Hiya,
I've had three boyfriends, all of whom were MAJOR crushes of mine. I was mad about them for ages (months and sometimes years) and took all my courage, told them how I felt and asked them out (one at a time obviously!). They all liked me back which was great but...once we started dating, with every single one of them, I just lost all feelings towards them and felt trapped. What do you think is going on? Am I in love with the idea of unrequited love? Or am I just not ready for a relationship...or what?
Ta!
It definitely sounds like you may just not be ready for a love relationship...and it's awesome that you've figured that out on your own! Most people won't admit it.
It could help to just be friends with guys at the moment, and not press for a relationship whenever you have major crushes on them. You still have lots of time to find "the one," so take advantage of being single!
P.S. Most people don't marry until the age of 25-27 (if marriage is what you have in mind).
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I like this guy SO much i'm HELLA sprung off of him. I haven't really told anyone because he's not really the type of guy that you can be boyfriend and girlfriend with. He's a playah, a BIG one!! I know so many girls he's done stuff with, including me. He moves from girl to girl then back to the other girl then to another girl, all the time. I know he's just using girls and he's probably just using me too, just i like him so much. I always have this little feeling that maybe he likes me. (probably not though) A lot of people have told me he does, but well he does these things with everyone. I want to know if he likes me or not but I don't really want him to know that I like him cause if he finds out and doesn't like me back then what if he won't do stuff with me anymore, well, when i still wanna do stuff.ahah i'm so confused!! I just want advice on how to find out if he likes me or if i should just forget about him. Although if i forget about him can we still do "things"?? sry this was so long and/or confusing.
No offense meant in anything I say here, just hear me out (and then forget whatever I said if you want to).
"Playah"s are dangerous. Like you said, he goes from girl to girl, doing things with all of them, and has NO respect for any of them (if he had respect, he wouldn't be playing around like this).
It may feel good to have him "do things" with you, but in the long run it will NOT be worth it. You're probably thinking that it's okay to try things out and "explore," but if you ever hope to have a good, long, scarless relationship with a man someday (hopefully in a marriage relationship), then it would be better to forget this guy.
On the other hand, if you don't care about your future husband and you don't care that you're hurting yourself through this experience, then do whatever...it's your life.
One more thought:
Wouldn't you rather a guy who respected you, cared for you, loved you....instead of someone who just wanted your body?
I don't know about you, but I'm a human...not a toy.
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I'm in 8th grade and haven't really thought about this guy much..i've just noticted him. He keeps on telling me that this other guy is flirting with me, but the other guy hardly talks to me. maby eits a joke. I'm starting to like this guy though. I sit next to him in computers, but I don't know what to talk about anymore. We used to talk and laugh all the time. I really want him to ask me out. How do I lead him on?
It's never a good idea to "lead a guy on." Flirting with him may make him like you to a certain extent, but is that really you? Is it what you're really like?
Advice that you can ignore if you wish:
Be yourself...and don't push it.
P.S. You're in 8th grade and have LOTS of high school left--get to know him better first! Make sure that you really like him until you make any moves, because you could hurt yourself and him without knowing it.
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My name is Chelsea, I'm a 16 year old girl. I know that I'm only a teenager, and I have my whole life in front of me...but right now I feel really lonely. My last relationship ended in October, just one week after my sweet sixteenth. It took a long time for me to get over him, but I'm starting to move on. I've been "playing the field", and I'm currently interested in a guy. We've had a thing for each other in the past, but I never wanted to make anything really official out of it. Recently, my feelings for him have changed. He felt the same about me, and we've been talking and hanging out alot more. This past weekend, we hung out and he kissed me. Everytime we see each other in school (which is often) he hugs me, and we walk/talk together. I'm really confused though, because I don't feel like he wants to make a commitment. I'm afraid to talk to him about this, because I don't want to scare him away. I feel like I've done that in the past with guys, when I bring up relationship and commitment issues. So how can I talk to him about making something more out of our relationship, without scaring him or being too "over the top"? Please help out, and give me your input. Thanks.
Hey Chelsea, sorry for the delayed reply...lots of work to catch up on.
It's been my experience that it's better to let the guy express his emotions first (through SPEECH i mean!), instead of actually telling them that you really like them or want more out of a relationship.
Just a thought here:
If you DO talk to him about your feelings, and he does back off, then he's probably just not ready for that kind of commitment (like you said, you're 16).
To answer your question:
If you decide to talk to him, I would suggest being very open (even if you don't feel like it), and be TRUTHFUL. If you want this relationship to grow to a point of possible marriage in the future, then you need to be honest. I can't give you a script, but just be sensitive to the fact that you're still both young and have a long way to go before anything serious can happen.
One more thing...
If you DON'T decide to talk to him about this, just keep being a friend! Sometimes, especially during teen years (i know this...i am one!), it's best to just have really good friend relationships, with potential to get deeper someday.
You may also want to refrain from kissing or anything above a friendly hug...those are the kinds of things that leaves scars if somehow it doesn't work out.
I really hope I helped...I love to talk, so feel free IM me on aol at DreamerFaer if you have any further questions!
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ok, there's this guy. i've liked this guy for a really long time, since like the 2nd or 3rd week since school started. we liked eachother for a while, but he liked this other girl to. finally, we decided to try the whole "going out" thing. that only lasted for 2 days. he broke it off and i was really sad. we didn't talk for a long time after that. but i had never REALLY stopped liking him, i would say that i didn't but i really did. just recently, we started talking alot more. we've been flirting alot and he acts like he likes me, but i don't know if he does. before we started talking, he would always be really mean and hurtful to me. but i still liked him. now, since he's nicer to me, i've sort of started recognizing my feelings. my friends think i'm crazy because he was so mean to me. i've tried to get over him but nothing works. and i don't know what to do because he acts lik he likes me but he flirts with other girls ALL THE TIME, mostly in front of me. I can't stop liking him and i don't know why. how do i tell if he likes me and should i take him back if he does like me??
Just some random thoughts...
If this guy was mean to you, and now he's suddenly being nice, he may just be flaunting his "guyness", which also includes flirting with all the other girls. He's showing off because he can.
Have you ever considered that he might be just being friendly with everyone? I don't know what your definition of flirting is...but some guys just make friends that way (weird as it sounds).
To answer your questions:
1) the only REAL way to know if he likes you is to outright as him (which may make him back off). You can also tell by how he treats you and others--you said he's flirting with other girls? If he really likes you, he definitely shouldn't be.
2) if he does like you and wants to pick up the relationship again, you could try...just remember that if he starts treating you badly again or if he's still flirting with girls, he's probably not worth it.
Hope this helped a bit.
P.S. If it doesn't work out, don't worry...you will get over him someday. It may take time, but he's not the only guy in the world (though he may seem like it at the moment). Have patience!
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I just recently got asked out, and I said yes to make them happy. But, after the first day I'm already feeling crappy. I find myself comparing him to my first relationship, because it was so wonderful. My question is does this feeling ever go away? Can a relationship that starts off with no spark ever get better?
My humble opinion:
First of all, it's usually not a good idea to go out with someone to "make them happy" as you put it. Normally when someone asks you out, it's not just to chill, it's to start a relationship.
An answer to your question:
1) Does that feeling ever go away? Probably, if you have a better relationship than the first one--although if the first one was so wonderful, why are you no longer in it?
2) Relationships don't always need "sparks" to be good ones. So yeah, it's possible for this to get better...but if you're feeling crappy, you might not want to suffer through the waiting process.
Advice which you are under no obligation to follow:
Perhaps you should tell this guy the truth: that you went out with him because you wanted to make him happy. See what he says/thinks, and if you're still feeling crappy, tell him you're sorry and move on.
Good luck!
P.S. Just please remember that guys are humans too, and they do have feelings...dating relationships shouldn't be thrown around lightly.
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ok, so i like have this guy friend... and i like really like him alot, more than a friend. Last night i went over to his house with my best friend and he invited her crush over too... it was weird because like for a half an hour they kept asking us who we liked... if it was someone else i probubly would have told them... but now they are going to keep bugging us and i usually crack under that kinda pressure.. but i cant crack this time because im afraid it would be weird... and he wont like me as a friend anymore... because he doesnt feel the same. what should i do.. i mean im not like pretty.. im not ugly... im not popular.. im not a geek... but i dont think that he will feel the same and i dont know if i should tell him...
should i...
[a] not tell him and say i dont like anyone
[b] tell him and possibly kill our friendship
[c] stop talking to him
[d] try to see if he likes me first
which one.. or do u have a diff suggestion..
plz i need help
sry if this is like wayyy too long but i really am confused and it would be great if u helped
thankz a billionz
I agree with xoxhayley on this--
It might be good to not tell him right now, because guys hate pressure about who they like. If you say, "i like/love you," he may feel obligated to return those feelings...and either lie about it (saying he likes you too), or just completely drop the friendship.
It's more likely that he'll back away if he's not ready though.
Keep him as a friend for now--you're only young once!
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Ok, well, my one friend, Chrisy is going out with this one kid named Josh. See the thing is, is that one day i was over at my other friend's house, leah, and she asked Josh if he like her and he sadi yes, and that he was going to break up with Chrisy a weeek after valentines day. I promised Leah i owuldn't tell anyone. See the thing is is thT IDK if i should tell Chrisy what happened or not. I love Chrisy and LEah the same, but idk wut to do....please help!
It may be better to just stay out of this for now. I believe that you love both of these friends, but if you're not directly involved, then sometimes it's best to just let the ones involved figure it out. If you tell Chrisy, it will be considered gossip--and if Josh wasn't serious, then you've got a whole new problem (Chrisy might confront him, and he'll have no clue what she's talking about).
That's just speaking from loads of personal experience...but if you do tell her, I hope it all works out.
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okay in school every one calls me a slut and im not one i never had sex,or gave anyone head!! what should i do when they call me it? please help!!
i rate high
I'm very glad to hear you're not a slut!
I've had similar problems, and for me it has seemed best to try to live my life in a way which would prove them all wrong. If you're being the complete opposite of a slut, then people will sooner or later have to concede that you are indeed not one.
Good luck and keep your chin up!
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My parents are divorced.. my mom's boyfriend proposed to her a few months ago and ever since then they have been having major problems. They never get along, and they're having a lot of money problems too. It's like one day they're all lovey-dovey and flirting and everything, and the next day they're not speaking to eachother. My mom keeps saying that she doesn't know if she wants2 spend the rest of her life with him or not. But i really want them to get married. Is there anything I can do to help them out? I've already suggested couple's therapy but he doesn;t wanna go. Any more suggestions? My mom is always depressed, and its making me depressed and it;s really hard to live like this. plz help!!
You said "My mom is always depressed..." at the end of your submission. Have you considered that perhaps this boyfriend isn't good for her?
I know you want them to get married, but consider a few things here:
1) is she depressed because of her boyfriend?
2) would she be better off marrying him?
3) do you want them to get married for your sake, or for your mom's?
It is very possible that your mom is still hurting from the divorce, and isn't quite ready to remarry. I could be wrong, though.
It might help you to talk with your mom about how you're feeling--I don't know how close you are to her, but it may help if she knows that you are supporting her, no matter what decision she makes (remember that this is her life, too).
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Are you still a virgin if you kind of had sex? meaning... If you were making out and everything and the guy and u start to have sex and stuff and he's like half way in and then you guys stop... is that still considered being a virgin or not?
Thanks!
(Unsure)
Unfortunately, the moment you begin to engage in "touching" with another person, you are no longer "pure." (Touching places which should only be touched if you're married, that is).
Sex is not just intercourse, it's the whole period leading up to it as well. The moment your bodies touch, you're no longer a virgin (I'm not talking about just kissing or holding hands, mind you).
One way to distinguish is this: if your bodies touched in any way that could spread an STD (sexually transmitted disease), then you've definitely crossed the line.
P.S. STDs are not ONLY spread through intercourse--some (possibly most) are transmitted by touch. So if you're messing around with another person, you're going to have to face the consequences sooner or later (whether you actually had intercourse or not).
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When it comes to dating and what-not, do guys prefer looks or personality? If looks, then what primarily are they interested in? If personality, then what kind of traits do they like?
As almost everyone else has already pointed out, it DOES depend on the guy. But let's take this one step at a time, shall we?
1) Initially, when a guy sees a girl, he usually notes her looks.
2)After spending time with the girl, he notices her personality, which usually determines his opinion of the person (nobody likes to date an obnoxious girl, no matter how hot she is).
Thoughts based on experience:
1) Even if the guy prefers looks, and he doesn't think you're up to par, then he is definitely not worth your time. If he doesn't like you the way you were born, then he's not going to like you for very long even if you try really hard to make yourself prettier.
2) Same as the above: if he doesn't like how you act naturally, then he's not worth it. You shouldn't have to change your personality to fit another person.
Now some advice:
1) Be natural! You were created special and unique. You may not look like a magazine cover (does anybody? I don't think so), but you are beautiful! If a guy doesn't like your natural looks, then you need to find someone who will.
2) BE NATURAL! Be yourself...do you know how tiring it can be to be a "fake" everytime you see someone, just so that they'll like you? Be honest with yourself and with the guy you like.
P.S. Please don't think I'm saying you should't wear make-up and do your hair etc.; I just meant you shouldn't have to try too hard.
P.S.S. I apologize for being longwinded ;-)
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