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Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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16/f
My boyfriend (19) and I both have a very close friend(18). He's gay and is, for the both of us, our best friend. My boyfriend and I have decided to not put a label on our relationship and to just simply, take our relationship for what it is, so I wouldn't really say we're tied down to each other; we just chose to be with each other. In the past, both my boyfriend and I have expressed an attraction to our close friend (We're both bi).
Lately, it seems as if our relationship as a group has just become...extremely relaxed. We've all been through a lot and tend not to really care anymore. We all will snuggle and sleep with each other and for the most part, might as all well be dating each other. It's weird, and I'm not quite sure what to think about it.
I love my boyfriend, he loves me. We love our friend, and our friend would be willing to do anything with me, but likes my boyfriend.
The possibility of a threesome has come up in conversation jokingly, however, due to certain events as of recently, the event of a legitimate threesome seems to become even more so plausible...and it's a little scary. (considering we all talked about it somewhat jokingly before)
I'm not sure what to think or even do about this. We all love each other but...the situation just feels a little off.
Please, I'm in some need of advice. I don't want to lose my friends.
Thanks. (link)
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I've heard this one before! This is where you come back in six months and tell us you turned your boyfriend gay!
Seriously though it's not a good idea. Especially not at your collective ages. You know, if you were in your late 20s and the situation didn't feel off and the gay friend wasn't "willing to do stuff with you" and several other things I'm sure you forgot to mention I might say "ehh, whatever"
Not at 16. You're too young to "not be putting a label on the relationship" and such. There's way too much complex emotion which you've barely dipped your toes in at this point behind it all. None of you has a clue about what this might do to you emotionally. You're dragging drama into your life on the slight hope that "it'll all just work out okay"
Adults know you don't screw around with "maybe it'll all just work out ok."
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19/f : I got talking to some girl in collage for a couple weeks now and i was beging to fall for her i have never been with a girl i have these dreams about her she is the first person i think of when i wake up and the last person i think of at night we text all the time when we went out the other night we was sitting at a table and we found our selfs kissing and she stayed in myne that night it was the first girl i hade ever been with so i no i want to stay with her and she whants to stay with me.
but how and what do i tell my family? (link)
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Two websites for you to peruse.
http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2
http://comingoutsupport.com/
These will give you some more background, similar experiences, and provide you with places to get some direct and experienced feedback.
I wish I had some personal experience that was relatable enough to give you advice, but I don't.
PFLAG is especially good. It's an organization specifically for people like your family, who might have issues understanding and coping. See if they have a local meeting place, you might be able to go and meet some good people who can give you the in-life personal perspectives.
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Hi. I'm 16/m and I went to this party last saturday. I dont know what to do now really because it's embarrassing. I was hanging out with this one girl and we were drinking. I know I drank too much and I shouldn't have kept at it but everyone else was doing it and I guess I wasn't thinking. Anyway, we were kissing and fooling around a little but I didn't want things to get serious by leading to sex. The other guys ended up leaving us in this room after awhile and we were alone but by then I was pretty drunk. She took off her top and it was nice to see so we did keep fooling around. Then I think she took advantage of me because I was so drunk. I mean she had been drinking too but I told her at one point that I didn't want to go further. My thing reacted to some stuff she was doing (like she was stripping and it seemed sexy?) but I could not control it to get it to go down and stop. She ended up having sex with me but I remember telling her I didn't want to do it. I remember that but then the rest is kind of hazy and I ended up waking up in a bed in another room all alone and without my clothes on. It was... kind of obvious I had had sex.
Now everybody knows we had sex because she told a lot of people we did it. I'm embarrassed becuse she was my first and nobody knew I was a virgin and I really think she just... raped me. I told her I didn't want to before we were doing it and when she was doing stuff to me. I was so drunk I couldn't stop her. I know I'm such a wuss and I feel like such a loser. I am ashamed. I feel so bad and USED by this girl. I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I'm trash.
What do I do? I know you see on tv where they say to go to the cops but I'm a guy and I don't want them to think I'm lying. I'm not lying. I really think it was rape. I didn't want to have sex. I told her I didn't want to do it. I was just drinking and having fun w/my friends. I didn't think it would lead to something like that and I remember making myself clear about not wanting to do it. What do I do now? If I tell everybody is going to make fun of me for whining about having sex. I didn't want it though! (link)
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Sexual assault and rape, while less common, happen on a consistent basis to guys.
The single most common reaction is feeling "like a wus" and not wanting to go to the cops for fear of things like being laughed at or thought a liar.
There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. You were taken advantage of. I'd suggest starting with a school counselor. Talk to them, get feedback, see what they can do to help.
You're going to want to speak to a counselor. Not school, professional. Dealing with this (it is a traumatic event) is something you're not equipped for at 16. It's something your peers aren't really equipped for either. Talk to someone with credentials.
That means, you need to tell your parents.
I'm sure that sucks. If you don't want to go into it you can try just asking to speak to a counselor and telling them you'd rather not say, but the question will hang in the air until you answer it even if they leave it alone for a while.
Prosecution...
I really honestly don't know what to tell you. It was last Saturday. By now you've showered several times, and once would have been enough. There's no evidence and so it comes down to your word against hers and no one saw you resist. Your friends would probably honestly testify that you seemed fine when they left you.
I would definitely recommend talking to your parents and a professional before considering any kind of charges, and it moves up the timetable. You'd need to go to the cops probably by Friday to be taken seriously at all. That's a guess, it varies, but lacking proof I have no idea what they'd actually do. You'll have to go to them to find out, or call an attorney.
You need your parents for both, so make your peace with telling them and get it over with.
Last, stop hating yourself. Alcohol can render just about anyone defenseless.You were put in a situation you didn't know what to do with, and you were physically far less capable of doing anything than you normally would be.
I'm a big guy. 6'2 and broad chested, former football player. I've been drunk enough that I lost wrestling with my wife who was also drunk and is 5'1. Completely helpless. I probably could have held my own if I weren't trying not to hurt her, but I didn't want to do that and I imagine neither did you. Even in that situation I'm sure the thought of punching her or something similar was a repellent thought.
That doesn't make you a wus. It makes you a normal 16 year old guy who got hammered.
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Me and my boyfriend wanna have sex now. WE don't have any condoms and Im not on the pill but we're sooo horny for eachother. If we have sex in the shower could I still get pregnant? We talked about it and it's like the water is gonna wash away the sperm fluids and yeah then you can't really get pregnate right? Is it safe to shower w/a guy like this? (link)
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No.
Even if you get a movable spray head and washed out inside you you're not guaranteed to get the little bit that gets you pregnant. Just being in a shower will have absolutely no effect on how likely you are to get pregnant.
Get condoms.
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My boyfriend wants to see my vag and I told him OK and planned to take a few pics of it. I kinda told my bff who was like I shouldn't do that cos somebody can hack his phone && get my nude shots later. How safe do u think it is to take pictures of my vagina && send them to his cell phone? (link)
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It's illegal in most states. Also, if you think only he will ever see them, you're insane. Even if it's just a few people he wants to brag to "look how hot my girlfriend is and what she's willing to do for me" he's going to show someone. He's going to tell someone and they're going to get his phone. If he sends it to one other person that person will ensure a hundred or more see it. If his phone gets found or confiscated you'd both be pretty screwed.
Do not trust men under 25 with pictures of you naked under any circumstances.
If you break up, expect everyone you both know and many people you don't to see you naked.
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How many high school couples actually end up getting married? My boyfriend and I were talking about getting married in a couple of years when we both graduate and he said we'd probably be one of the few that make it out together. I was curious what the percentage of that actually is for high school couples. Everybody seems so in love and I think it's sad is like nobody ever gets married out of high school. Anybody knows the numbers on that? (link)
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Most high school couples never get married. Most high school couples who get married get married before they're old enough to drink. Most high school couples who get married end in divorce within five years.
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Hey im 19 and i've had a credit card for a few months now and have always paid off my bill in full each month. I mainly got the card so i could build my credit. I was just curious how long do you have to have a credit card before you get "good credit" like does it take only a few transactions or a couple months? How does it work? Thanks in advance! (link)
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I posted this on a credit question earlier. Copypasting
Additionally, this website is an excellent summary of everything you need to know about your actual credit score. It's an interesting and relatively short read. Very informative.
http://www.fiscalgeek.com/2010/02/what-is-a-good-credit-score-should-you-care/
Here's an excerpt
35% of your Credit Score is devoted to Payment History. This would include missed payments, collections, bankruptcies and the like. The older the information the less of an impact on your overall score.
30% of your Credit Score is based on Utilization. This is the amount of credit you have in used as compared to your available credit. The recommendations point to less than 10% of your available credit be utilized.
15% of your Credit Score is impacted by your Credit History. Effectively how long you’ve had accounts open and obviously takes some time to build.
10% of your Credit Score is based on Inquiries. If you apply for various forms of credit and then don’t get that credit it will impact you negatively. Checking your own credit does not impact this number.
10% of your Credit Score is determined by Types of Credit. This would be different forms of credit such as mortgages, auto loans, revolving credit and installments.
Is something Missing? You’ll note that there is no consideration for your actual income in this model. Interesting to say the least.
________________________________________________________________
First, your credit rating is a reflection of how reliably people who extend credit can make money off of you.
Making payments consistently means they can get their money out of you. By the same logic, never paying interest can actually hurt your credit somewhat. If you get a credit card and pay it off every month, you'll be responsible but companies will also be aware that they are making little money off of you.
This can affect you in trying to get larger loans at good rates (like a mortgage, or car payments) as you'll likely get a higher interest rate if they know you'll try to avoid as much of it as possible.
You can build credit in many ways.
First, open an account at a local credit union. Savings and checking. You want to find a good bank that's available to you locally which you can build credit and business relationships specifically. Credit unions are more strict in their rules because they're less about profit and screwing you over with overdraft fees.
Check into any credit unions near you. Google for reviews online.
Once you've got an account open, take out a small loan. Like 200-400 dollars. Plan to pay it back in six months. Use it to buy something you want, eat the interest, and pay it back exactly as you are scheduled to over time.
Activities like this prove that you both are a reliable borrower and that you are willing to pay interest to get what you want. The things companies who extend credit want to see. If you decide to say, buy a car in the near future, you might have the money to buy it outright. Instead, go back to your specific bank and take out another loan for the car, to be payed back over a short period of time. Short for credit, so say six months or a year. You don't have to do the whole value if you don't want. Say you paid for two of a ten thousand dollar car with a loan.
The bottom line here, is that you have to pay interest to really build good credit. That's what they want to see, and that's what you have to give them.
For credit cards, some general guidelines.
Start out with a 500, 750, or 1000 dollar credit limit. Generally I'd say you shouldn't have a credit limit higher than one months salary on a card in your name unless you're making six figures, but that's my personal opinion and not professional advice.
Starting low helps you make sure you can't use it too much. Stick to your limits, don't go over them. Proves you have restraint. Use the card to pay for things like groceries. Regular expenses you know you can cover. Let a balance carry over [i]every month[/i]. Not a big one, pick a number you know you can reliably pay off on short notice. Might be fifty bucks a month, might be two hundred. Always, always pay more than the minimum payment, I'd say you should always make sure you can pay fifty bucks on your card per month, bare minimum.
You don't want a ton of credit cards. Two at most in your name, any more and people start wondering why you need that many cards. One to start, the second should be because you actually need the line of credit or want to have a second card for specific purposes you won't use your main for. An example, I had a friend who was into art and used his second card exclusively for art expenses. He sold paintings, so it made accounting easy and let him write off most of his purchases at the end of the year as business expenses. People pulling your credit report can see how many lines of credit you have. Seven credit cards at 2000 a piece looks like you're not reliable enough to get the credit limits you need from one or two institutions, even if you really are.
The two at most rule is obviously not needed if you've got alot of specific applications for them you want to keep separate, but I can't imagine needing more than probably three or four personal credit cards.
The key to credit is demonstrating that a company will make money off of you by lending to you without letting yourself be screwed over by interest payments. Responsible credit builds slowly, but once it's built you have a significant credit history behind you showing years of reliability.
Last, a word on mortgages. There may well be other types of credit which work like this (car financing strikes me as a possibility) but specifically I know an interesting fact about mortgages. Often times on large borrows you pay disproportionate amounts of interest up front.
The loan you take is called the "principal". The first payment on the mortgage might be mostly or all interest. You pay that first, then pay on the principal. Those will be the loan terms that you have to meet in order to get it. Often times it's something of a sliding scale. The first payment could be all interest, while a year in you're paying a percent on the interest and a percent on the actual principal. By the end, most of the time you're done with the interest or they might even just straight line it so you're paying 5% and 95% and they switch places gradually from the start of the loan to the end of payments.
You can do what is called "paying on the back side of the loan". Making payments above and over the required monthly payments can be applied directly to the principal. In fact, it's recommended that you make double payments (at least) for the first year of a mortgage, because it can cut as much as five years of interest off the back side of the loan you took out.
Some places might limit the amount you can pay on the principal in the loan contract to cover their interest and protect their profits. Even if they don't, paying a decent to big sized mortgage loan off in an overly quick manner will build credit more slowly. Same as with the credit cards, not letting companies collect their interest can hurt you if you're really consistent about it. Always, always read your loan terms thoroughly before you sign. Goes without saying almost, but there's alot in there you can miss.
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im a 22 year old female the person im getting to know is 22 male i met in 8th grade of middle school almost 10 years ago and we went to the same high school also but we never talked, i was very shy and he was more outgoing and popular..so now he came to my job and remembered me,he told me he had a crush on me in middle school and always wanted to get to know me..so after that we talk & are getting to now each other.he was in a relationship for almost 6 years and has 3 kids. his ex had cheated on him.. the longest relationship i had was 5 months & i have no kids. we found out we have many things in common like music,movies ,we both have 2jobs & stuff like that.so after a week of getting to know each other he asks me to be his girlfriend i said yes cause i was really starting to like him.after 3 days he told me he was sorry but he thought he went to fast & he just wasnt ready for a relationship yet, but still wants to get to know me well & wants us to be a couple in the future. i understood perfectly. we still talk/text almost everyday & we go out once in a while. the last time we went out he kissed me & i know i should of stopped it but i like him he says he likes me. it feels wrong cause we are not a couple. but im confused. what if he is only using me maybe to forget of his ex. i feel like im not his type. he has had much more experience than i have i still live with my parents because i help them. i have 2 jobs but is still treated like a teenager by my parents even though im 22.im still shy around him so what kind of questions should i ask him?? how do i ask him if he really does like me? do u think its right to go out with him? i would like advice if anyone has had experince this how do u think this relationship will turn out? (link)
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I really can't see where the trouble is. He likes you, you like him, he's taking it slow which is what you need. Tell him you think his ass looks cute and you liked it when he kissed you. Go on more dates. Focus on just enjoying each other's company and less on what you call the relationship or whether or not you're officially labeled a couple.
He's into you. You've gone on dates. If you continue to go on dates you're dating. If he's not dating anyone else, for all intents and purposes you're a couple. The reality is there, so just spend more time with the guy you like.
Yes, it's ok.
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Im a married women torn between two men and I dont know what to do. Me and my husband been together for 9yrs and married for 3. We had a break up after the first 5 of those years and during that break up I meant someone else and we dated for a year and I gained strong feeling for him. In the mean time I got pregant by my husband and had to stop talking and seeing my friend. I felt I had to do what was right for my baby. I never talked to him again after we talked about my pregancy and I decison to go back to my husband and he totally understood. We never seen each other nor talked for 5yrs. But he some how got my number and contacted me and at the time of contact me and my husband were having problems. So I carried on conversation we meet up and one thing lead to another and I ended up cheating, something I have never done. Now it been 5mths that we have been messing around and feeling are involed and tells me he loves me and anytime I need him he there. I never told him how I felt about him before. But after he opened up with his feeling for me I felt it was only fair to tell him how I felt about him. I love him alot and I also love my husband. But my feeling are stronger towards the other man. And the sad thing about this is I knew I had feeling for him before I got married, I figured out of site out of mind. But thats not so or I wouldnt be were Im at. And we (me and the other guy)have so much fun together its like we picked up rite were we left off. I have told my husband how I feel about the other guy n he still wants to make the marriage work. But I dont know if thats what I want! So what should I do? (link)
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Go to therapy.
If you're still in love with your husband you're not more in love with the other guy. You're dealing with normal relationship problems with your husband and you have a fantasy ideal relationship with the other guy.
Think about all the shit that your husband does that drives you nuts.
You're somewhat used to it. I promise you, this new guy isn't going to have any fewer things that drive you insane. They just might be different things. You don't have to deal with them right now though, because you're in the honeymoon phase and you're connecting to the other guy instead of your husband.
You've only got so much brain space. You can't fit in two guys at once. If you work on one relationship the other will suffer.
If you divorce your husband you're going to wake up in a year and realize you traded for a different man and tore your family apart for a guy who you have to work just as hard to keep a relationship with as you should have worked with your former husband.
What you're not seeing here is the kids. You love your husband, and he's the father of your children.
You owe them. Not you, not him, the kids. They need mommy to be more mature than acting like a stupid teenager who flits to another guy because "he makes her feel special".
You do this, you fuck over your kids perceptions of relationships for the next twenty years. You're not being abused, you havent' fallen out of love. Stop being a child, stop having an affair, and get yourself and your husband into relationship therapy. Be open, be honest, and start actually trying to enjoy the man you married.
And develop a new kink together. If you want fun that much you need to make some in your own life instead of looking for a guy to bring the fun in for you. You're way to old to sound as spoiled as you do.
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20 f.
When me and this guy had sex for the first time, we didn't really do that much foreplay. When he came to my house, I met him in the entry way -gave him a hug, he picked me up and we started making out. Then I led him to my room, we layed on the bed started making out again ..he took my clothes off, fingered me for like 2min and then we had sex.
Some people say guys need foreplay to get hard before sex. Why didn't he need a lot of foreplay? I get wet really easily so I rarely need foreplay. Was it because he was just really turned on by me? I'd like to think I turned him on that fast haha or was it just him being lucky and not needing a lot of foreplay?
Just kinda curious. (link)
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Ha. Most guys get hard at the vaguest possibilities of sex. When we know it's coming it's usually not all that difficult to get in the mood. We're mostly wired to respond that way because rigidity is kind of necessary for procreation. Foreplay isn't to get us in the mood most of the time, it's just because it's fun. At least under 40. Warm up time comes when you want to repeat shortly after and we're still in recovery mode.
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I am moving next month and I wanted to write a letter to a couple of my friends about it so that they will have my new address and phone number handy in the letter. I do plan on telling them in person but I'd like to send them a letter afterward with my information. How can I write a letter about moving without sounding dumb? Do I just say, "Hey, I'm moving...here's my new address! See ya!" lol? (link)
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I'd honestly send a short email. When the direct purpose is to share your new information you don't really need to worry about making it sound like anything but a bit of information they're going to want from you.
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does anyone know what the punishment for credit card fraud is in ohio. this guy did not know he did it because he was very dunk, but there is a picture of him buying cigarettes and a case of coca cola. any one know what the punishment will be if he is guilt? (link)
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According to the Ohio State Penal code, both petty theft and credit card fraud under 500 dollars are misdemeanors of the first degree. Up to six months in jail and a fine not to exceed 1000 dollars. Your friend could be charged with either, but it'll probably be credit card fraud.
You should know that the end of that sentence on both is "depending on the severity of the offense". You didn't post the actual situation, but you should know that the DA must prove criminal intent to defraud to convict on this misdemeanor. Given that it's a first offense with an extremely low dollar value, it might be possible to prove or push towards "he was drunk in public and did not intend to use another person's card, did not know what he was doing" or something similar. In a case like this, the DA might be willing to allow your friend to plead guilty/no contest to a lesser charge, public intoxication being the logical choice. In Ohio I believe it's actually part of disorderly conduct in the penal code.
Public intoxication/disorderly conduct is a fourth degree misdemeanor, punishable by a jail sentence not to exceed thirty days and a fine of 500 or less. Your friend might be able to get a deferred adjudication, which means you plead no contest, go on probation for six months to a year, and the charge is dismissed when you successfully complete probation and all you have is an arrest record.
Your friend should know that deferred adjudication or whatever it might be called in Ohio is seldom cheap. They'll get some money out of him by putting him through addiction classes, alcohol classes, or outpatient rehab. But having no conviction record is worth that cost, and when he's past this in ten years he can pay to have his records sealed if the deal is made.
Note: Probation and the deferred adjudication concept are different. Probation is a possible sentence where he gets the conviction and then has to be monitored, which is something the DA might try to propose. If probation is proposed, he should talk to his lawyer about options which result in a dismissal of the charge and options about plea bargaining on a lesser charge given the relative lack of severity of the offense. Speaking of lawyers...
Whatever happens, your friend needs to lawyer up. Fast. I highly recommend finding an attorney who is not the public defender. Point blank public defenders generally act in whatever way makes their lives easier. They have to work with the judges, DAs, and cops every day. They'll probably never see you again. And they the money your friend's conviction brings in pays their salary too.
A first degree misdemeanor isn't the end of the world, but a conviction related to credit cards will prevent him from working anywhere he has to be anywhere near cash for a long, long time. It could be a serious bar to future employment, it could cause issues with college if he's going to school. Tell him to take it seriously, and to find the resources to hire a decent lawyer who he can afford to pay to take this to court, if necessary. Most lawyers charge a retainer just to work with your case, and the costs increase if you choose to go to trial. Tell him to do what he has to. Call family, beg parents, take out a bank loan, but get the money and get the lawyer.
Given the possibility of a jury trial, the DA will more than likely not want to waste his time and cut a cheap deal that gets your friend out of his face. If it goes to trial the jury might not convict, and it all goes away.
The criminal justice system is designed to steamroll over those who don't have the money to fight or don't want to, and those who don't know someone who can speak effectively on their behalf. If your friend has teachers who would write about him being an exemplary student, bosses who would describe him as a person of character, and good friends who would do the same, it could go a long way towards convincing a judge or DA to deal. Convince the DA he's a drunken idiot who made an honest mistake and there's a fair chance of him being dismissed as "not a threat to society" and being shooed away with a slap on the wrist.
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Okay so I'm a college student. Never had a legitimate job, never taken a loan, etc. I want to know if there's any way I could build credit without paying interest? I'm not really to familiar with how credit works so I was wondering if I got a credit card and paid everything off without paying any interest on it or anything, does that still build credit? And also, what credit cards can I get without having a job or any credit? I don't want annual fees or starting fees or anything if possible. I have a fair amount of money and I'm not at all worried about going crazy and getting into debt with a credit card because I am very frugal with my spending so save that lecture please. (link)
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First, your credit rating is a reflection of how reliably people who extend credit can make money off of you.
Making payments consistently means they can get their money out of you. By the same logic, never paying interest can actually hurt your credit somewhat. If you get a credit card and pay it off every month, you'll be responsible but companies will also be aware that they are making little money off of you.
This can affect you in trying to get larger loans at good rates (like a mortgage, or car payments) as you'll likely get a higher interest rate if they know you'll try to avoid as much of it as possible.
You can build credit in many ways.
First, open an account at a local credit union. Savings and checking. You want to find a good bank that's available to you locally which you can build credit and business relationships specifically. Credit unions are more strict in their rules because they're less about profit and screwing you over with overdraft fees.
Check into any credit unions near you. Google for reviews online.
Once you've got an account open, take out a small loan. Like 200-400 dollars. Plan to pay it back in six months. Use it to buy something you want, eat the interest, and pay it back exactly as you are scheduled to over time.
Activities like this prove that you both are a reliable borrower and that you are willing to pay interest to get what you want. The things companies who extend credit want to see. If you decide to say, buy a car in the near future, you might have the money to buy it outright. Instead, go back to your specific bank and take out another loan for the car, to be payed back over a short period of time. Short for credit, so say six months or a year. You don't have to do the whole value if you don't want. Say you paid for two of a ten thousand dollar car with a loan.
The bottom line here, is that you have to pay interest to really build good credit. That's what they want to see, and that's what you have to give them.
For credit cards, some general guidelines.
Start out with a 500, 750, or 1000 dollar credit limit. Generally I'd say you shouldn't have a credit limit higher than one months salary on a card in your name unless you're making six figures, but that's my personal opinion and not professional advice.
Starting low helps you make sure you can't use it too much. Stick to your limits, don't go over them. Proves you have restraint. Use the card to pay for things like groceries. Regular expenses you know you can cover. Let a balance carry over [i]every month[/i]. Not a big one, pick a number you know you can reliably pay off on short notice. Might be fifty bucks a month, might be two hundred. Always, always pay more than the minimum payment, I'd say you should always make sure you can pay fifty bucks on your card per month, bare minimum.
You don't want a ton of credit cards. Two at most in your name, any more and people start wondering why you need that many cards. One to start, the second should be because you actually need the line of credit or want to have a second card for specific purposes you won't use your main for. An example, I had a friend who was into art and used his second card exclusively for art expenses. He sold paintings, so it made accounting easy and let him write off most of his purchases at the end of the year as business expenses. People pulling your credit report can see how many lines of credit you have. Seven credit cards at 2000 a piece looks like you're not reliable enough to get the credit limits you need from one or two institutions, even if you really are.
The two at most rule is obviously not needed if you've got alot of specific applications for them you want to keep separate, but I can't imagine needing more than probably three or four personal credit cards.
The key to credit is demonstrating that a company will make money off of you by lending to you without letting yourself be screwed over by interest payments. Responsible credit builds slowly, but once it's built you have a significant credit history behind you showing years of reliability.
Last, a word on mortgages. There may well be other types of credit which work like this (car financing strikes me as a possibility) but specifically I know an interesting fact about mortgages. Often times on large borrows you pay disproportionate amounts of interest up front.
The loan you take is called the "principal". The first payment on the mortgage might be mostly or all interest. You pay that first, then pay on the principal. Those will be the loan terms that you have to meet in order to get it. Often times it's something of a sliding scale. The first payment could be all interest, while a year in you're paying a percent on the interest and a percent on the actual principal. By the end, most of the time you're done with the interest or they might even just straight line it so you're paying 5% and 95% and they switch places gradually from the start of the loan to the end of payments.
You can do what is called "paying on the back side of the loan". Making payments above and over the required monthly payments can be applied directly to the principal. In fact, it's recommended that you make double payments (at least) for the first year of a mortgage, because it can cut as much as five years of interest off the back side of the loan you took out.
Some places might limit the amount you can pay on the principal in the loan contract to cover their interest and protect their profits. Even if they don't, paying a decent to big sized mortgage loan off in an overly quick manner will build credit more slowly. Same as with the credit cards, not letting companies collect their interest can hurt you if you're really consistent about it. Always, always read your loan terms thoroughly before you sign. Goes without saying almost, but there's alot in there you can miss.
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http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=586587
You answered this question for me to and helped a lot. Haven't seen a consoler yet considering it but just so you know more about me:
I am fourteen year old female. My grandma who lives in another state died today. We all knew it was coming she had cancer and was given 24-48 hours to live Monday. So today in school I felt like she was gone and died just a feeling. I told my friend. I come home and find out my gut had been correct she had died and I have been left with a few rings. The thing is I don't feel sad.. I seen her last this summer for a day but aside from that I haven't seen her in years. Last was when I visited her and my grandpa in sixth grade which was a fun trip. I wrote her a letter a month ago reminding her of the good times we had on that trip.. But now I feel nothing.. When I found out she was dying I felt nothing.. I don't feel sad. And when I talk about it with my friends I talk about it like it's no big deal although she was very nice and will be missed by many people. It was like this when my aunt and grandpa died a few years ago too.. nothing. It still feels like they are here I just don't see them anymore.. It doesn't feel like they are gone. It's tough because I feel heartless and come off as heartless. I just don't want to cry. I hate crying.
Also, should I go to the funeral? I would but I don't want to cry and I don't want to say goodbye. It probably is the right thing to do. I just hate funerals they are to sad and sappy. Is there something wrong with the way I'm feeling?
(link)
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You're locking it all away.
When I was in first grade, my mother's mother died. She was awesome to me, the first thing I did when I got to her house was run to a shelf and grab a book, which she'd read to me (ignoring everyone else in the room) by way of greeting.
When she died, at the funeral, I just stood there. My mother broke down and I held her and told her everything would be OK. I was doing everything I could to be the stable center in the middle of grief.
I requested to ride home with my uncle. I couldn't cry in front of my parents. I was scared shitless of showing weakness in front of them. When we got to where we were going after the burial, I closed up and wiped my face off and didn't shed another tear over it. Ever.
More recently I lost my paternal grandfather to cancer. I never cried over it. Instead I smiled, remembering the times we spent together. I told a few people he died and then regaled them with stories of fishing and other time we spent together. I told them about his past as a World War 2 fighter pilot.
My defensive mechanisms are still there. Only instead of being numb I focus on the good, the happy memories, and while I miss my grandfather all I can think about when he comes to mind is how awesome he was.
For whatever reason, you feel the need to lock yourself away. There's something, conscious or subconscious, that's making you feel like you need to protect yourself. Your defensive mechanisms are still there too.
I've said it before. You're not emotionless. You're closed off. Imagine a water spigot. When you close it and turn it off, does that mean the water's gone?
It's not. It's right there just below the surface. Given enough pressure, things explode.
I think you need to let yourself cry. In private if that helps, where no one will ever know. That's what I've always done. The only person who's seen me cry in the last decade and a half is my wife. It's just how I am.
It doesn't mean you're heartless. It means you need to be aware that you yourself create walls between what you feel and the parts of yourself that might be damaged by feeling. You need to be aware because no person can put off everything they feel forever. The pressure becomes too much and you eventually break down.
It happened to me right about 21. My parents were trying to be overly controlling again, I told them to go to hell, and lost my shit. Took me a few years to recover. I'm a walking example of what happens when you don't deal with your shit, don't let yourself feel some of the pain you're going through so you can put it behind you.
There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. It's pretty natural. But you can't allow yourself to avoid things as much as you want to. Avoidance doesn't last forever. Go to the funeral. If you feel like you can't cry in front of people, walk off alone and sit down out of sight. Say your goodbyes, because it's all you can do.
Your grandmother would want you to, because once you say goodbye it's real. Once it's real you can begin to accept and move on. Once you move on, you can be happy.
You need to stop ragging on yourself. My final bit of advice...
Everyone works differently. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that my emotional spectrum and general reactions are not exactly what would be termed "normal".
But alot of experience talking to others like us, and others different tells me that alot fewer people fall within what is considered "normal" than you think. Everyone experiences things differently. Being the kind of person who's a little scared of being vulnerable doesn't make you heartless. Bit of a control freak probably, but definitely not heartless.
Just keep searching for the chinks in the wall. There are always holes. Let yourself feel a little bit, and I continue to urge you to find someone to talk to, someone with some credentials to back up their advice.
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I am a female and I have a problem with getting really bad raxor burn when I shave my area. I usually take really hot baths and let it soak for a while and then use conditioner and shave. But when it starts growing bad I get really bad bumps and ita very annoying. Any suggestions? (link)
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Beard trimmer.
Costs like twenty to thirty bucks for one with several guards. You can get the hair down to a tiny, insignificant amount without causing razor burn or ingrown hairs. It's close enough to shaved and if you need to clean up the bikini area for swimsuit wear you can do so without having the most sensitive areas getting irritated.
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I am gonna have tto take a pee test sometimme this week or monthh and i knnow im not gonna pass itt .i am skinny i weigh about 120 lbs and i am an extreme smokerr if yu need any of that info .and i kknow there will be sum ppl out the sayin drugs are bad blah blah blahh i get it .thanxx:) (link)
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:Edit:
A little additional information for the future. Mostly because I found it interesting enough to research.
THC stays in your system longer than any other substance, including opiates like medical use morphine. The numbers I gave you were specific to you and were estimates based on your stated body weight.
They were also for urine. THC is detectable in other ways for longer periods. The general numbers for detectability in urine is not more than 40 days, based on medium to high body weight, below average average exercise, average fluid intake and diet, and chronic smoking habits.
Improving any of those areas like lowering weight or increasing food intake will generally lower the estimate.
For blood, the numbers increase to anywhere from sixty to ninety days. The THC in your blood is cleaned out relatively quickly by your kidneys, but the fat stores can stay for months, even years. Fat cells can also store alot more THC, while your blood has a saturation point. And there's a maximum transfer rate. Your cells release THC somewhat slowly over time, which is why the testing times for THC are as much as 30 days on the short end while things like amphetamines are gone in less than a week and can only be detected in hair follicles or spinal fluid after. Or in the case of something like crack or meth, on your mostly destroyed teeth.
What this means, is that if someone who's never smoked before tries a joint, that person will build maximum concentration in their blood and won't absorb any more THC. The transfer rate I read was 10%, so that 10% goes into fat and the rest is flushed out of your blood within a relatively short period of time.
But over the next few days, the fat cells will still continue to release detectable amounts of THC. That's where the "you can still see it show up days later" comes in. The more THC stored in the fat cells, the faster it's released overall. When you've not been smoking for a month, generally the fat cells release rate has slowed down enough that the amount coming out in your urine is not enough to be detectable or to be considered significant (like if you were around marijuana smoke and didn't smoke it yourself you might show that much in your system)
The concentration will still however be detectable in a blood test, which is alot more sensitive.
Hair follicle tests can see it as much as six months out and there's really nothing you can do about it short of waxing every bit of hair over half an inch on your body. If THC is in your system it gets on the hair, until that hair falls out and you're clean there will be trace detectable amounts.
Spinal fluid, no idea. Years. It's possible that if you've ever smoked a spinal tap would show it, I haven't found a credible source to tell me anything other than "it's detectable years later."
Like I said, I found it interesting, so I read further.
:/Edit:
Cleansing your system is about fluids, exercise, more fluids.
You want to stick to water, Gatorade, things that don't have Caffeine. Caffeine is a diuretic, which means the fluids pretty much go straight through you. Water is best.
THC is stored in fat cells. Being 120 pounds, you're actually pretty lucky. The max amount of THC you can store is significantly less than the average person. Burning fat (exercise) helps release THC at a faster rate back into the blood stream, which fluids then help your system flush out of your body. Thirty minutes to an hour a day should be sufficient, it would be most beneficial if you did it early in the morning before you start your day. Early exercise jump starts your metabolism and gets the fat burning and helps keep it going all day. Make sure you eat three regular meals per day as well, which will also help keep your metabolism going.
Most remedies (like pickle juice) are hit and miss. When you "pass" a drug test you're seldom told the actual results. Your employer might not care about trace amounts of THC, you might have flushed naturally, but for the most part people who say that these things work just happened to get a good result, not because of drinking pickle juice or taking any "system cleaners"
The day of the test, make sure that you pee at least twice before you take the test. Your body stores up stuff overnight so your morning bathroom visit is usually the one with the most stuff in it that needs to get out. Drink Gatorade (not water) before your test, Gatorade replenishes electrolytes and keeps your body in balance instead of running water through yourself constantly.
I reccommend 8 8oz glasses of water per day or more. Space them out, you want to stay hydrated constantly, not fill up and pee out in a few hours. Keep fluids flowing through your body and your system will flush itself out faster naturally.
Given your body weight and chronic smoking habits, it will take seven to twenty one days to clean you out. You can probably find home drug tests at your local pharmacy, go buy a few and use one every three or four days to see how you're progressing.
Obviously if you smoke during this period you're going to screw yourself over, so stop.
@Solidadvice4teens
You should live up to your name by being less condescending and more helpful. Calling someone who uses a substance less dangerous and harmful than alcohol a "slave" is stupid and counterproductive. Mariana legalization is on the ballot in California and if it passes it will likely be the first step in complete legalization in America when the individual states see the boost in revenue from legal, taxable marijuana. As well as the drop in crime, auto fatalities, and many other negative statistics that _every_single_other_country_ that has legalized pot has experienced.
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15/f
Okay, well my friend was talking to this guy that's been "eyein'" me lately. He asked if I was a virgin & she told him the truth, which is I'm not. He said he wasn't interested anymore.
Do guys automatically not like you after you've lost your virginity? Maybe because I'm not "pure/new" any more? Idk.
I just lost it recently. My reasons are selfish... I was lonely & felt completely unwanted. I've lost everybody this past year & I just don't know how to deal with my b.s. Am I going to lose everyone just because I lost my virginity? I know it sounds stupid, but any answer helps. (link)
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High school is not life, guys in high school are not indicative of what guys are like. And yes, the guy in question is an immature idiot. Guys who are into the "pure" thing are pretty much always inexperienced and insecure. It's easy to wow a girl who's never had sex. It's more intimidating when a girl might know enough about what's going on to know exactly how bad a guy is.
Either that or he's religious, which just means he's a different type of stupid, inexperienced, and insecure.
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I am a 12 year old turning 13 in like a couple months and I have not started puberty. I have a couple wisps of pubic hair, but my breats havent developed and I am the flattest girl in 7th grade. Will you tell me if this is okay or if it is in need of medical help? (link)
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Some girls don't start fully developing until 16. There's nothing wrong with you.
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17/f
I'm a senior in highschool, I believe in enviornmental conservation, recycling, wildlife protection, and stopping global warming. Yes I have varying intrests. What exactly do I do to make a difference in this world. What if I got into politics, and was a politician. Could i make a difference for the enviornment and if so how? I heard when your a politician you have power. I'm sure someone would listen to a politician other then some enviornmental conservationalist. What are the steps that I need to take? Someone, anyone, help. Sincerly, I want to make this world a better place for me, and you. (link)
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You can't really go to college to be a politician. You might want to look into majors in political science, government, and economics though. These would provide a solid base towards what you're thinking you want to do.
The real thing you need to do is get involved. Look into environmental organizations which are local and volunteer. Work towards meeting people and when you're out in college see if you can go to conventions, rallies, etc. Find an organization you like, and work your way up. Volunteering can lead to paid positions can lead to promotion.
So far as actual politics, becoming a politician is about who you know and how well you can convince people that you're the person they want to support. There's no "path" you follow to become a senator, governor, etc. People walk in and campaign from all walks of life; business people, activists, former military, etc. You just get yourself on a ballot, campaign, and win. That's the start of a political career.
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Okay so... I believe in being abstinent until marriage... but I've had oral sex with about 6 guys, 3 of which I was not dating and 1 that was in (is in) another relationship. Do I feel bad about it? um yeah.. I'm 19 and I feel like 6 guys is way too many, i'm actually ashamed to even tell my friends they think its 4 or 5. So advice anyone? (link)
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Every time I see another person who religion has made to feel ashamed of their sexuality, I feel sad.
The loss in control that leads you to have oral sex comes from the fact that you have a normal, healthy human libido. The intent to stay abstinent denies you physical and emotional connections your body is telling you you're ready to explore.
There is no reason to feel ashamed. It's true, people make mistakes. Some of those guys might have been mistakes. There's still no reason for shame, mistakes exist so you can learn, grow, and do better next time. So long as you always try to do better, to stick harder to your convictions, and to learn how to be you better, mistakes are momentary life lessons and nothing more.
I will say. Your natural drives are in conflict with your beliefs. If you marry a guy who you aren't sexually compatible with, you'll be unhappy. If you don't have sex before marriage, you'll never know until after if there's compatibility there. I'm not trying to encourage you to go out and fuck someone, I'm just pointing out the paradox that is belief in abstinence until marriage.
For the record, and to state my bias, I am utterly against waiting that long. I think people should wait until they're physically and emotionally ready to be intimate, and until they find someone they love and who loves them to share sexuality with. I think that getting married without having experienced your partner sexually is pretty damn close to playing Russian roulette with your life. Think about it, if you want more feedback drop me a question.
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