Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29847
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Hi, so recently (yesterday) I found out that my best friends hated me. I just changed schools and my friend (who doesn't hate me) told me that they formed a group and started talking bad about me calling me a slut (even though I've never hooked up with anyone and I haven't had my first kiss but ok) and the main point that I'm annoying. And it really, really hurt because WE WERE BEST FRIENDS. Like I was prepared to cry, I'm pretty sure that my eyes welled up with tears. Anyways, does anybody have a suggestion for me to how to stop being annoying because everybody, I mean pretty much everybody, thinks that I can be annoying sometimes and I really try to not be because annoying people piss me off. And I'm not physically annoying, like I poke people and shit but like how can I saw things that aren't so annoying? (link)
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Tough to answer, because annoying is a two-way thing. It is as much about them becoming annoyed as it is about you BEING annoying, if you see what I mean? If someone asks quite personal and private questions and the listener wants to open-up and discuss them, you will be a good friend. If they do NOT want to share them with you, you will be nosey, intrusive and thus...annoying to them. Being happy around happy happy people will be fun. Being happy when they're going through anxieties and worries...will annoy them. Being a negative person will annoy those around you when they want to stay positive, but mirroring their negative emotions when they are feeling low will strike a chord of empathy and you will be welcomed. Are you with me? Perhaps the best way to avoid unitentionally rubbing people up the wrong way is to work on developing a keen sense of observation, and be ready to notice their expressions, body-language and intonation/infelxions in their voice when you are interacting with them. Be ready to change the subject, reinforce their mood even if it means saying what you do not think yourself (or just as importantly NOT saying what you DO) when it is approporiate, ie when you spot signs of agitation and annoyance in manifesting in them. Develop your intuitive side too. Learn empathy (Putting yourself in THEIR position in your own mind and try to see it from their perspective. And tailor and modify your own behaviour and comments accordingly). Recognise when you ARE on the same page (as it were) and build on it. It's the art of diplomacy or 'tact' we are talking about. It can be seen as a little two-faced or even dishonest. But being absolutely honest and always 'speaking your mind' can equally be seen as a little bit selfish and thoughtless. A little tact make the world go round more smoothly. If there is no particular need to volunteer a certain piece of information, and doing so will almost certainly throw the proverbial spanner in the works...withold it! ps. Ignore the completely ill-fitting 'slut' comment. It's one of those 'ultimate insult' terms in a school environment that gets thrown about when someone deliberately wants to hurt another person. Of course, we will always have close friends who we share openly with, withold nothing and are free to be completely ourselves with. But it's better to view your current social 'group' (school now, later it will be work colleagues, maybe then friends and relatives of your partner and so on) as a mixed bag of views and opinions and try to navigate your way through it with tact and try not to rock the boat too much. It's far easier that way. Try arranging a heart-to-heart with your (ex?) 'best friend'. Say what you told me. You seem to have annoyed her in some way, but you value her friendship and want to patch things up. Do it sooner rather than later. Addressing the whole group 'en masse' will be virtually unworkable. Your best friend is your best 'get out of jail' card. Most of all, don't shoulder the whole responsibilty and accept that you are 'an annoying person'. It is not a case of an attitude problem in you, full stop. Which YOU have to iron out. It is as much about a perception problem in them. Which you make allowance for and compensate for. XX
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I had unprotected sex about a year ago with my then-boyfriend. Prior to having unprotected sex, I asked him to get tested for HIV and other STIs.
He lived in a different city, so I couldn't go with him to make sure he actually got tested. He said that he did, though, and showed me a piece of paper from the clinic, signed by a nurse, stating that he was HIV negative.
I didn't question it at the time, but as our relationship progressed I learned that he was dishonest about a lot of things - a year later, I am suddenly extremely anxious that he lied to me about the HIV test and forged the letter.
My main concern is that my current boyfriend and I had unprotected sex; he's never had unprotected sex before, so I know he's clean, and when he asked me, I told him that my ex (the only person I'd previously had unprotected sex with) had been tested and was clean.
Being infected would be terrible, but passing it on to an innocent person would be even worse. I made an appointment to get tested Friday. Until then, I cant function; I'm an anxious mess. Any advice? (link)
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If you even suspect exposure to the virus the only sure way to know if you are positive or negative is by having a test. So you are doing the right thing. Dishonesty is very damaging and impacts on all of another persons actions, once they hve been shown to be dishonest in one aspect it is hard to trust them again. Possibly the only thing I can think of to help is that HAD your previous boyfriend been tested positive, protecting you by bothering to lie to you and obtaining forged medical documents would probably not have been high on his list of concerns or priorities. It's rather a 'cool' and considered act for a man who would have just been given some devastating news if the test was positive. You are going to be anxious until you get the result. Of course the test, and worrying about it will have no bearing whatsoever on you now carrying the virus. If it happened it happened when or if you had unprotected sex with someone who had the virus. Stay calm and wait on that result. Don't try to predict it and don't worry about something which may not happen. My best wishes for the outcome you want. I have a hunch your previous boyfriends result would have been just as he claimed, based purely on the fact that you spent time with him afterwards, and being diagnosed HIV positive would surely not have been something he could have lived with and not cracked and let it slip. A chronic, ultimately fatal condition is not easy to live with. And his medication regime and subsequent medical appointments would also have been difficult to hide from you had he tested positive.
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I replied saying "always" :)
That's appropriate too right?
And he said if he has his eyes on something, no body is touching it! He was talking about me!and we were randomly talking about people, he said "don't worry,of some guy comes too close,I'll kill him".
Are these the signs of a serious relationship? (link)
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Hi there! Saying 'always' is definitely a strong and positive affirmation. No question of the meaning of 'always'! His replies show he is taking the relationship VERY seriously I think. His rhetoric is possibly a little bit posessive and shows a hint of agression? But that's how we tend to talk when we feel strongly about something, none more so than affairs of the heart. It's quite natural for a guy to consider a partner someone he wins and then defends against all others. So we'll allow him to be a bit posessive and come over a bit 'alpha-male' in this respect, eh? Of course he should NOT think he can dominate YOU and be QUITE so overtly posessive. That's about give and take and respecting each others views, values and limits. All in all, I would say he's very keen on you indeed. And taking things seriously. All the best! XX
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I have been dating this guy for a while now.we are in a long distance relationship. Last night after I spoke to him,he said "be mine,always be mine".
What does that mean?I kinda got confused! If we are dating,am I not already his? (link)
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I should say it means that because you you are physically distanced he wants reassurance that you will be faithful to him (not have other boyfriends) in his absence (BE mine). And you will continue to stay faithful and not be distracted away from him in future (ALWAYS be mine). He seems to be signalling a strong intent that he wants a committed and completely exclusive relationship even though you are not physically together. Not in the same place. I think that's rather touching and a nice way of putting it. Nicer than 'are you seeing anyone else' type comments. At least it's nice if YOU feel the same about him. If so, tell him what you said to us. You consider that you ARE his and you don't plan on looking anywhere else. X
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So, I've pretty much tried everything; breast massage, papaya juice, but they're still the same size. How could I possibly make them grow? I'm only 14, but I'm afraid that they won't grow because my dad's side has literally nothing whereas my mom has big boobs. But If I were to have boobs, wouldn't they have started growing already? I've already gotten my period and everything.. somebody help!!!!!!!! (link)
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Hi there! Hope my reply is not too much like stating the obvious, but I'll give it a go. First off your boobs won't necessarily have arrived at their final size and shape at 14 even though your other sexual characteristics appear to be all up and running, as you might say. There's every chance you'll fill out a bit. In general, when women HAVE fully developed and want bigger (much bigger?) boobs the only real way to do it is cosmentic surgery (implants, the 'boob-job' as they're known). I'm not sure of anything which can make them naturally develop more or sooner. It's a matter of choice, some love enhanced boobs, some wouldn't dream of having a boob-job. It does leave some marking (underneath, where they join your chest/ribs) however well it's done. I guess at the real heart of it is the fact that some women are very busty and can be so at 14. Some have smaller boobs and always will. It's nonsense to suggest that busty women are inevitably more attractive to guys, or that they are more 'womanly'. A more slender woman can be every bit as sexy and attractive. I assure you. And fake boobs put a lot of guys right off! And there are plenty of well designed bras which can hold a womans boobs in a great shape and/or add bit of apparent size when the outfit calls for it, no surgery involved! As a guy, I can honestly say that a well-proportioned woman falls nicest on the eye. If she's toned and fit and slender then huge enhanced boobs look rather out of place and her natural shape will usually have been nicer. An hour-glass figure is nice too, with hips in proportion to a more busty 'top' and a noticeably narrower waist. You'll be fine I think. Look at some of the top models in Vogue, Harpers or Cosmo. Fair to say if you're on these pages you're a HOT model. But they are not all big-boobed. Far from it. They're IN PROPORTION and make a lovely shape. As I'm sure YOU will. X
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Can you do video showing me how to bleach my hair using household bleach ? (link)
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I'd honestly and firmly say hold your fire on bleaching your hair yourself at all and visit a qualified hair-dresser or reputable beauty salon. Household bleach is vicious stuff, even diluted strongly. It's alright for bleaching a pair of denims sweetheart, but don't even think about having on your hair or scalp or near your face. Most home hair-treatments can be a bit random in their effects. A beauty technician/hairdresser will have the savvy and experience to have a very good idea of how to get YOU exactly the look you want. Agree with your other replies, there's no doubt websites and video-clips that show one how to service their car brakes as well...but I certainly wouldn't have a go at it myself and hope for the best!!!
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I have come to realize that I'm lesbian. I feel like I need to come out because it feels... Stressful to hide who I am. I don't know how to come out to my family or some if my friends. I don't want to hide this from them. Please, help me? (link)
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You're quite right that supressing the desire and 'living a lie' (to coin a phrase) is guaranteed to cause great stress and anxiety. Equally, the fear of confessing all is causing you stress and anxiety too, eh? If you are sure this is your true sexual orientation right now then facing up to the fear of confession, taking a deep breath and just saying it is by far the lesser evil and once you've done it you will probably feel a lot less anguish and find it very liberating. Is there a way to soften it? Well maybe. How about saying that right NOW you only have a strong emotional and physical attraction towards girls and you feel tired and stressed about hiding it and it's getting you down? You feel the need to be open and honest about it and to pursue same-sex relationships without concealment and guilt? Go from there. Close friends and family will want you to be happy ultimately. And if that means same-sex relationships then so be it. There may be an initial 'shock' reaction but be firm...you are not asking their PERMISSION TO BE who you are, you just want to be open and honest.
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my bf touched me down till my hair.. he didnt even touch my clit.. i gave him a handjob and he ejaculated but i also didnt touch my vagina.. my period date is 26.. its 5th today! and my periods are 9 days late.. it had been 10 days late before also.. and ive been having my 7 periods every month.. im just scared cause its been 9 days and still havent got my periods.. am i pregnant? or is it normal.. im not stressed at all. (link)
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Not sure why your period is late, could be numerous factors. But giving you bf a handjob is not going to get you pregnant. Unless you introduced his semen inside yourself while it was still warm and fresh and live (on your fingers). It isn't easy to do this effectively by accident and if you did not finger yourself after he ejaculated I'm inclined to say it is impossible. And unless he popped his fingers properly inside you when THEY had live semen all over them HE could not have introduced sperm into you either. You're almost certainly NOT pregnant. Replied to a similar question just now actually. It's wise to have a set-up where perhaps your boyfriend pleasure YOU first with his fingers. Then you give him his handjob. And you clean-up sticky hands and fingers etc and his penis after he has 'cum' with baby/wet wipes and tissues. Then you can be sure you'll be having totally safe fun. If or when you decide to have full sex get a proper birth-control method sorted before you even think about doing it though, won't you? Or there's a very good chance that a late period WILL be something to get stressed over! XX
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'fingering girl, may have precum on finger, but girl took ipill after the incident....will she be pregnant? (link)
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Almost guarantee she will not be pregnant. Taking the pill afterwards makes an unlikely way of introducing live sperm into her and making her pregnant into a virtually zero-risk event. You're wise to recognise that pre-cum CAN contain sperm and so having penetrative sex without contraceptive pills/devices, or after-sex pill, or a condom on right throughout the act is a bad idea (pulling out before full ejaculation is not a very good idea even if you manage to do it succesfully every time). Have fun, but stay safe. Birth-control pills and condoms have a higher percentage protection rate than after-sex pills too, and one or the other should be your first choice really if you're having regular and frequent sex.
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So I masturbate by watching videos and squeezing my legs together and I told myself this is the last time I will do it. So when I went to the bathroom and wiped there was blood on the toilet paper. I'm twelve and I haven't gotten my period get. Please help I think I hot my period (link)
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It's difficult to say exactly what caused the drops of blood. Your period is of course quite likely at 12 and when the eggs and lining are discharged you do lose blood, as I'm sure you are aware. At firstt your period can be intermittent and may be very light. Equally masturbating can cause a few drops of blood to be 'squeezed out'. Possibly, it was just a smear, and as you will be quite moist 'down there' it would appear to be more (it would mix with your natural secretions and colour them...sorry if this sounds a bit gross!)Either are not anything to get worried about really. Both are perfectly natural. Obviously, inappropriate objects inserted into your vagina may cause a tear and bleeding, but fingers and 'squeezing-off' will not. It's probably come as a bit of a shock seeing blood after masturbating/pleasuring yourself and I can see why you are vowing never to do it again. We don't like to see ourselves bleed unexpectedly and it implies something being damaged. But you haven't damaged ANYTHING in this case. Don't get hung-up and beat yourself up over it. Masturbating is harmless in every way (barring the inappropriate objects thing we discussed) and perfectly normal for a girl of your age onwards. Squeezing-off while watching a video will certainly not damage your vagina. So don't get stressed about it and feel it has to stop. A lot of women do not like to masturbate or have sex with their partners during their period, and you might well feel the same. Of course, your period when it starts is nothing to worry about either. You're just growing up, like every other girl. Hope you feel a bit happier about things? X
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My boyfriend's mom wasn't supposed to be home for another hour yesterday and she walked in on us having sex. She was so mad she couldn't talk at first and then she yelled at me to get out of her house and never come back and she watched me get dressed and didn't leave until I left. Obviously I deeply regret what we did and we shouldn't have been that stupid and I just don't know what to do now. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23. His mom is unpredictable and emotionally unstable and she said she wants to tell my parents about this. I am so humiliated and ashamed and I haven't decided if I should tell my mom yet i don't know if I can handle that right now. Should I? What am I supposed to do now? I can't apologize to his mom or talk to her at all because she hates me now but I want to do all I can to make this situation better. Please help me!!! (link)
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However emotionally unstable your boyfriends mum is, and however much her unstable and inappropriate actions and comments have imprinted a feeling of guilt and humiliation on YOU (which they WILL do I'm afraid), fact is you have done NOTHING wrong or inappropriate. I would tend to step back, take a deep emotional 'breath' as it were and wait for it all to blow over. Which it almost certainly will. I would not suggest that you be in any hurry to pre-empt her threat by talking to your own mother. Neither do I think you have anything to regret, apologise for, or feel any responsibility to make the situation 'better'. Unpredicatble people are predictable, in that you can almost rely on them them for a totally disproportionate and inappropriate respone to most things. Which she has done here. It's not your problem, it's hers. Front it out. Precisley WHAT power of sanction has she actually got over a 23 year old man, or you either? The "watching you dress" bit was totally unacceptable behaviour. Don't let her get to you. Your boyfriend should be behind YOU all the way in this issue too, and show no signs of doubt. X
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20/f
I have personally been very unlucky in the love department. But I feel that I'm not the only one. All around me I see people falling out of love,pretending to be in love,cheating,marrying out of interest,only going after sex and what not. Seeing all these things done by both men and women (although being a woman I often feel men are the emotionless ones) I wonder if love has become a thing of the past. It's like,if you're a guy,you only get the girl if you're rich. If you're a girl,you only get a guy if you look like a model. Personally I don't care what a guy owns because I'm a woman who is taking care of herself very well and I need no man to support me. But I don't look like a model,really. I'm good looking but not that much. And it seems like no one is willing to overlook physical flaws or a lesser financial status and love is non-existent in that case. I would really love to meet a guy who appreciates me for who I am-not for superficial things that can change any day. Are there no more men or women who can love? Has it only become a matter of some sort of interest? (link)
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I would tend to lay the blame on our recent and very current mania and interest in 'celebrity culture' for you doubts. It's everywhere. Rammed down our throats 24 hours a day. Girls have to look like models to be content. Guys have to be rich and powerful (media or sports stars, for instance). If you aren't...well you just haven't lived up to the dream. You've fallen short. How can you love and be loved, or be happy then? You can even post up photos and video clips, and detail your activities and feelings on social media now. YOU TOO are a celebrity! And my word, haven't we all bought into it! Fact is, we love and are loved. We pursue our aims and ambitions. Our projects. Our lives. As ordinary people. Just like we always did. Just as we always will. The whole aspirational, celebrity culture thing is just smoke and mirrors. You will by necessity find someone who 'loves you for what you are' and who YOU love 'for what he is'. Because in the final analysis, what and who we are is all we have got.
ps. Well-off guys have as much entitlement, and ability to love as anyone else. So do models, and girls with model-looks! Wealth and looks do not secure committed and satisfying long-term relationships. It's a double-edged sword and it cuts both ways.
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So I've been talking to this guy over the phone (texting) and he's a good friend of my best friend! He told me he likes me and I really like him too!I haven't met him in ages but heard a lot about him from my friend! Now he wants to date me... We talk often and I think he wants a committed relationship just like me! How do I make sure that he wants the same?
I've met him previously! He's shy! He is going away for his masters to Europe next month for a year! I asked him how do I get to see him and he asked me if I'm okay with Skype relationship for a year !I think if it survives long distance, it's the real test! I have problems initiating conversation with him! Is that bad? Do relationships work if it's long distance? Please advice :)
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I guess if a guy says he wants to date you then he has some intention of forming a relationship that will hopefully last. Shyness is not necessarily a bad sign here. It perhaps shows he has nerves? If he had no intention of a relationship he'd possibly me more off-hand and not nervous, since he would not be worried about how he came across and what you would think of him? It's easy to be light and confident around people we do not care much either way about, or worry about what they think of us. A year separated by great distance, with no physical contact will indeed be a test. But there is no reason why it cannot 'work'. He WILL be distracted, by the coursework and commitment he will have to put into gaining his Masters. That's not a threat to YOU. Other social activities and other 'human relationships' that will occur are more of a threat. On the plus side, he will be diverting a lot of his efforts into academic work, and he's a long way from home and in unfamiliar surroundings. So with luck he will have his work cut out doing what has to be done. And hopefully little time for romantic liaisons? YOU have to keep him interested. And make him feel the effort is all about reward. And the reard will be a full, committed relationship with YOU when he's gained his academic aspirations! YOU have to be the glittering prize, as it were? So get into glittering prize mode right now! Be positive and up-beat. Playful sexy and desirable. Talk about 'when' you get back together after the separation, not 'if'. Keep pouring out the positives. Conversations are bit of an inexact science, initiating them can be hard and making sure they stay on the right path can be almost impossible. That's natural. Encourage him in his studies, do not show signs of jealousy or a feeling that it's keeping you apart (although it actually is). It's part of the investment in your future. You're proud of him and pleased with him. You can't wait to see him. Tell him about what you are doing. Chat about things 'at home' to keep 'home' alive in his mind. Good stuff, edit and airbrush out bad or boring stuff. Tell him your friends think you're a bit distant since he's away. You can't seem to get a real spark out of going places and doing stuff. That's because you only have eyes and a heart for HIM of course! And as for other guys...well you've already set your sights on the guy YOU want and you aren't going to accept anything less. No chance! So the Skype connection has got to be your 'lifeline' as it were. Use it well and don't let hime drift. Never hang-up on a bad note or argument. Somehow make sure you always end on something positive. And something open-ended on offer, for 'next time'. Until the 'next time' is you and him. Properly back together in the flesh. And how good is THAT gonna be??? Don't let the distance get you downhearted. There WILL be times when it IS disheartening. Then let the conversation reflect it. Make this one a heart-to-heart and let him know how deeply you feel. But in a good way. No sign that you're thinking of giving up on the relationship. Hope you make it work, you sound as though you want it enough. Best wishes XX
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I've had suicidal thoughts for a large portion of my life but recently it's been getting worse. Due to recent events, I really hate myself and I can't shake this feeling of hopelessness.
I told my boyfriend this last night and he got really angry at me and called me a coward and pathetic. I get where he's coming from and I realise now that I can't kill myself because it's selfish and would hurt my mom. But now I can't stop feeling completely worthless and depressed.
How do I get rid of this feeling? I feel so alone, but I'm scared if I tell any of my other friends they'll react the same way and end up hating me.
Also, he said he was once depressed and his best friends started getting angry and shouting at him too and he got better. So now he's doing the same to me. Why isn't it working?
I'm also really confused because he said I need to look within myself and ask myself the hard questions in life. But I don't know what that means and he won't tell me. What do I do?
Also, should I try and get him to stop hating me and apologise to him? I feel like he's the only person I really trust to tell all this to but at the same time I don't know if he still cares..
UPDATE: today I had a talk with him and he wanted to break up because I was a coward, emotionally unstable, weak and unreliable to him. He said I was holding him back from his career in comic books but he still loves me and that we should break up to make ourselves better people.
What does this all mean? And what should I do? (link)
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Hi. How about turning around his summary 'break up' speech. If HE was brave, stable strong and self-reliant he could handle it and support YOU in a time of need, wouldn't you say? He is the one who has jibbed-out of the relationship because he hasn't got the the nerve for it. He is not in himself what he talks-up and wants in a partner then is he? So move on. We cannot (as he claims to have done with his friend) rely on bullying someone out of depression, telling them to pull themself together. His friend may not have been anything but moody and feeling sorry for himself. Not in depression at all. And so responded to a bit of a verbal dressing-down. YOU appear to me from most of your comments (and patterns and rhythms, if you like in your post) appear to be having some severely depressive thoughts. It is important that you DO NOT let his actions and comments pull you down further. You DO need to talk about this to a close friend, or family member and begin on the path back towards the light. It may well require professional consultation and help. But there IS a way back and ways to restore the hope and feelings of self-worth you deserve. This guy is NOT part of the solution. He's part of the problem. Forget him. It's YOU that matters right now. There is only one grain of truth in ANY of his comments you have reported...you DO need to look within yourself. But not introspectively, and certainly not single-handedly. Derpression isolates us...but you need NOT be on your own. In fact, if there's anything you want to share or discuss, inbox me or another advisor right here and kick the idea around, out in the light. You are NOT alone, however you feel right now. Reach out, and start now. X
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19/m
So I recently started college about a month ago. I want to try to dress better a young man, right now I wear alot of cargos, t-shirts, sweatshirts.. but I only have so many so I rewear my stuff alot and feel like I'm constantly wearing the same thing every day.
What are some ways to dress better? I want to dress better to help look better just in general, but also cause I want to have variety and to look better for the women.
Where can I go that a student wont break their bank account? What should I look for, for clothing? I feel like if I had a girlfriend she would be able to tell me what women like and what looks good on me, but I don't and I also am terrible with my self esteem and confidence so I have no idea where to start and what does look good, in general I'm pretty lost when it comes to matching, and getting good looking clothes on me haha.
Any tips/advice is helpful and appreciated! :) (link)
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For a college look I'd say it was about some fashionable labels or at least clothes which have the same 'look' (cut, style, colours etc). And making sure they don't look worn or stained/dirty. It is an environment where overdressed will put off the ladies most likely, one where casual and cool beats formal and smart. Looking a bit further ahead (career-wise and high-class socialising) it is more difficult for guys to look slick than girls. Girls have stores full of huge ranges of low priced garments that reflect label-looks (albeit without the tailoring, cut and quality of fabrics) which are maybe worn a few times while they are on-trend and pristine then replaced. And they manage to look great in them. I'm afraid cheap gents clothes look cheap, full stop. A cheap suit or shirt never looks like high-class tailoring even when it's new. It fits where it touches, rather than fits well. Low priced jeans do not resemble designer labels in look. A case of having to spend a bit. And beware of totally ruining the whole look of a pricey outfit with cheap shoes. For some reason, it always does. Where to go now? Well, thrift stores and high-street chains or independent stores that are clearly 'there' for younger people (you'll spot them by their style and general look and feel). Thrift stores, you might pick-up genuine labels, but you may have little choice as to size and fit. High-street, go for the stuff that resembles the real thing. Again, for 'later in life' - avoid copies or fakes. They don't fool anyone really and do not make a great statement about you when they're sussed. OK..ladies. I'm not making you out as shallow and how a guy dresses/looks are the only factor. But you have to agree that the primary attraction IS appearance between strangers (potential new partners!) and appearance is ALL you have to attract attention. You find out whether you like their personality LATER. Without a primary attraction, how will you ever get to know WHAT kind personality or qualities they have?? Smart implies care, attention to detail, self-esteem and confidence. And like attracts like, don't you think?
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I'm starting school in a couple days. It's an independent one-on-one program, where I do the work at home and go to school for about one hour a week or so. Well, I'm honestly terrified. I'm scared that the teacher will try something; like rape me or something. She's a female as am I, but she can be like a lesbian or something. I know I'm sounding really paranoid; I have a bad paranoia disorder, and maybe I'm just overreacting. The reason that this came to mind is because I had a classmate who was raped in kindergarten and now I'm terrified because me and the teacher will be alone. I'm sure I'll be more comfortable after being there a few times, but it just scares me so much. I could see if my mother could just sit in the back while I'm with the teacher, but I wouldn't really want to waste my mothers' time and make my parents think that I can't do this. What should I do? (link)
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We do sometimes hear of teachers and youth leaders of various descriptions abusing their position of trust and doing some awful stuff to those they are meant to look after. We are rightly shocked and appalled by such events and they usually get a lot of exposure and publicity. Which means it can worm its way into our minds, fuelled by a little paranoia and the PERCEIVED threat/risk becomes much higher than ACTUAL chance of it happening. The VAST majority of teachers and youth workers are sound and regular men and women. They do what they do because they have chosen it as their career and enjoy it. The effort one has to devote to a obtaining the qualifications for a teaching career is high. Too much to do 'on a whim'. The vetting and selection process is strict, and will certainly need professional and character references from people in authority positions. Random weirdo's CANNOT just decide one day to be a teacher/youth worker to get access to youngsters because it is a way to realise their rather sick desires. OK, sometimes it goes wrong. But statistically the number of cases of abuse is tiny in comparison to the millions of sound and committed working teachers. The odds are very much on your side that she'll be fine, and you (and all her pupils) will be just fine too. You're wise to the dangers, you know they exist. So you are not likely to be taken in and fooled by a dodgy teacher. Possibly there is a way for your mum to meet your teacher and have a chat? Enquire into her professional record and reputation? Has she been at the school long, or came with a fine reputation from another school? Just to reassure you. I feel sure you'll be fine. Best of luck with the new school year. X
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Hello Forum,
I have a student who I am teaching English as a second language. His first language is spanish. He doesn't speak, write or read English. How can I teach this child English? I tried the Callan Method and that really didn't works since he can't really read the words on the board. What method can I use to teach him how to read and pronounce the alphabet?
Thanks
Kind Regards
JV (link)
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I'd say the difficulty is one of age. At six a child is still mastering his/her own vocabulary and spelling, grammar and syntax. By 'own' language I mean the one they are using at home. Learning another will be something of an intellectual 'overload'. It can be noted that where children from birth speak primarily a 'different' language from the native language of the country they live in there is a tendency to appear somewhat slow to really learn either language to a high standard, then a sudden 'explosion' of vocabulary and quite a remarkable (for their age) grasp of the structure of BOTH languages. It is quite possible that your attempts are being more successful than you think they are and will pay off handsomely when his intellect develops. The return on your efforts possibly looks poor right now in terms of measurable results, but that young brain is soaking stuff up like a sponge. He just lacks the power to process it properly yet. Just an observation, hope it's some help.
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I found disturbing porn on my bf's laptop, what should I do about it?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a whole now Recently I was using his computer and was trying to remember the name of the website he always uses he wasn't answering his phone so I decided to check the history I found it along with some disturbing porn. I found all types of porn he is 25, SO I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM VIEWING. I'm just saying that because many people may think I was mad that he did that, I'm not. Infact, he hasn't looked at barely any porn since we got together. What disturbed me was the nature of the content. Such as women in chains getting beaten badly then effed. And more disturbingly incest porn like brothers and sister doing various things So much disturbing material. I have to wonder if he'll ever be satisfied with what is considered normal sexual behavior and normal looking women that don't have fake breasts, etc. I find what he viewed werid and I don't know how to mention it to him or what to do about it please help :( (link)
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I appreciate that you find it disturbing. Major, reputable studios who produce adult scenes will just not go near violent acts, and you will not see even the simulated (fake) beating and humiliation of the female models, never mind actual violence. True, a macho tough guy and rough-looking sex with a 'slutty-looking' girl may feature but even this is handled in such a way that the viewer is in no doubt that it's a consenting adult thing with no real malevolence. And although two similar-looking models might get a scene title and write-up to the effect that they are sisters sharing a boyfriend (for instance) you will NOT find mainstrean studios ever presenting scenes which even simulate/suggest sisters having sex with their brothers etc. Which means that your boyfriend must have deliberately sought the scenes from the (many) amateur sites and contributors. Now fantasy or not, a guy who likes seeing women beaten and humiliated is NOT guaranteed to endear himself to a real-life partner (meaning you). So I see where you are coming from entirely. It may have been a bit of curiosity or the lure of something a bit extreme/different. I believe there is a difference between attractive models in adult scenes and violent (sado-masochistic) scenes. We do not of course pardon child-pornography because it is only images. So is an interest in violent and incestuous sex also a signal of intent too? Does a guy watch mainstream porn, fantasy-based as it usually is, and think the models would NOT be at all desirable in real life? I doubt it, or they would not watch! You would do well to mention the subject to him and have a chat. And have a think about how he seems to regard women in general. Clearly you do not wish to get involved with someone who harbours ambitions to realise such thoughts or thinks it is OK to brutalise women. Or who thinks they enjoy it. Or who is very controlling. Look at in in the light of his entire personality, consider any historical acts you are aware of that either set a precedent or might betray a controlling personality. It may be harmless fantasy, watched and now part forgotten...or it may signify intent. Tough call, but only YOU can make it.
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How to avoid having twins or triplets
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I believe some fertility treatments have been seen to proportionally increase the chance of twins or triplets (although that is not their primary function, more a side-effect. They are actually to increas the likelihood of conception at all for women who are finding it not forthcoming). But there isn't any way I know of that one can avoid them. It's the luck of the draw. The probabilities are on your side of NOT having more than one child but it's a random cell division thing. If it happens it happens.
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I graduated college in 2010 with a medical related diploma. I have been struggling to find a entry level job related to my major. Every job I apply to I don't receive an answer or when I finally get the interview employers never pick me. "You're not what we are looking for", they tell me. I started to lose confidence in myself. It's been four years and the only solid job I had was because the other girl decided she didn't want it at the last minute. I was their third or forth choice. I quit after the company developed problems and had to downsize.
I went back to college to start fresh, changed my major, do something completely different, and reinvent myself. But a part of me is still stuck with the notion of not being good enough. I've become pessimist and mean towards others. I'm not that type of person but I can't stop myself. How can I stop this? (link)
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Some poor recruting practice is not helping your self-confidence. It is really unpleasant to give an applicant NO reply to a genuine enquiry, but I'm afraid some companies do this. The 'not what we're looking for' reply is not personal or a reflection on purely your academic achievements and/or experience. It just means somebody elses face fitted the the frame better this time. The jobs market has been ultra-competitive for some time. Here in the UK we've been having retail managers with all the qualifications and experience applying for jobs serving coffee and donuts...and not getting hired. No word of a lie. The US, UK and Europe have been in a period of severe economic decline, a stagnation and fight to hold water at best. The company which downsized was none of your doing of course. Just keep plugging away. Look for a break. A big part of 'the breaks' is recognising a break when you see it. They don't always come labelled! Don't let market forces and economic climate outside your control drag you down. It's easy to become downhearted and find the old black dog of pessimism snapping at your heels, I know. You can see that this making you someone you have no wish to become, so try making this the spur NOT to let it get you down. You're good enough. We need means, motive and opportunity to let it shine. You have the first two. The opportunity is all that is lacking. It will come. Be ready when you catch even a sniff of it. Keep things up-beat. Use the time waiting in ways beneficial to your character. What would you like to achieve, personal development wise? Any skills, interests? Once you get into the job you deserve you won't probably have so much time. A case of cash-richer but time-poorer. So realise some personal aspirations right now maybe? Good luck with the job search. It will come, I feel sure. Meantime, as we say over here "Don't let the bastards grind you down." X
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