I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173002
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f/13
hey this is embarasing to say (and i'm not sure if it's normal) but i got hair everywhere on my body. Not jsut where girl grow hair when they get puberty but on my face like the cheeks, my back, my whole front, everywhere and it seems kinda nasty and wrong because i htought only boys have hair everywhere but sometimes i'm confused of my sexuality because i'm pretty sure girls don't grow hair everywhere like me. I'm practically a monkey now! which products should I use to get rid of hair in certain areas? i shaved my public hairs but it's always red now and irrating. i heard about people putting hair removing cream (whatever that is) but I don't know if it can rip or wreck my skin of I wax since the skin there is sensitive and delicate (link)
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Everyone has hair everywhere, no matter what their gender is. Most people have fine, small hairs all over their face - it's just hard to notice because the hairs are essentially see through.
If you have slightly darker or coarser hair, that's okay. And body hair has nothing to do with your sexuality.
Shaving your pubic hair is something that is up to the individual, but generally you'll probably be more physically comfortable if you leave the area alone. Razor burn is hard to avoid, and the area can be itchy or tender when the hairs start to grow back in.
It's not the greatest idea to use anything with strong chemicals near your vagina.
While it can take awhile to get used to these bodily changes, rest assured they are all normal and expected.
I wish you the best.
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I have these black spots due to nicks and maybe razor bumps. i want to know how to get rid of them in a month and also how to shave without getting them and also what is the best shaving cream for the pubic area? (link)
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Black spots could be the beginnings of ingrown hair, or simply your pubic hair growing back in. If it's your hair returning, there's nothing you can do about this.
If it is due to ingrown hairs - and you'll know because they might become inflamed, itchy, or painful - then there are a few pubic-friendly tips.
If you feel shaving is the right choice for you (alternative include not shaving, waxing, etc), then you'll want to make sure you are using a new razor. The sharper the better, and an older razor won't effectively get the hairs - meaning you'll have to keep going over the same area again and again. This leads to razor burn.
The best shaving cream is probably one for sensitive skin, applied lavishly over the area. Then with your new, sharp razor, shaving in the direction of hair growth. This isn't as effective as shaving against the grain, but is less likely to result in bumps or spots. Your skin will also be less irritated the less the razor goes over a particular spot.
This could mean shaving in stages - perhaps going over an area, taking a few days to let the skin recoup, and then trying again. It's all time consuming and no matter how careful you are, a bit of razor burn probably can't be avoided.
Waxing is an alternative that will leave your skin smoother and the hair takes longer to grow in. Or, of course, you could go au natural.
Best of luck.
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i had unprotected sex for the first time 3 days ago and i am due on my periods in 11 days how likely isit that i could be pregenant? (link)
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That all depends on the length of your cycle. If your cycle is around 28 days long (the day you get your period is day one, and you keep counting till you get your next period), then you had sex slap-bang in the middle of your cycle. For most women, this is their most fertile time.
So there is a very real chance that you are pregnant.
Wait and see is the best advice I can give regarding your possible pregnancy right now, though be aware that if this happens in the future you should try to take the morning after pill - if taken within 24 hours, there's a good chance it will prevent pregnancy. Also be aware that you may have contracted a sexually transmitted infection.
The solution? If you are not pregnant this month and do not want to risk pregnancy in future, make an appointment to see a medical professional and sort out some form of birth control. Using something you can control, plus a condom, is the best way to reduce the chances of harm to yourself.
In the meantime, be aware that stress and worry can make your period late. If you period IS late, a home pregnancy test is an accurate first step to take. Please be in touch if you need more info.
I wish you the best.
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okay well ive been w/ my boyfriend for almost 2 months. i really like him and everything but like when i kiss him i think nothing i think why am i not thinking should i be thinking? so my question is should i be like thinking positive? i don't know what i'm thinking these days i feel low and just blank and stressed i guess but at the same time happy..? help...:/ thanks (link)
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Well, kissing isn't so much about thinking as about feeling. And if you're feeling nothing when you are kissing him, perhaps you aren't attracted to him.
It's possible to really like someone, get along terrifically well, and be really happy when you're around them. After all, don't you feel that way about most of your friends?
Still, without that extra 'something,' a relationship may or may not be on the cards. Sometimes things develop with time, while in other scenarios no attraction just equals no attraction.
I guess it's up for you to weigh up what's important to you about a relationship. After all, sex isn't everything. Does humour rate high? Honesty, friendship, safety? Maybe by prioritizing your wants and needs, you'll be able to have a clearer picture of your expectations.
Best of luck.
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ok so.. 15/f
i think i might be gay, but im not totally sure. i mean i can see myself with girls all the time. well last wednesday, my ex-boyfriend from 2 yrs ago asked me out, and just to see if it would help, i said yes. now i dont think i want to be with guys at all. i mean we havent kissed yet or anything, but i just cant see myself with a guy. but i mean i dont know, its complicated. to make matters worse, ive never even kissed a boy before, so how in the heck could i be gay? ok, i see how, but i mean its weird. could someone give me some advice of how to go about this? i mean should i break up with my 'boyfriend'? i mean im really not into him at all, i think i just said yes cuz a) i wanted to see if girls are REALLY what i wanted, and b) i was sick of being single. but i mean i dont see how i could not want to be with a guy if i have never had my first kiss, get what im saying? could someone just like give me some advice on what i should do? please? (link)
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You can be gay whether you have ever kissed a guy OR girl before. Kissing someone will not make you one thing or the other. Nor is it a good way to 'test' things out, as you don't need to kiss someone to know whether or not you are attracted to them (though it can be a fun way to double check!).
If you see yourself with girls, good for you. You should just relax a little and see if a possibility to date a girl comes along. Keep in mind it will need to be the RIGHT girl, not just any girl. Dating someone because you don't want to be single won't lead to a happy relationship.
You should want to date someone because you really, really like them - and vice versa. Of course, other things come into play ... but bottom line, you pretty much know whether you want to be with someone or not.
While I can understand dating a guy in order to sort of test things out, I would say that you're okay the way you are. The only reliable test of your feelings is inside of you - you can't find it outside of yourself.
It can take some time to understand and accept sexuality, and it's a huge issue that is really a core thing about human beings. It's okay to be confused or scared, and normal. When you feel like this, try to just give yourself some time to think and feel - and be honest with yourself.
In the meantime, perhaps you might want to consider ending your current relationship to make some time and space for yourself - and maybe Ms. Right.
Best of luck.
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well i was wondering if i am about to start my period cause when i wiped myself there was a rusty color on the toilet paper. and there was a rusty colored little spot on my undies. im scared please help. im 13. (link)
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This does sound like it's your period. While it can be scary the first time, there are some things that may help you.
First, do you have access to any pads? You'll want to wear one to protect your underwear, and probably carry around extras in your bag.
You might expect slight cramping, but a hot water bottle or a light dose of medicine should be able to help you with these.
Your period might be really irregular for the first few months or years, so be prepared for that.
To help educate yourself better - and maybe feel less scared - you might want to speak to an adult you trust, the school nurse, or do some research online (though, of course, be careful which sites you trust!).
I wish you the best.
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okay way back in the beggining of july this year, i found a quarter sized drop of brownish/reddish blood. i remember that before i noticed the blood, i had cramps and it was hard to stay still and it would only feel better if a moved a lot and i kept feeling like i had to go to the bathroom sooo bad, and then i didnt even need to go. i havent found any blood since and its now almost halloween. was that my period or did i pop my cherry? i dont remember if i was being active that day when i found the blood, but i play soccer and run a lot. (link)
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Unless something went inside you and caused you pain on the day, chances are the blood is your period. The cramps you mentioned are a big sign - girls normally get cramps (ranging from barely anything to quite bad) during their period, or in the time leading up to their period.
I don't know what the needing to go to the bathroom issue is, honestly, though if you regularly experience this you should see a doctor because you might have a minor infection and need to be treated. (Like a bladder infection, for example.)
It is normal to have slight spotting of blood and then nothing again for months - your period will probably be very irregular for the first couple of years. If you have concerns, speak to a doctor.
One thing you can do is start to carry around a pad in your bag; this means that if your period comes unexpectedly, you are prepared to deal with it.
If you feel healthy and this blood this was a one off occurance, it probably was period-related. Try to relax and let nature run its course - and if you don't have a repeat of your period within the next few months, you might want to speak to your doctor.
Best of luck.
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hey i was j/w.. i lost my virginity a few years ago, and for the past 14 months i hadnt had sex.. til last week. When i did, i bled after, as if my cherry was popped again. can that happen a second time? or has it just never been popped before somehow? idk if it might be something else.. but plz help! (link)
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People have a misconception that there is this thick, giant 'thing' in the vagina (the cherry or hymen) and that when it pops, blood rains down - and that's that. It's not quite that simple.
In reality, the hymen is a very thing piece of skin. It is almost certainly partially or completely dissolved by mid-teens. Your period has to flow past it, so if you're getting your period while you're a virgin you know your hymen has at least an area big enough for blood to pass through.
Most girls bleed from sex due to the stretching of the vagina. This is why someone could lose their virginity and still bleed or experience pain the first few times they have sex. If you only had sex a few times and then went for a long time without it, your body has not had a chance to adjust. It's normal that you might experience some discomfort or some spotting.
If the bleeding is heavy, or if it does not stop within a few hours, you'll want to see a doctor. This can be a sign of a more serious problem.
Best of luck.
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Me and my boyfriend have been having unprotected sex for a couple of monthes now and he would cum inside of me and I haven't had my period this month so does this mean I am pregnant? (link)
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It could mean you are pregnant, yes. Anytime a penis is inside you - whether the guy cums or not - there is a risk of pregnancy. I'll also point out there is a risk of sexually transmitted infections.
Your next step is to get a home pregnancy test. Make sure you read the instructions very carefully - some are effective immediately, some are effective once your period is late, etc. Take the test. If it is negative, you'll probably want to take another one.
If it is positive, it's important that you seek medical attention as quickly as possible - and emotional support. Unplanned pregnancy can be really stressful, and you'll have some big decisions to make. The earlier in the pregnancy you are, the more options you have.
Best of luck.
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I got fingered and now im bleeding down there, and i dont know if its that my cherry poped or that i got my period for the first time? (link)
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Most people do not bleed from getting fingered, even when it is their first time. Of course, if your partner was really rough, or possibly cut you with some long fingernails, there is a chance of bleeding. Likewise if his/her fingers are quite large and you have never had anything in you before.
If the bleeding is from the fingering, it should be light and end fairly soon. If it continues, you may want to see a doctor - it could be your period, but it could be that you were more seriously cut/injured from the fingering.
Chances are that you've already stopped bleeding by the time you have received this reply. Take a few days to be gentle with yourself, and perhaps think about things that might help next time. For example, were you relaxed? Sexually excited? Did you want to be fingered, or did you need more time?
Best of luck.
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I was always against abortion. I am 16 years old and pregnant. I have a boyfriend for 5 monghs now and we never had sex. The problem is that on a night out with a friend of mine "girl" I got raped. Somebody must have sleeped me that ruffy cause I do not remember anything and woke up the next day feeling like my head is going to explode. That happen over 45 days ago.
My parents now, we told them its my boyfriends and it is my fault cuase my parents have been through a lot and I really dont want them to know. I consider myself mature enough to battle with my own problems and mistakes. I consider it to be my fault since I was not carefull enough. Plus, them knowing would change a lot.
I definately do not want to keep that baby, I definately am not ready to become a mother especially on such an occasion and already too many people know. My parents want me to keep it even though we are not wealthy at all.
I know that after 3 months you can now longer have an abortion so I am running out of time. How do I convince my parents to let me do it? And...if they dont allow me to, I ll do it myself. What could change then? How will I be able to make them, accept my choice. My boyfriend has been really understanding with the hole situation and really helpfull. He is the one willing to give the money for such an...act.
I am ready to do anything it takes not to have that baby, If I have to punch myself in the stomach, I ll do it.
People from my church also know. They will never take me back after such a thing. My boyfriend sais he could move far away with me were we will work and go to school at the same time. (link)
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Your first step is to phone up your local sexual health clinic. They should offer teens free appointments, or on a sliding scale.
You will be able to access accurate, relevant info about pregnancy and abortion from them. They should also offer you counselling - important to help you come to a decision, but also to deal with your sexual assault.
You need to do what is right for you. Your life now sounds heavily dependent on your parents' and church's opinion; this is a big factor as you still live at home. Still, you won't be there forever - but you will have to be okay with your choice.
Whatever you decide, please get some emotional support for yourself. Keeping a baby OR having an abortion will impact you, there's no way around that. And assault will probably have an affect on you, too.
Speak to a professional ASAP, and they will also be able to offer you support with how to speak to your parents.
Best of luck.
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my relationship:
im 15/f and i have a boyfriend. he's kind of like my first boyfriend but not really i had 2 other ones but we werent serious and didnt kiss or anything and the longest we went out was for a week. im not really happy with my boyfrined i realize hes not my type but it has only been 2 days of our relationship. we kind of went into things a little too quick cuz i've only known him for less then a month. well anywayz thats whats goin on in my life right now..
okay so sometimes i feel like im lesbian or it could be bisexual. i don't know. would i know if i am? i think that 2 girls in a relationship isn't right(no offense but its just not for me)but then again i look at girls that are attractive sometimes i compare myself to them or i look at them and say they're pretty in my head or had a fat ass or big tits. like i dont noe?? how did you know you were lesbian or gay or bisexual? and how is it being in a realtionship with a girl when you're a girl? (link)
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Lots of people look at other people and pass judgements on their looks. That's normal, no matter what gender the people are. If you are looking at other girls and feeling attracted to them, that is something slightly different.
It sounds as if you don't have a lot of experience in relationships, and that's okay. It also seems you aren't happy with your current boyfriend - it's good that you've realized. Tell him and move on.
You could be mainly attracted to guys and just happened to not particularly like the guys you've been with. Or you could be a different sexuality. Either way, spend your time thinking about what qualities a person you would want to date has. Openness? Brains? A good sense of humour?
Find someone who you really like; going out with someone for the sake of going out probably isn't the greatest idea. If this means you stay single for awhile while you wait for a good person, so be it!
I wish you the best.
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Hey there,
I hate the fact that the only place I have for comfort is the net, lol! I am afraid to tell anyone else! I am a 21 year old gay guy and my bf is 18, we have been dating for 8 monthes now and have had a mass of high and lows.
He has the worst temper and shouts at me for the silliest things, and threatens me with breaking up, killing himself,not loving me, hating me when we argue.
Last nite we got into an argument, things got heated, and he pushed me, so I decided to walk away to let him calm down, then he came runing up behind me and stuck his fingers into my arms, it was the most hurtful thing! I tried tyo walk away and he wouldnt let me, so I end up beatinghim upo basically, in self defence, I wasnt gonna be shouted at and physically hurt for no reason! Again I tried to walk away and he grabbedme, wouldnt let me go, my arm wasin agony, and he was screaming at me in the middle of town, so I turned round punched him a few times, and kicked him when he was on the ground. He was scaring me, I am not a violent person, but he was hurting me and wouldnt let me go.
Then he screamed "I AM GONNA KILL MYSELF!!!!"
After I cooled down, regardless of what he did to me, I went back to him, he spat in myface and started beating me up, to which I didnt do anything back, then started screaming he was sorry for hurting me before!
What am I meant to do? Was I wrong in defending myself? How canlove be like this? Idont wanna leave him, but how can things get sorted? (link)
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This isn't an okay relationship. A healthy relationship does not involve violence in either direction, let alone from both people.
A good relationship sorts problems out by talking and communicating in a postive, supportive way. Of course every relationship has ups and downs - and arguments - but spitting, kicking, punching, pushing, threatening suicide...? This isn't a good situation for either of you.
If you want to stick together, can I suggest couples counselling? Or at least each of you getting individual counselling?
My honest advice, to BOTH of you, would be to get out of this. It's not going anywhere good, and has been someplace pretty bad. If you want a happy future, think carefully about the choices you are making.
I wish you the best.
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Hi, I'm 14 years old and I am a girl.
For two days now, my vulva has become very red and VERY swollen. I don't know what to do or what it is.
I've been using cleaning wipes whenever I go to the bathroom and fungal cream. But it doesn't seem to be helping and I have school on tuesday and I can't be this uncomfortable.
Any help is appreciated on what I should do or how to determine what it is exactly. Thankyou in advance. (link)
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What sort of cleaning wipes? You might actually be irritating the skin further.
Likewise, any cream needs to be specifically made for the vagina - and unless you have been diagnosed by a doctor, it might not help.
Your safest bet is to make an appointment with your doctor for as soon as possible. If your doctor is a male, you might feel better having an appointment with a female gynocologist. She will be able to accurately tell you what's wrong, as well as telling you how to fix it.
While this may feel embarassing, ultimately it's just another part of your body - and that's what doctors do....fix your body.
Best of luck.
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I was really upset, so I cut my arm/wrist, about eigh time, in different places. It didn't make me feel any better and I realize that it was a stupid thing to do. I'm happy now and everything. But I just wanted to know - If I didn't rip/break the skin when I cut (which I didn't) is there still a big possibility of scarring? (link)
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Scars are formed when the skin is broken - if you did not break your skin or draw blood, you will not scar.
Cutting is used by some people as a coping mechanism. The next time you are upset, remember writing this question - you have clearly stated that cutting didn't help you feel better.
While you are currently feeling happy, it might help to identify what helps you feel this way. Figuring out ways to help you cope BEFORE you feel bad is always a good way to make sure you're doing things that are actually helpful, intead of a reaction to the moment.
Best of luck.
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i get so i guess you would say "wet" when i'm, with mt boyfriend i was just wanderin how i could maybe stop so slow it down b/c it kinda embarassing, because i know he wants to finger my but i push his hand away b/c i know he might find out it it would be gross. (link)
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The vagina gets wet when sexually aroused - this is supposed to happen, and a very normal part of human experience.
You generally cannot control how wet you get, though you can choose to wear a panty liner if you want to protect your underwear.
This should not bother your boyfriend - just as his body responds when excited, so does yours. If anything, he should be pleased!
Things generally work best when you are comfortable - if you feel comfortable and confident with your body, it's easier for your boyfriend to feel comfortable, too.
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hi, well 14 and i have to much to do if you get me. i have soo much homework because im doing my GCSE's now and even my teachers are saying that The UK is one of the countries that has the most coursework to do, and they then say that they understand the pressure. i mean if they understand why give us so much. i have to look after my pet because no-one else does, i practice 2 instruments, 1 of which i have lessons for. on top of all that i need a darn social life aswell, and i just dont have time to fit ALL of it in. i usually find my self doing huge essays the day before they are in, and my teachers keep telling us how these two years are the most important ever of your compulsory education! any advice? thanks (link)
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These two years might be the most important of your compulsory education, but by no means are they the most important years of your education. If you plan to go on to Further or Higher education, you'll find that those years are more closely linked to what you enjoy and what sort of career path you would like to pursue.
When it comes down to it, you need five A-C GCSEs in order to get into college to do A Levels. It generally makes no difference what your GCSE subjects are, with the exception of English and Maths.
Schools will try to convince you that only school matters - this is because your grades WILL affect your future, but also because the higher your grades are, the better the school looks. You should be able to fit in friends and music, too, and it might just take some time to adjust.
Starting GCSEs means you are doing more work than you are used to, with new courses. Give it a couple of terms and the workload will start to seem a natural part of your routine. You can also draw up a timetable for revision, homework, and your music - and your all important free time! This can help you visualize how you want to spend your time, as well as helping you be more efficient when planning things out.
You will get through this. I wish you the best of luck!
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hey i got a good freind we tell eachother all our secets and 1 time she told me she does things for pleasure so i asked what type of pleasure then she said like fingering and using dildos is she stiil a virgin because im confused
bye
thank you (link)
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Someone isn't a virgin when they have had sex with another person.
Your friend was talking about masturbation, which has no affect on virginity - whether fingers or dildos were involved.
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i really need help. like, from a pyschatrist. and i really don't know how to ask my parents.
but first i wanted to ask everyone on here a few questions.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN TO A SHRINK;
-- is it weird talking to them?
-- does it really help?
-- how did you ask your parents?
-- how does it work? like the visits?
thank you everyone that takes the time to answer. (link)
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I can offer you an opinion from the perspective of being a counsellor, if you find that helpful.
Many people feel uncomfortable or weird at first - and that's natural. After all, you're going to be opening up and talking about things that would be difficult to talk about at any time. What makes counselling useful is that you don't have to deal with any of the pressures you might get should you say the same things to your parents or friends. A counsellor is more neutral and really there to hear your perspective.
Counselling offers you as much as you are willing to put in. This means that if you show up for appointments and really try to use the time in a way that feels good for you, you probably will find that is is helpful. It can be a space to vent, cry, explore who you are, figure out who you want to be, look at different options, etc. And it's all non-judgemental.
I think if you are open and honest with your parents, you might find things easier. If your parents are the type you assume would be supportive, you might like to tell them some of the reasons why counselling could be helpful. If they are not, you can always speak to your school to see if they have a counsellor you can speak with.
Sessions are usually around 50 minutes. Every therapist is different, but it's really important that you feel comfortable with the person you are seeing. Sessions will usually be just the two of you (unless you really wanted to ask a parent to attend once or twice, and your counsellor was okay with that), and you will have the space to talk about whatever issues you want support with.
Please let me know if you need any more info, and I wish you the best of luck...
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I'm really confused about my sexuality. There are so many things that turn me on. I have no idea which ones for me. I don't know if I'm gay, straight, or bi. I don't know what I'm into. I'm so ashamed of the things that get to me. I mean we're talking like Jerry Springer style wierd. I have no idea what to do. I can't go out and experiment to find what I like because I can't even get a date, yet alone a sexual encounter, and even worse of a chance of getting a kinky sexual encounter. I'm so confused. I'm so scared. What can I do? I know it's naive to ask how to get rid of it, but what can I do? Please help me.
16/m (link)
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Everything you are feeling is okay. More than that, it's normal.
Most people, at any age of life, have a few sexual thoughts they feel are so kinky they wouldn't want to share them with another person. But in reality, sexuality is fluid, wide, and varied - and intrinsically part of being a human being.
While there can be a lot of pressure to find some sort of label, as it can make feelings easier to deal with, in fact it might take you some time to really work out who you are sexually - again, this is okay.
You're young, which makes exploring various things difficult - this is due to lack of experience or knowledge about what's out there, as well as having to put up with the usual strains of dating, etc. Rather than trying to force yourself to come to a final conclusion or try to change who you are, see what it feels like to just be honest with yourself.
Whether you like guys, girls, or both - and however you see yourself being with those individuals, give yourself a break and a little bit of acceptance.
Best of luck.
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