A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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My little sister is 15 and she's looking for a job in Texas. Can you be 15 and work at Walmart, h.e.b, Kroger, Brookshire Brothers, or any other grocery store like that? And does she have to have a works permit at 15? Thanks for all your time and help. (link)
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While it is possible to hire someone at 15 here, it's not going to happen.
There are laws about under 16 working, hours and work type limitations. It's a big liability that disappears to a large degree a year later. Considering the economy, you'd be competing for most of the jobs you'd be capble of doing with people my age who need employment of any kind to pay bills, and no one is going to hire a 15 year old over a 20+ year old for the same job and wages.
Try to find someone you know. If your parents have a friend who manages a business or something, someone who would be in a position to help you get a job, I think that's about your only shot. The only place that was hiring people at 15 when I was that age was AstroWorld during the summer, but these days I'd guess it's just too easy to find people who aren't minors to fill jobs. And even if you're near a theme park which would hire you, it's kinda the off season for that right now.
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I heard that sperm can stay in your body for upp to 4 to 5 days . Me and my boyfriend had sex during the whole time my period was on and he came In me twice everyday . I was jus wordering was it a good chance that I can be pregnant ? Or are my chances slim to nun ? (link)
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Ignore JustJess.
Your chances of pregnancy are never 100%, but at varying times it can be very high or very low.
Sperm can survive up to 7 days if it reaches the fallopian tubes.
The next part is, in general. Every woman's body works a little differently, and strange things can and do happen every day.
Generally, you ovulate on the 11th to 14th day of your cycle, which begins after your period ends. With the 7 day mark it's possible to get pregnant as soon as 4 days after your period ends. It is also possible for it to happen during your period, though this is relatively rare. Normally, the flushing process gets rid of the egg, and even if the egg is fertilized it will be flushed out with the rest of your period.
Plenty of women's cycles have happened irregularly though, with pregnancy occurring during or even after a period. A gyno could give you much better information on stuff like this.
Chances are relatively slim, but still very possible. Even a 5% chance will get a woman pregnant now and then.
Use protection. Get on birth control and use condoms. Safe is better than baby.
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so my boyfriend and i are becoming more and more sexually invloved. we really love each other. i am soo scared of becoming pregnant it's frightening. i don't wanna have a child at 15 or even think about it. yes, i am a virgin. i'm 5'2" and i weigh about 107 lbs. i want to get on birth control right away... i need to find an excuse for my mom to let me; i only get my period once a year. i've only every gotten it twice. once in jan 09 for a week and the second time in jan '10 for a week. now it is december '10. my mom says that she doesn't want me getting on any pills. idk why though but i needddd to prevent stuff....... help please any other good excuses??? (link)
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Period regulation is the best reason I can think of to suggest it. I would approach this from a "I'm not sexually active, but I will be someday. I want to know what birth control I need to use and have experience with what it does to me. Now is a good time to start, in case one prescription has side effects I don't want to deal with and I want to switch. When the time comes, I'll be prepared" argument.
If that doesn't work, google planned parenthood and get a ride up to the one closest to where you live. See what help they can offer, they might be able to get you pills for like 9-12 bucks a month. Don't know if they need parental permission for that or not.
You're going to make the choices you're going to make, whether she likes it or not. Good on you for choosing to be safe first, even if she's trying to prevent it. Planned parenthood will have the best info on how to get around your mom legally so you can protect yourself.
Don't forget condoms. Even on birth control, use condoms.
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Shes been doing it for about a year and really seems to enjoy it.
but now it seem to be getting to her head. When I told her to do something yesterday she got mad and said that she knows karate and that I should watch out.
Do you think I should take her out of the class?
Btw she's 13. I'm her dad. (link)
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First, agreed with below opinions that this is not a martial arts problem. However. She should be made aware that another threat like that and she will lose the privilege of participation in martial arts to be restored when and if you deem her mature enough.
Second, you should absolutely mention it to her master. While it's your job to retain parental authority, it's his job to instill in her a respect for what she's learning and when she should use it. You should also discuss with him/her what his recommended response is. He should be trying to drill responsibility into her. Learn what he says and repeat it at home.
Third, why are you embarrassed? You should be pissed off. Your daughter is being an arrogant little idiot, you need to let her know that "Dad" always cancels out "karate" and always will.
Fourth, god no you should not challenge her to a mock fight. Your parental authority flows from the fact that you are her father and she is a child, not from the fact that you're bigger and you can take her. You assert yourself by punishing her by taking away privileges. Ground her. Let her know that another karate threat will mean she loses karate.
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f/16
So, I read somewhere recently that the average amount of sexual partners for a woman in her lifetime will be four sexual partners, and when I read this, I was a little....well...disgusted with myself, to be honest. I've already slept with two; although, one was a rape, and the other, a long term relationship 1+ years with my boyfriend. He was three years older, so sex, I suppose, was just natural at that age. Regardless, that's still two, and I feel, well, a little promiscuous, a little slutty, a little dirty, and a little like if that's really the average, that I shouldn't have been so foolish and quick to make decisions. My question is, I guess, is that REALLY and accurate average? And, if it is, is there any advice you could give when it comes to picking who to have sex with? I understand this sounds a little silly, but it's difficult to gauge whether or not you should have sex with someone if you truly believe you love them and have been with them for a while. Thanks. (link)
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The only thing I feel the need to add to Rahzie's post is the following.
Rape is not a sexual partner. It's a violent crime committed against you. You've chosen to have sex with one person. You've had one sexual partner.
If you've never had a reason to regret being with your boyfriend/exboyfriend, why would you regret it because of a statistic?
I'll give you a description of someone I know. She is promiscuous. She has reason to be ashamed.
She slept with 20 people in two months after she turned 17 (legal age here). More recently, she was sleeping consistently with six separate guys, two of whom were married. She was not on birth control and had unprotected sex with all of them.
Three of the guys were roommates. She slept with all three in the same night on more than one occasion. One of them got put in jail for some stupid misdemeanor, and during that time she got pregnant. Once he got out she told him the baby was his, and they're living with his parents who are paying for the grandchild which is not actually theirs. She has cheated on every relationship she's ever had with more than one person. She seems incapable of saying no to sex, trading on her sexuality for attention. She will go to any lengths to create sexual interest in others directed towards her if there isn't any. She will do this regardless of whether or not she is actually interested in sleeping with someone, we worked together and more than once she tried (to her chagrin) to smile and look pretty at me to get out of job responsibilities.
On one occasion she was smoking a cigarette outside the apartment of the three roommates and overheard them discussing how much of a slut she was and how using her was getting boring (their words). She slept with the two who were not in jail less than 30 minutes later and then returned home to bitch about how they were talking about her.
Your one sexual partner is not promiscuous or slutty. The above is. Stop beating yourself up.
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I want to be able to Play Games online and Keep Score. Please! (link)
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miniclip.com has a ton
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About a week ago, my boyfriend Scott and I (we’re both 18) were hanging out and we saw this guy jogging, and Scott said to me, “his boobs are bigger than yours!” For some reason – perhaps I’m just being neurotic and silly – my feelings were really hurt by the comment. Since then I’ve just been feeling really ugly and self conscious. He called me this afternoon and he was all like, “hey, I noticed that you’ve been really quiet lately. Is everything okay? You can always talk to me if you need anything.”
Am I justified in feeling this way? I know that this is a completely ridiculous thing to ask for help about but... I’m kind of at a loss of what to do. I don’t want to talk to him about it because it’s so embarrassing, and I won’t have him think I’m an insecure, hypersensitive wuss.
(link)
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I agree with Matt.
Also, I'm going to start trying to find opportunities to slip "moobs" into conversations now.
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Well l am a teenager and I'm dating a guy who has A LOT of experience. He wants to have sex, and I do to but there's only one problem....I am over weight and I have stretch marks on my stomach. I don't think he knows because I haven't told him and I always wear a shirt around him. We've been dating a long time, we know all about protection, and I can honestly say I love him and we are planning on getting married when we graduate high school. But I need help, I am scared to death that when we are going to have sex he will take one look at my disgusting body and never want to get physical like that again. Please, any advice? Serious answers only please. Thank you for your time. (link)
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Guys do not notice stuff the way girls do, and we certainly don't pay attention to things you find wrong with yourself the way you do.
It literally does not matter in the slightest to anyone except you. My wife bitches at me all the time for not noticing when she does something different with her hair. I notice "up" or "down" because I don't like "up". That's about the extent of it, and I only pay attention to it because it changes.
By the same token, I've thought she looked nice and commented on it and gotten annoyed looks because she didn't go through any trouble that particular day to look good and she can come up with three or four times in the past month when she did try and I didn't notice.
We're oblivious. Truly oblivious. Unless we're gay, but then that's not really a problem for you, either.
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*i am a 13 year old female and my b/f is 15
ohkay, so my b/f and i have been dating for awhile now. were like everyother couple ya know we hold hands, kiss, and makeout. i dont mind tht he touches me and stuff but he is always calling me prude. it pisses me off. i want us to go to the next level but something in my body just wont let me. what do you think it is? HELP ME! (link)
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Your boyfriend is a manipulative asshole. He's probably too young to really have any clue he's being as terrible as he is.
Calling someone a prude to entice them into further sexual experiences is fucked up. The reason you're not supposed to be doing this stuff at your age is because you aren't old enough to make your own decisions for your own reasons. You're pissed that he called you a prude, not because it shows him to be a dick, but because you want to prove him wrong.
Which is exactly the reaction he wanted when he said it.
You're letting him taunt you into doing things. Remember this in the future, don't fall for it again.
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We are keeping my daughter's birthday low-key this year. I told her she could take a friend out to dinner and she managed to convince me to allow three friends to go out for dinner. She had already chosen two friends (and had told them about it...) and was trying to decide on the third. We live on a street where she plays with two of the neighbor girls a good bit, but when she asked if she could invite one of the girls, I said she couldn't invite one without inviting the other and at this point, don't want this to turn into a birthday 'party' but rather just a way to celebrate her, so I don't want a bunch of girls out to dinner. So my dilemma is - do I need to mention it to the two moms on the street? I don't want their daughter's feelings to be hurt and wonder if I should just say nothing at all? (link)
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Outside of not wanting to deal with it yourself, I don't really see the point at which three turning into four really makes it a "party".
Maybe if you'd provided some reasons as to why you want to keep it "low key" the situation would be understandable. As it is, it just seems like an arbitrary limit. What's the lesson here?
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20F Ryan- 19
So I seen this cute guy that's on my friends hockey team. We've been texting and he seems like the sweetest guy ever. I don't think he knows how tall I am but I'm a taller girl -I'm almost 5'6 and he's about 5'7. We haven't met in person yet, I'll be going there to watch them play again in about a month. But we're almost the same height. I don't know why it bothers me so much but I can't wear like anything with any sort of heel or I'll be taller than him and it's just awkward, don't you think?? I hope he's not weirded out either that i'm almost taller than him. Ehhhh, what should I do? Has anyone else gone through this issue. Do you think it really matters? (link)
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On the one hand I've never really noticed height much. On the other I'm taller than a decent majority of the people I meet, so everyone's short to me.
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19/Female
I just changed doctors, and on my first visit during the examination my doctor asked me how long I had a heart murmur. I had no clue what she was talking about, so she scheduled an echocardigram (or something like that).
I was just wondering what this means, is it bad? I'm taking an aerobics class in college. Will this affect what I can do? Any information will be helpful. Thanks! (link)
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Cut the Aerobics until you figure it out, heart murmurs are serious.
It could be something small, it could be a sign of heart issues which could, in the worst case, kill you.
I know that sounds scary. I'm sorry that it is. But when I was in high school we had a kid who collapsed on the field and died during a football practice. He'd had a heart murmur that was a sign of a bigger problem.
Take it easy until you get the echo done. No serious exertions, try to keep your heart rate down and don't do things that would strain it. The kid who collapsed was a running back, in great physical condition, except for whatever was wrong with his heart.
I don't know what it probably is, don't know enough about medicine to tell you what the likely issues are, but that one experience was enough to get me to warn you to take it easy until you figure this out.
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i just got through watching the omen, and during that movie, many religions were shown: christianty, satanism, other pagan religions, etc.
also my friend told me about his friend who is a jehovah's witness and some of their stuff got me thinking.
i was raised methodist christian in my home but turned my back on faith about a year ago. too many rules, inconsistancies, hypocrites, and it was all just very overwhelming, so i quit. and even now that i've given up on religion, i can't get it out of my head. its like i've been brainwashed. i'm not asking someone to give me back my faith, or to even lecture me.
what i'm asking is what do YOU believe? are you christian? satanist? wiccan? anything at all? please answer my question with why you believe in what you believe, and how exactly it works. thanks in advance :) (oh, and i don't judge. so even if you've made up some weird thing where you worship hotdogs, i won't mind) (link)
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I was raised Catholic like JustJess below me, and like her I also walked away from it when I realized that religion is a tool of control rather than a way to spread and share spirituality.
Brainwashing is a very, very good way to put it. That's what religion is. I'm honestly on the fence about God.
On the one hand, I have a hard time believing that our universe is pure coincidence and nothing more. There are rules to our very existence, to the universe around us, and we have no way to explain where those rules come from, why they exist, why the universe works the specific ways it does.
We can explain the structure of DNA, but we can't explain protein folding, why the body just does the things it does. The theory of evolution, which I believe correct in many generalities, does not explain the significant number of adaptations we see and the diversity of the animal kingdom. There are animals which have a place in nature, but we don't know why. Other less specialized animals could easily fill those niches, but instead we've got stuff like bats and the platypus.
On the other hand, I cannot reconcile the existence of a creator with the ideas about God professed in religion. I do not believe, if there is a God, that he's got a plan for each and every one of us. That's complete bullshit, the world is arbitrary. If God's plan is to be arbitrary, what's the point of saying it's a plan at all? God's plan is to be random?
I want to believe there is something more significant out there than "we're members of the animal kingdom, and our purpose is to survive" which is the pure nature explanation for our origins. However, when I read things like "God made us in his image" I realize that the reverse is what's really truth. If there is a God, no modern person I've met or heard of knows a thing about him/her/it/whatever. Modern God was made in man's image, formed to be a comforting, familiar figure.
Christianity is filled with more lies than truth. The bible is utter bullshit. The work of man, not the word of God. It's a series of lessons meant for an uneducated society that needs to be kept in line, a society which no longer exists in any form. I don't know if there's truth in other religions, but my experience seeing religion be nothing more than a tool for the domination of men (men specifically, not too many female priests/pastors/rabbi/etc out there) tells me that whatever God is, none of the major religions can bring you enlightenment on the subject.
Christianity especially. Everything Christian comes, originally, from Catholicism. Catholicism would still be murdering people to keep dissent and "heresy" quiet if they could be. They did it for hundreds of years before countries pretty much started telling them to go to hell. The bible was written by men (google the Council of Nicea to learn more) and the religions that resulted are artifices of men made to control others.
You've got to find your own truth in this day and age. I don't know what to say about non-monotheistic religions because I know little about them, Buddhism and Hinduism seem like they might at least lead to some inner peace, and do more for you than Christianity can. But that's guesswork from the little I know.
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if i put one finger in, i can feel my vagina all around it, but i can still fit two in, and maybe three but that would be painful. Is that considered tight? I'm thinking about getting together with an old boyfriend that i had 2 years ago and he said i was so tight. But at that point i had sex like single digit amount of times and the first time we had sex it had been a few months since the last time. But the guy i had sex with before him had a much larger penis. I've had a lot of sex since then and I'm worried that i'm not as tight anymore (link)
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The whole "you get loose from having lots of sex" thing is an absolute myth.
As a young married guy, I guarantee you my wife and I sleep together more often than you sleep with anyone, and have been doing so for years. It does not make you looser.
That said, if you really want to worry about it, try Kegels.
http://women.webmd.com/tc/kegel-exercises-topic-overview
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is it possible to be in love with some one after only knowing them for a couple of weeks? (link)
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No.
Real love involves knowing, accepting, and appreciating the details of who a person is. These things take years to learn. I've been with my wife for over six years now and married for one and a half. I still find out new things about her every so often. A few weeks is not enough to really know a person in any way, shape, or form.
You can be plenty infatuated. That should be fine for now. If you feel the need to term it Love I'd say you don't really know what love is, yet.
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I'm 25/f.
My boyfriend physically and emotionally abused me after knowing one another for years as friends, then dating for months before moving in together. The last thing he did to me before I left was pick me up by my throat. His biggest problem was always that he couldn't control himself, and I thought he was going to kill me...This kind of abuse escalated from fights during which he would come within inches of my face and scream at me. In response to this, I once slapped him, and I felt terrible, and kept apologizing...does this mean I'm abusive, too? Did I bring this upon myself by responding that way?
I got a protection order against him, but true to character, he's denying that he abused me, and got a hearing to try to get the order lifted. It's coming up, we both have lawyers, but I'm so nervous I can barely function. I'm terrified to be in the same room as him.
Does anyone have any thoughts? Any advice?
-Thanks :( (link)
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Alright.
First, the slap. Within the context of your relationship the slap was self defense. Based on established behavior patterns you'd observed in him you reacted defensively and slapped him.
He put you in direct fear for your safety and that was your unthinking reaction, once. You should phrase it this way, you are not abusive.
Second, therapy. Seek it. One of the biggest hallmarks of abuse survivors is constant questioning of what went on. Even when the factual events are clear and unquestioned, the meanings behind those events can be. "Was this really abuse?" etc etc.
A therapist experienced in abuse survivors can help you figure out the questions you can't well answer for yourself.
If the first therapist doesn't seem to be helping, talk to another. You've got to find a good fit and sometimes the first or second person you talk to just isn't the right person to help you. The point is to find someone you are comfortable with, because only then can the therapist help you.
Third, the trial. Talk to your lawyer. Follow his instructions. Don't contact or accept contact from your ex. The lawyer is there to represent you because you are terrified of this guy. Let him do that, you've gotta trust him.
Last, if you can go see a professional before the hearing, do so. Having someone who can testify as an expert reporting that you are legitimately traumatized will strengthen your case.
Also, if you have any contact with this guy outside of court, call your lawyer. If he shows up at your house or anywhere else where he can threaten you, call the cops first.
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im 16 years old and I have a 26 year old blond with the most amazing body ive ever seen she's so sexy.. she is driving me crazy I get aroused just thinking about her and just can't stop staring at her pic and she is all I think of at night. I fantasize about kissing her and sometimes more, do you think this is a problem that i should tell someone about? I have never had a girlfriend lots of friends but no one that has ever had a special bond, i feel this special bond with my young teacher and I keep fantasizing about her and crave her body, is that weird? every time i think of her i feel retarded like i have marbles in my mouth and i can't speak she's that hot. It just makes me feel so crazy like I want to punch something, and she's married too and now I'm so freaking jealous of her husband it hurts so much I think I might throw up, I keep thinking she hates me or thinks I'm stupid as well, any help is welcome i think im in love with this girl she haunts my fantasies daily like other girls aren t good enough anymore all i want is her (link)
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You hit it right on the head with the last line. Fantasy.
You're 16 and you've never been liked back. Your standards are low, in that this woman who you barely know (trust me, as a person who's your teacher you barely know her) is someone you think you might be "In love" with.
The answer to this is to ignore her as much as possible and try to find a girl you like around your age.
I'll give you a little tip. When you "fall in love" with someone like this where the other person pretty much doesn't know you exist in a romantic way, it skeeves people out. Any rational person who's got someone claiming to love them when you don't really know each other is going to know that you're in love with the idea of the person, not who she is in real life. As long as you don't know her she can be your perfect fantasy woman when you're alone at night rather than being who she is, a person you've probably never actually met.
Focus your attentions on people you're actually capable of dating. The "other girls aren't good enough" is just a line of bullshit you tell yourself because you're obsessed with a teacher and have no other apparent opportunities to bond with another chick. Dating doesn't just happen. You've got to express interest in people and get to know them for them to do the same. It's mutual. What you've got right now is not mutual, it's just you fawning over someone who will never be the slightest bit interested in you.
Last, masturbate more, if you're consistently this horny. It'll die down in a few years (somewhat).
Oh, and a tip. As much as it will probably be a blow to the ego, whenever you're finding yourself thinking about her too much remind yourself of one simple fact.
She's got a decade on you. While later in life that might not be a huge gap, where she is and where you are in your lives right now, she thinks of you as a child.
Just throw that up into your mental processes. It's kinda like waking someone up with cold water, not all that pleasant, but if you really realize the truth of that simple statement it should go a long way towards killing your latent attractions.
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How do you work at a cash register?
How do you work at a cash register?
I know how to count money and press buttons, but I never worked at a register. How do I know what to press when someone says they want a number 3 off of a menu or something. How do I know the prices to put in the register when people say they want something? (link)
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TheLaura's right.
I've been a cashier on and off and worked at jobs where I needed to know how to be a cashier for years. Every single company's computer system works differently.
They train you. They have to, otherwise no one would know how to work their registers. It's pretty much just like learning to use windows or what have you again. Not all that difficult.
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I've been dating this girl on and off for 4 years now. She's amazing, terrific, perfect, and any other word you can find to describe an angel. Today she told me that she things are completely over for her, and that she just doesn't feel the same for me as she did. This is a big shock because she acted like everything was fine and she was happy. I feel like killing myself now. I have been searching for some quick ways to commit suicide without pain but nothing seems right. What do I do? I'm so confused and hurt. My chest feels like she ripped my heart out. (link)
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I got broken up with at one point and was really broken up about it. Someone pointed me to a post to read, and it helped me alot.
Without further ado...
Being dumped sucks.
It is rarely a good experience - no matter how long you've been going out, what the nature of your relationship was, or how it ended. The very idea that someone does not want to spend his/her exclusive time with you is a pretty big blow to the ol' ego.
I have been dumped on many occasions for many reasons, for over a decade. I understand that there are many who have never had a girlfriend, many on their first relationship, and many more with little experience with being dumped. Take my advice as you will, but I can guarantee you that when the day comes (and it probably will), you will be better prepared for it, and hopefully won't end up being a huge whiny turd.
I give to you:
Lushka16's guide to being dumped, and taking it like a champ.
Rule 1: The relationship is over.
This is the most important rule of all. You need to go back to it at least once every minute in the aftermath of being dumped. It is the most difficult part, yet it is also the foundation for healing. The day you come to terms with it, is the day things start getting better.
In my experience, there are three basic parts to being dumped: Premonition, dump, after-dump.
Premonition
I have been dumped, and have dumped, lots and lots of times. There has never been an instance where it is random. For every single relationshp, from shortest (2 days) to longest (3 years), there has been a period of time where the breakup is planned. For the person about to get dumped, this period is called premonition. I have always felt a breakup coming, and it is physically a worse feeling than the breakup itself. There is little communication between the couples, an intense feeling of uncertainty, and a strong desire to make it better. The longer the premonition stage lasts, the more apt you are be stupid.
Things to avoid:
Do not go beyond the bounds of your relationship. Don't start saying, "I love you" if that's not what you normally do.
Resist the urge to sulk. Do whatever it takes to get your mind away from it. Get the fuck out of bed, go to the gym, go for a walk, find some friends, smoke some pot, do whatever it is that you do to de-stress.
Do not start screwing around. The relationship isn't over yet. You might get yourself into some serious trouble.
Don't beat her to the punch, unless you had plans already.
Things to do:
Hey, here's an idea - talk to her. "Hey, what's going on with us, things have been kind of wierd lately." Sure, it might lead to breaking up faster, but that's the point. If it's going to happen, might as well not torture yourself.
Try working things out. I know, it's easier to post an E/N thread on SA than to talk logically to another human being, but take it from me - it can work. If you really care for the relationship, and she's not cheating on your sorry ass, there's room for work. I've found that the best times I've had were after we've worked things out.
Get ready to go through the 5 stages of loss:
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Despair
Acceptance
It might not happen in that order, it might not involve all the stages. Chances are you'll experience at least 3 of them, the most popular being bargaining, anger and despair.
Denial - Try your best to avoid it. Denial doesn't help resolve anything, makes the whole process very difficult. Remember rule 1.
Bargaining - Might as well give it a shot. There might be some things that you can reasonably change in the relationship. Give it up after a good shot at it. If it's over, it's over.
Anger - Yup, you're pissed. Get over it.
Despair - This is where the crying begins. Now is the time to NOT be pathetic. There's nothing wrong with crying, but don't make her feel bad for you or pity you. She'll only be pissed. There is little sympathy when it comes to being dumped, so don't play that card. More on this in the post-dump section.
Acceptance - Time to let go, man. Rule 1.
Here's a quick scenario as to how the whole thing might look:
Girl: Things aren't working out.
Boy: Are you sure? I thought things were fine.
Girl: No.
Boy: Well, is there anything we can do to make things better?
Girl: I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
Boy: But you were the one who wanted to be in one in the first place! Who put you up to this? Is there another guy? I'll fucking kill him.
Girl: [insert despair]
Boy: [insert despair]
Boy: Well, if this is what you want, and if this feels right, and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, then we might as well let it happen.
See? That wasn't so bad. This is a really good time for some Q and A, especially since you'll want to know some of the answers in the post-dump phase. Here is a short list of questions you should ask now, while you're still communicating:
Is there anything I can do to make this relationship work?
Is there anything I could have done to make things better?
What made you decide to do this?
Is there someone else involved?
Is there anything I can do to avoid pissing off future girlfriends?
When did things start to suck? What caused it?
This is a very short list, and you should tailor it to your needs in the premonition phase. If you can get all your important questions answered, it will make life easier in the next phase. Also, be sure to indicate that you don't want to see/talk to her for a while. This is KEY. More on this in the next section.
Post-Dump
Nearly a decade has taught me one important thing: This is a very long phase. You need to accept this.
Ok, you just got dumped. Let the emotion out the best way you know. Cry if you have to, beat the shit out of something, go for a run, post an E/N thread (maybe go for a run first). Be a man, and find someone to give you a hug. Talk it through with your close friends (not hers). Set some kind of time limit. Say to yourself, "I'm going to be a pile of emotional shit for the next hour, then I'm going to start picking myself up." Stick to it, if you're a sulking mess for too long no one is going to want to hear about it.
Inform your friends. People ought to know to be careful around you. If they care about you, they'll help you cope. Put away blatant reminders of her - her pictures, her underwear, her lifesize blowup doll etc.
Go out, live life normally, DO NOT DO ANYTHING RASH. Joining the Army doesn't help, running away doesn't help, you won't get her back if you get into a car accident/attempt suicide, you certainly won't get her back if you vandalize her property. Don't fuck her sister/friends, don't go beating up some kid who you think might be her new boyfriend. Use Rule 1 folks, it really puts things into perspective.
Just go on with your life. That's the only thing you can do to really take it like a champ. There's a huge list if things you shouldn't do, because they're very annoying, and you'll feel stupid about it later.
Spend lots and lots of time away from her. This is actually a strange situation. Say you spend 4 months away from her and are feeling great. The next time you see her, it'll take you back about 2 months. Then you'll recover, and the next time you see her it'll take you back 1 month. Then 2 weeks. Then 1 week. See what I'm getting at? Recovery is a long process, and there will be setbacks. Don't think it'll be peaches and cream the first time you see her with another guy. Try to avoid her socially until you're certain things are ok. This may take months or years. Rarely weeks. This is why avoidance is key. You don't need to go out of your way to avoid her, just let her know that for a while, you don't want to see her.
Don't play the pity card. Yes, you're upset and hurt and heartbroken. Tell it to your friends, not to her or her friends. Avoid putting up depressing away messages, profiles, blogs, or anything of the like. Understandably, you want her to know how much she hurt you. It does you little good to do that, remember rule 1? Don't go to the same party as her and sit in the corner looking all depressed. She's not going to want you back, you pansy.
Don't go visit her. First of all, it will hurt like a mofo. Secondly, girls are evil and will do shitty things like hug you, cuddle with you, tell you how much they miss you, or hit you with pepper spray. Rule 1 - it still applies. She doesn't want to be with you, just wants to make herself feel a little better. If she wants to come back to you, she'll call you up and say so. Being around her is most likely going to annoy her and make you feel really shitty. Girls have also been known to employ the use of a guy named Todd, who is only there to make you turn emo.
Don't start looking for answers. If you're smart, you already asked them when you two were breaking up. Don't call/IM/email/fox her friends. Yes, they're close to her and they know what's going on. Chances are, they won't tell you what you need to know. They're her friends first, yours second. I'm letting you know now - if you do take this path, you will find out nothing of any use. Do you really want to know if she's seeing someone else? Do you really want to know if she is in bed crying because she misses you? Back to Rule 1. She's going through her own healing process, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Let it go, man. Her friends will report their findings to her, and she'll hate you for snooping.
On a similar note - DON'T FUCKING STALK HER.
The above is the basic foundation for taking a dumping like a champ. There are many little nuances that I can't remember and didn't cover, so be prepared for anything. Of course, I welcome and urge the advice and experience of other goons. The only thing I can guarantee is that life will get better and you'll move on.
For what it's worth, I got dumped and quite heartbroken today, but I'm doing all right, thanks for asking.
It's almost certain that anyone who has read this and is going to get dumped for their first time will not follow my advice.
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Is there really going to be a new world order? Are leaders planning on making one big government? Will they try to get rid of some religions? I hear that the economy is bad on purpose and they want to make an Amero currency. I also hear that they teach us lies in school. I also think they are using media & technology to manipulate our minds. As if we are being hypnotised. And about the world trade center being on the currency since before they were built. Obviousness that it was planned and used. It makes me think the US is a lie. ALSO, if the US is fake, wouldn't that mean that using the US in this NWO, is secretly the British trying to take over the world? As if it were all planned. I can just see the history books 100 years from now, Full of lies. If this is true, wouldn't people revolt? What if things certain things were exposed successfully? I'm M/15. Dont tell me that this isn't real. But is my future safe?? Am I going to have to live in some revolution? Manipulating our minds for the change. (link)
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The real, honest truth is too few people agree on anything in government long enough to set up a conspiracy. Otherwise I wouldn't be half surprised.
Our government is run by special interests. What this basically means is that anyone with a reason to want the laws written their way and enough money to donate to the campaign of a senator, send a member of the house on a vacation under the guise of a political trip, or otherwise use money to catch peoples attention are the ones who tell most of our elected officials what to do.
You and I have a vote. But organizations with money have alot more ability to be vocal and in your face. They also finance the elections of the candidates they want so that the people elected already owe someone for their entrance, and are inclined to introduce legislation on their behalf, etc.
If you want an example, google "COICA" and read about it. Media companies are pushing for tighter control over the internet and it's ability to distribute media and are creating laws which will allow them to easily do just that.
It's not some vast conspiracy to destroy the world or rule it under one government. It's fifty thousand separate groups who each want something that will come at the detriment of someone else, and the money behind those groups which gives them the power to get what they want.
If you look at US congress in the last 10 years or so the vast majority of legislation that actually has a discernible focus has been corporatist. Basically, companies have more and better rights than individuals at this point in time.
It's definitely true that there are some issues with our country. Our primary national bank [i]is[/i] owned by foreign countries.
But then again, China owns more than a 10th of our national debt last time I checked. The entire world economy is in the shitter, mostly a result of what's termed "looter mentality" in business. People find an idea, milk it for money, and run before it crashes.
Our generation is definitely going to have some cleanup to do once the baby boomers all die out (won't happen soon enough in my opinion)
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