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am i a psycho?
so my boyfriend and i have this agreement that when we go out and party we tell each other first and then call each other when we get back to just say a quick goodnight and to make sure we got back fine because we live far apart. He has been going out a lot lately and i haven't. And he keeps not holding his end up but it really hurts me because i expect it and then it doesn't happen. We have been through it and i threatened to break up with him over it before. I don't want to end our 2 year relationship over something this stupid because i know he hasn't cheated or done anything deliberately to hurt me. He gets home and passes out. Meanwhile, I wake up and then cry myself to sleep. I know, pathetic right? Anyway it causes a lot of emotional pain and i don't know what to do. If he can't keep up his end it feels like he just doen't care at all about how i feel.
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a male perspective: yes you are psycho.
just kidding, smile. Seriously though, if you want him to resent you and make him feel nagged and that you don't trust him, you are doing exactly the right things. Needy and clinging are two of the most unattractive characteristics in a significant other. If you have to watchdog your boyfriend, is the relationship on shaky ground in the first place or are you just insecure?
Know the best way to get people to not do something? Tell them they have to do it. It is quite possible if you were to tell him that he need not call anymore, he might actually begin to do it because then it will be his idea and/or he wants to show you he cares.
Either you trust him or you don't. A phone call is not going to stop him from cheating if that is what you are worried about. A webcam in his dorm room might make you feel better so you can see him home safe, but being constantly monitored is not healthy for a relationship. And be honest with yourself, you are not worried about him being safe, you are worried about what he is doing.
Mature relationships allow each partner personal space with a foundation of trust.
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NO, you are not psycho! :) what you are asking for is so little that if he cant do it you need to talk to him about it. you both have been together for 2 years and built trust over that period and once trust is gone, it is extremly difficult to get it back. i know a lot of women who would go out just because their boyfriend is going out and you are not that way which is a very good quality to have! you said you know he hasnt cheated on you, so think about this when your in bed. you trust him, he went out and told you he was going out. he had a couple drinks, gets home safely, passes out and texts or calls you the next day. if you put yourself in that state of mind where you think he is doing things he shouldnt be doing, you will drive yourself crazy. call him tonight or whenever you both are free. talk to him about. tell him you understand that sometimes it happens. you go out, you come home and pass out. tell him that you both agreed (if you both did that is) to telling the other when one of you goes out and comes home because you need that closure. you would like him to start doing it. he should understand. love distance relationships are extremly hard. ive been in two myself. what you need to maintain a long distance relationship is communication and trust and you can get through it. so good luck talking to him and i hope it all works out in the end for you.
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hey
you need to talk to him about this as a problem. dont use it to threaten him, just calmly sit down and talk. he needs to know how this affects you in your part of the relationship. tell him how hurt you are about it. if he respects the relationship and cares how hurt it makes you, then he'll do it from now on.
but also, find out why hes stopped doing it. to come to an understanding, but if its something like he forgets then its obviously not acceptable.
Im not saying he is, but he could easily be doing things behind your back as this is rather shady for him to be doing. why is it so hard for him to make a simple phone call? and it only seems fair to you as his g/f to call when he gets back so that you know hes okay and have you worrying. you need to tell him this and find out the reason why he hasnt done his part.
Hope i helped.
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