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My boyfriend wants to dump me because I'm depressed…?
I've had suicidal thoughts for a large portion of my life but recently it's been getting worse. Due to recent events, I really hate myself and I can't shake this feeling of hopelessness.
I told my boyfriend this last night and he got really angry at me and called me a coward and pathetic. I get where he's coming from and I realise now that I can't kill myself because it's selfish and would hurt my mom. But now I can't stop feeling completely worthless and depressed.
How do I get rid of this feeling? I feel so alone, but I'm scared if I tell any of my other friends they'll react the same way and end up hating me.
Also, he said he was once depressed and his best friends started getting angry and shouting at him too and he got better. So now he's doing the same to me. Why isn't it working?
I'm also really confused because he said I need to look within myself and ask myself the hard questions in life. But I don't know what that means and he won't tell me. What do I do?
Also, should I try and get him to stop hating me and apologise to him? I feel like he's the only person I really trust to tell all this to but at the same time I don't know if he still cares..
UPDATE: today I had a talk with him and he wanted to break up because I was a coward, emotionally unstable, weak and unreliable to him. He said I was holding him back from his career in comic books but he still loves me and that we should break up to make ourselves better people.
What does this all mean? And what should I do?
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Ive been dealing with depression since I was 12 and I'm now 20. It may seem unbearable and like a better choice to just kill yourself and be gone forever - I've been there, I've even attempted it. I didn't think it would get better but trust me when I say that it does. I don't know if you'll ever be cured, because I'm not. I still feel self hate, and disgust with myself but I dont feel the want or need to die. All those feelings don't feel as strong as they once did. Ive been seeing a psychologist since I was about 16 and it has helped so much. She has saved my life. I think that's the next step you need to take is to start seeing someone who can help you cope with these feelings.
As for your boyfriend, please get him out of your life. I know you may love him and feel a connection but you dont need that kind of negativity in your life. That's not how a boyfriend who 'loves' you should treat you or respond when you tell him you're feeling this way. It doesn't sound like he "got better" it sounds like he still has problems with himself and is just taking it out on you. You deserve so much better and WILL find someone better. I promise.
You're stronger then you think. Please, no matter how hard things get just hold on because its always darkest before dawn.
Good luck to you.
Please dont hesitate or feel like a bother to message me if you ever want to talk or just need someone to listen. I'll be here.
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Ok first I'll start with the depression. It's a serious thing and it can take over your life. This isn't your fault, it's all about the chemicals in your brain.
You need to seek professional help for that. You don't want this to get worse. Take care of yourself first.
To answer your question on how to get rid of the feeling of being worthless and depressed, you should need to go seek professional help and step by step, you'll start feeling better. They'll help you because it is a common thing.
Just because he was depressed once and his friends would get angry, doesn't mean he should do the same to you. No couple should get angry at each other and shout at each other period. When they get angry, they handle it in better ways, but not shouting or tearing the other person down. That's not love.
Should you try to get him to stop hating you and apologize to him? Absolutely not. If he hates you for something like this, dump him. You have no reason to apologize to him for something you can't control.
If a guy calls you a coward, emotionally unstable, weak and unreliable, dump him. He doesn't care about you as much as you care about him. You're too good for someone like him. He doesn't love you because that is not love at all. People who love each other build each other up and are there for each other. He's doing the complete opposite.
I mean just imagine if you had kids with him, and your daughter was depressed, you think him shouting at her, calling her weak, unreliable, a coward, and emotionally unstable is being supportive and loving? Would you let that happen? I would hope not.
Dump him. You do need to focus on yourself and get better. Afterwards, find someone who is supportive and loving. Don't stay with this guy.
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You aren't a coward or any of things he stated about you. You have an illness in depression that you cannot control (yet) without proper medical treatment and counseling.
You may have loved this guy more than anyone at one time but I have to give you a reality check-- He's acting like an inconsiderate ass who doesn't give a damn for you. Worst of all his actions are showing this to be the truth. Someone who genuinely loves you would never do this.
Better off without him. Trust me, he's not acting like a real man as strong men do not behave this way with women they are with. They support them and most would find out everything they could to help their partner rather than putting them down.
He'll still be trying to make it in comic books or whatever else when you get this situation controlled and are excelling in life and all things. That's the reality. And believe me the issue isn't about his comic book art career desire. There's more to it and it's issues with him and not you.
The illness has made you see yourself as pathetic etc. which depression always does constantly 24/7 non-stop in one's inner thoughts if not treated correctly.
What you need to do is admit to yourself that "I have a serious problem here. I need to get my depression under control and I'm not functioning well especially if feeling suicidal."
Once you realize this go to any local ER. Tell them that you have depression, dark thoughts, and that you feel alone, lost and have been made to feel pathetic and cowardly. Be up front no matter what that have had thoughts of suicide. That's vital. Hide absolutely nothing and let all this information come out. You need to to gain control of this problem.
What happens is that the on-call psychiatrist assesses the situation and determines what counseling you need, medication etc. If he/she feels you need rest or could seriously harm yourself and or have delusions they can have you stay 72 hours for observation to figure out the right course of action.
I KNOW you don't like that idea but really all it amounts to is much needed rest where you don't have to focus on work or anything else rather than getting better. You can still see your family, watch TV, relax etc and go about some normal activities at the hospital. You should go home shortly after. All of what I'm saying from personal experience.
You have an illness and that's all it is you aren't crazy and will be okay. Ditching this guy may in fact be the best thing for you as you may find someone who loves you unconditionally and meets those standards.
Also, if people are angry with you over an illness you can't control and are saying the same things as he has been do yourself a huge favor and ditch those who you know aren't real friends. You don't need that because real friends would NEVER ever say these things or level blame.
It all comes down to them reacting and or acting out of total ignorance and fear of something that they themselves don't understand. It's far too easy to be ignorant in society than informed about mental health and how this affects people.
Anyone who gives you grief about it has a serious issue but it's not something for you to worry about as it's on them to wake-up.
If these people are important to you stand up to them with the truth about your illness and how hurt they make you feel with their erroneous views and ask them to either shut up and be out of the picture permanently or show some support already. For every 1 of them there are 10 people who will treat you better.
Hang in there. Once you learn your real self-worth through all of this there will be no limit to what you can enjoy in life or become or the quality friends either. You just have to take the first step to become well again. It will all fall into place. It does take time no lies there but the whole world can open to you once you address what is going on.
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Hi. How about turning around his summary 'break up' speech. If HE was brave, stable strong and self-reliant he could handle it and support YOU in a time of need, wouldn't you say? He is the one who has jibbed-out of the relationship because he hasn't got the the nerve for it. He is not in himself what he talks-up and wants in a partner then is he? So move on. We cannot (as he claims to have done with his friend) rely on bullying someone out of depression, telling them to pull themself together. His friend may not have been anything but moody and feeling sorry for himself. Not in depression at all. And so responded to a bit of a verbal dressing-down. YOU appear to me from most of your comments (and patterns and rhythms, if you like in your post) appear to be having some severely depressive thoughts. It is important that you DO NOT let his actions and comments pull you down further. You DO need to talk about this to a close friend, or family member and begin on the path back towards the light. It may well require professional consultation and help. But there IS a way back and ways to restore the hope and feelings of self-worth you deserve. This guy is NOT part of the solution. He's part of the problem. Forget him. It's YOU that matters right now. There is only one grain of truth in ANY of his comments you have reported...you DO need to look within yourself. But not introspectively, and certainly not single-handedly. Derpression isolates us...but you need NOT be on your own. In fact, if there's anything you want to share or discuss, inbox me or another advisor right here and kick the idea around, out in the light. You are NOT alone, however you feel right now. Reach out, and start now. X
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