I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32948
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I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.
I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?
Sorry if this is too long! (link)
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Instead of playing games with your bf the way he is playing games with you, just be straight up with him. He violated your trust and privacy by posting things about your relationship. How embarrassing! And then he made it worse by hiding it. I'm not saying he's a horrible person, but at the least he is super insensitive. You need to come out and ask him about this. Tell him you found out about the FB group and read some posts and you were really hurt that he would share that stuff. Ask him why he did it. And make sure he knows you feel those things are private and it was wrong for him to hide it from you. You'll have to decide for yourself based on how he answers if you want to continue to be with him. But trust is the biggest part of a good relationship, and if there is no trust, there can be little happiness. Keep that in mind as you dig deeper into what is really happening. He was definitely in the wrong! Good luck.
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Thank you so much. Just seeing it from someone elses point really helps and getting advice from someone other than a friend or someone you know is just gonna tell me what i want to hear. It is defenitely a lesson learned. But i can move on and find a man thats not married with kids. (link)
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You're worth it! Don't forget that. You're someone special and that's how you should be treated. Good luck to you ; )
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So i am 18 years old and this guy that i worked with was a 30 year old man that is married and has kids. When he first started working there i was attracted to him immediately. He was the manager. We flirted and stuff and he kinda made it known that he was into me but didnt say so directly. He would tell me everyday how i made his day and he loves seeing me. I had a huge thing for him. So he finally gave me his number one night. I would tell him a lot of stuff cause he was my friend. So things got kind of intense when he told me that he wanted to be with me and that im every mans dream and i just dont relize how amazing i am.So we texted all the time and one day i told him i couldnt talk to him anymore but soon said i didnt mean it and i loved him. He wont respond to any of my texts or calls. I so confused. Did i hurt him? Do you think he sincerly cared about me or does he just not care? Im so hurt cause i believed everything he told me. Did i mess up by telling him to leave me alone?? Please give me advicce. Im literally driving myself crazy trying to anlyze everything. I just really need someone else's view poit. (link)
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Take a breath... now pretend you're someone else, someone completely different than who you are. Now go back and read your letter. What would you tell that girl? What do you think of that girl? Look, the guy is MARRIED! I can understand that you would fall for him when he's so flirty and saying such wonderful things to you. That's natural. But you shouldn't be surprised that he just disappeared. He's MARRIED. What if it was your husband? Wether you had a good marriage or not, how would you feel to know that he was carrying on with another woman the way he was with you? This guy played you. I'd bet my life you're not the first. I'd bet my house you won't be the last. He's a player. Sounds to me like he got caught or had a close call and just backed off. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Its a tough lesson to learn, but its important to understand that many men will say ANYTHING, and say it sincerely, in order to lure woman into bed. The only way to be sure of a man't feelings for you and to avoid (as much as possible, anyway) bad heartache, is to set boundaries for yourself, and keep them. When you meet a man who respects those boundaries and still wants to be with you, you'll know you've got a good one. A good place to start is to make a rule -no married men. That can never work out well, I don't care what any man tells you. A man who cares so little for his children that he would deliberately cause their mother pain would never be able to be good to you. You deserve a good man who loves you completely and honestly and who belongs to you only. Hold out for that guy and I promise, you will NEVER regret it. In the meantime, chalk this one up to a lesson learned and do your best to move on from this as quickly as possible.
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19/f. i wnated to leave for college when i graduated from high school but due to a series of events that would take to long to write, i stayed here and i'm living at home. i attend a university, not community college, so there are dorms and stuff and it's like a real university with events and so on. but, i can't live at home anymore. i'm up to my last nerve. I can't move out. I live in Miami and everything here is really expensive. Like a one bedroom apartment is 1200 dollars. and my mom won't let me room with anyone if it's not in school. i want to leave and i need my mom to let me go... or at least be ok with going, because i know i'm an adult but i still don't want to go without her blessing.
please help
(link)
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Well why can't you just move to the dorms? Seems like a good comprimise. You're out of the house but still in a somewhat "supervised" environment. And some of the best times in college happen in dorms! That sounds to me like what you should do.
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16/f
i have a problem. within the last 2 months, my armpits have been sweating like crazy. i live in the south so its already hot but not i have to wear a hoodie to school since i sweat a lot. i don't believe i smell, i carry perfume though but you can see the sweat stain. i have tried a lot, anit persperent, cotton clothes, special body wash. . .
please, i cant even raise my arm to answer a question without my hoodie.
from,
embarassed (link)
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Mitchum has a roll-on that is pretty awesome too. Try the ladies first, but if its not so effective, try men's. That's what I use. I have a HORRIBLE sweat problem, but just in one armpit! I've don't lots of experimenting. The hoody can't really be helping you tho. Ditch it and find other ways. This might sound crazy, but if I'm going out or to work, I stick tissue under my arms (after I apply my deoderant, of course) and leave it there til I get to where I'm going. At least I'm keeping my clothes dry a bit longer. But the Mitchum works pretty well. Give it a try, and keep experimenting.. sometimes it takes a while to find the right combination of fixes. When you get older and start earning your own money, look into Botox. Botox injections under the arms can freeze the sweat glands for up to 6 months. Its what celebrities do before they hit the red carpet so they don't sweat through all those fancy dresses!
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so i'm a freshman in college and i have noo idea what i want to major in. business is definetly out. and i don't want to do something that will be super hard in college, i want to have some kind of life. right now i'm in pre-nursing but i don't know if i'm gonna stick with it cause its super hard to get into. i think psychology is interesting and criminalogy, but i couldn't be a psychologist because i'm not really a people person and i don't wanna deal with crazy people lol. i like hands on stuff and i hate just sitting behind a desk/computer for my whole job. can anyone help mee? (link)
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You just started. Give yourself a break and some time to adjust to college life. Freshman year is usually just for the basics anyway, so take your generals and just start paying attention to the classes and activities that catch your interest. Eventually your brain and your heart will line up and you'll discover what it is you're really meant to do. I wouldn't start worrying about this until at least sophomore year. You'll be fine! Enjoy yourself for now, it will all work out.
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Ok so I asked my mom if she could get me on birth control pills like a month ago because I'm already having protected sex but I'd rather be safe then sorry. She kind of freaked a little bit but she got over it and said yes. The problem is...now it's a month later and she said she would make the appointment with my doctor when I asked her but she hasn't yet...it seems like she's just forgotten about it completely. I want to remind her but I don't want to just be like "Hey, what about my birth control!?" because it's kind of a touchy subject and I dont want her to think I'm having sex (she doesn't know I already do). So how do I subtly remind her about this? (link)
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Trust me, your mother hasn't forgotten. Her little baby girl just told her she wants to have sex - she's freaked out and she doesn't want to face the reality of it. You'll understand a little bit better when you're a parent yourself. Mom's don't just FORGET about that stuff. If you are really anxious about this, wait for a time when everything is calm and normal in your house, you know, no fights happening or anything. Then quietly, politely, and respectfully mention to your Mom that you understand she's probably really freaked out about the whole birth control thing and you don't want to hurt her, but you are waiting for her help with this. You can tell her if she really feels too uncomfortable you would be willing to go to Planned Parenthood for help. They offer free or low-cost birth control to young women and they are confidential. Good luck.
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so i met this guy and he used to text me alott and then we hung out once and hooked up then we hung out a second time and hooked up again then after he kept texting me and now its been like almost a week and he still hasn't texted me:( i was the one that texted him last and he just randomly stopped texting me but i was actually starting to really like him the more i was getting to know him and now it doesn't seem like he's interested:/ i don't really want to text him again cause i don't want to seem pushy and i don't want to get turned down. i'll see him at work in a couple days. what should i do? like tests to see if he's still into me or somethingg. (link)
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You had sex with him. He stopped contacting you. That IS the test. He's not into you. He got what he wanted - reason #463 why hook ups never lead to a steady boyfriend. The man who respects your body enough to wait for it is the man who will text or call you every day because he just can't wait to see you again.
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I just remembered a film scene but I can only remember the words. I have the film in my collection but can't seem to put my finger on it and It goes a little something like this,
Unemployment at a record high
People coming, people going, people born to die
Don't ask me, because I don't know why
But it's like that, and that's the way it is
People in the world try to make ends meet
You try to ride car, train, bus, or feet
I said you got to work hard to want to compete
It's like that, and that's the way it is
Huh!
Money is the key to end all your woes
Your ups and your downs, your highs and your lows
Won't you tell me last time that love bought you clothes?
It's like that, and that's the way it is
Bills fly higher every day
We receive much lower pay
I'd rather stay young, go out and play
It's like that, and that's the way it is
Huh!
War's going on across the sea
Street soldiers killing the elderly
What ever happened to unity?
It's like that, and that that's the way it is
Disillusion is the word
That's used by me when I'm not heard
I just go through life with my glasses blurred
It's like that, and that's the way it is
Huh!
You can see a lot in this lifespan
Like a bum eating out of a garbage can
You notice one time he was your man
It's like that (what?) and that's the way it is
You should've gone to school, you could've learned a trade
But you laid in bed where the bums have laid
Now all the time you're crying that you're underpaid
It's like that (what?) and that's the way it is
Huh!
One thing I knoe is that life is short
So listen up homeboy, give this a thought
The next time someone's teaching why don't you get taught?
It's like that (what?) and that's the way it is
If you really think about it times aren't that bad
The one that stretches for success will make you glad
Stop playing start praying, you won't be sad
It's like that (what?) and that's the way it is
Huh!
When you feel you fail sometimes it hurts
For a meaning in life is why you search
Take the boys on the train, drive to school on the church
It's like that, and that's the way it is
Here's another point in life you should not miss
Do not be a fool who's prejudice
Because we're all written down on the same list
It's like that (what?) and that's the way it is
Huh! (Repeat 4x)
You know it's like that, and that's the way it is
Because it's like that, and that's the way it is
(link)
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Yah, Run DMC "Krush Groove". Great movie!
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I am 17 have had my period for 7 years I am sexually active but a lesbian with one partner for 3 years. I have symptoms almost identical to that of a yeast infection except my discharge is not "cottage chesse" like. It is reoccuring. It has come and gone month after month, sometimes come and gone more than one within the month for about 4 years. I do not know what to do. I have done so much researching and have got nowhere. And haven't found a gyno that will see me cause I am still a minor. My mother doesn't think I need to go to one so she won't take me either. And just tonight my girlfriend told me she is experiences the same symtoms I get, though she has alot of discharge almost like a period ( though she has only had one in her life. ) Sorry this is so much and so complicated. I don't know where else to turn. I don't know what wrong with me, or her, and now she is experiences the same symptoms (link)
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It really does sound like a yeast infection. What I would do is go get an over the counter treatment for a yeast infection. Use it until its finished and see if your symptoms subside. If they do, then you know it was nothing worse than a yeast infection. If they don't, then you need to see a doctor. If your mom won't take you find a Planned Parenthood (if you are in US) or something like it near you and make an appointment. They do exams and screenings for free and confidentially for minors. But get the test. Either way, you'll know something in about 7 days. Good luck.
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What does it mean when a guy tells his friend "She Was Ripe And I Didn’t Have To Exploit Her"?
What did he mean by that?
I am a virgin,what is he talking about? (link)
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Translation - "I'm a creepy creep!"
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16/f so ive been having sex lately i guess it has been pretty rough and like a couple times a week with my boyfriend but now my vagina is swollen like the lips and inside and kinda red and it itches SO BAD! and it hurts when i walk and stuff cause its so swollen. i dont know whats wrong and i dont know what to do! i have been icing it and it doesnt seem to be doing anything there is no abnormal dischanrge or anything but could it be a yeast infection? or is it an std?! i dont think my boyfriend has any but we dont use protection. please hepl me im in so much pain and uncomfortable i dont know what to do! (link)
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Yeast infection. Go get an over the counter kit. Use it until it is ALL gone! Don't stop just cuz it seems like its better. Yeast infections lurk inside the body. They need a lot of treatment to be healed. In the meantime, don't have sex. Not only is it horrible for the infection (it will get spread even worse), but it is possible for your boyfriend to get one too. And need I say anything about the stupidity of having unprotected sex? Its all good, until its not anymore.
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i use to work out like BEAST! like 5 times a week for 2-3 hours. it was a regimen and a hobby, actually. in these past 2 months, something happens to me while i'm working out. my mind starts racing and i have terrible thoughts. i think that while i'm at the gym, something horrible is going to happen at home. i've tried to deal with this in many ways, but i can't seem to find a way to surpass it. While i'm working out, i see everything in a negative light, which is strange because usually working out made me feel good. i'm currently transferring to another university and i see leaving home as a terrible thing and it being something a way to tell my family i hate them, when i don't. things like that. i start thinking of someone opening up my computer and finding stuff in there. i don't know. it's just horrible. it's like mental torture. it only happens to me when i'm working out. i stopped going as often and only go when i feel mentally stable. i'm going to start walking with free weights in the outdoors and c if that helps me. i've gained like 30 pounds because of this and i don't know what to do. i started a new diet and lost some weight and i'm going to start the walking and i hope that works for me. i work in hollywood and i'm on different shows on disney and appear in magazines wearing swimwear. i can't afford to keep gaining weight like this. if you can offer me some advice, so i don't have to go to therapy and make a big fiasco out of this, i would appreciate it. thanks! (link)
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Going to therapy doesn't mean its a big fiasco! It means you've recognized something isn't right and you're reaching out for a little help to try to fix it. Obviously you've had a profound shift in your life and its affected you. Seeking out a professional to talk to could help you work out how this has affected your life and what you can do to get back on track. I once sought therapy for a personal issue and I can tell you it changed my life! It wasn't weird or creepy, it was more like talking to a friend. So seek out the therapy. I think you need more help than what you could find here. You've already recognized you have an issue that you haven't been able to overcome yourself. Don't beat yourself up for wanting to seek help. Go get it and get back to some normalcy in your life. Help yourself be free, then move on with your life, feeling confident in the knowledge that when the going got rough, you had the guts to get the help you needed to make it through. You won't regret it. Good luck!
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we are from texas. my family and i live on a piece of land and my mom and bro live next door. every year or so he gets my mom in some kind of financial mess. this time he's communicated with a love interest in Nigeria on the internet,got a car title loan and sent them 800.00 .he's been using my mom's debit card spending $ she don't have. we've kicked him out bcuz we r tired of constant drama/problems.he has mental problems,but will not admit it,unable to keep a job,won't listen to anybody.i hate to see him homeless but my plate is full w/family and work. (link)
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Release yourself from this one... as you said, you have your own responsibilities, which you are taking care of. Your brother is grown, makes his own choices, and so does your mother, by the way. If she wants to keep allowing him to cheat her, than that's her choice, sad as it is. You don't owe your brother anything. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it. Some people have to learn their lessons the hard way. Its sad to see someone we love struggle, but sometimes our "help" can be more of a burden, then we never give that person the chance to learn valuable lessons. Keep living your life. You can love your brother without having to support him or worry about his own choices. Good luck.
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when i poop their is blood (link)
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Go to a doctor right away!
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Hello my name is star im 16 years old I have a boyfriend named daniel and I feel that he's cheating on me with his ex girlfriend everytime he's on aim on my phone and I ask 4 my phone he quickly signs off I caught him twice calling her babe but he claims there just friends what should I do I really have feelings 4 him??? (link)
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Sounds like he's cheating. Sounds like you already know it. Don't sell your instincts short. Trust yourself. Your brain is telling you what your heart doesn't want to hear. Don't let yourself be used. Your actions teach other people how to treat you. If you let your boyfriend act shady with other chicks and yet you're still with him, how does that teach him to treat you in the future? Think about it.
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My boyfriend doesn't take blame for things, its ALWAYS someone else's fault, never his. He will make me feel guilty for things that have gone wrong in his life, that he was actually fully responsible for.
Its not a huge issue for now, but its just something that I've been noticing. I haven't talked to him about it YET, and I don't think he realizes that it kind of hurts me.
Could this be a bigger issue? I know its one of the signs of an abusive person, but otherwise he treats me well and respects me. He takes good care of me and is loyal. (link)
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It may not be a sign of an abusive person, but it is definitely a sign of an angry person. That's still someone you need to watch out for. I don't know how close you are to him, but perhaps you need to tell him you've noticed this about him. Of course he'll try to blame YOU, but the point is, maybe no one has ever really said it out loud to him. If you do choose to talk to him about this, do it in a time of peace, not sometime when he's angry or you're arguing. Do it when you are both together just hanging out and being normal. Be gentle and reasonable. Tell him that you are worried about him. It seems that he never takes responsibility for his choices and always blames others and it makes him seem immature. Tell him you care for him and you don't want to see this become a big issue in his life, one that could keep other people in the future from getting to know all the really amazing things about him. Be prepared for him to be hurt and be angry. If you care for him you'll be able to handle that, because you know you are saying what you are saying out of love. Gently remind him that if EVERY situation is someone else's fault, maybe he needs to think about the fact that it really might be him. He's the common factor. Then leave it alone. Let it simmer. Even if it seems like he's dismissing you at first, from what you say about him, he seems like he really values you, and when he has time alone he WILL think about what you said. In the meantime, just keep your eyes open for other behavior that makes you wary. Like I said, I don't think this means he would be abusive, but still, its better to be fully aware of ALL aspects of the person you choose to be with. Good luck!
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why do people say you shouldnt wear white after labor day? (link)
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This is one of those things that came about during the days when people walked and used horse and buggy and things like that for transportation. With dirt roads and new cities and towns that weren't very developed, you had to dress according to the weather. Since most of the country enters the rainy/snowy season after September, the rule was to never wear white after labor day, because it would get dirty with the changing weather. When the weather warmed up again and became more pleasant (usually in May, around Memorial Day) people could put their favorite whites on again. Of course, these days we don't have to worry about such things, so the old rules about wearing white after labor day don't apply anymore. Only older folks adhere to that anymore.
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I am a 24 year old female. About two and a half years ago my ex and I split. He was the only guy I really love, and it's still a day that goes by that I don't think about him.
And recently I just found out he got married. And I know that his family are totally against the wedding, they don't like his wife.
We haven't talked since we broke up but I still think about him. For some crazy reason, I can't get him out of my mind. I feel like theirs still could be hope. I know this really sound like a fairy tale, but I think it can happen
Am I wrong? Should I just forget about him? Or should I continue to have hope? (link)
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He's married now. That means he has committed his life to someone else. Its hard to hear but this has to mean that hope for a relationship with him is out of the question. Who cares what kind of person his wife is? Think about it. If he were married to you, how would you feel if he had an ex that was still pining for him after years and years and was still hoping for a relationship? I think you've never been able to move on because you've always held on to that hope. But this is a sign. Its time to pick up and move on. It takes an effort. You'll have to start opening yourself up to relationships with other people. Whenever you start to think about him, think about his wife too. Then put them both out of your mind. Eventually it will get easier. But its time to move past this. There is someone completely fantastic out there for you. You may be missing him by spending so much energy holding out for a guy who can never be yours again.
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18f.
I've had this yeast infection for probably 4 months now, it just won't go away, SO IRRITATING!
I've been to the doctor 3 times, she prescribed me medicine, didn't work. She then referred me to a gyno to look at things closer -only to tell me what i knew, it was just a yeast infection. i've been to the gyno 2 times already and the medicine still isn't working. she tells me to try it and if it doesn't go away, just come back.
But what i'm really asking is ..would it be bad for me to have sex, with a condom, while having this yeast infection? It just sucks because it's not going away no matter what they give me and i'm sick of waiting.
PLUS, my boyfriend is leaving for college in like two weeks, and obviously I wanna have sex before he goes off and leaves. It's just so frustrating, what do you guys think? Has anyone had sex with a yeast infection? Is it gross, dangerous?
Anything will be appreciated :) (link)
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It will hurt! Trust me, I've been through this. Not only that, but your boyfriend CAN actually get an infection from you too. Weird but true! Maybe this is a sign that you need to back off from sex for now. Your body is telling you to wait. In the meantime, keep taking the medecine (don't stop until you used it ALL. Even if it seems like the infection has gone away its still lurking inside), keep yourself clean and as dry as possible. Change panties often and if you work out or work up a sweat, change as soon as possible. Moisture is your biggest enemy when it comes to a yeast infection. And start eating yogurt. Lots of yogurt. It will help provide your body with the good bacteria needed to fight the bad bacteria. Good luck!
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