A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 96983
Main Categories:
Love Life
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
|
ok , when i have sex i don't feel nothing. am going to start drinking birth control pills. my nurse told me the birth control pills will give me pleasure while having sex. do you think this is true..??? (link)
|
Uhh, your nurse is pretty much full of shit. Birth control can have many effects upon the body, pretty much none of them would make BC into an aphrodisiac.
Thee effects vary greatly from body to body. Most side effects are minor discomforts or neutral changes. Changes in sex drive, changes in vaginal lubrication or sensitivity are possible but depending on the girl each of these changes could be a good or bad thing for her.
If you feel nothing and are posting here there's a significant chance that part of the reason is you aren't fully matured physically. Many teenage women are unable to climax during sex and cannot enjoy it as much as they will later when puberty and body changes/growth is over with.
In other words, you're probably too young to be having sex and there are no firm answers to your problem of not enjoying it as much as you think you should at your age.
|
|
yeah , so i copied all the files for bully the game to my laptop and copied it to a disc but it wont work please tell me how to make it work (link)
|
Do. Not. Do. This.
Modern game consoles are designed to detect the software hacks which would allow you to play downloaded games on them. There are only a few options and each one of them is detectable by XBox live.
Putting a nonstandard OS on your xbox in order to play these games will have your console permanently banned from XBox live. This will screw up your console any number of ways, including making it attempt to and fail to download updates every time you do just about anything, denying you the ability to have achievements of any kind, and screwing with your system memory in ways Microsoft will deny happen which lose you game data and saves you've spent hours upon hours of your life on.
Bully is cheap as shit. Go spend 10 bucks on it at gamestop. If you can't come up with 10 bucks beg your parents for lunch money and save for a week or two.
|
|
So, my girlfriend is extremely hot. Im not kidding. Recently she's really been pissing me off and i have considered on several occasions to just break up with her. But that means no more sex with this babe. I dont know what the hell to do. (link)
|
As soon as she realizes you're a child pretending not to be she'll end it anyway. Save yourself the humiliation and beat her to it, at least then you can walk away still half convinced you're a worthwhile human being.
Then again, if neither of you ends it that means you're pretty much made for each other and you can do the world a favor by each putting up with someone who could potentially make some other decent person's life absolutely miserable.
Also, if the best quality to your sex life is the physical appearance of your girlfriend you're both absolutely terrible at sex. Might want to think about that.
|
I have a Wii, so I could get either one and be okay. I just don't know which one is better. Most everyone says the Wii version is a bit better, but the controls worry me.
Many say the Wii's controls are so awesome and you'll never go back, yet they also say the montion-sensitivity can cause issues at times, seeing as how the wrong movement can cause something completely off to happen. Say, you might want to bash someone with your shield but instead you do a spin attack.
I don't really care about graphics differences, as the only game I've ever played and completed is LoZ: Ocarina of Time.
If I got the GC version, would I need to buy a memory card or would it be stored on the Wii? (link)
|
Don't listen to the below, the wii version kicks ass. It takes some time to get the motion controls down but they're easy as hell to use and aiming stuff like the bow with the wiimote instead of with a thumbstick makes a world of difference.
Shooting things from horseback is actually fun on the Wii. Plus, when you're just running around from area to area to go do some random quest you can amuse yourself with the faerie on the screen.
|
|
Is it weir for girls to like playing on like ps3's and play black ops or shit like that? Like i dont get why everyone has a problem with it (link)
|
There's alot of machismo associated with gaming in the nerdy male social reject. Imagine the guy who's entire concept of himself as a guy is based around being badass at video games. Now imagine that guy being emasculated by something as simple as getting his ass handed to him by a girl.
Fragile egos are like soap bubbles. Easily formed and easily popped. Gamer mentality is based around competition, guys who are good at games and not much else see themselves as needing to be better than everyone elses. Because gaming is a traditionally male hobby, alot of guys dismiss girls as incapable because of the traditional stigma associated with "you got beat by a girl"
If you're actually good at what you do, you threaten their machismo.
Don't let it get you down. My favorite gaming buddy is a girl named Cheri, she's the only gamer I know who can really keep up with me in anything I'm good at when I'm in a mood to actually seriously play. It's funny watching her destroy pretty much everyone else I know though.
|
my name is michaelyn & this weekend is going to be valentine's weekend. I have been dating a 17- year old boy for the past four months and i am 15 going on 16 very soon. i love him very much & it's been the best 4 months of my life. well, we have done everything except sex so far and we've had so many opportunites to, but we decided to wait for a special day to have sex that way we'll always remember it. this would be our first times having sex. i am not on birth control so we would be using a condom & pulling out to prevent pregnancy. what is some do's & don't's about sex? and how can you make it great?
also, the one thing that concerns me is pregnancy. i am 5 ft 1' and i weigh about 102 pounds. i've only ever gotten my period twice. once for a whole week in 2009 and once for a whole week in 2010. but that's it. i know everyone has a chance of getting pregnant, but what do you consider me? if i haven't had a regular period at all in my life & i've only gotten it twice in 3 years? my mom's called the gyno and she said that in sept. 2011 she'll do an ultra sound if i don't get it by then. but do you think i should be completely freaked out about getting pregnant? or should i just enjoy it & know that everything will be alright & we'll get through such a beautiful moment in our relationship.
we are both catholic so we don't consider ourselves "fucking" we consider it making love.. so as much as it's a sin to some people.. to me.. it's a gift to share such great love. and i am so thankful i am with someone who means so much to me. i'm very excited but please help with the do's and don'ts! and also about the chances of pregnancy. & i made sure i'm ready. just the scary pregnancy risks scares me so much.
i also i have the day after pill in my room for an emergency. i think i'm pretty well prepared. if i took the day after pill, would it make me bleed a lot because i haven't had a period in forever?
thank you so much guys! (link)
|
Call or otherwise look up planned parenthood. Get ahold of money every month. Get birth control from them.
It's good you've got the morning after pill. If the condom breaks, use it. Yeah, you'll probably cramp to high hell, maybe bleed more than usual. Get a better plan than emergency contraception, it's not meant to be used regularly.
With a period as irregular as yours, assume that you could be ovulating at any time. If you don't know what ovulating means (no offense, I was raised Catholic and I sure as hell didn't know what it was at 15) go google it and learn about your cycle, irregular as it is.
And again, get on birth control.
Oh, last tip. VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film. It's on the condom aisle anywhere with a pharmacy and it's cheap. Spermicide, usable with condoms, 86 percent or so effective at preventing pregnancy if used as the sole method of contraception. Read and follow the instructions. It's a second line of defense in case of a condom breaking.
Condom, VCF, and a pill in case of breaks, you should be relatively safe. Don't forget to test the condom after you use it to make sure (fill it with water when you're done using it to see) Also don't forget that nothing is 100%.
So get on birth control and keep using condoms, because that's the closest to that 100% you'll probably ever get.
|
|
I'm an 18 year old female with nothing on my sexual resume. I've never been kissed and the furthest I've gone with a guy is an awkward pat on the back. I am too the point where sex is just about all I can think about. I wanted to wait, and save myself for the right moment. Now all I want (or it really feels like need) is someone to just hold me, touch me, anything. Masturbation can only get you so far. I'm not this girl, I wanted to fall in love and have it mean something, but now I can't wait, I don't want to wait and its literally driving me up the walls. What am I supposed to do with myself, do I just go find the nearest guy and jump into bed with him? I don't want to feel like this anymore. Please. (link)
|
Adult to young adult, a one night stand isn't necessarily going to be as satisfying as you think.
Here's the thing. You're 18. You go out and have sex with a guy. It sucks. You're unsatisfied, and now have no desire to do it again with him. Do you do it again, finding a different guy? And again? Hoping to find one of the guys your age (probably an average of a 4/10 chance) who's decent in the sack and a considerate lover?
Straight up, part of a relationship is feeling out another person's personality. A guy who's considerate and thoughtful in every day life will be the same in bed with you. A guy who's not will be the same in bed with you. How do you find out?
Date em'
It's not about the right moment. Don't think about it that way. It's about finding a guy who's not a jerk who you will wake up next to wanting to sleep with again. It's about finding someone you can have sex with regularly within the confines of a relationship and figure out exactly what you like and how to enjoy it. And maybe teach each other a few things along the way.
Be patient. You don't have to date a guy for six months, but you want to find someone you like enough to date for a while. If you're not going to marry him, whatever. You're 18, I wouldn't expect someone expressing your degree of sex drive to marry the first guy she sleeps with. But at least find someone you like, who likes you, so that there can be more to the sex than just momentary lust when you want there to be.
Trust me, the sex will be all the better for it.
Also, first times are awkward. Always. A one-off is just going to make that worse, especially if you pick some drunk dude at a party who couldn't perform well and wouldn't give a shit sober.
|
|
My husband and I have a girlfriend but he is into it more than I am. It was my idea to keep our relationship interesting and to be honest it kind of turns me on to think of him with another woman BUT at times I find myself getting somewhat jealous of this other woman. I don't know if it is a good idea to continue this if I get jealous when he kisses her or texts her. But at the same time I like watching them have sex especially if I am apart of it. I'm worried that my emotions are going to cause this relationship to cause problems with my husband and I. I know he is enjoying this and all I want is for him to be happy. I don't want him to get bored with me. But I don't know if it is wise to continue this if I am not 100% happy with this arrangement. I am also 9 months pregnant so that may have something to do with why my emotions are up and down about this. I'm torn... (link)
|
As Rahzie said, you didn't set near a strong enough foundation with this.
My wife and I have discussed the idea. The first rule we agreed upon is that either of us have the right and privilege to terminate anything at any time just because we don't feel like it's working right. We haven't actually explored anything together, but probably will in the future.
I can say, that generally the whole "girlfriend" idea isn't a great one for a serious committed relationship, especially one that has kids.
You sound alot like me. The idea of sex is arousing, the idea of a relationship outside of sex is the exact opposite. My ideal situation involves another stable couple where the activities fit more in the description of "hobby" than relationship outside of a platonic friendship.
Continuing something like this because you're afraid he's going to get bored with you is not good. Especially at 9 months pregnant. I can't say that your hormones don't have alot to do with what you feel, but in this area you have a right to jealousy. He's your husband, and you don't feel right about it.
That said, because this is the status quo you need to approach it gently. When the baby comes you're both going to be under alot of stress, there isn't going to be a ton of room for a third in your lives.
Bring it up. Talk to him about what you're feeling. Let him know from the get go that these are your feelings because of you, not because he's doing something wrong within the context of your agreements together, but at the same time you need him as your husband to support you in what you need as his wife and the mother of his child right now.
Ask him to suspend the relationship for now, spend some time reconnecting and talking. Tell him that you need some time to figure out what's going on with you and better communicate it, and maybe you just need some time off from having a third person to worry about when you've got a kid coming you're worrying about as well.
|
My wife is constatnly fighting with me calling me an alcoholic on a daily basis and throwing huge fits all the time about drinking. I am a well educated profession who drinks only about once a month, weekend only. When I do drink I will have several drinks, get a nice buzz, eat and go to sleep.
She comes from an alcoholic family (father, brothers) and says my drinking is a MAJOR issue, but I don't get into trouble, I do it only at home, I never go to bars, I dont drive or hurt anyone or anything, and I have a great job and treat her very well, and I only do it every so often, as I said about once a month. I see no problem except that she dislikes it so much.
Is this truly an alcohol issue or is this something that is about her and her past? What should I do besides stopping entirely which I dont think is fair. If i want to drink once a month on a Saturday after a long week, why can't I? (link)
|
You can. Will your wife find it acceptable? Possibly not.
In truth, this is her problem and not yours. Being in a marriage though, disregarding her problems can damage or destroy the relationship.
Communication is needed. She sees alcohol as the devil, and for all I know there may be no middle road. You are not being unreasonable, but only you can know or find out if her being unreasonable presents a problem you cannot overcome together.
I think you need to assert yourself. I think you need to refuse to allow her to call you an alcoholic. I think you should probably see a relationship counselor together.
God knows if it'll change her position though. I'm an occasional drinker, and enjoy a few other things as well. I married a woman who is OK with that, and who is willing to share a little intoxication with me.
You didn't do the same. The question you need to ask yourself is, is the relationship worth ending over her being irrational and unreasonable? If this is a "major" issue you can't just do what you do and put up with her forever. It'll drive you apart, and I think that her degree of unreasonableness in this area will probably manifest itself in other places.
Get couples therapy. At the very least, see what a neutral third party telling her she's being ridiculous does. If she ignores any viewpoint other than her own, well the evaluation that comes after that is up to you.
|
I'm Catholic, and I have always believed in God.
But people talk about having personal relationships and experiences with Him and how He has spoken to them and given them signs and answered their prayers. And... I just never feel like I ever get answers to my prayers, or that He ever speaks to me in any way no matter how hard I pray.
And I fear that my faith will fade. And I need it to be stenghtened instead. I hate that i'm starting to have doubts. What can I do to make my relationship better with God, and to hear His answers?
There's this song that goes:
"I made You promises a thousand times. I tried to hear from Heaven but I talked the whole time. I think I made You too small. I never feared You at all. If You touched my face would I know You? Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
What do I know of You who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean? Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful? What do I know? What do I know of Holy?"
That's exactly how I feel, except that I don't know what to do about it.
(link)
|
I'm of two minds on how to answer your question.
As a former Catholic, raised in the same dogma you have been, I remind you that faith is precisely that. It is belief in that which cannot and probably will not ever be proven to you.
Faith is heralded as a virtue, but at the same time as a former Catholic I feel the need to speak to you as someone who has not seen God or holiness in any religion in my life, ever.
When I was younger, I fought for faith. I covered myself in denial trying to believe. I ignored what questions arose in me and did my best to be the devout believer everyone told me I was supposed to be.
The truth was, it never fit. I have never heard the voice of God, never experienced what I would consider a divine moment. Never in my life would I consider my faith to have been "rewarded".
What I have seen and experienced is humanity. The bible tells us that man was made in God's image, but the truth that I feel, that I have experienced, is that God is made in man's image. For the vengeful and hate filled, so is God. For the loving, so is God. For the just, so is God. For the unjust, so is God.
Your questions will continue until you stop them yourself. They won't be answered, but you can choose to look away and have faith, or you can choose to look at where your questions lead you. I chose the second path, I could not help myself. Having seen so much hypocrisy in God's name I read the bible over and over, and scripture had no answers. I talked to priests, they had no answers.
Ultimately though, what shattered my belief is the phrase "God has a plan". That phrase was used to comfort me in times of stress and tragedy when I was a child, and I have seen it used to justify the arbitrary nature of the world time and again as an adult.
What I do want you to know, is that not hearing God responding is not a failure on your part. Others would probably say differently, I say simply that you are intelligent. You feel the contradictions in religion. You feel out of place, even when you can't explain why. You probably don't want to look at these things you feel, but even if there is a God he made you what you are and what you are questions the reality your religion has tried to present you with.
I stepped outside of Catholicism hoping that other Christian sects might hold more answers. None of them did, at least not for me.
The only truth I have ever found in this world is that life is what you make of it. Perhaps you will find faith where I did not, perhaps you will not.
If not, though, do not look at it as some failing of yours. You are only human. Faith is too much to ask of everyone, some of us were born to question, and there are questions you might have that religion will never be able to answer.
|
|
F/15I have told my parents I was thinking of having sex for he first time with my boyfriend we've been dating for about 5 monks and He is really sweet my parents agree with me and hy say it is ok to have sex with Alejandro (boyfriend) I don't understand why they said yes but me and my boyfriend are pretty happy abou them saying yes along as we use protection why did my parents say yes I dnt get it (link)
|
The below answers pretty much cover all you need to know, so I'll just post a request. If your parents said yes, use this opportunity to get on birth control. Don't be satisfied with just condoms, if a condom breaks you can still end up with a baby on the way. Double protect yourself by getting on a pill, and being on it a month (without missing days or anything) before you have sex.
BC can be really cheap, your local planned parenthood can probably have you taking it for under 25 bucks a month. Ask your parents and make an investment in your future, get on birth control so you can have that and a condom making sure you don't have any accidents.
Also read through http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control-4211.htm
Educate yourself, use BC, be safe.
|
Preface: My Boyfriend does not murder people, nor has he ever harmed myself or anyone else. Nor does he hurt animals.
I'm dating a guy who has quite freely told me he doesn't "feel emotions". He's even joked that the only emotions he does feel are anger, annoyance and contentedness.
It's one of his quirks, and I don't mind overly.
But it makes it very difficult to move forward with a relationship when your boyfriend responds to "I love you" with "Uh huh. I don't believe in love".
I've noticed there are other people on this site who have asked about being like that...
I want to know, is it possible to have a relationship? Would you, if you feel no emotion be able to maintain a relationship?
How do I support him as he is but also get what I need from our relationship? (link)
|
Zane is incorrect. There are people who feel no emotions. In clinical terms they are called sociopaths, and your boyfriend is not one. A sociopath would never actually admit he has no emotions, more than likely your boyfriend has some degree of extreme emotional repression.
If you want to help him, consider talking to him about therapy. He probably won't listen, you don't sound young enough to be dealing with an adult with a modicum of self awareness. But if he's really the way he tells you he is there's likely something messed up in his head that's causing him to shut down emotionally.
Either that, or he's putting you on and you just aren't ever going to get anything you need from him. Either way, you probably won't. He's either a stupid kid who's just found a way to seem aloof and mysterious or he's suffered a significant trauma which has fucked him up royally. Either way you'll probably never find out for yourself, I don't recommend pinning your hopes on him being able to be what you want or need.
|
I have to pick a book off of a list for an LA cirtical analysis essay. The only problem is, I can't decide which book! I've narrowed it down to a few, but I just can't seem to pick.
The books I've narrowed it down to are: A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess, The Stranger by Albert Camus, The Plague by Albert Camus, The Inferno by Dante, or The Turn of the Screw by Henry James.
I really enjoy reading books that are rather deep and almost somewhat disturbing/dark/etc. I was just wondering if I could get some opinions on these books and which one do you think would be most interesting/contains darker elements. So if anyone has read any of these and can give me some opinions, I would greatly appreciate it (: Thanks!
(link)
| |
I highly recommend both A Clockwork Orange and Dante's Inferno. The first is just a good book, the second is a fairly historical piece of literature that I think anyone who is interested in reading things should read at least once.
|
|
ok. First of all i'm a virgin. I'm 20. I am in college adn i don't mean to sound full of myself but i'm am semi pretty. I am in the best sorority at my school. HOWEVER, I AM SUCH A PRUDE. I can see it/feel, like i get it. I love making out with guys but whenever it goes past that- i kind of freak out, i don't like it, and i get nervous. I don't really understand. I like the IDEA of it, but I don't like the execution. How am I everr going to lose my virginity. I don't really know what to do. help.... (link)
|
The below hit it pretty much on the head. You're not a prude, you're just not ready for sex at this point in your life.
I think, in part, it has to do with what sounds like you hooking up with whatever guys. You're in an environment that encourages you to be casual about sex and you can't get there yourself, even not having had it somewhere inside sex doesn't feel just casual to you.
Stop worrying about it. Find a guy you like. Date him for a few months. Establish trust and other positive emotions. Consider sex when there is some degree of love on both sides and you trust each other, and the development of sex is a natural part of a relationship.
You sound inexperienced and a little immature. Some people are alright with casual sex. These people are sexually experienced, they know themselves well enough to know what they want and need from the experience and they are comfortable with what they're doing because they aren't virgins looking at sex from the outside.
Chill out. Date instead of hook up as a prelude to sex. Set standards which require more than a guy who thinks you're semi pretty to start thinking about getting it on.
|
|
Ok so my friend used utorrent to download photoshop Cs5 from demonoid.com and we're reading the instructions on installation and we got as far as installing it for a free trial but then it asks us to open some program or whatever called kaygen.exe but that didn't come with the download and apparently we need it to find out the serial number. We're really lost and we don't know what we're supposed to do next. btw he has windows 7 if that means anything. Can anyone help us finish this download? we really need it working for a project for school. (link)
|
Do you really need CS5? I have a hard time believing you actually need photoshop for a school project and ended up having to download it, if the class absolutely required photoshop I'd think you wouldn't be on demonoid.
Try paint.net. It's a freeware simplistic photoshop clone that allows you to do a number of things with editing that you wouldn't get with MS paint, but you aren't breaking any laws by downloading it. For basic image editing it'll probably more than do the job.
|
|
So stupidly, I let my boyfriend take a picture of me without a shirt or bra on..... He later on got mad at me and sent it to all of my friends and even to people that I dont know. I went to the police and they said they couldn't do anything because it wasn't a crime. They told me that I could go to a civil attorney and maybe get some answers. See, I don't want to waste a ton of money doing this so does anyone know if there is anything that I can even do about it? Please let me know. Also don't comment on this telling me how dumb I am for doing that because believe me, I know. I just need someone answers. (link)
|
Sorry. Over 18 you allowed him to take the picture, allowed him to have it. As the cops said, it's not a crime. You could try to sue but the fact is that your real damages are emotional. You haven't been to (and probably don't need or could prove you needed) a psychiatrist or something. You're upset and pissed off, courts don't take cases that involve just a small (by average court standards) emotional distress.
All you can do is let it go. Trying to get back at him within the confines of the legal system isn't likely to do anything but waste your time and make you more frustrated that you can't get back at him.
|
|
So, a friend told me that files you delete aren't entirely wiped off your computer; traces of them remain on your computer "so computer geeks can tap into them later". Is this true? If so, how the hell can I get rid of them? I'm really pressed for space as it is, I don't want deleted files lurking in my hard drive. >.> (link)
|
Deleted files do not actually take up useable disk space. When a file is deleted the reference in memory to what was there is erased. The physical space on the hard disk will continue to be taken up by the file until the computer happens to overwrite it during normal processing.
Recovery has a general time limit based on the used space and the number of times the space that the old file was on has been overwritten. With regular use, your deleted file will be gone in a few months and be pretty much unrecoverable. If you have files you need to be unrecoverable you need a file shredder. Financial documents you are deleting are a perfect example of files you might well want gone when you delete them (say if you wanted to take your computer to Best Buy and didn't want the tech seeing a spread sheet with bank account numbers and such) and file shredders do the job by overwriting the space on the drive repeatedly with nonsense code so that programs cannot recover them.
Google "safer Networking" and download spybot search and destroy. It's a handy little anti-spyware program which comes with a file shredder in it's toolset you can use.
|
|
Why is it that we fall in love with the bad boys, but reject the guys that are so called nerds, that love us? I'm a 45 yr old female, he's 56 years old. to me that seems old. (link)
|
Because you don't have enough experience, even at 45, to see past the "bad boy" image to what causes it, where it comes from.
Bad boys are broken individuals. People with massive insecurity complexes, messed up egos, and who have the awareness and some modicum of social competence to project an image of who they'd like to see themselves as for you to interact with.
Because people like this are always guarded, worried you'll see past the facade to whatever insecurities lay beneath, they seem mysterious. Figuring them out and getting them to open up is often like beating your head against a wall. The difficulty in doing this makes them a challenge, and the general nurturing instinct present in women makes fixing the broken bad boy something worth doing, and rewards you with brain chemicals when you feel like you're being let into his messed up little world.
Given the start to your question I'd imagine 56 seems old to 45 because you're mentally 19-21, which is a pretty big difference in maturity. If you're still chasing bad boys that's just kind of a fact that goes along with it. If you still perceive people as groups of bad boys and nerds rather than individuals with their own quirks it's really just a developmental issue.
If you were 25 I'd probably have some advice. But you're 45, so all I've really got is observation, you are who you're going to be. You were kinda supposed to grow out of this in your early 20s, so either you're in the middle of a mid life crisis and regressing or you never grew up in the first place. I imagine a therapist might be able to help you out with that alot more than someone on a website like this one.
|
I'm 19. He's 18. When we first started going out (over a year ago) and started rounding the bases, he'd try to initiate sex. Like we'd be naked and making out on his bed, and he'd just give me this look, and we both knew what it meant - but I always shot him down because I wasn't ready at the time.
Then, last summer, I didn't turn him down. It didn't happen, however; he lost his erection about two seconds after he put the condom on.
He hasn't tried since. Once I took the initiative and asked if he wanted to do it, but still nothing happened 'cause he didn't have a condom (sigh.). And then he said something along the lines of "I don't have one 'cause I thought you wanted to wait 'til college". I made it clear to him that I was ready.
Well, we're in college now. And still, nothing's happened. I just want to know why he's stopped trying. Is he worried about a repeat performance of last summer? Is HE not ready? (We're both virgins) Is it me?
I want to ask him all this, but I don't know HOW. One time, I decided I'd just bluntly ask him, but the time came and I couldn't get the words out. I don't even know why. Yeah, talking about sex makes me uncomfortable. And I'm basically a girl asking for sex, that makes it worse. Not in my eyes, but in society's eyes, in which it's okay for guys to want sex, but if a girl does, it's whorish.
Anyway, sorry for ranting. So how does a shy, awkward human like me even START on this topic? (link)
|
You need to get over your idea of how society perceives wanting sex. It's fucked up that you think that's true, it's not. It's understandable but it's not something you need to have fettering you as an adult.
You need to have some conversations without the pressure. Hell, if you need to, write him a letter. Get your thoughts out on paper and give it to him, and sign it "I want to talk to you about this, but I don't know how to start. Come talk to me when you're ready"
There's no easy way to step outside your comfort zone and have an awkward conversation. You've got to go for it, stuttering and being awkward the whole way. The second conversation won't be nearly as bad.
He's self conscious. Plan a day together naked in bed. Watch movies, play games, do whatever and entertain yourselves. Have sexual contact with each other, let him know it's ok to touch you and you want him to, and ask him if it's ok for you to do the same. Be sexually intimate to whatever degree comfortable, and have a condom ready for whenever the mood strikes. Make it clear that sex doesn't have to happen, but you both want it to and create an atmosphere of trust and fun openness that will let you both come to it as you're ready.
One of the biggest issues for young insecure inexperienced males is the perception that sex has to happen, that it's expected of him to perform. The same way your concept of purity or virtue is tied to whether you feel like a whore, his concept of himself as a man is tied to his ability to perform like one.
The best way to handle this is to find ways to take the pressure off. Let him know that you can be sexual, be intimate, be in sexual contact, and that there are no expectations other than enjoying each other's company.
|
17 f
I just got a new puppy. He's 1 month and a half and a yorkie. I don't know what to do, he's horrible. I tried to walk him. And he won't walk he's too small plus its too cold outside. I bought him puppy pads so he can pee and do his "business" on but he doesn't. He does it everywhere around the house. My mom hates it. Its starting to smell horrible. (The house) and she wants me to give him away. I don't want too cause I love him plus I paid so much money for him. And if she knew she would make me return him. As far as she knows I got it for "free". But anyway, how do I train him? What do I do? I already bought him the spray that smells like pee so I can spray it on the pad and he can know where to pee on. But he doesn't do it there. He does it everywhere and that's a problem. What do I do? Please help. I don't want my mom to take me away from max :( thankyou! (link)
|
First off, a month and a half is barely old enough to function for a puppy.
Peeing is going to happen. House training a dog can take a few months. Get some strong cleaner for the floor like 409, get carpet cleaner if you've got carpets. Put newspaper down and don't give him free roam of the house. When he realizes that peeing gets you upset he will try to get out of your vision in order to do his business, and you'll be dealing with this longer than you really want to. Have tons of paper towels on hand, and clean up any area he pees in immediately. The smell will only encourage him, you want to clean up his leavings asap.
Now. Getting him potty trained.
Young dogs can hold their bladder for about an hour per month of age. If you see him drinking, check your watch. Take him outside in about forty five minutes to go to the bathroom, and stay out there until he does.
Feeding should be on a schedule. Give him food he can eat, let it stay there for an hour or so, then pick it back up. This will teach him that meals come on a schedule and that he has to eat when food is put out for him. Try to keep the times the same daily, this helps the dog acclimate to the schedule of the house. Three times per day if possible. Leave water out at all times and just try to pay attention to when he fills up the tank.
Now, how do you teach him where to go? You keep him in sight at all times. When he begins peeing on the floor, immediately pick him up and take him to the puppy pads, even if he's still peeing. Once he is on the puppy pads, praise him with words you want him to get familiar with. "Good pee!" works well, and will help build his familiarity with the word so when you want him to go to the bathroom you can tell him "go pee" repeatedly and he'll begin to get the idea.
Whenever possible though, take him outside instead. You don't want him too used to peeing indoors. Dogs are den animals, they will not go to the bathroom where they consider to be "home" for them or their "pack" which is your family. Your goal is to teach him that the entire house is the den.
You do this by taking him outside, when he's a little older (two and a half to three months, probably) you should take him outside every time he pees in the house. If he continues peeing outside, praise him with whatever your familiar word choices are. When you take him outside and he goes to the bathroom, praise him every time. Use simple words so he understands your meaning.
Now, a word on praise. The advice given to me about puppies is that you really need to emphasize it. Don't praise him calmly, make a big deal out of it. The exact words I were told were "if you wouldn't be slightly embarrassed to do this on a downtown street surrounded by people, you're not praising enough". Treat him like peeing outside is the most wonderful thing in the world.
Do not use treats for this. He needs to learn to train based on words and praise alone.
Another thing that will help is crating. Remember the den animals thing? Dogs actually are comforted when there is a space somewhere that's "theirs". You need a crate big enough for him to stand up in comfortably, and turn around in without having to squeeze himself around. Wal mart has cheap dog crates which should be more than big enough for a yorkie pup. You'll probably want to get a smaller one and then buy a bigger one as he grows into a more adult dog.
The crate needs to be a safe place. A happy place. Get him a chew toy that he can keep in there. Put a towel inside for him to lay on, clean it every week. When he's young, check it every time he comes out to see if he's used the bathroom on it, wash it and replace it if he has so his den stays clean. Sit down next to it sometimes with the door open, reach in, and pet him inside the crate. Once he's learned his crating command and you can tell him to go in there, tell him to go in and pet him while he's in there. If he tries to come back out calmly tell him "no, go to your room" or whatever and let him know that interacting with him while he's inside is not an express invitation to leave.
If he cries in the crate before you know he can hold his bladder, take him outside and give him bathroom commands, then bring him back inside and put him back in the crate. Crate him immediately after going to the bathroom sometimes so you can see how he's acclimating, if he still keeps crying leave him in there and use a quiet command like "hush", but don't let him back out. He has to get used to being in there.
Don't use the crate for punishment. Don't be angry about getting him to go in. It's alright to put him in there when he's being a pain in the ass, or to keep him locked up while you clean his messes, ect. Just don't put him in there "angrily". Establish a command that coincides with him ending up in the crate, we used "Go to your room" and the puppy learned where he was supposed to be when we said it.
The crate needs to have positives attached. When he goes in of his own accord, give him a treat some of the time. Not all of the time, you want the crate to be a place where good things happen randomly, so the association is created without an expectation of it happening every time.
Crates help with potty training because he'll quickly establish "this is mine!" and dogs do their best not to pee where they sleep. He will try to hold it while he is in there when he can. By the time he's six months he might well be able to hold himself all night. Until then, do not shut him in the crate all night. Put him in the crate, and put the crate in a small area with the ground covered in newspaper/puppy pads/whatever, so he can exit to go to the bathroom. You're not going to want to get up every hour to let him out, just expect messes in the morning.
If he goes in the crate on his own, don't shut him in unless you need to. Let him go take a nap and come out as he pleases. And again, every once in a while when he goes in on his own give him a treat and let him continue napping or whatever.
You probably want to look into a decent cleaner without a scent for cleaning his crate, dogs noses are sensitive, so don't use something that will hurt his senses while he's in there, the smell will last alot longer than you personally can smell it.
"Inside" and "outside" are also good words to use. Whenever you take him to go pee, or outside in general, say "Lets go outside!" and the same when you bring him in and "inside". Eventually you might see him circling or looking uncomfortable and you can ask "do you need to go outside?" and he'll hear that key word and go to the door. Dogs are pretty smart, ours learned that when I put my sandals on it meant I was leaving the house, and would see if he could go outside.
Be patient. Negative reinforcement will be largely misunderstood, if you find a puddle and shove his nose in it he won't really get it. Instead teach him what he's supposed to do, and reward him with treats or attention and praise when he does right. Establish regular patterns so that he knows what will happen and what is expected of him in the household.
In six months you could easily have a dog who knows and likes his crate, who can be left in there overnight or while you're gone if necessary without it being a problem, who will go in himself for a nap without you having to close the door, and who won't piss all over the floor.
Just remember the cardinal rule, either keep him contained in a small area he can pee in and you can easily deal with it until he's trained, or keep him within sight at all times. Get a baby gate, they're pretty cheap, don't give him the ability to run into a different room to relieve himself, so you can act every time you see him try and take him outside asap.
|
|