E-mail:
michael.c.gerrard@googlemail.comGender:
MaleOccupation:
Psychology StudentAge:
19Member Since:
August 3, 2009Answers:
38Last Update:
September 13, 2009Visitors:
4433Main Categories:
Friendship
Health
Random Weirdos
View All
about
Well i don't really like doing 'about me' bits, so all I'll say is that I want to help as much as I can, and I think i'm quite good at seeing things from the perspective of others, a characteristic, I've always believed, to be essential when giving good advice. Feel free to ask me anything you like =)*I've added my email, should be somewhere on my page and if anyone recieves advice from me and just wants to ask more about their problem or what they've said, they can ask me through that if they prefer =)
advice
Okay, here goes it. I'm in marching band. Band camp has started, I love it, it's my life. I know I can count on any single person in the band. They're like my second family. I spend everyday with them during the school year and three weeks of summer with them, getting sweaty & muddy & nasty. It's an amazing opportunity, if one person in the band is upset, the entire band is, we have parties in the guys locker room before our home meets. It's amazing, I can tell anyone of them my problems & I know they will understand & give me amazing advice to fix it. so my question is: with a tight nit relationship with everyone in the band do you think it will be possible to start a deeper relationship (boyfriend girlfriend) with one of them? See, I'm falling for our drum major. I wasn't to close to him to begin with, we run in complete different social circles. However, seeing him direct us with the passion he has for music made me see the different side of him that I'm starting to like. Yes, we do talk, little sentences but not like 1 on 1 time, which i barely ever get him in seeming as he is always on the ball doing something to help the band in any way possible. What do you think I should do?
If it was me I would strive to do anything I cold for the band,then he might see the different side of you and start to like it (i.e. the other way round from what is happening now). Also if it turns out you're both trying to help the team, then you'll have a common goal and theres a very common theory of attraction which suggests when we go through things together we often grow closer together.
Also I think its an esepcially good idea to have a relationship within your band since you share an interest and obviously you admire him not only physically but for particular characteristics of his personality, so it has potential. All you have to take into consideration is that if something does go wrong, it may be awkward but as long as you agree beforehand that you'll each try your best to avoid an awkward ending then you should definately go for it =)
Hope this helped
Mike!
I have a little bit of acne on my face and I want a good acne wash to get rid of it. I don't want something over-drying or anything though that will cause my face to lose that glow I have :)
Any suggestions?
As long as you don't have really dry skin,this solution should work. Basically,what you do is get a little dish and put a little bicarbonate of soda into it (as in enough to cover the bottom of the surface to the dish) then add some water to it, but literally just a few drops at a time until you have a paste. Take this and then paste it on you're face,although not too roughly as this will just irritate you're skin. Leave this on for about 5 mins and you should feel it starting to dry up, after this wash it off with water. This essentially completely clears everything outof you're skin that isn't helpful to it. So once you have applied that, use some kind of product such as mentioned by the other users like clearasil, although I would recommend one called Garnier Pure Active, and these will be more effective than usual because you have used the bicarbonate of soda beforehand.
This definately works,I used to do it twice a day, once in the morning and once at night, and would usually see and effect within two days, and within three or four my skin would begin to clear up completely.
If you are worried about your skin drying up just use the bicarbonate of soda and then a moisturizer because there will still be an effect, just not as quickly.
Good Luck =)
Mike
Hello. I am a 22 yr old female moving to Orlando in two weeks for a new job. I have a g/f who is going with me. The apt. has 2 b/r, 2/ba, but only one bedroom has the walk in closet. How do we choose who gets the larger closet? The bedrooms are the exact same size, other than the closets.By her own admission, she only has 2 totes of clothes, while I have a ton. P.s. I am providing all of the furniture for the common areas, and I did all the research into finding the great apartment.
Hey
Well, its a kind of awkward situation, I understand why you're asking for a solution. I would say that because you have the most clothes so you should get the bigger cupboard. But a walk-in closet sounds like its a got quite a lot of space, so how about you make a deal that if theres any of her stuff that she doesn't need access to all the time,like certain shoes or clothes only meant for a particular season, she could store some of them in you're closet, as imagine that you will not be able to completely fill it by yourself. That means that you will get the space you need but you're being considerate and allowing her to use some of it so shes more likely to say agree to you taking it, having realised how reasonable you are being. Chances are if she has such a small collection of clothes that if she does take you up on the offer it will only be a small amount of items she will give you.
You're definately entitled to the closet, I nearly always put my friends before myself, but if I was in your position where I'd done all the work for it and I had the most clothes I would just say to her 'considering I have the most clothes would it be okay if I took the bigger closet' and before she gets a chance to answer explain the compromise I suggested above.
Good Luck, hope you get it =)
Mike x
theres this guy i like and ive known him for awhile and since my boyfriend and i just ended out relationship he started talking to me alot when he signs onto AIM it takes him about 6 seconds to IM me.. i actually counted one day when i saw him IM me lol. anyways and he always asks me to call him at night and were on the phone for at least an hour or more and ill usually text him when hes at work and we talk for awhile then to.. well since i just came out of a relationship i dont want to seem like.. i really like this guy, but i kinda do and sometimes he says that it doesnt sound like im intrested in talking to him, when i really am so thats my first question.. how do i sound interested without sounding like not obsessive but.. really like him? i don't want him to be freaked out because i really do like him a lot.
my second question is we BOTH agreed on hooking up like its just something we want to do (hook up as in sex) and he asked me on the phone if i would be mad or upset if he hooked up with another girl to because right now were like friends with benefits HE IS NOT A PLAYER. He hasn't had sex in over a year, because he simply doesn't want to do it with someone he doesn't like but this other girl asked him if he wants to hook up and he said he wasn't sure and i told him.. i don't care and he said oh okay.. but i really do care i just dont want to push what we have like were friends with benefits now and i dont want to make it look like i want more if he doesn't? its confusing but should i just not tell him i care if he hooks up with another girl.. since were not dating?or what do i say to that?
The best way to let him know you were interested,I think, would be to be increasingly more friendly or flirtacious with him, but gradually but do it with confidence, because its usually when you're nervous as you'll come across as perhaps obsessive. So just by doing simple things like complimenting him more than you usually would, and gradually increasing the compliments per time you speak. If he starts to do the same back, then things are going perfectly, if he doesn't respond with similar responses then take a step back,give it a break for a while and then start building it up again. Of course, this applies to whatever form of flirting you would usually use, gradually making your feelings more obvious while monitoring his reactions to this is all you need to do =)
As for the 'hooking up' just try and give him a reason not to do it, for example 'Well maybe you're just rushing into this because you haven't had sex for a while' or something like that that might put doubt in his mind and maybe he'll reconsider.
However!!! If you are going to take this advice remember
1) it would be much easier to be just completely straight forward and say what you think
2) if you do try and change his mind about hooking up with the other girl,you could not only be damaging him but also the other girl involved znc you need to consider whether or not you can deal with the guilt of this.
I undestand you're in a difficult situation and so it was hard to give any real advice but I hope I've helped in some way.
Good Luck with your decision
Mike x
21/f. He's 24/m. We've have been involved for four years. REALLY long story short, it's been a rough road for us. He used to be emotionally abusive, but he made a conscious decision to change. I agreed to let the past go, and forgive him. It was great for a long time, and despite his family hating me, we were happy.
Recently, I got a job in my field. Instead of being happy for me when I told him about the pay, he said, "That's it? You should turn it down."
Now when I try to tell him funny stories about work, he says "sweet" with no inflection, and changes the subject. He makes a point of letting me know I'm "not funny" when I try to joke around, or he thinks I'm serious when I'm not. He suddenly doesn't understand me anymore.
It's become increasingly obvious to me that he doesn't care. About anything, including himself. He's studying for the MCAT, and it's all he CLAIMS he ever does. I have absolutely no objection to him studying, and I'd be happy he was doing it if it was really what he wanted. Instead, he's doing it to appease his parents, and I hate him for it. He doesn't have the balls to stand up to them and say he doesn't want to do it. Of course, he doesn't know what he wants to do anyway.
I've lost respect for him, I'm becoming less attracted to him. He's starting to say little nasty things to me, and I just don't want to put up with it.
I think he just doesn't belong in my life anymore...but how do I tell him? In person, I know, but I have to get him to stop "studying" long enough for me to say something. How do I do THAT when I never see him?
Should I give him a chance to redeem himself?
Little nasty things, sounds to me like he is becoming insecure about the strength of your relationship so is trying to distance himself from you before you can do the same to him,i.e. dump him. From what you have said,it seems he has good reason to think you're relationship is getting weaker.
I think you have to decide for yourself whether you should go out with him again. Since you're finding it difficult though, try considering these for a start;
1) Is this pattern of his likely to continue repeating itself?
2) Have you done anything to provoke this, been flirtacious with other guys etc etc that would make him feel confused by the relationship in anyway?
3) Can you deal with the consequences if the same all happens again?
4)If you swapped positions and you knew that he thought all this about you, what would you want him to do. For example would you like him to give you another chance? or give him an oppotunity to say what you really thought? and if that is what you would want, how would you like this opportunity to be presented etc etc
5)How would you advise someone in you're situation? To do this you really need to take a step back to emotionally detatch yourself, tough but helpful.
Hopefully some of them will make you think about what you really want. However to return to my original point,if you do decide to let him redeem himself, you need to make it clear that he need not have any insecurities from the very start, to prevent the same situation occuring again. If you do chose to tell him you've had enough,blunt and straight forward is always the best way and if you still have bad feelings towards him,don't show them, a anger free break up means its less likely to be one that has lasting effects or problems.
Good Luck with you decision
Mike x
-------------------------------------------------
Well, okay, in response...to your response (if that makes sense ) I would say that you should never do anything that you think is going to make you unhappy, at least in the long term. What I mean is, if you see him eventually turning things around, (which doesn't seem likely since he's done the same before,but if you do) then only then you should give him another chance, because if not, theres no point in getting yourself caught up in something that makes you so unhappy, requires so much effort and so isn't going to produce anything positive ever. So if it was me I would end the relationship.
As for how to tell him and when to fit it in,give him a call or a text and say you want to meet him and you've got somrthing to important discuss, and if he says no, then he's obviously not interested in whats important to you and i would just reply in the most stright forward way that its over, because then at least you've tried to be more civilised about it and its his fault that you have to tell him over the phone.
Hope this was more helpful =)
Mike
Ok!! Well I just broke up with my boyfriend!! And about 5 minutes later after we broke up he called me beggin me to take me back!! And I Love him But im talkin to another guy right now that i've been with before!! I dont know what to do PLEASE HELP ME!!!
This type of situation is always very difficult I find, however I don't know if you should, as other people are suggesting, follow you're heart, because that usually means you're going to be impulsive. Being impulsive in a situation like this isn't ideal because it means you're going to end up chosing whoever you prefer at that particular point in time and not overall or in the long term.
However this does not mean that you cannot figure it out for yourself. What i would suggest is that you take a step back from the situation. One way to do this is to imagine that it is someone else who has this problem...on this site for example and you are attempting to help them out. So imagine I was that person, what questions would you ask me to help me make my decision, what advice would you give me? Take those questions and advice and apply them to yourself and hopefully that should help.
I understand that all sounds a bit odd, and I'm going to add a further strange suggestion. You could also take you're question and copy it into a word document or something similar, and then answer it like I'm answering you're question right now, remembering to imagine it is not you're situation but a random person. Hopefully,if you do it willwork out in such a way that you will have you're decision made
Overall I'm hoping that if nothing else, you will take from my advice that the answer is within in you, although it should not be an impulsive decision. Also, the suggestions i made weren't just random solutions actually work, I know alot of people who work things out in this way, so its maybe worth trying.
Regardless, I hope you make a decision you are happy with, good luck
Mike =)
i'm 18 years old and i have a lisp, not the kind you usually hear but the kind when you talk and sh and ch sound different, and people always make fun of me. i've never had a boyfriend and i think that it's horrible, i always feel like i want to die because no guys like me. i don't think i'm ugly lots of people tell me i'm pretty some even say i'm beautiful and i do have some very good friends. but why don't guys like me?? i just don't know what is wrong with me besides my lisp.
There was once a writer who said "Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities". I've always felt it was the same for relationships and love, if you conciously try to find its not going to work because you're trying to force it and force never works. So you shouldn't think about it too much, in fact you shouldn't think about it at all, you're only putting pressure on yourself which theres no need to do. At the end of the day I think most people would rather find one absolutely brilliant relationship than several kind of semi good ones. So maybe your brilliant relationship is on the way you've just got to be patient.
Another thing, you shouldn't think 'whats wrong with me?' its wrong because everyones different, that is who you are and again you shouldn't try to figure out somethin about yourself and force somethin to change so that people will like you,why should you? You are what you are, its like the one thing in life you shouldn't have to worry about because you can guarantee its stable,so why would you change that?
Also, yes I am well aware that we live in a shallow shallow world, but physically obvious things like lisps are not going to stop anyone from liking you, its one of these things that gradually becomes less and less important the more people get to know you. If it does frustrate you then just concentrate on making sure everyone gets to see your personality more to make up for it.
Ultimately,you need to stop worrying because at the end of the day, as harsh as it sounds, it can't possibly change anything, so you just have to say 'right i'm going to be positive' and not let this annoy me.
I think what I have said may sound quite strong or harsh but from talking to other people about these kind of things, I think you need to be in this kinda of situation, so please forgive me.
I hope you feel better
Mike
is there a way to cut out the begining of a song and keep the rest?
Well theres a programme called Audacity which you can use to do that, you can download it for free, just google it, and its fairly straight forward.All you do is open the mp3 using the programme and it basically shows you the whole thing by the activity per second in the song and you can cut out whatever bit you like just by highlighting it with your mouse and pressing 'delete'. Only thing is make sure you download the 'lame' file as well as the main file on whatever page you use because when you have edited the track this helps turn it back in to mp3 format.
Hope this helps =)
My friend is taking lots of drugs.
I asked her what she's taken and she listed a lot of things including Crack and LSD...
Shrooms, E, pot... Much, much more.
)': It hurts me a lot to know this...
What can I do?
I want to help her...
But when she's not on drugs, she gets really depressed. and Cuts her self...
She use to cut herself, then got on drugs... now doesn't cut herself...
What can I do or say?
My advice may be to get to the root of the problem,find out whats causing her to take drugs or cut herself because even if that doesn't help her get of drugs straight away it would probably make things better in the long run. Just as long as your careful not to be to blunt about it, try and get her to talk through whatever it is thats on your mind. It is often said that someone cutting themselves is either because they loathe themselves or they are looking for attention, by trying to talk to her about what goes on/has gone on in her life you'll could deal with both of those.
I think what i'm really trying to say is, if someones gonna take drugs, its quite hard to just say no dont take drugs and thats probably what anyone else you mentioned it to would say and rehab or going to any kind of clinics all cost money, which not everyone has. So identifying the root of the problem and dealing with it may work out the best long-term. Just get involved in her life basically and make sure she knows your there for her.
Hoping things improve
Mike
what are some rockish punk bands like sum41,blink 182,and the offspring? they can be old or new, thanks !
Motion City Soundtrack are a really good band who sound like some of the pop stuff that blink do, also Mark Hoppus is really into them and I believe he's producing their next album, so thats gotta be worth something. NOFX are more like the offspring and some of blink's old stuff but their stuff is great and really energetic. Billy Talent are also very punk-like, they don't sound much like the bands you mentioned but if you like those bands then you'll like billy talent...if that makes sense haha =)
Mike
My favorite kind of music is the singer/song writer acoustic music. The john mayer, jack johnson, jake coco, ben harper, ben folds, jason mraz, dave barnes.
Question:
Are there any more unknown artists that i can find music like this from? I'm not a fan of the main stream music... and no DMB please. Thanks in advance!
Definately look up Death Cab for Cuite especially their album'Plans'. If you're wanting something a little bit more out there try Bright Eyes, although I would look at his 'I'm wide awake it's morning'album first because its more likely to appeal to those listening to him for the first time =)
Firstly, I am 15 and female. And my life is good right now, so I don't know why I would be sad but, anyways, this is my problem (please read, I know its long)...
I was looking through my previous questions from a couple years ago, and I realised I felt very sad at that period of time.
Then I went through a good phase, for more than a year.
Now I seem to be having the same feelings I had a couple years ago.
First was 7th grade, I was feeling lonely and depressed, next would've been the end of 8th grade, and now I am feeling the same in 10th grade.
It has come VERY sudden, A few weeks ago I was happy, now I have cried my self to sleep, held back tears when sad about nothing, hated my self and hated everyone and hated my life all in just a week.
The most recent sadness started about... last Thursday, then I was happy on the weekend (a bit angry, but happy), now I am sad again...
I am thinking it is school, but it feels like it might be a bit more serious.
Anyways, I heard that when u are depressed u get sad for a while, then you go happy, then sad, and it coninues for the rest of you life.
Do you think I have depression, or its just a sad time in my life, or its hormones?
I really hope I don't have depression, please help and dont hold back the truth :)
Thanks,
-Nat
Honestly,I don't believe you have depression but there is obviously something causing these feelings so maybe you just have to figure out what they are. There are usually two things which can cause you to feel like this. Either you aren't comfortable with yourself or else there is something subconciously frustrating and upsetting you.
Being uncomfortable with yourself can cause feelings such as those you are having because you feel like you aren't really doing what you feel is right, just what is neccessary to fit in and so it can feel like you are cheating yourself. So first of all I would try and figure out how comfortable you are with yourself, how well you know yourself and if you are really living a life that on surface that may seem happy and fun but is in fact against what you really want. To do this I would recommmend following some of the ideas from this link (http://www.innerworkspublishing.com/news/vol7/awareness.htm) which i actually found on another thread of this site so the credit should go to KayMay719 who originally suggested it to someone else.
If there i something that is subconciously upsetting you then this can either be discovered by talking over your day with someone or else writing out the days events and how they made you feel on a regular basis because in doing this you will start to see patterns emerging and perhaps you will find that on each occassion you have found yourself unhappy, there has been a occurence on each of these days or weeks which has led to the unhappiness and then you can either remove whatever it is that is making you unhappy from your life or else deal with it in some way. To do this I would recommend starting a blog or a journal or something similar because it takes very little effort and is useful if there is nobody around to talk to.
This may seem like a strange suggestion, but exercise of any form is a great way to get rid of depressing feelings. I know that when ever i'm feeling a bit down going out for a run or a jog always helps because it clears my mind. Exercise also means that you will become less lazy or tired (not saying you are of course) all the time and that is often when depression sinks in, when we are not feeling at our healthiest.
Finally, one thing that is key to getting rid of such feelings is to get out of your own head. By this i mean stop overthinking things, which is very tough at first but everytime you get worried or upset about anything and all these thoughts start to fire into your head at a million miles an hour about how everything is wrong, like is usually the case with depressing feelings, then just say NO i will not think about this. The reason this is so hard is because often depressing feelings often become like a comfort zone in that it is naturally easier to be depressed than it is to be happy. So what you need to do is get out of the routine of going into negative thoughts, just keep saying NO.
It is difficult to get out of the way of feeling like this but trust me if you can keep going for a couple of weeks at first and really force yoruself to be more positive (and if you do have negative feelings to get them out straight away) then it will become more and more natural.
I hope you feel better regardless of whether you follow these ideas =)
Mike
last night, we were up late together in person.
we started a small argument about wanting and not wanting to do sexual things with each other. then he began to cry (which he rarely does) and said that he was sorry for forcing me to do something i didn't want to. i told him it was alright, but he didn't believe me.
so today, he didn't answer my text for about 20 minutes and i was like, alright that's fine. then he texted me - "baby, i'm so sorry i didn't text you back quicker. i'm such an asshole, i should have paid more attention." i was like, what? o.O because i didn't care that he didn't reply ASAP. i can live without him texting me within 20 minutes.
it's just pretty recent.. and i don't know why he's suddenly so clingy to me. sometimes he jokes around like, "ohh you can't get out of the car until you kiss me :)".
i love him to death and i like my space. any ideas why its so sudden?
Maybe if you guys have been going out a while he's starting to feel like you're losing interest, or maybe he thinks your becoming interested in other guys. I think if that is the case all you need to do is make sure he knows that you're only interested in him or that you're not getting bored or that you're just happy with the relationship. Although I would advise doing it in a more subtle way that just bluntly saying it to him. If it isn't the case that he is feeling this way then by saying these things you're not gonna look stupid or anything like that and if it is the case there should be a very obvious difference in the way he is acting. Therefore it is definately worth trying this approach, you can't lose =)
Hope your situation improves =)
Mike
When your running what are good things to think about to help get you through it and keep you going?
I think I know where you're coming from, I get really bored when running so what I started doing not so long a go was making lists of things.So when I go out I think right whats my top 25 songs I've ever heard and then once I've done that think, wheres my 15 most favourite places in the world or who are my ten most favourite people. It requires a bit of concentration as you begin to think of more objects to go in the list, and the places keep changing so it keeps you distracted. Music is definately a good idea, but why not also try downloading some radio programmes, I live in the UK where most radio stations let you do this I don't know if it will be the same where you stay. If you download a factual programme about something that interests you,then you'll also be easily distracted =)
This question pertains to the affects of alcohol on the human body. If you have no experience drinking, or you're 15 and you only think you have it, please move on. This question is not for you.
Ok, so I hosted a going away party for a coworker last Saturday, which is odd since I knew that particular coworker couldn't make it. Basically, me and a bunch of guys from work got drunk and played Guitar Hero. About halfway through my third drink, typically close to my personal safety cut-off point, I noticed I was getting far too drunk. Normally at this time I'd barely be buzzed, but I remembered I hadn't eaten anything in anticipation of us all ordering pizza, which never happened. Not to mention, I'd made my drinks stronger than usual for no discernable reason.
About a half hour after I'd stopped myself, I knew I was past the point of no return and spent the night worshipping the porcelain god. Kinda killed the vibe and most everyone left. When I realized I hadn't eaten, I was left with two choices.
1. Quickly eat something in an effort to absorb some of the alcohol and avoid yelling at the toilet, while risking a much more painful vomiting session if it fails.
2. Stop drinking, resort to water, and hope for the best. If I vomit, it will be liquid and will hurt less. This is the option I chose.
My question is, would I have been wiser to quickly down some food to try and bring myself back from the brink? Or would it have been futile and made my unintentional all-nighter that much worse? I'll be much more careful to eat before drinking from this point on, but I'd like to know if the whole experience could have been avoided.
Actually I've always found that the best thing to do in order to sober up quite quickly is to watch a part of a film or some good tv which will make your brain start to focus a bit more and bring a sense of normality about.I always do this for about an hour when i come in after having too much and i always feel better for it. It doesn't necessarily have to be watching something, as long as its something you can become engaged with for a short period of time and which will make you think just a little bit
Also i think everyone is different in terms of the eating/drinking water to sober up, but i would say from my experiences eating bread on its own is the best, as like you say it absorbs the alcohol and is uncomplicated so is unlikely to encourage sickness even if it dones't prevent it. As for drinking I would say anything would usually be fine but avoid caffeine, as it combined with alcohol seems be twice as effective meaning you can't sleep that horribble drunken feeling away and despite what other people are saying water isn't a bad idea because when drinking you become dehydrated and obviously water would be the primary cure for that.
So, overall I would personally recommend bread, water and something you can focus on for an hour or so. The thing is, if your gonna be sick, it usually doesn't make too much of a difference what else you eat or drink , your still gonna be sick (or at least feelin sick) even if you don't feel it till the morning. The effects however can be dramtically lessened, in my opinion, by following my suggestions :)
water - rehdrates you
bread - absorbs alcohol
something to focus on - returns you to a more stable familiar state of mind and a more normal environment
Happy Drinking!
Mike
whats the extra scene in the new harry potter movie? i dont know what people are talking about
also
did the scene where he saw the "pretty girl" happen in the book? i dont remember
I think it might be the scene where 'The Burrow' gets burnt and Harry runs out into the fields, its been a while since i read the book but I don't remember that at all, although perhaps i'm mistaken.
I'm not sure what you mean by the second question haha. Sorry =/
Mike
i really need help learing and getting to know myself better and find who i am. how can i do this
This may sound crazy at first, but it worked for a lot of people I know. Basically imagine yourself in a world which is essentially a blank canvas, and imagine you are in control of everything in it. You create it and all the people in it. What would would the people be like? Would it be chaotic or peaceful? Wealthy? Would everyone have an occupation or would everyone just live like hippies? What kind of job would you have? What would you spend your days doing? If you do this and ask yourself the questions you'll start to figure out what kind of people you really like or what environment you would like to find yourself in (which gives you something to strive for).I know it sounds crazy but the worst that can happen is you waste 120 seconds of your life so why not try it.
Although the link in the previous post provides some very usefull ideas as well so I definately wouldn't ignore those.
Good Luck :)
lately all my boyfriend and i do is fight, ive asked several questions on here about him.. this time i have a diffrent one.
when we fight he always ends up leaving and i feel so depressed that ill grab a beer or two or something harder like Jack daniels, Jim Bean, Smirnoff vodka, or anything really that we have i usually only drink at partys and that was only smirnoff ice but from partying with people who only usually drink bud light, i got a taste for it.. i usually party on fridays or every other partys and thats when i drink but now im drinking what seems to be a couple times during the week but thats only if i get into an argument i dont want to but its the only thing that makes me feel calm and i cool down and i dont feel depressed like a few minutes ago i cracked open a bud light because my boyfriend just left and i was crying histeriacllly.. and now i feel a little better.. its weird my dad is an alcoholic and someone called me an alcholic the other day and i dont think i am.. i barley ever drink.. does it sound like im an alcoholic? and i heard that beer makes you deppresed but i feel the happiest when im drinking.. what do i do? i dont want to be like that but its just what makes me feel happy..
im 17/f please help
Well, I honestly can't say I know how much you have to drink to be an alcoholic but to me the drinking sounds like a routine that you have adopted which has confused you. Let me explain.
First of all, when you drink, after he leaves, you always reach for a bottle of something and then you gradually begin to feel more comfortable and relaxed.
Have you ever thought how it may not be the alcohol that has helped but merely the time on your own, which has allowed you to deal with your thoughts, take a step back from what has just happened and ultimately relax?
If this is the case then it is possible that your brain has simply made an association between the alcohol and being more relaxed, rather than what has really made you feel better which is the time passing and you dealing with your thoughts which lead to you being more relaxed.
If this is the case perhaps all you need to do is to find an alternative routine after he leaves, for example maybe you could intentionally sort out your thoughts and feelings after he leaves (blogs are a very useful tool for doing this, I’d recommend it, all you have to do is type away) or else talk to a friend.
That would be my first solution; however it may also be the fact that alcohol has become an escape for you from dealing with the problems. In which case I would strongly recommend the previous solution, as bottling things up isn’t a good idea, as well as finding a new healthier way to escape whether it be going for a run or to the gym to get some aggression out or else listening to really loud or really chilled out music, something that will distract you in some way temporarily before you go on and deal with whatever your feeling at a later stage.
So, overall I would say, personally, that you don’t sound like an alcoholic but it would be a very good idea to change that routine as eventually if the levels you were drinking continue to increase to much larger levels then it could be damaging in ways, as i am sure you are aware. I hope this was of some use and was clear enough, if not let me know x