stargirl51's advice column

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Q: My husband and I are goint through so much at this time we had to move in with his parents becasue his dad is dying, we are both going to nursing school, and all we do is fight. I try so hard to be a good wife he never has to do anything the only thing is he told me today that he is not happy and will never be I ask him if he wanted me to leave and he said no we both are stubborn and Idon't know how to show him I love him with out showing him so much i push him away

is there any way for you both to have the same night off or a weekend to yourselves?

Stress (especially the stress of a dying family member) can really change a person. So if you BOTH are doing nursing school and his dad is dying, there's most likely a HUGE amount of stress going on.

Try getting a weekend or a night off together to see if you guys could get away for a bit to reconnect.

Remind him that both of you are in a marriage: a partnership. Whatever he goes through or is going on in his head, he should share that stress with you. To not push you out of his life.

And listen to what he says too. Really listen, don't try to root around for a deeper meaning. Most of the time, when approached with a problem, guys like to keep to themselves until they solve the problem. Let him talk. And listen.

Next time you feel that a fight is about to happen, take a deep breath and count to 10.
If worse comes to worse and he actually means that he is not happy because of your relationship or that things aren't what they used to be or they can't be worked out, then you need to take that stubbornness and obtain trial separation papers.

Q: Journalist. I'm just a freshmen, but lately i've been really thinking about my future.. Should i keep on pursuing being a Journalist? What i most want to know is..Do Journalist get paid really good? & what kinda of Journalist are there? I get this question from teachers and i keep telling them i don't know because i honestly didn't even know there where different types! I look up to Christiane Amanpour, i want to be like her, traveling around the world and stuff. What..kind of Journalist is she?

ALSO, My back-up plan. I want to become..A Documentarist. I want to document important things like Michael Moore does. I love his documentera on the Columbine shootings. I want to be able to show the world through a camera lense all thats going on in the world, bad and good. How much do documentarist get paid? Does Michael make alot of money?

:/

Are you a high school freshman or a college freshman?

As a high school freshman, you could get involved with your school paper. Or start a publication of your own. You could also email different undergraduate advisers from different universities that have journalism or communication majors.

As a college freshman, more likely than not, your school would have a journalism major or a communications major. Talk to the undergraduate adviser for each about how you want to pursue a career in international correspondence (That's what Christiane Amanpour is).

Here are some schools that have journalism majors:

NYU:
http://journalism.nyu.edu/undergrad/
http://steinhardt.nyu.edu/mcc/undergraduate/

San Diego State:
http://jms.sdsu.edu/

University of Hawaii:
http://www.communications.hawaii.edu/journ/index.html
http://www.communications.hawaii.edu/

You should pursue anything you really set your heart on. Depending on what type of journalist you become, your paycheck can range quite a bit.

In order to shoot documentaries, you definitely need a background in investigative reporting. That way, you have the skills to dig up stuff on people. If you want to work behind the camera, a good idea is to take some film classes so you could figure out how to work said camera and what the editing process is.

There's not set pay scale for those who do documentaries. It depends on who hires you, how much they're willing to spend, and/or how many people see your documentary.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: My boyfriend and I have been together over three years. We love each other more than anything and still make each other so happy. We're both 18, but he's about to be 19. Some things to keep in mind are that we don't have sex, he is a little on the shy side, and he has only had one other girlfriend besides me (but she barely even counts- it was middle school).

The thing is, I'm constantly second guessing how he feels about me. For instance, sometimes I see other couples constantly pulling out all the stops to make the other happy, and comparing our relationship to theirs. The excitment of being in a new relationship is long past, and when I see these other couples, I automatically think "Well, if he still feels the same, then he should be doing that.." or whatever, when in the back of my mind I know it's silly. And when I say something that I think should provoke a cuter/sweeter response than what his was, I get bothered by it.

I KNOW that he loves me, and I'm tired of asking him to show me more often, because I know it's not his fault that I feel/think like this. Anyone have any advice on how I can get past comparing our relationship to others, and just accept that we're unique and he shows his love differently than other guys?

take a deep breath and step back from the fray.

Take things day by day and just remind yourself anytime you feel or think that way that you love this guy you're in love with. Would you love him any different if he did those things? Would he even be the same guy you love if he did those things?

It takes a while but that's the best advice I can give. To take a deep breath and think about things.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: My computer is not opening more than one window at a time.. Everytime I try to open a new window it freezes.. HELP?

First off, what is your OS and what browser are you using?

if you're running windows, try running an anti-virus or an anti-spyware just to be safe. Then run the defragmenter and disk clean up. It should clear up things for you.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: i dont know what to do i lost a good bf over my ex and after i lost my good boyfriend i dated my ex i cant stop going back to my ex im in love with him he used to treat me like crap but he treats me alot better now i can never stop loving him but im loosing my friends over this because they think he treats me like crap and they said i changed after i met him and im a whore and all soo i lost all my good friends over him because i keep on going back to him we love eachother and my mom hates him she used to like him and she wants me to move on but i dont want to i love him

You're most likely not gonna like my answer:

Did you allow time for yourself to get away from your ex?

Mostly, when we break up with someone (doesn't matter if we're the dumper or dumpee), we go through a period of still being "in love" with our ex. It really isn't love, it's remnants of it. We want to go back to something that's familiar ground, even if it's bad for us.

you need to get away from this ex. No communication or contact whatsoever. Get rid of all sorts of pictures, all sorts of texts, emails, etc. Just erase him from your life.

Allow yourself to move on. You seem to be stuck in the first stage of moving on: still wanting to go back.

Any new journey is scary but we won't know if it's better or worse than the previous path until we travel it.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: Okay, so I'm 17/f and I really like the kind of clean, fast improvisation that artists like Demi Lovato add to the end of their musical phrases (not that I liked Camp Rock). I just wanted to know how one would go about learning how to do this. Does it take slow practice, or is that just a style that they have always had? I also would like to know some good warm up techniques for a voice. Any help would be much appreciated!

I don't know about Demi Lovato but I can offer some tips on warm ups.

Singing your scales is a popular excercise. Deep breathing to get the air into your diaphragm. Singing lagato, staccato. Mouth shape is pretty important too so try singing notes with the different shapes ("aah" "eee" "oooh" "oh")

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: 14/f

Last year I started cutting myself. My friend told me why she cut, and after I was extremely depressed and so I decided to try it. To my surprise it actually calmed me and felt good. And for the next year it was a coping mechanism for me. But I stopped three months ago and vowed never to hurt myself again. But it is so hard not to. Sometimes its all I think about. what can I do to keep me from cutting again?? Please help me.

You've already done the first couple of steps in which you have admitted that you have a problem and that you are trying to stop. That seriously deserves some praise.

Stopping completely is a little bit harder.

First off, do you have a good friend or family member that you can talk to? A good start is to have support from loved ones. People to turn to when you feel like you want to hurt yourself again.

Second, you mentioned that was a coping mechanism. Have you tried looking into other methods of coping? Yeah, you have your standard "express yourself in creative stuff" but you sound like you want to grapple with life and really be in the fray.

So have you tried maybe signing up for a karate class? The work out will increase the releasing of endorphines in your body and personally, I think there's no better way to take out the aggression and hurt of everyday life than to beat the living daylights out of a practice dummy or a sparring partner. If anything, it's a new activity to add to your life.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: im gettin gmy yearbook photo taken and i dont know what to wear what wud you recommend?

and my hair and my smile? lol.

You should wear whatever you feel is comfortable or rather just your everyday stuff. Because that's what a yearbook really is, a snapshot of you in that year.

With your smile, a good technique I like using is to think about a really funny joke that one of my friends tell me. That way, you get your most natural looking smile and your biggest!

cheers (I guess CHEESE! in this case),
stargirl

Q: Usually when I apply eyeliner, it makes my eyes look smaller.
I use smokey gray and black eyeliner since brown doesn't suit me.
At all. It makes me look like I'm sick. :P

So yeah, tips/pictures on how I should apply it?
Thanks!

If you go into department stores (i.e. jcpenny's), the make up counters can offer free consultation sometimes.

Another way to look up to see if the color suits you is to google make up tips for your skin tone.

What I can tell you (being a person with rather small eyes myself), is that applying eyeshadow really helps make your eyes look bigger. Color should be for the eyelid itself and you should kinda smudge (blend) it or make it lighter as you get closer to your brow.

This tutorial is pretty helpful from start to finish:
http://monolidbeauty.blogspot.com/2007/12/makeup-tutorial-one.html
Cheers,
stargirl

Q: Alright, so my boyfriend was fingering me two days ago. He went in pretty deep; it hurt a little but it was a good kind of pain, the kind that feels good. But, when he pulled his fingers out there was blood. It's not my 'cherry popping' because I'm not a virgin.
Then, yesterday there was this brownish discharge in my panties at just the beginning of the day, after I woke up.

What might this be?

CHeck his fingernails.

When guys don't trim their nails, it can scratch along the sensitive wall of the vagina which can cause little to massive bleeding.

Brownish discharge = oxidized iron in your blood (dried blood)

cheers,
stargirl

Q: so my mother whos is a cancer patient had a bottle of mophine pills sitting out and my friend and her bf who i dont really know that well came over, i was talking on the phone in the other room for a bit, while they were watching a movie in the other room with my little brother who is 6. when i cam back the bf was acting really wierd, and kinda out of it and my friend was acting like she was hiding something from me. what i want to know is what does a person who took morphine (who didnt need it) look or act like? it was a 60 mg morph sulfate.
i just want to be sure before i accuse..
thankyou!

Before you accuse, you might wanna talk to your friend about it. Ask her first. Trust your gut feeling. If it still feels like she's hiding something, then press the matter. If she still won't crack, remind her that those are for your mom and if what's suspected happened, then she's not being a good friend.

Cheers,
Stargirl

Q: Okay so this is kind of long. But if you know of OR have svt OR anxiety please try to see if you can help me out.
Okay so during school last year I started having time where my heart would race maybey 2 or three hours straight. My heart rate got to over 200 like 203 or somthing and my blood preasure was up too. It would come on random days. My mom thinks it's stress becase I HATE school i hate it more then anything! And so i guess that's why she thought it.
Well anyways we went to a heart specialist and he gave me this heart moniter that we had for 1 month that i put in my purse, and if my heart starts to race I put it over it and it records it and then they do tests to see if it's svt.
BUT while i had it over the summer it didn't do it. EVER!!! So we sent it back, and the first week of school it did it twice. But this time it only did for maybey a minute or two tops

What's up with that.
WEll my mom has anxiety attacks sometimes whenever she's super stressed out. SO I was wondering if that could be the case that I'm to stressed over school and stuff??? how can i tell the difference.?

WEll my question is If you have anxiety what have you done to calm down relaxe.
IF you have SVT then what do you do too!

The doctor said that he could do a surgery where they put me out with sleeping medicene i am guesing then go through the nose with a tube and see if it's svt, then if it is they'll get rid of it while the tubes in my nose.

OR THEY can go through my groin ( GROSS I KNOW ) and do the same thing basically.

IF YOU've had either of these surgery's done what was it like/ what do you recomend
P.S I am 13 will be 14 soon.

Well...your mom's HALF right.

It could be anxiety linked to school or social interaction. That depends on when the heart rates speed up. (Could also be a cute guy...? wink wink) Anyhow, if your anxiety flares up when you're in class, it would be related to school itself. If it's at lunch or whatever other school functions there are (dances, clubs, etc), then it could be a social anxiety.

Have you tried talking with your teachers about this problem? That way, you could raise your hand and ask to step outside for a few moments to take a few deep breaths. You'd be amazed at how deep breaths can help. Slow, deep breaths that you can feel at the bottom of your diaphragm.

Now if that doesn't work and you're scared about going to the doctor, there is a homeopathic solution to this: rescue remedy.

Rescue Remedy is (in essence) flower water made of different types of flowers (Rock rose, Impatiens, Clematis, Star of Bethlehem and Cherry Plum). It's available in most organic stores in a little bottle with an eyedropper. You can make your own too if it's easier. This particular formula is used to treat stress, anxiety, panic attacks (which sounds like what you're going through). You can read more about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rescue_Remedy

There are a few different ways to take rescue remedy: drop 1 - 3 drops into your mouth, mix it with your favorite lotion or hand cream.

Here's a link to the official website with tips on calming down:
http://www.rescueremedy.com/calming/

Cheers,
Stargirl

Q: Me and my boyfriend were "trying out" sex, as we were both virgins and we've talked about it for awhile. I went on top and he went in about half an inch and then pulled out because I was scared. We tried again today, except he went just a SMIDGEN further, and it felt like something was breaking, so I told him to stop, so he did. I felt fine after that up until an hour ago when I peed and it started to hurt. Now it's totally fine, but it hurt a lot when I peed.
Also, we did that without condoms and I missed a pill three days ago, but took it the next day with my other one. I could be pregnant right?
16/f

If it hurts to bee (as in your urethra hurts when you pee), it might just be a urinary tract infection. Couple days of drinking cranberry juice (that's juice, not cocktail) to clean out your system and you'll be right as rain.

Feeling like something breaking? That's your hymen he's bumped up against. He might've partially broken through it. Partially since you guys stopped.

Please practice safe sex when you both are ready. Use a condom. It takes a LOT of "could I be pregnant" questions out of your life. It also takes out a lot of "could I have venereal disease" out of your life too.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: Hi, okay so like 19 days ago I started my birth control.. Its called ortho tri-cyclen lo if that helps any.
Anyways so my last period was on July 19th so as you can see im late.
But I havent had unprotected sex or anything and the thingie says I will be protected the first day I take it if its a day one and 7 days if its a sunday start.
So theres like no possible way im pregnant. I know im not. [hopefully] but why am I so late? Is it because of my birth control?
&& I feel like im getting my period soon but ive also felt like this for a few days..
Any answers?
Please and thank you.

It could be due to quite a few factors:

Stress. It can really delay your period if you're stressed out about things. Best thing to do if it's that is to relax and it'll show up when it shows.

Pills. Your body is adjusting to the new dosage of hormones that you're inputting into your body. So it should show up when you take the inactive pills. At least some time during that week.
Those are the two most likely explanations. If this continues on for another month, you should see your health care professional about it.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: 17/m

Im from North Carolina.

About a year ago I met a girl who is two years younger than me from Ohio at a convention in Saint Louis. We didnt talk much then but we swapped phone numbers and now we talk nearly every day; texts, instant messenger, myspace, phone call, etc. I really enjoy talking to her and im certain she does also. Since the convention, we have gotten to know eachother well and are great friends.

I now have feelings for her and I sense that she feels the same way but I dont like the idea of a long-distance relationship. I think it would just become too difficult to maintain despite how often we talk and how comfortable we are sharing things wigh eachother.

Neither of us have acknowledged any feelings but we often speak of relationships. Often she sulks about how all of her friends have boyfriends yet she is doubtful that she will ever have one. I assure her everytime that she most certainly will (not neccesarily me but just in general).

We have planned a trip with eachother for three years from now during the summer she graduates from Highschool. My plan was to not mention my feelings for her untill our trip because we will be older and will be able to visit more often. I could even move closer to her.

I am uncertain how she feels as far as long-distance relationships. I fear that if she does not feel the same way I do concerning them that she will assume that I am not interested in her and will lose interest in me before too long.

Because of this, I have considered talking with her about it but I am uncertain what to say. I dont want to start a relationship with her now because we are still young and it would be hard to maintain. However, I still dont want to ruin my chances of ever having one with her by not saying anything.

I need to make a decision but I think an outside opinion (or two) would be helpful first. Any advice that anyone has for me would be great. She is one in a million and I dont want to blow it.

This is seriously so cute. I wish there were guys like you when I was younger.

Ahem. Anyway...

Chances are that she's already dangled a sort of line to you. To see if you'll bite or feel out if you have feelings for her. It's there, just gotta pay a wee bit of attention, haha. Like when she laments to not having a boyfriend, that kinda translates to "You should speak up if you like me like that."

Admitting feels for either party is not that easy. It's almost like a game of chicken you guys are playing: "Who's gonna say it first?" Since you guys have talked about relationships, a safe way to start would be during such conversation. You could ask her what she thinks of long distance relationships. Just outright like that. Her radar's gonna go off so pay very close attention to how she answers as well as what she answers. Because what she says is one thing. How she says it is an entirely different thing. Once she answers, you could tell her how you feel about long distance relationships. From there, hopefully, you'll feel a little bit more courageous to tell her how you feel.

Now, once everything's out in the open, you might want to slap on the fact that you think that you're both still young and it would be hard to maintain. when a guy bares his soul, lots of girls are usually very touched (see: various boybands and fangirl reactions) so she would see to it that she would be honest with you too. This is especially true if your friendship is as close as you say it is.

Best of luck!

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: do a college year go by fast?

It can. Or it can drag out.

Each college/university is different. Some use the quarter system and others use the semester system. Think of a semester/quarter as a year in high school.

It can go by really fast if you're really involved in school activities or are constantly busy. Or it can drag by when you're taking classes you absolutely dread.

You really should make the most of your time in college. It's a lot of fun and an experience that prepares you for the world out there.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: i've recently started doing crunches every day [by recently i mean today being the 3rd day]. I do 50 crunches every morning and night, 20 without weights, 20 with two 3 lb weights, and then 10 without weights. I was wondering, if i continue to do this consistently, and occasionally add some push-ups or planks, how soon can I expect to see results, and what kind of results?

16/f.

I agree with the previous adviser.

You should start seeing results in a couple of weeks but be careful to not overwork yourself. Plus you gotta factor in that your body is still changing.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: OKAY so i'm in the 8th grade or whatever, & I have like this awsome purple room.

SO anyways, a skunk sprayed outside my room. it's so STInKY!!! what do i do so my clothes, bed & everything else doesn't smell?

Fabreeze works wonders.

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: I read that the pregnancy success rate is over 85%. Is it common for most couples to have difficulty getting pregnant, because I am. I should have been pregnant over 50 times by now, but I guess we might not be doing something right. Even when we have sex while I'm ovulating I still don't get pregnant. I don't think that I'm incapable of having children. The both of us are young, healthy and in great shape, but I don't know what the problem is. Could it be that he shoots blanks? How do you even know if a man is?

If you have had children or have shared my problem, please let me know what I can do to increase my chances, whether it is eating or doing certain things, anything. Thank you!

Usually when couples are ready to have a child, they visit their doctors to be sure that everything's working right.

Have you guys tried looking at fertility specialists?

cheers,
stargirl

Q: o i c.

whats legit though? sorry.
umm do you think that www.coastalscents.com is secured? thats the website i bought my stuff from

Personally, legit means that they have been in business a long time or that there is some means to contact them if something goes wrong or if the service is professional enough. It's mostly a judgment call. If you feel safe from ordering with that website, go ahead. Personally, I like ordering sites that I know others have purchased from.

Coastal Scents looks like a personally owned business. When it comes to businesses like these, you should keep an eye on your account to be sure no funny business is happening. I'm reading the reviews on this site and it seems safe enough.

cheers,
stargirl