Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84215
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Ok so ive heard having sex the first time hurts. but i wanna know.. does it actually start to feel good after the 1st time? help me please (link)
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Yes, for most girls it does. It helps to be with someone who cares about your feelings and takes his time,and makes sure that you enjoy sex. Enjoyment from sex doesn't just come from doing it. Many couples find the time leading up to sex, the foreplay,and the cuddling time after sex to be just as important. If the male is in a rush, and doesn't care about your comfort, and this should be obvious before you get started, you can be that the 2nd time will not be good either. So be sure that the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and all the rest, for the rest of your life, are with someone who cares about your happiness.
Michele
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can i hear your story? do you regret it? thoughts/feeling now? still in a relationship with that guy? or was it a one night stand? I'm just curiouss pleasee && thank you for readingg and respondingg =] (link)
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Ok, this will be strange because I am much older than most of the people on this web page, but after reading the other posts, it struck me that not so many things have changed. I lost my virginity when I was 16, and yes I thought I was in love. We were together for a year. It wasn't what I had been lead to beleive that it would be like, and at the time I did feel terrible and was afraid that someone would find out. A couple of girls in high school had gotten pregnant. They had to get married. This is what we did in those days. It was a BIG problem. The girls had to leave school. There was no question about going to class pregnant. They hated sitting home and doing nothing.
While I didn't have sex again soon, I was very concerned about getting pregnant. Through the grape vine I heard of a doctor near my home town, that would give prescritions for birth control pills to young girls. Many of us made appointments. We got our exams, and got our subscriptions. I stayed on the pill for about 12 years. I did not want to have an out of wedlock baby. My sister had done that, her life didn't look so good. As it was I didn't have children until I was married and I was 32 at the birth of my first son.
today you guys have planned parenthood. they will give you advice about contraceptives and help you out with questions about pregnancy, preventnig pregnancy and STD's. You are lucky.
Bad thing is the cost. I remember birth control pills used to cost $2.25 a month. I almost fell over when I found out that today they cost about $40.00 a month. What young girl can afford that!
The one thing I also worry about today with young girls is date rape, and the rape drugs. It is so scary out there. Once you start going out and going to bars to party, you run the risk of some jerk putting a date drug into your drink. You pass out, more or less. People just think you had too much to drink. The guy says, hey, I'll take her home....and you wake up hours later, naked, in pain and alone. And now you have NO memory of what happend and with who, and you can't even press charges. Girls need to protect themselves. Look out for each other. And never leave your drink alone when you are at a party or bar. Never take a drink offered by a stranger at a party or bar. And if you see a girl being taken advantage of. Save Her!!!!!
Basically, I can see that guys haven't changed. We all have romantic thoughts when we are young, and they still only think about sex. That does change though. When they get older, the better ones become young men and start to think about settling down, and start to be more kind to women and respectful. That is nice. and something to look forward to. If you have decided to wait until you are older to have sex, that is good. You don't have to wait until you are married, but at least you won't have to worry about some young boy going around telling everyone that you two had sex. The only way to avoid that is to wait until MEN are older, and more mature. But wait, do not go out with OLDER men, that is not the answer. They are known to use young girls too.
Well, words of wisdom, from someone who did have a lot of regrets, but who has time to think about them now!
Michele
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how much do you pay at TMOBiLE when you tell them you want a 2 year contract? Do you even have to pay? (link)
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There are very many contracts to choos from, it depends on how many "free minutes" you want. When you ask, "do you have to pay", do you mean at that moment, when you sign the contract. That depends on your credit history. YOu do have to be 18 years of age to enter into a contract with TMobil or with any company for that matter.
So they will check your credit history, and if it is good, you won't have to pay at that moment, you will get a bill in the mail. If you have bad credit, or no credit history, they will want you to pay at the time you sign the contract. No whether or not they make you pay for the full year up front, I am not sure. YOu can get a pay as you go phone, and fund the phone after you have used up all of the minutes.
I hope this helps
Michele
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I am the events coordinator for a campus organization known as Women's Empowerment. As we embark on the 2007-2008 school year I am lacking ideas for panels (discussion) for my group to sponsor. The only one I have planned thus far is a religion panel focusing on the roles of women in various religions. Last year we had a panel about breast cancer, freedom of speech, and another entitled "Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?" that explored the various psychological, sociological, and religious influences around the popular phrase.
The organization supports both men (men can be feminists too) and women, though focuses mainly on women's issues as there is not any other organization present on the campus that does such.
Any suggestions are greatly appreciated! (link)
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Hi, great panel. I can make some suggestions.
1.) Pay parity. It is still an issue after all these years.
2.) Fast track or Mommy Track. Why are women's careers interrupted because they take a few years off to have children. Today with flex time and work at home options, this is slowly beginning to change.
3.)Sexual empowerment. "Girls Gone Wild" Has the sexual revolution and birth control really empowered women, or are there regrets later in life when we look back on the drunken behavior, and/or the promiscuity. Are there any regrets. Maybe not. Do we wish we could go back and change some of the things we did, that may now be recorded on video. Is Date rape a phenomenom of women's sexual empowerment? Date drugs? (From being on this sight, having to talk to girls who have been taken advantage of, and they are hurt, I would say no.)
4.) Arranged marriage. Many countries today that do promote women,and educate women, like India, still have arranged marriages. I have met women who are in an arranged marriage and they couldn't be happier. Some of them say that they trusted their parents implicitly, to choose the right mate for them, and they weren't dissapointed.
(THis is a thought that I have always had, after two divorces myself: What if we, as parents, did have to arrange marriages for our childen, when they are adults; wouldn't we raise them better? I mean we'd have too, or we wouldn't be able to find them a good match. We couldn't raise, drug addicts, alcoholics, wife beaters, child molester, etc, etc. because, other parents would not agree to an arranged marriage with our disfunctional child. WE'd have to be better parents..) Anyway just a thought.
5.) Co-ed vs. All male or all female college. Do women get a better education at an all female collge, because of the competativeness of males.
I hope you find these interesting. Your forum certainly sounds really interesting. Good luck to you.
Michele
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17/male
i need a job, but no one has replied to my applications. i would really like to work in a hotel because i love hotels. my friend can hook me up with a job as a bellhop, but theres one problem..im not that strong.
should i take the job? (link)
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Yes, by all means, take the job. Bellhops don't just carry bags, they open doors, they run errands, the deliver meals to rooms. And hey most of the big pieces of luggage have wheels today, and they also give you carts with wheels to move the luggage to people's rooms. What hotels, and for that matter any employer is looking for is enthusiastic people who want to work. and you sound like you really want to work. So go in there and sell yourself, and don't be afraid to tell them that you really want to work. Just the way you said it here in your question....you convinced me that you love hotels and really want to work in one. Good luck to you.
Michele
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I don't know why, my nose is clean and everything but everytime I breathe out it has this liek whistle sounds coming out and it is VERY annoying.
Like i can't laugh during school or else you'll hear a whistle sound and I can't sleep either because everytime i breathe out it makes this annoying whistle sound!
And beleive me, i cleaned out my nose in evey way you can imagine! (link)
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I think you may have a deviated septum. It is a piece of cartilage that seperates the two nasal passages in your nose. Only and ENT can tell for sure. An Ear Nose and Throat Doctor. Most of them are very familiar with this kind of problem. Trouble is, it won't stop there, with just a whistle, you could develop sinus headaches and be more prone to sinus infections. It should be checked out. As a temporary home remedy, you could try some vaseline up there, to lubricate the mucus membrane. If you clean, clean clean to much, you'll only succeed in irriating the mucus membranes in your nasal passages.
Hope this helps
Michele
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18-female
i do feel weird writing this but im scared and need to no well lately if been having weird thoughts like heaps scary, like a crazy person wouldi think im going crazy sometimes i hear things and not sure if they were there just everythings gone weird from one night i was smoking pot cause i no what being stoned feels like and its not this i been smoking it for a few years now im just paranoid and stuff about like evereything and dont just blame it on im stoned because it fees differnt all thats in my head is death anything to with dying like not me i dont want to kill myself but like me already people dead or some one around me going to die
or that there not really there that there just in my head please tell me what you think (link)
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I definitly think the pot is contributing, but also we are surrounded by death every day, so how can you not think about it. Video games, movies, the news. Friends you probably know, or people from your city, most likely have died violently, and it is not surprising that you would start asking yourself....whose next?
Death and destruction are all too common today, we have become numb to it. Take that fact, add the pot, and then I would guess that you have too much time on your hands, it would definitly lead to thoughts of death all the time.
I think you need to find something to do to keep you busy, that makes you feel like you are contributing, and making a difference in the worls, and then you'll be happier, and maybe you won't even want to smoke pot.
Going to the doctor is not a bad idea either, but just incase you want to attempt it on your own. I know this....if you continue to do what you have always done, that put you in this state of mind...then nothing will change.
Michele
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I make about $10 an hour right now. When the minimum wage increases to $7.50, will my wage increase, too? And won't the cost of everything go up? If it does, then why make the minimum wage higher if everything is gunna get more expensive? (link)
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NO your wages won't go up when the minimum wage goes up. Because your company already pays you more than the minimum wage, the government cannot tell them what to do. Most companies though, because they want to keep good employees and employees that they have already invested some time and training in...will give raises once a year or so. Then there are "merit raises" Those are raises that your boss gives you because you are doing such a great job.
It is true, that if the guy who owns Dunkin' DOnuts has to give everyone a raise to comply with a new law raising the minumum wage, he is only going to pass the increased costs on to his customers, and a cup of coffee could go up .10 cents or so. This is a case of government integering in our market economy. Lawmakers believe that a lot of parents work minimum wage jobs and that they cannot run a household, pay rent, pay utilities, and buy food and raise kids on minimum wage. And they are right, but mostly of the minumum age workers are kids.
You are very inquisitive, and I hope that you will feed your natural curiosity by going to college. The questions you ask are important. Economists ask them every day as they try to determine what our economy is doing. Most people don't stop to think about those things. Good luck to you.
Michele
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hi guy's , ok so i want to die my hair blonde , but the problem is i don't want it to be permenant. So, yesterday i went and bought whatever i could find , i've never dyed my hair before so i don't know what the "good" products are. I decided to by Clairol Nice' n easy Color Blend Technology. On the front it says PREMANENT COLOR , at the bottom of the box , but on the back it says something like this:
Q: How long will it last ?
A:Nice' n Easy lasts for up to 6 weeks. and for your illuminating blonde shade, you'll find 6 weekly treatments of out exclusive Colorseal Conditioning gloss to seal in the healthy looking color and add intense shine.
So my question is , Is it permenant or not ? are they saying the color will TOTALLY go away or it will just fade and ill have to touch it up.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO!
on the front it says Expert blend of 3 tones for natural color with highlights brown to blonde in just one step.
Is it just highlights or will it dye my whole head , cause i seen a picture of how to put it in your hair and they say part your hair with the tip of the bottle! and go downwards. pleeaasseee help:]
(link)
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This is permanent color. make no mistake about that. IN six weeks, it will not be gone, but you will see that your roots will be your natural color, and the rest will be the color in the box. Also after six weeks, the colored hair will look dry and damaged. Because permanent color contains lye, and that ruins your hair. So if you hate the way your roots look when they start to grow out, you will have to color it again and again and again and eventually it will ruin your hair, and you'll wish you never started.
The new multi-tonal formulas though, will make the color look more natural. In the past the hair dyes you bought at the drug store made your hair all one color and it did not look natural. If you want a color that washes out you want a color RINSE. Those wash out almost completely after 6 weeks. Don't let the commercials on TV showing pop stars like heather locklear sell you on Clairol hair color products. Don't believe for one minute that she uses a shampoo in hair color. She gets paid to say that. More than likely she goes to a salon and pays about $250.00 to ger her hair colored every 4 weeks. And then they just do the roots. Of course, if you decide to do that, it would only cost about $40.00. My advice is, don't do it. Or look harder until you find one that is NOT PERMANENT.
Michele
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The closest college to me is 45 minutes away. I want to go there. There isn't housing, though (it's a 2-year school).
I think I'll end up driving there to class everyday. Is that a stupid decision, considering the cost of gas and spending over an hour driving to and from class? (link)
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The other advisors are correct, It would be more stupid not to go to collge, but here is another suggestion. Arrange your classes so that you only have to attend collge two or three days a week. What would be wasteful is to have to drive all the way there for one class. Get there early to register, as soon as registration opens, so that you get first choice for the classes you want, and on the days that you want. Work the off days, so you can earn money to help pay for the gas. This is life, we all have to deal with the high costs of energy. I do hope that the cost of fuel will go down soon, for all of us.
Michele
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ill cut straight to the problem, i have had an itchy clitoris for the past week or so and recently my discharge has become a medium/light brown color. its not anywhere near my vagina just my clitoris and i havent had sex for about 2 months so i dont know if it is a STI of some sort or what. im so confused what could it be? (link)
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It could be a simple yeast infection. Women get them all the time. They are not dangerous, and it has nothing to do with sex. If you are very itchy, and I mean REAL itchy, and the discharge, kind of reminds you of cottage cheese, that is a yeast infection. But you are in luck. You can go to the drug store and get some monistat. It is a suppository, you insert it, and you will feel relief right away. Follow the instructions to be sure that you get all of the yeast infection.
Here also, is a home remedy, if you are desperate right now and can't get to the store....if you have some yogurt in the refrigerator, just spreading some on the itchy area will bring you IMMEDIATE relief. It won't cure it, you'll still need to get the monistat, but it will give you relief until you can get to the store. Don't go another evening without the monitat.
Good luck
Michele
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why does sometimes my leg twitches really fast for some seconds then stops?
one time my foot twitched for 3 whole days.
and my eye twiches sometimes but thats because of lack of sleep. (link)
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I don't think you are getting enough calcium and magnesium in your diet. YOu can take supplements, they sell them at the drug store, grocery store, or health food store. They are not too expensive, and they help you build strong bones.
So why not give them a try? If you find the supplements that are Calcium, Magnesium and ZINC those are good too. That is how they are most commonly available.
Michele
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all right,
well, in order to become a high school teacher, would i have to minor in biology/anatomy (what i want to teach) and major in education. (of course i'd take all the other courses required!) or would i have to major in bio/anatomy and minor in education? I have no idea about anything on colleges. so, help?
..yes i know about college board by the way! lol. (link)
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I am not 100% sure. I do attend collge, but I do not want to be a teacher. SO this is how I think it goes. For the first four years of college you are an undergraduate. If you start out in your first year to become a teacher, you will be taking teaching courses. Education, childhood education, etc. etc. You can take biology and anatomy as electives or minor courses if you like, But alot of time and credits are tied up in learning how to teach. Many people who become teachers after four years of college, usually don't get to choose what subject they teach. Now if you go for your masters, that is when you will take more and more courses in your chosen field. Then because now you are super educated in your subject, and have a four year teaching degree, you can be more choosy as to where you teach and perhaps get to teach the subject of your choice. Now if you continue in school and get your doctorate in biology anatomy, you will be "college professor" level, and yes you will be able to find a college where you can teach and only teach biology/anatomy.
After four years of college with a major in teaching, you won't be qualified to teach at a college. And since you'll have bills to pay, and college loans to pay off, you'll take one of the first teaching jobs that comes along, and it could me middle school, or grammar school, where a vast knowledge of anatomy is not necessary. But what people do is continue to go to college while they are teaching/working, so they can work on their masters.
I hope this helps.
Michele
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Can you get AIDS from giving blow jobs?
And also, how can you practice giving one..
And how do you like.. ask a boy if you can give him a blow job? (link)
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Like Andreaaa said, but also the AIDS/HIV virus can be absorbed into your system through your gums, you don't need a cut or sore to catch it, from a blow job. The boy can and should wear a condom.
Michele
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im 14 years old and this guy i really like is 18....wut to do??? is it bad? (link)
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Yes it is very bad, for him. He is 18 and more mature, and may not be a virgin, and may expect a lot from a relation ship with a girl. He may expect intimacy, or sex. You are under age, and what they call "jail bait". If you two become friends and later fall in love, and later have sex, he could be arrested. And the both of you do not have to go all the way, even just getting to 2nd base can be seed as sexual assault in the eyes if the law. AND it won't matter that you and even your family DO NOT WANT TO PRESS CHARGES. The police can arrest him anyway. And then he will have a criminal record for sexual assault on a minor and this will follow him for the rest of his life. It will affect where he works, wether or not he can get into collge, and where he can work. He will have to register with the police department in any town or city that he may live in as a sex offender, for the rest of his live. It can be a terrible thing.
I understand honey that you are attracted to him. He is older, wiser and so much more mature than the 14 year old boys that you know from school and stuff. But it could ruin his future. DO you want to do that to him.
Of course anything is possible,and it is possible that the two of you could become close friends and wait to become closer after you are 16 years old. Anything is possible. But can you be strong enough to wait?
And please, you don't say whether or not he is persuing you, if he is, I advise you to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Because he does know better. But some guys think that having relationships with young girls is a good way to avoid getting aids. Then after they get what they want, they dissapear, and you are left with a broken heart. MY advice, don't be in such a hurry to be in a relationship. Take your time. you have your whole life, maybe 80 or 100 years ahead of you, to get your heart broken, or find the right guy. I hope this helps
Michele
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ok me and my gf have been fighting alot and we are soo close we have gone out for a year and 3 months. and i really love her and i am scared i am going to lose my baby! i need help! (link)
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Ok, well there is not enough information here. How can we help you? I would say that you guys are probably fighting about stupid petty things....and maybe you both need some space.
Here is the bottom line.....
choose your battles. It takes two to argue, so just refuse to argue no matter what the issue is. It's not worth it, especially if you two break up. YOu said so yourself. Simply refuse to be drawn in. It would even help greatly if on occasion, you even said: You're right Honey!"
And maybe you gF will follow your lead and choose not to argue also. Life's too short anyway. So why spend it arguing.
Michele
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19 f
ok so im not sure if im pregnent or not. i took two pregnancy tests which both came out negative but im a week late on my period. should i be worried or not? (link)
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Well I could tell you not to worry but that would be impossible. Those pregnancy test are pretty accurate, or word would get out, and women wouldn't buy them. If you followed the instructions exactly, then I would say chances are good that you are not. Because the test measures the amount of extra estrogen in your urine. As soon as you become pregnant the amount of estrogen in your body increases.
In any event, I know you won't stop worrying until you actually get your period.
Good luck to you.
Michele
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Yes i have been married once before but it was when i was 17 and i wasnt ready. Now i feel that i have reached a point where i am ready to really settle down. But, the man i am supposed to marry just recently started to be abusive after a year of not being abusive. I have tried everything to try and get him help but he says that i am the one with the problem because i nag him. Honestly i know he sounds bad but he is soo sweet and will do anything for me about 90% of the time. It is that 10% that he tweeks out for no reason or stupid little things. Lately i havent been too involved with the wedding because of all of this and i even tend to start thinking i dont want to marry him if he is going to abuse me. I wonder if i am getting cold feet because i really dont want another divorce. (link)
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Oh wow, read the warning signs. If you don't want another divorce, then don't get married. If you call off the wedding the people who love you will understand. They'll know that it is because you don't want another divorce and they will respect your wishes. His family, they may have a different outlook on it, because maybe they want to be rid of him, or want him to become your problem. You sound like a strong individual. You had to grow up fast, and getting married so young and then going though a divorce makes you grow up. I know what you are talking about. My second husband was abusive, and it was maybe 1% before the wedding, well it escalated, and it escalted FAST, and we were in therapy, because I didn't want to have another divorce in my life. I tried soo hard. But nothing helped. I finally realized that my husband was mad at the world, adn took it out on me. And I couldn't make him change, he had to want to. And like your fiance he said it was all my fault. So I ended up in a divorce anyway. After loosing lots of money and my self -respect. It was embarrasing to be in a marriage where I was abused. I am a professional person. I thought people would think that I should have known better. (and like you I did, but I went through with it anyway) Today my ex husband has been married and divorced AGAIN. He has had to take anger management, but nothing has changed. What is wrong with him happened in his childhood, and none of the people who have to deal with his anger are the cause of it.)
Please re-consider and save yourself a lot of heartache
Michele
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I would appreciate advice, tips, resource guides, even help from persons who can help me deal with this kind of situation. I've held off long enough, I'm ready to do what I have to do, head on.
Thank you (link)
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Well you have to contact the organization or federal agency that is holding your loan. Here in Connecticut it is the CT Student Loan Foundation, or it may be Sallie Mae. Go to this website, and see if you can find your loan.
http://www.salliemae.com/get_student_loan/apply_student_loan/checking_status/checking_status.htm
click on borrower links, for federal or private loans, enter the required information, see if you can find your loans. Perhaps there you can also make arrangement to begin payments. See if you can "Lock in" your interest rate. Then arrange for a payment plan. Careful what you agree too, make sure the payments are manageble, because most loan agreements will raise rates real high, after you have missed a payment.
I have not started my payments yet, I am still in school. but there are a couple of employees here who did not pay, and now the US Dept. of Education has attached their pay. I also know aperson whose tax refunds were taken because they didn't pay their student loans. So it is good that you want to start paying.
And that is another place to look if you have trouble finding where you loans are. The US Department of Education. Everything goes thru them.
Good luck to you.
Michele
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i am honestly the most jealous girl in the world-
my boyfriends amazing so i dont even know why im like this at all but does anyone know ANYTHING! that could possibly help me to not feel this way..its ruining my life.. (link)
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YOur last statement......"its ruining my life."
should be all the incentive you need. Jealousy is a learned behavior and you can unlearn it, but it takes time. It is a useless emotion. It has never done anyone any good. You will have to admonish yourself each time you have those feelings, until you have learned to stifle them. And once you see that your life is getting better, it will reinforce your beliefs that Jealousy is a waste of your time and energy.
There is no magic pill or potion that you can take. There will always be someone cuter, thinner, younger, smarter, richer, etc, etc etc. all your life, if you insist on making comparisons with yourself and other girls, you will always come up short. Since we can't help but compare ourselves to what the media tells us is beautiful. Don't make the comparisons. So if you are up to it, you can start any time you like. Each time you feel jealousy, tell your self that you have no reason to be, and stifle the feelings. Make sure you are the best you can be, and tell yourself that you are special and you are good enough. It will take time, but it does work.
Michele
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