Member Since: March 7, 2010
Answers: 69
Last Update: April 17, 2010
Visitors: 4648
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I'm 18. In high school. I live with my mom & grandma.
I've been having serious issues with granny lately. She is ALWAYS in my business. And not like typical parenting stuff.
She goes through all of my stuff.
She looks through my notebook, pulls out tests I did poorly on, and bitches to my mom about my grades. (And I'm a damn good student. One 80 isn't going to kill me) She finds dates of upcoming tests and discloses them to my mother as well (who doesn't even care to ask me about them).
If I leave the room, I have to turn my monitor off or she'll read what's on the screen.
If I have a friend over, she comes down every three seconds to see what we're doing.
I have no privacy.
She also does shit like yelling at me in front of my mom. She is desperate to be in control of the household despite the fact that she makes absolutely no money and jsut...well, lives here. When she has a problem with soemthing i did, she says "IF I WERE YOUR MOTHER, I would ____" when my mom is clearly in earshot. Indirectly telling her what to do.
She yells at me over everything. If I wear somethign she doesn't like, she yells. If I stay up late, she yells. She threatens to wake my mom up and tell on me. I wouldn't give a shit about this except:
1) my mom works two jobs and has trouble sleeping. I comply when my grandma is having a bitch fit over something minor because i think it is just TOO CRUEL to wake her up.
2) if I don't comply, my mom yells at me, angry because she was woken up, and just makes me obey my grandma so she won't have to put up with her yelling and get some sleep.
She is convinced she knows everything. It's ridiculous. She is SURE she knows my friends and their habits better than I do. "Your friends don't stay up late." "Your friends do all their work on time." "Your friends don't dress like this." "Your friends do better in school". There's no arguing with her. And she uses these "facts" against me when telling my mom on me.
She bitches at me constantly when I'm not doing work. Funny thing is, I would gladly do my work were she not bitching in the first place. It's just that her yelling stresses me out and I can't concentrate. So I put it off. But if I don't do the work, she bitches more. Which causes me to put off my work more. And so on.
She doesn't know when to leave a person alone. If I ask her to please stop talking, she doesn't. She keeps HOVERING and yelling and bitching. This, of course, angers me, until she's yelling at me and I'm yelling back at her to shut up and leave me alone. ...And then she tells my mom that I yell at innocent little her for no reason.
She causes an intense amount of stress in the house. She immediately jumps to conclusions and causes problems that shouldn't be there. Once, I got a pimple near my upper lip. She freaked out, called my mom, and told her I had herpes. My mom came home from work panicked and angry. I had to explain myself to her. This could've been avoided if she just shut up and thought RATIONALLY for a second.
She literally has a problem with EVERYTHING not done her way. It is not normal.
This shit was okay when I was younger, but I'm an adult now. I'm going off to college in a couple of months and I will NOT be able to make the transition if I have this old lady breathing down my back and controlling me 24/7.
I've tried talking to my mom about this. She doesn't listen. She only sides with me on this issue when my grandma is bitching at HER over something and telling her how to live HER life. Otherwise, it's "you have to listen to her. my house, my rules."
I'd have moved out the second I turned 18, but I don't have any money. I have like $2k in the bank. I need that for college.
How the hell do I deal with this? (link)
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how big is your back yard and how soft is the soil?
Nononono seriously, you have a few options, none of them perfect:
1) spend less time at home. go to your friends after school or to the library or the gym, wherever you can get some peace and quiet. no doubt you will catch crap for it, but you are anyway, so it hardly matters.
2) there cannot be an argument with only one person. The moment granny starts in on you, quietly pick up and leave. Do this repeatedly and consistently and what will happen is mom and granny will have to confront the real problem between them and reach out to you because they will be petrified of losing you.
3)If yo uare broke, contact the financial aid office at your college and see if they can help you find a cheap dorm room or other housing.
You're 18, what mom and granny think is less important than what you think of yourself. From all that you wrote, you sound like you have your head on straight. The best solution to a dysfunctional family is minimizing the contact.
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Well, my friend is going to give this cute kid my number and I really want him to like me when he texts me but I don't want to act like a dork. So, I came up with the conclusion I am going to try and play hard to get. My best friend is a guy and he said that kinda thing about a girl really turns the guy on, makes them work for what they want. So, when he texts me and asks if it's me or just says hi, I need to act surprised that he's contacting me. If I know he's gonna text me and I portray that in my texting, he's gonna think I'm desperate. I just don't know how to play hard to get without coming off as a jerk. So, when he texts me hey, I'll say hey and who is this (because I'm not supposed to know it's him ;))then I would assume he'll bring up something about me liking him and I'll say "woah, getting ahead of yourself there, buddy, I just said you were cute, that's all". Please help me in trying to be more hard to gettish, I want him to show me that he wants me (if he does) and that he is willing to work for me. If he even texts me to begin with, I'll be happy haha. Thanks! (link)
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just be yourself, to do anything else is going to drive you nuts, smile. guys are not that complicated, and if he finds out that you have "played" him, he might actually think less of you.
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this is about my brother.
-He really likes this girl and she is so sweet to him. he has only had one girlfriend because he is shy. The thing is that she is older than him and has had a lot of expierience. we live in the middle of nowhere as she lives towards the city, but they go to the same school. She is very outgoing and somewhat a rebel child as my brother is a quiet good boy. She wouldnt hurt him she is the sweetest girl you could meet and puts others before her, but he says she doesnt want a boyfriend right now but wants to go on a date. they like eachother and he is absolutly crazy about her. i dont know how she does it but he says she is so mysterious and leaves him wondering so often. he is so much more confident latley he even said she agreed to help him. she seemed like she smoked so i wonder if my brother could like calm her down and make her a good kid. i wonder about that girl to, not in a bad way at all but i dont know i kind of want to get to know her to lol..
How is my brother falling for her so simply? What is she doing..? Where all could they go for a date? (link)
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male persepctive: this is an easy one....
How is my brother falling for her so simply?
- a girl is being sweet to him, every boy's dream.
Where all could they go for a date?
- at this point, anywhere, it sounds like he is enamored of her, and she him, so it will not matter. a movie is always a good date.
"i kind of wnat to get to know her.."
- careful, if you get involved in this relationship you could be perceived as meddling.
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I have a group interview at H&M on Thursaday.I would like to know for what kind of questions I should be prepared.
Please help me. (link)
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Often at an interview they will ask questions like:
- what would you do if a customer was rude to you?
(answer: ignore the rude behavior, stay calm, and try to find what i could do to please the customer within reason. if the behavior escalates i would excuse myself and contact the manager for help)
- how would you handle a co-worker who was being disruptive/lazy/unreasonable?
(answer: flatly raise the issues, offer to help. if the problem persists, discuss the issue with the manager)
- why should we hire you?
(answer: because i will do the job for you, plain and simple)
- do you have any questions for us?
(answer: what is the best thing you like about working here? OR what is the most important advise you would give me as a new employee?)
the best attitude to have at the job interview is to show that you are interested but not desparate and that you feel you will have no problem doing a great job for them. good luck!
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what can cause swelling in the legs and ankles and sometimes hands? i've got severe swelling in my legs and ankles and i've had it for a few weeks it's so bad that i can touch my leg with my finger and it dents in and leaves the mark of my finger for about five minutes. so i walk around with and it looks like i've got a big hole in my leg where my finger was. i don't really have any other symptoms well except sore ankles and legs from carrying around the extra weight. (link)
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Below is a link with some medical information:
http://www.medicineonline.com/articles/S/2/Swelling-of-the-Arms-OR-Legs/Swelling-of-the-Extremities.html
I echo the other advicenator, seek medical help.
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ok so im a 16/f and my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year and a half, we always have fought quite often but lately over the past 2 months its gotten alot worse.he smokes weed and hes been smoking lately more.when we fight it seems he is the one who escalates it twice as much. his anger is crazY he claims he has a handle on it.he calls me a bitch,says im not enough,i dont make him happy..etc then after he says he loves me so much, i love him so f'in much HELP............ (link)
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Life is too short to have this much drama over a boyfriend at 16.
Weed + anger + disrespect = unhealthy relationship
You are probably going to say "but i love him so much...". While that may be true, if the love is not returned in kind, you are just going to be miserable.
As hard as it may seem, it may be time to reflect on the fact that there are a ton of guys out there who will treat you with more respect and decide whether it is time to confront your b/f with an ultimatim or just suggest that you need some time apart. How he reacts will tell you what your best course of action is.
update to your response about having to mother him: you are suppressing your needs for him. i think most of the females on this site would tell you that they have seen this in some guys and that you deserve better. this is called co-dependency. below is a website on co-dependency which may be helpful or may be over the top, take it for what it is worth, hard to tell from a brief message where you are really at, smile. all the best to you....
http://www.nmha.org/go/codependency
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Quick question about the movie 'V for Vendetta'.
When the doctor lady describes what happened the day at the detention facility fire, she says the man from room 5 looked at her, but "not with eyes..there were no eyes", implying that V is blind.
But how is that possible? V is able to turn toward a sign and quickly cut a 'V' into it. When Evey questions him about his hands, he immediately turns his head toward them and looks at them, then grabs his gloves off the table. When he's walking around Evey in the BTN hallway, he looks down at her, and then right at the camera. Etc.
So what the hell? Is he blind or isn't he? (link)
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It is the same as in the recent movie Avatar when they talk about "seeing" the other person. They are talking about seeing into the person's soul. I took Evey's comments to mean that when he looked at her, he seemed dead inside.
In any case, it is a great movie, smile.
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My boyfriend & I have been together over a year.
A couple of years back, he really liked this girl Cindy & his feelings were not returned. Thing is, they were really good friends then, and, because he never told her, are still good friends now.
However, it really brings me down whenever he mentions her. I guess it's partially because I've heard that Cindy looks a lot like me, and partially because I know he has more in common w/ her than w/ me. And my paranoia is probably playing a big part in this, too.
So is it normal for me to feel this way? If not, what should I do about it? (link)
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a male perspective: is it normal to feel threatened by another woman? only if you think your relationship is on shaky ground.
He is with you now, for over a year so both of you have invested in this relationship.
Acting paranoid, protective, needy, or jealous will not strengthen your relationship, it can only weaken it.
Your most healthy attitude would be to convince yourself that your b/f made his choice a year ago and you are going to enjoy being that choice. He is allowed to have female friends just as you are allowed to have male friends. So what if he talks about a friend? Yes, talking to your present girfriend about a former girlfriend is somewhat insensitive, but all that means is that he doesn't give it much thought (remember, guys are simple that way).
If you cannot trust each other, the relationship will not last anyway and the decision will be made for you both.
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im dating this guy and i want to bring him to a concert since hes never ben to one and i go to a lot. how do people find a list of what bands are playing at what arenas and the dates and everything, im clueless to that. im practically broke so free are the best and theirs ususally free concerts at the family arena in missouri. how? or does anyone have a list (link)
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www.musi-cal.com and ticektmaster.com are two places to start. musi-cal has a more comprehensive listing of clubs and smaller venues that will be less expensive. if you google "missouri free concert" you will get a lot of individual show listings.
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14/f
for some guys have started making me nervous.
like i'm a social person and for some reason like a week ago when ever i've been around a guy a find attractive i get really nervous and i feel red. (i don't turn red but it feels it.)
so why did this start happening all of a sudden? (link)
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Physiologically, you get nervous because you are getting an adrenaline rush in response to the perceived stress of the situation. All this means is that you are human, smile.
Guys who find you attractive are going to be just as nervous as you are, some just hide it with false bravado.
The best course of action next time you feel this way is to just recognize it for what it is, say to yourself, "this is normal, i'm gonna be fine, there is nothing to worry about here" and carry on. EVERYONE feels nervous sometimes.
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hey! ok i have a friend and i guess she was just using me to get next to a guy she likes . the guy she likes is my friend and everytime i used to tell her he called me and things like that she would be calling me everyday. now that they aint together anymore she doesnt even bothers calling me..is not only that, is that a big problem happened...so i guess she hardly talks to me because of that big problem..but what bothers me is that in school she is all nice to me and is always looking for me but once she is out of school "pufff" she dissaperas..not even thru myspace she talks to me..it just pisses me off..and her cusin died and i was the one that was mostly there for her and she says am the only one that gives her good advices but now i dont even feel like talking to her..i think she is so fake towards me :( can you please help me. am sorry if this is too long . i just need some help on how to act with her. (link)
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It sounds like you already know the reasons for her behavior (boyfriend, big problem). I see three options:
1) tell her your true feelings and offer to talk through them with her. this is the least likely option to work and the one that will take the most energy.
2)tell her you are pissed off and you do not want to have anything to do with her anymore. This is the easiest option, but puts you in the role of "bad person" which may have repercussions in your social circle.
3) Be nice to her in school, otherwise, be cool. Time might heal "the big problem", and both of you can then move on as friends. This is the option with the greatest long term chance of success but in the short term it might be hard for you.
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I went to a new youth group tonight with my friend from school and I realized her brother is amazingly gorgeous! I feel like sometimes, he was flirting with me, he would go to the door to watch for a friend coming and he would brush my shoulder or when I looked at him, he'd fix his hair and smile. I want to get to know him, I don't want to start anything romantic before I get to know him. But first, I want him to notice me. I want to be something different to him, make him approach me first. So, what do I do to look cute to him that he would come to me and start talking instead of me going to him? Thanks! (link)
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male perspective: he smiled at you, you already look cute to him.
Guys are not subtle. The time and energy spent "looking cute" for one guy often gets noticed by the wrong guy.
Just go talk to him. Odds are he is probably shy, given that he fixes his hair when you look at him.
The extent of planning i suggest is asking his sister about his interests and strike up a conversation about one of those. that will set both of you at ease and get things started on neutral ground.
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so my boyfriend and i have this agreement that when we go out and party we tell each other first and then call each other when we get back to just say a quick goodnight and to make sure we got back fine because we live far apart. He has been going out a lot lately and i haven't. And he keeps not holding his end up but it really hurts me because i expect it and then it doesn't happen. We have been through it and i threatened to break up with him over it before. I don't want to end our 2 year relationship over something this stupid because i know he hasn't cheated or done anything deliberately to hurt me. He gets home and passes out. Meanwhile, I wake up and then cry myself to sleep. I know, pathetic right? Anyway it causes a lot of emotional pain and i don't know what to do. If he can't keep up his end it feels like he just doen't care at all about how i feel. (link)
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a male perspective: yes you are psycho.
just kidding, smile. Seriously though, if you want him to resent you and make him feel nagged and that you don't trust him, you are doing exactly the right things. Needy and clinging are two of the most unattractive characteristics in a significant other. If you have to watchdog your boyfriend, is the relationship on shaky ground in the first place or are you just insecure?
Know the best way to get people to not do something? Tell them they have to do it. It is quite possible if you were to tell him that he need not call anymore, he might actually begin to do it because then it will be his idea and/or he wants to show you he cares.
Either you trust him or you don't. A phone call is not going to stop him from cheating if that is what you are worried about. A webcam in his dorm room might make you feel better so you can see him home safe, but being constantly monitored is not healthy for a relationship. And be honest with yourself, you are not worried about him being safe, you are worried about what he is doing.
Mature relationships allow each partner personal space with a foundation of trust.
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Okay so my ex boyfriend and I had dated over a year and he ended up breaking up with me multiple times, each time coming back to me... Im going to say he is not a jerk and really a nice guy but he decided to block/ unfriend me on facebook. I was really upset but after about a month he unblocks me. He sees me at church and then I soon get a friend request. I dont accept it for 5 days and then the next day i say whats up hi... and he actually wrote me back 2 min later say hey I just wanted to apologize for unfriending you, it wasnt meant to be mean and i hope all goes well ttyl. He told me that he got some mean phonecall and didnt want to see what was up with me and he needed a break. So we both made amends and are now fb messaging... but idk where we stand... like why is he now talking to me? im confused what should i do? what are his intentions? (link)
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There is no mystery here: "So we both made amends and are now fb messaging"
That is where you stand. If you want to know his intentions, ask him.
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my boyfriend is 19 and I am 15 and I really want him to kiss me but he won't kiss me in public because he is afraid he would get in trouble. Is kissing a minor illegal or something? I thought it was only against the law if we had sex?
Does anybody know? (link)
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Ever see "To Catch A Predator" on MSNBC? Just talking about sexual conduct with a minor is illegal. Legalities aside, a 19 year-old male should not be pursuing a 15 year-old, plain and simple.
Think of yourself trying to link up with an 11-year old boy. All the reasons that is "icky" and "wrong" apply to your present situation.
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when a guy texts you saying "i think your very pretty just like your eyes" does he think my eyes are pretty and only my eyes or not my eyes?
HELP
rate 5 for all. (link)
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it either means:
1) he is totally enamored of you, eyes and all
OR
2) he is hoping flattery will get him anywhere
OR
3) he wants to add your eyes to his collection
It is your move to find out which is the true intention. If it is (1), lucky you! If it is (2), proceed with caution. If it is (3) run for the hills.
I am betting it is (1), smile.
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My boyfriend is turning 21 on sunday. I can not think of a single thing to get for him. ive even asked him and he says he doesnt want anything...im really desperate for some ideas. ive already looked for concert tickets & sports game tickets & theres no thing really that he would be interested in...he has a nice watch..im really just drawing a blank...please help! (link)
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a male perspective: the two of you can have a romantic time any day, that sort of gift is more appropriate for you, not him.
you only turn 21 once: it should be something memorable. Some fun suggestions that all cost about $50-$75:
1) send a singing telegram to him sung by a mascot, or cavewoman or something equally outrageous at work with balloons and a cake to share with his co-workers. You get to make up the song with all sorts of personal knowledge of him. trust me, it is a hoot.
2) if he is a sports fan, buy a jersey of his favorite team with the number 21 on it and take it down to their offices to get it signed by players and/or coaches. teams do this for people all the time.
3) send a limo to pick him up with champagne or his favorite booze in it. take him to a favorite bar where you and/or friends are waiting to party, or even to a hotel wher just you are waiting (wink, wink). You can also have fun with this one if you engage the driver to drive him to a few false starts and park outside for a minute before moving on to the actual location (e.g. gay bar, massage parlor, tattoo shop).
4) get some of his buddies to set up a picture scavenger hunt for him where each place he goes he will get a small gift from you. for example, he has to get a picture of a liquor store to get a bottle of his favorite libation...
the key is to make it different, not something he can get or do any other day of the year.
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I'm 18 & live in NYC. I'm going to college next year.
However, I want to brush up on calculus before September. I'm taking AB calc right now, but want to take some Multivariate Calculus classes over the summer.
Are there any (preferably free or cheap) classes like this in NYC? (link)
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send an email to the Chair of the Mathematics Department at local universities. They are always on the lookout for bright high school students to mentorl be thrilled at your interest in advanced calculus. You might also ask if there are any opportunities to help any of their faculty with research over the summer. This is a great way to make connections and even some money doing something more interesting than the typical teenage jobs.
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I'm a junior in high school and this year I am taking two AP courses. :(
I'm tired all the time and don't have much time for anything but school.
And one of the courses (US History) is so hard that most of the time lately I just give up and won't do the homework. I'll just sit in my room and cry. I've been in the course since September obviously, and I slipped a little back in November but only down to a C-, and I managed to get it up to a C+.
But now this time I've dug myself into such a deep hole that I don't know how I'm ever going to crawl out of it.
The AP exam is in May, it's March. I'm currently failing the course. I seriously have like a 48%.
I've never failed anything. Before this year, I'd never even gotten below a B+ on a report card.
Please help! My parents are going to kill me, and besides that I'm so ashamed and disgusted with myself. If I don't bring my score up, it'll go on my report card and then colleges will see it and just ugh it's not going to be good. :( I'm so upset right now.
I need advice on how to get myself motivated again, and then like possible study tips you can think of. :( (link)
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Sarcastic Greetings gave you a ton of good advice on how to atttack the problem academically. I wanted to suggest that you reach out to a trusted adult (teacher, parent, uncle, neighbor, grandparent, religious advisor, whomever you can trust) to help you deal with the anxiety you are feeling and consider alternatives such as dropping one of the AP courses so you can focus and succeed in the other. You might be able to pick up a course in the summer or next year.
Also, stop beating yourself up. EVERYONE finds mountains that seem too high to climb at some point. If you have never had anything lower than a B+ you are obviously smart and hard-working. If you let people around you know that you need some help, you will likely be surprised at how willing people will be to go out of their way to help you.
You do not have to bear this burden alone, and a burden shared is a burden lessened (i know, cheesy, but true).
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hey i am a 19/f i've posted many questions about this guy in my art appreciation class. we barely talk. in class once i asked him how he was going to do his collage and he said he doesn't know because he has to sit down and plan it out. he didn't say anything else so i didn't either, because i didn't want to annoy him. but like i've noticed outside of class we talk like on facebook if he has a question about art appreciation, or if i do. and i've noticed whenever he sees me outside of class he always smiles at me. i mean ALWAYS! in class though he's usually quiet except for that one day we were in groups, and he seemed to be taking charge of the group by giving suggestions of what we should do. which surprised me since he barely ever talks. how come he was trying to take charge suddenly? and i noticed like when i went to the bathroom and came back he aid that he took my review without asking me lol. and then when i asked him what something meant i was texting someone (my therapist) he told me what it meant and then he was like well aren't u going to write it down? which i thought was a little rude because of the way he said it. maybe it wasn't but i don't know. but im not sure if he's into me. Every time we leave class i always want to talk to him but he usually goes down the stairs and i take the elevator. so i don't really see him, but im not sure if i should take the stairs too because he;ll think im following him won't he? i don't know what to do & im really confused! help!! (link)
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male perspective: he smiles at you because he is happy to see you. I can guarantee you he has not done anywhere near the amount of mental gymnastics you have.
He sees you as a valued classmate at the least. If you want to talk to him, go up to him and talk to him (i know, shocking), drop a note as you walk by him in class asking him to grab a coffee together after class, or yes, take the stairs and say hi that way.
Guys are simple. he might have no clue you like him that way (fair chance) or he has a clue and is too shy (also fair chance). there is only one way you are going to find out....talk to him.
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