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i don't want to sound obsessive?
theres this guy i like and ive known him for awhile and since my boyfriend and i just ended out relationship he started talking to me alot when he signs onto AIM it takes him about 6 seconds to IM me.. i actually counted one day when i saw him IM me lol. anyways and he always asks me to call him at night and were on the phone for at least an hour or more and ill usually text him when hes at work and we talk for awhile then to.. well since i just came out of a relationship i dont want to seem like.. i really like this guy, but i kinda do and sometimes he says that it doesnt sound like im intrested in talking to him, when i really am so thats my first question.. how do i sound interested without sounding like not obsessive but.. really like him? i don't want him to be freaked out because i really do like him a lot.
my second question is we BOTH agreed on hooking up like its just something we want to do (hook up as in sex) and he asked me on the phone if i would be mad or upset if he hooked up with another girl to because right now were like friends with benefits HE IS NOT A PLAYER. He hasn't had sex in over a year, because he simply doesn't want to do it with someone he doesn't like but this other girl asked him if he wants to hook up and he said he wasn't sure and i told him.. i don't care and he said oh okay.. but i really do care i just dont want to push what we have like were friends with benefits now and i dont want to make it look like i want more if he doesn't? its confusing but should i just not tell him i care if he hooks up with another girl.. since were not dating?or what do i say to that?
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Hey.
Well it sounds like you really do like him a lot, you just need to get him to see that. I honestly wouldn't worry about sounding obsessed or freaking him out because he seems to want you to be interested in him, which means he is interested in you. But at the same time... why do you think he is asking you to be friends with benefits? Is he not looking for a relationship?
I know that you told him that you didn't care what he did because you thought it would make you sound like you aren't obsessed with him. But in my opinion by telling him that you "don't care what he does" it sounds like you really AREN'T that interested in him. I think you need to be honest with him and tell him that you really are starting to like him and that it kind of hurt when he said he was going to hook up with another girl. He will see how serious you are about him and maybe he will change his mind about hooking up with the other girl. Have you ever thought that the reason he doesn't want a relationship is because he doesn't think that you are that interested in him? I think that playing hard to get or saying that you don't care when you actually do, isn't going to help the situation. Tell him the truth. What's the worst that can happen?
Take care. And good luck. <3
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The best way to let him know you were interested,I think, would be to be increasingly more friendly or flirtacious with him, but gradually but do it with confidence, because its usually when you're nervous as you'll come across as perhaps obsessive. So just by doing simple things like complimenting him more than you usually would, and gradually increasing the compliments per time you speak. If he starts to do the same back, then things are going perfectly, if he doesn't respond with similar responses then take a step back,give it a break for a while and then start building it up again. Of course, this applies to whatever form of flirting you would usually use, gradually making your feelings more obvious while monitoring his reactions to this is all you need to do =)
As for the 'hooking up' just try and give him a reason not to do it, for example 'Well maybe you're just rushing into this because you haven't had sex for a while' or something like that that might put doubt in his mind and maybe he'll reconsider.
However!!! If you are going to take this advice remember
1) it would be much easier to be just completely straight forward and say what you think
2) if you do try and change his mind about hooking up with the other girl,you could not only be damaging him but also the other girl involved znc you need to consider whether or not you can deal with the guilt of this.
I undestand you're in a difficult situation and so it was hard to give any real advice but I hope I've helped in some way.
Good Luck with your decision
Mike x
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