is discomfort from thrusting and friction from it as well. You need to be properly lubricated to make penetration and intercourse easier and reduce discomfort. That's why foreplay is important first.
If your vagina doesn't secrete enough lubrication naturally for penetration and intercourse buying a tube of an artificial lubricant you can use with condoms will help.
Don't worry if you aren't thinking about boys, masturbation or sex. You're a normal 15-year-old. Don't worry that you don't have a boyfriend right now either.
You aren't missing out as a lot of boys your age are really immature at this stage. In a few years you'll find the right partner who is mature etc. and worthy of being physically intimate with.
As long as you communicate with your partner and research about sex and sexuality and discuss positions, what you will and won't do and boundaries you should be fine. The more you research about it and learn those things the more educated and ready you will be and the smoother it will go.
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This is not unusual, and you don't have to be in a hurry. You have the next 60 years or so to figure it out. And I am sure that you will long before then. At your age, the boys you are exposed to are mostly immature jerks. They don't know how to be nice. They can be mean. When you get older and meet a more mature man, he would never hurt you. He will wait until you are ready, and when you are, you'll be relaxed and it won't hurt. Of course I think it will happen long before 50, the best time I think is in your 20's. That is when you'll meet boys who are mature and want to be in a committed relationship, and don't want to just hurt or use other people.
I hope this helps.
Michele
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