Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84196
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well don't take this the wrong way because im NOT slut at all...i'm 17 almost 18 and i've been with 2 guys..but i always ask myself this question... if you have a boyfriend and you have sex frequently not like ALL THE TIME but about once a week..sometimes less then that and then u guys break up and u don't have sex with anyone for a couple months does like the whole in your vagina get smaller and tighter again? i don't wanna sound nasty or anything but i was really just thinking about this question and i couldn't find the answer on the internet. (link)
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No the size of your vagina doesn't change for that reason. YOu are young and it will remain tight for a long time. Having children can change it though. Make it seem looser, and then age will cause you to loose muscle tone and it will seem looser, but you are many years away from that.
But when those things happen, exercises will always improve things. Remember not all guys are shaped the same. Some are larger than others. So if you notice a difference at your young age, I don't think it is you, I think it is the guy.
Michele
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why do construction workers feel the need to whistle at women when working?? (link)
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That is "group think" taking over. They have to show off for their friends, and in front of each other. If a beautiful girl walks by, and one guy in the construction crew DOESN'T join the rest in the wolf calls and whistles...next thing you know they will be calling him gay. And no guy wants that.
Individually, or one on one, some of them do know how to behave.
Michele
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if i move to england from the u.s. at say age 20, would i still be able to get an accent? (link)
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Sure, why not. Madonna did it. She has lived in England so long she has picked up a British accent. Can't help it really. If you live there long enough. It's all you hear all day, so yes you will pick it up
Michele
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I was wondering how much Danvers MA or Beverly Ma hopsital charges for people who go in to be evaluated for cutting.
This would be without insurance.
Any answers would be appreciated. (link)
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I can't answer your question, but I see that you live in Massachusetts and they just passed a law that everyone in the state is supposed to be covered now with medical insurance. I am not sure of all the details. But here, you need to see a therapist, or psycologist, and since you are a minor, they will need to get permission from a parent. They can't actually tell the parent everything you say, that is privilidged, but they do have to get permisson to treat you.
I don't know if I helped, but I do hope that you can find a way to get into therapy. Here is there a Catholic Charities in your city. They offer low cost therapy. YOu might look that up.
Michele
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does airpopped popcorn really burn calories? (link)
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No, I don't think so. Anything you eat, adds calories. But air popped popcorn is about the lowest calorie thing that you can eat. It is very low in calories, and has no fat. I doesn't taste that great either, kind of bland, but it is healthy. Remember this. Popcorn is NOT a vegetable, it is a starch. So if you are on say the weight watchers diet, popcorn goes in the starch column, not the veggie column. Hey if you are eating air popped popcorn instead of potato chips, then good for you, and go ahead eat all you like.
Michele
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I work in the IT Dept of a manufacturing company where I upgrade users' computers. In the process I move their files and email account to the new computer.
On someone I was upgrading recently, I saw an email (it was what their email opened up to) relating to them finding a new job. It was from a friend or relative encouraging the employee to leave us & go to the new employer (where friend now works).
Should I tell my boss, or their boss, or HR? Or just leave it be? (link)
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YOu should keep this info to yourself. It wasn't shared with you, and you came across it by accident. No one knows and the employee expects that their privacy should be respected. (except in cases of child porn, that you are supposed to report) Now people change jobs all the time, it happens. No employer has a right to expect an any employee is going to stay with them for life. Your employer will manage. It is all part of being in business. That is how he/she should feel anyway. Employers don't own us.
Michele
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what other expenses do you have to worry about when going to a college that the colleges dont tell you about? ..if you're living at the dorm, also. Do you need a meal plan? what are those, and how much do they cost? any other information would be appreciated! (link)
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Well my son attends college so I can give you some details. Yes most colleges offer a meal plan, and most likely your parents will pay for that, it will be included in you tuition fees BUT, the meal plan is only good in the school cafeteria, which is only open certain hours. I mean I am sure it is open for three meals a day, but I don't know about snacks and getting the munchies at 10 oclock a night. So you will be hungry even when the cafeteria is closed. So mom and dad should send lots of care packages with non perishable food and drinks, or send cash which is always good. You'll need books as you know, but there is also pens, pencils, note books, etc, etc. I am not sure about laundry, my son AND his girlfriend come here on weekends and do their laundry. You'll need health and beauty items. Soap, shampoo, toothpaste, etc. etc.
There are extra activities that the students are allowed to join to go to, plays and stuff, and not all of them are free. Anything off campus costs money. Many campuses have places to go to listen to music, poetry, etc. and some don't serve alcohol so all ages can go, but they cost money too, but they are fun.
PS some colleges have good food and some have horrible food. I don't think there is anyway to know ahead of time.
Good luck to you and congratulations on going to college
Michele
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I'm almost 20 and been with my boyfriend for 6 months, but we've been friends a year before we began dating. I live by myself & lately I haven't felt very safe at my place. I don't have any option of moving back with my parents unless I move out of state & it's really not an option (I'd have to give up a good job and school). Anyways, I talked to my parents & they suggested to see if my boyfriend would stay at my place more often (or they'd force me to move back home because they don't want me to be scared about my safety). My boyfriend & I already spend most of our free time together, we just don't live together. I know he doesn't want to move out because he plans to live with his parents till he finishes school. (I don't blame him!) I was wondering if it'd be a wise decision to bring up the idea of him..somewhat.. moving in with me? I wouldn't ask him to put any money towards the bills. He would still be close to both his parent's places (both are within 3 minutes away). I'd just want him to be around more often so I'd feel more safe. We have a pretty close relationship, but I wanted someone's input on how to bring it up & what kind of compromise I could make? Good idea or not? (link)
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Well it would solve the problem of your being safer and feeling safer, but what if the two of you break up? Who will keep you safe then? Even if you meet someone new, you wouldn't want him to move in until you get to know him more. I don't want to discourage you, but how about looking at other options too. Like an alarm system, or even a hand held alarm. What about martial arts, can you take a self-protection course? How about a yapping dog. Some people have fake dogs that just bark. Double locks on doors and windows. Grates on the windows. Try the phone book or even the internet.....to look up personal security. See what come up. Just so you have all the information that you may need on the subject.
GOod luck to you
Michele
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ok well i listen to my chemical romance and green day and all these other punk bands, and everytime i listen to them my bros are like \"they are so gay, they look gay, they laugh gay. \" and all this other bull crap. well i mean i just get really ticked off and i just go in my room and slam the door. plus like when im talking to my best friend mikey (who is a little on the feminin side) my brothers are like oh my gosh he is so freaking gay. like one time i was talking to him on aol and i said hey boy and he was like \"hey gurlie, whats up? and then later on i told him i learnt a new trick on my skateboard and he was like oh my gosh thats soooo awesome!!! and my brothers were just sitting there calling him gay. which another thing. my whole family thinks there is some huge issue with homosexuality. i mean i dont get whats the big deal. i mean no im not homo but i have no problem with other people being like that. i mean my dad is all \"well you should be who you are and not care what other people think\" and if who you are is being gay or bisexual then so be it. but i mean anyways how do i get my family and my brothers to stop critizing all these people and calling them bi or gay. i mean i\'ve tryed talking to them and then they\'re all (well u just have an obsession with them and you dont want us talking about your \"precious friends, or your precious my chemical romance\" so talking doesnt help, and i dont wanna be a snitch or nothing. so what can i do???? thanks so much in advance. (link)
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This is America, honey, you can like who you want, talk to who you want, etc, etc. You treat your friends with respect, and they will treat you the same way. Brother's.....well that is a different story. Brothers and sisters always tease each other. And that sucks. But I guess they are entitled to their opinion too. I do know this for sure.....if you don't REACT when the dis your music, or your friends, they'll soon stop.
Listen, try it for three days, just don't react, just say'whatever" or whatever it is that kids say today, and go about your business. Ignore them, (they hate that) So try it, and see what happens. When you don't react to their comments, there won't be any fun in it anymore.
Sooner or later, you are going to learn this lesson, and this is how you will react when you are an adult to these kinds of things, so start now and save yourself alot of trouble.
Michele
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Hi, I recently got my hair cut short and it looks AWFUL! My friend was telling me that the horse shampoo main and tail ( i think thats what its called) helps your hair grow faster. Does anyone know if its true, orany other ways to make yyour hair grow fast? thanksss (link)
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Yes, there is a product you can get at any health food store, maybe even the drug store. Any food supplement that contains silicon. It makes hair and nails grow. Shen Min is another product that is only sold in heath food stores, or on-line, that will make your hair grow. It contains chinese herbs and silicon.
They come in pill or liquid form, (add a few drops to your water or favorite drink.
I have used BioSil by Jarrow formulas, and it works very well. Your hair could grow as much as two times faster. But hey, when you hate your hair cut, it is never fast enough. Good luck.
Michele
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16/f
I live with my grandparents, father, and brother and my mom lives in another state. I'm gonna be a senior next year and then I can go off to college [thank god]. My grandmother gets me so irritated. This year I started playing computer games, rather than be like my cousins and get all obsesed with makeup and looks and all that. I really really honestly don't care about makeup and i'm not gonna take hours to figure out my hair and what to wear each day. I don't think that's fun at all, it's more like torture.
That's one of my many problems with my family. Once I go off to college I know i'll be happier, no matter what. I wanted to start playing this neww game that my brother loves playing but she won't stop freaking out about how i should be doing more "girl" things and stuff. How can I get her to stop bothering me ALL THE TIME about not being "girly" enough for her.
I don't dress tomboy'ish or do anything like that except play computer games [which other girls play too.] (link)
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Wow, I think it great that you don't care about that stuff. What a waste of time, effort and money. I should think your grandmother would be proud of you. Well no matter, once you are in college you will meet people who put a premium on brains, and not on looks. Since looks fade, but brains can still be working for you years after your good looks have gone. NOt that you won't see girls in college who care more for their looks than their grades.
I wonder if it would help to remind your grandmother that some of the most famous women in history who made a big difference in the lives of people, did not care about their looks, but cared more for education and hard work. Like Joan of Arc, Eleanor Rosevelt, Susan B Anthony, Pearl S Buck, Maya Angelou, Amelia Erhart, and Rosa Parks, just to name a few.
American's are just too enamored of American Idol,
and pop star's like Briteny Spears and Paris Hilton. What has any one of them every done to change the world or improve the live of poor people? Nothing. In my opinion these are the people that we should shun and make fun of, not emulate. YOu are on the right track. Just hang in there. Don't change, be strong, and in the future, your family will all be looking for you to support them or for advice, because good looks don't pay the bills.
Good luck to you
Michele
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our son just turned 16 and was sneaking around with a girl that was 18 at the time and is now 19
he was told that he was not to see her anymore our we was going to press charges well now we got papers in the mail saying that i had to take him to get dna testing she had a baby this is in ohio wondering what we can do we know that its both there faults but my son is a straight a student in school has 2 more years and we heard bad things about this girl after the fact and the sneaking around. (link)
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If you got papers from the state asking him to take a DNA test, it sounds like she wants to have this baby. There is no turning back. You must oblige and have the test done. I think probably, you will have to pay the cost of the test. Sorry.
If she decides to have the baby, and he turns out to be the father, then he will be on the HOOK for child support for 18 years. But the DNA test could also prove that HE IS NOT the father. The rules for this are the same in each state. Years ago, women did not have to divulge the name of the father of the baby. However, today the state forces the boys/men to have DNA tests, so that the state can force them to make child support payments. LISTEN, if it turns out that he IS the father, there is not much you can do. The state is in control here, now. This is why I have always told my boys that they should not trust girls, (don't worry, I am not condeming you, I am not out of the woods yet. It could still happen here.)
Your only recouse is to tell him that you told him he shouldn't see this girl, AND THIS IS WHY. and now he has to pay his dues. He took his pants off, and if he is the father, then he has to pay to support this child even if he does not want to see this child.
Have him take the test, and if he is the dad, then think about all your options, and decide then what you want to do. You cannot avoid this intrusion by the state.
Michele
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My boyfriends in the army and before he goes to Iraq he said there's a military ball that he wants me to go to... what exactly is a military ball and what am I supposed to wear? Like, what type of dress? (link)
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She is right, it is a formal affair. Your boyfriend will be in his dress uniform. He will look very wonderful. A very fancy dress and even getting your hair done would be good. A prom gown would do the trick. It's wonderful to get dressed up. Love it.
Michele
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when i can't sleep i normally rub my clit. that doesn't give me an orgasm though. all that happens is my legs twitch once maybe twice. and i don't like to finger myself it is just uncomfertable to me. is this normal? because everyone tells me that if i rub my clit then i should orgasm. nothing happens. i really want to experience an orgasm. then my friends tell me to use a vibrator or something that vibrates. i don't have anything that vibrates or a vibrator. not even a cell phone. is there any thing else i can use to masturbate? and i live somewhere where i don't get cold water. so the faucet wont work. plez someone... sights aren't the best but if it is necessary then go ahead and give me one. i would really appreciate it.
thank you.
15/f (link)
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I think you also need a lubricant, then you can last longer without irritation.Be sure to move the labia away so that you have good contact with your clitoris. A hand lotion might do, but not one with a lot of perfume, because it might irritate you. vaseline is good, and cheap, but harder to clean up. KY jelly is best and is made just for that, is it a sexual lubricant and many men and women use it alone and together.
GOod luck'
Michele
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well im gettin to meet this guy this week and he likes me rite...thing is im maaaaad shy,
what are some things i should talk about or say,like when i first meet him what should i say?!pleaaase help me...my first date was a disaster cuza how shy i am (link)
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Well I think the b est thing to do is break the ice by saying I hope you don't mind, but I'm kinda shy. Even girls who aren't shy say that, because it makes them more feminine. Some boys like shy, and many don't like pushy girls. Then ask questions about him. Ask if he has siblings, ask if he gets along with his siblings, ask if he gets along with his parents, tell him about your parents. ask him about myspace, what sites he visits on the internet. What was the funnyiest thing he saw on Utube. (lately) and what games does he like best. does he watch sports. Ask him about music, what is his favorite. Remember when you both though _______was cool! (fill in name) what dorks you were.
You know what boys like, being able to laugh at yourself. that makes them more comfortable with you. They also think girls who have confidence are sexy. Do you know that some of the most beautiful women in the world, think they are ugly. Yes it's true. So be yourself, and also, if you do remember to ask all these questions, you also have to remember to BE A GOOD LISTENER>
Hope this helps
Michele
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kind of awhile ago, i saw theres 3 pictures at ikea. i just re-did my room, and these pictures would look great with my new decor, but i cant find them on the ikea websie anymore, so i guess theyr not selling them anymore. one of them had a green background with a black silhouette of a women and an old fashion microphone. one of the other two had a red background and the other a blue background, but i dont remember what the image was. they were very similar to the singer one though. where else can i buy these? i dont know what to search for on google or ebay because i dont know what these pictures are called.
thanks! (link)
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Try going to google images and search on silhouette. female silhouette etc.
Michele
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okay, i've been trying to loose 20lbs since like..oh i dont' know, january? i was doing WICKED good dieting and such, and then one day middle of febuary, i decided to have some KFC. and i've been binging ever since. good news? i managed to loose 20lbs within that month and a half. bad news is i can't keep myself motivated to stick to something again.
i always tell myself "i'm starting a new diet now" and it works for a couple days. then i start binging again.
i want to stop and get healthy. i already have a good meal plan:
breakfast- Oatmeal, Peaches, Water, Multivitamin
OR Pinnaple-bannana Smoothie (bannana, pinnapple, soy milk, ice)
Lunch- Turkey Wrap, Non-Fat Pudding, Apple, Water
Dinner- Lean Cousine.
I'm planning on drinking 10 glasses a day. and working out for 40 minutes per day 5x per week.
what excersises should i do?
and how fast do you think i will loose this weight? i weight 145lbs and my waist is 37"
(link)
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Wow, your diet plan is excellent. You stick with that and you should be OK. What you need is an attitude change. You are young, and if you start on this yo yo dieting now, you are looking at many many years of starving yourself, then dieting, then loosing weight, then gaining weight and feeling just terrible about yourself. It is a viscious cycle. Stop now while you are still young. You have to think of food as your friend and not your enemy. Eat to live and not live to eat. The most succesful dieters are the ones who changed their lives, not their diet. By that I mean that they came to beleive and internalize that foods (just like the ones in your great diet) are good for you, their are healthy, they will NOT ONLY keep you slim but grant you a long and healty life. Foods like KFC, and hot dogs and cheese, and chips, ice cream, cakes, cookies and baked goods are not healthy, will make you overweight, and will shorten you life by many years by causing diseases such as diabetes, heart disease and artherosclerosis. (plaque build up in your arteries) Do you know any older people who have any of these diseases? Who have had open heart surgery? Who have arthritis, etc. etc.?
Watch what they eat. Ask them what their doctors have told them they should eat. Why the same things on your great diet, of course. Add to your diet by trying new foods, new fruits and veggies, whole grain breads and pastas, lean meats like chicken and turkey. Make turkey meat balls and tomato sauce. Turkey chili. I really like Turkey bacon. Separate your three meals a day into five or six small ones if it helps. You can add raw nuts like almonds or pecans, (very healthy) If you like fish all the better, (I don't, wish I did) Fish is healthy. But just don't fry it.
CAn you ever eat any of the bad foods again, sure you can, once in a great while. Like once a month maybe. But if you do go "off" the diet by eating something that is bad, don't say you've blown it so you might as well eat more. Just get right back on the diet, for your next meal.
This is a new trick that I just learned, (from a diet book writeen by a doctor called: You, On A Diet)and so far I like it. The doctor said that you need healthy fats in your diet, to LOOSE weight, because your body will shut down your metabolism if it is not getting enough healthy fat, so that it can maintain the fat that you do have. So he suggested 1 teaspoon of a healty fat, 20 minutes before 2 meals a day. So I eat a big teaspoon of organic peanut butter first thing in the AM, and damn if I am not hungry for a couple of hours. I take another one as soon as I get home from work, and then I can wait until I get dinner on the table (2.5 hours later) before I get hungry, instead of snacking on everything I see because I am so hungry when I get home. I have lost four pounds. I am already much older than you are so I am eating to live a long and healthy life. I wish I knew then what I know now about healty eating. You are lucky, You do have a clue. So many kids, (mine included. just live on junk foods.) Good luck to you. Keep it up
Michele
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okay so i started to date this guy at the end of the school year and on the fourth of july was our three month aniversary. well i had him over a couple times and my parents freaked out. my dad said i couldn't see him or any of my guy friends for the whole summer. but i keep making plans with my girl friends and my guy friends and my boyfriend just "happen" to be there. well i feel bad because i'm lieing to my parents and i don't want to do that. i love them both. what should i do? follow my parents and suffer in my heart or keep lieing to my parents? when i think about not being with my boyfriend i just cry and when i think about lieing to my parents i just cry. what should i do? (link)
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Have you tried saying this to your parents: "Well, what if I am with my girlfriends, and the guys show up, say at the mall, or at a friends house to go swimming, (whatever), What I am supposed to do, call you to come and get me to come home" Maybe they won't mind if you are all together. My parents always thought there was "safety in numbers". So groups were ok, but alone with my boyfriend, that was not allowed.
Good luck to you, and I hope you do have a wonderful summer
Michele
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Ok...i am a 17/f. Me and my boyfriend had sex the day I got off of my period. first of all is that a really high time to get pregnant?? :o(...My cycle is every 28 days and it is for 6 or 7 days. Well...when we had sex he put the condem on and it was dark...so he put it on the wrong way...then he just switched sides. Is it possible for me to be pregnant?? :(...He says he did not cum...and that he was dry....but i know cum can live for like 48 hours so if he ejaculated at an earlier time it could stillbe on there!! PLEASE SOOOOOMMMEEEONEEE HELPPP MEEE!!!!
Thanks!!! (link)
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Well, yes, if there was semen on the inside of the condom, and then he turned in right side out, and then you had sex, then yes, there is sperm on it, and it did enter your vagina. The FIRST day after your period is NOT your most fertile. But anything is possible. You are taking big chances.
At least you are using condoms and that is better than nothing. But you said "he said he was dry". Well did he come earlier or not? Do you mean if he came earlier, then put on a condom, and then turned it inside out and put in on again? (I'm confused) Well if he cleaned up, or showered or something between ejaculations, then he wouldn't just have semen on his penis. Semen does live for a few hours. Longer inside you, than on his penis. It would dry rather quickly if it were just on the outside of his penis, and say hours went by before you had sex again. The next time he puts a condom on inside out, just tell him to leave it on.
Michele
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Well I got these One a Day Flinstone vitamins and I was wondering what would happen if I took more than one? Would there be a lot of harm or fatal harm?
Cuz I remember my cousin had these long time ago and when she wasn't looking, I'd grab like a handful and shove them in my mouth because they taste so yummy and frankly I'm having a hard time right now trying to avoid that. (link)
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Well it won't kill ya, but it is NOT healthy. AND if they are the flinstones with IRON. All that extra iron will make you constipated. And you'll get a stomach ache. So I don't recommend it. Isn't there something else you could eat?
Michele
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