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I've been in a relationship with a girl from overseas for almost two years. I'm a 26 y/o guy, and she's 24. She came with me here about a year and a half ago. I treat her well, romance her, buy her roses, bake her cakes, take her out when I have time, tell her that she's beautiful, help her look for work, and a lot with English.
Last year she started acting funny and talking about a guy, and I found out she cheated on me by looking at her phone, and reading her emails (Not saying this was right, just that I did it). I confronted her, but I never really felt she thought what she did was wrong. I promised not to look at her stuff again.
For the half year since then she's been using her phone a ton, and hiding it from me. Lately she has been getting calls and messages from the guy she cheated with on me again, so often that even though she doesn't want me to know, it's inevitable that I would see at some point. She gets pissed off over trivial things, she's stuck to her phone 24/7, we hardly ever have sex anymore, and sometimes I don't feel like she even wants to be here.
So I gave her time, and everything just felt kind of wrong. I broke my promise and checked up on her. She's still cheating on me, and things never really stopped. She tells me she's faithful, nothing has happened, and she loves me, but I know she's lying.
Recently she got offered her dream job in my country, and the contract process is happening fairly quickly. She's staying here on a Partner visa with me, and we live together. If I break up with her, she either has to leave within a month, or become illegal. Apart from that, it will obviously make my life more hellish for that month than it already is living with a person who you know is lying to you with a straight face, while making out with another guy. I know that she is planning to stay with me for the two years it will take for her to gain permanent residence, and then leave me for the guy she is cheating on me with.
In my country, you can only ever sponsor two people to be partners, and if your first partner is granted PR, the length your second one has to wait grows to 5 years, rather than just 2.
I don't know how to handle breaking up with her, and what to say to who, when. I don't want to be taken advantage of, or have my name smeared by this. Breaking up with her before she gets PR will pretty much destroy her whole life as she knows it. She quit her job to come here with me, which is kind of a black spot on her employment history in her home country. I feel angry and upset about what she has done to our relationship, but I'm still battling feelings of love for her, and I don't want to see her broken. I wish everything I know about what's happened could be a lie, but I know it's not, so I have to deal with it.
To complicate things, accepting the job involves costly medical and security checks for her, and may mean we consider moving. I'm at university, and I only just found this out, right before the exam period. I really don't want to think about this before exams, and I definitely don't want to break up with her just before my first exam, so I am putting it off, but I feel so guilty for "supporting" her through the process of getting checks and references for this job that I know will be difficult if not impossible for her to keep.
What would you do?
What should I tell her? The truth? Or that I've fallen out of love, but don't know why? Or that one of her friends told me the truth?
How do I deal with the stress of living together with this oblivious lying girl who tells me she loves me?
What should I do to handle the resistance that I'm likely to have to breaking up with her? She won't want to break up with me, because she wants PR.
Can you tell me some steps and the order in which I might do them?
Any other general advice about the situation that I haven't asked a specific question about is more than welcome.
Thanks in advance.
-Troubled (link)
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tell the girl that she should please tell you the truth if she still love you that you will not brake up with her because of her visa stuff and you will help here as best as you can with the job. then tell her if she tell you that she loves you and you notice otherwise then you will break up with her. now if she say she don't love you free you mind, don't feel bad and don't brake up with her because of a visa till she have a stay. that will make her guilty and it can even make her come to her senses but if she did not change you will get a better girl that will even love you more for what you have done for this girl.
but if she say she love you then believe her don't doubt you may be wrong keep showing her love. then test her by bringing a girl in as you new girl. if she does not react then she does not love you. but if she does tell her you sorry that you just don't understand her again. I think she would change like that
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So I am a 19 year old girl from Europe who moved to LA last June.
I met a guy the first week I came here and eventually we started dating. He's 23 from around LA and unfortunately in a gang.
Just so we're clear, I am not one of those girls who looks for danger and would intentionally date a gang member. It just happened.
I just recently told my parents I've been seeing someone for a little over a year and that I'm in love. They don't know anything about him, just his name.
The thing is, I know how they would react if I told them what he does. I know how every parent would react..
He's really a great guy and never put me in danger
So basically I'm just looking for advice on how to tell my parents about him. Or should I not mention some things ? (link)
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Your parent will not be happy about it no matter how you tell them so the best thing is to do something about the gang issue because it would affect you, if not now then it would be in the future. you will be putting yourself through the mental stress of thinking about his safety every time knowing is a gang member and you are not save too. I know it is not easy but you need to pull out off the relationship now before you get too attach. many guys will still come you way that would be better then him it all depend on if you ready to see them.
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Everywhere on the web: “why are American children so spoiled?" “why are Americans so obsessed with how they look?" What makes them so racist and judgy. I'm an Amarican child and I'm a little spoiled I admit but I don't care much about how I look, but people obsess on how they look all over the world yet Americans are singled out on mistakes and flaws everyone does. And Afganistan, and all communist and dictatorship hate us to hell. I watched a documentary on life in Cuba and in one scene a mother and child were talking about the U.S military: mother,“the American military is just Latin Americans." Child,“why?" Mother,“they are promised citizenship, education and health care, education is really expensive there." Child,“it's horrible." Mother,“yes. And in the end, they get nothing." How dare they! The military is patriotic, brave Amaricans who are fighting for their country. My great uncle died in the military. And other countries blow up everything and bomb everything, it's not fair. What did we do to them? (link)
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Am not an American and I have noting against America. All those hate is just base on jealousy because america is the most powerful country on earth. that is just human beings for you
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18 F
I've been battling depression for about a year now and i think I've been getting better but every once and a while I have a relapse. The other night I had a break down and I started cutting again and it got bad. I've now got a whole load of scars that weren't there before. I have also been dating my boyfriend for two months now but for the past two weeks he has been on vacation and now he gets back in four days and I don't know what I'm going to do. He's only seen the old marks which had faded decently and he thinks I'm better. How am I suppose to explain these marks to him?! He's going to be discusted with me and hate me for how pathetic and weak I am. I don't know what to do and I'll know he'll see them and hate me. I don't want I lose him over my weakness. Someone please help :(
And yes I have seen a doctor and therapy so please no lectures about going to the doctor and taking pills blah blah cuz they don't work. And none have worked for the past six months (link)
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ok first I would advice you to tell you boy friend this. I know you will hate me if I tell you these. the scar is me I got depressed I fill ashamed about it but I would not forgive my self if I lie to you about it and am working on it. thank god you here your presence is making feel better already.
secondly about the depression well I don't know much about it. but I think if you engaged yourself in activities you like and find a reason why you must not be depress, like I don't want to be depressed cause of my boy friend or something else, something you value and love. I think that will help
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My husband is in the military and after 13 years he is separating due to medical reasons. He wants to move back to our hometown to be near both of our families, primarily his mother and aunt. Well, I am hesitate. I didn't have the best childhood due to both of my parents being alcoholics. They both still drink heavily and can get violent and emotional when doing so. My oldest brother still lives in the area and drinks excessively as well. To top it off, my sister-in-law and her husband live about an hour away and love to drink and party and are somewhat open swingers. Their sexually active 15 year old daughter is free to do as she pleases and their 12 year old son is often left on his own. While I respect my husband for wanting to be near his mother and his disabled aunt, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact of being near the rest of our family. While it would be nice to be near family, this is not the situation I have envisioned. I don't want our children thinking drinking excessively and having multiple partners is okay. Should I accept the fact we are moving back and deal with the situation as it comes or continue trying to talk my husband into moving somewhere else? (link)
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don't move unless you want to be a full time mum. watching all your kids movement. again you must create a relationship with you kids let them know they can tell you anything. so that when there going wrong you will know. you have to educate about sex, drinking and all those things because they will still learn about them whether from you or their friends but it would be better if they learn from you. and when you are discussing with them about this things let them know they are addictive so it would be best if they just stay away. again when you telling them about this things make sure you don't hide anything with a lie so they will have no reason to doubt your words
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As a 58 yr old, married female, I am embarrassed to say I put myself in a bad situation. Up to two yrs ago, I had a high paying job my entire working career and my independence. Chances of getting that back are slim to none. I have little to show for it now, with a small cash reserve, a modest IRA and 401k, but no income. Long story short, at my husband's insistence and his promise to provide, "I'll take care of everything, you don't have to worry, what's mine is yours" scenario, I quit my job and moved with him to a foreign county where he accepted an assignment where I cannot work. Meanwhile, he has benefited financially with my help and he controls all money, all decisions, keeps me completely in the dark about everything. I am on a need to know basis. If I say or do anything he does not like, I am threatened with divorce. He is not all bad and does not physically abuse me, but emotionally I feel ruined and my self esteem is low. Frankly, I am terrified of my future and I don't know what to do. I haven't mentioned that he is impatient, stubborn and doesn't listen to anyone most of the time. He makes promises he doesn't keep. After arguments or whenever he gets upset about something, he won't talk to me for days or weeks until I apologize for whatever it is and then he reprimands me further to "behave," and most (but not all) of the time he is at fault. I feel so lost, I can't make any decisions and don't know what to do. Any advice? (link)
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next tell him that you want a divorce and go back to you home country. you have to start saving up from what you get from him. but you did not tell us whether you 2 have kids together
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20/f
I've hardly had any friends because I didn't want to be anybody's slave,so to speak. I've always been called ugly just because I'm not skinny and I don't wear make-up (I put eyeshadow and mascara on sometimes) and because I don't have money for branded clothes. I've always been called a nerd because I liked to study and have all A's and thanks to that now I'm studying medicine. I'm labeled as boring because I don't go partying every weekend,getting drunk and having sex with many guys. Nobody wants to get to know me,they all judge either on what they see or what they hear about me. No matter what I try no guy will notice me. It's like I'm invisible. And the most hated person in the world. How to be confident and have self worth when your life is like this? I don't wanna stop living,even though it had crossed my mind. I can't exactly talk to anyone about this because they think I'm being a drama queen. Nobody takes into account how I really feel. (link)
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wow I want you to change your thinking that people hates you. sometimes it do affects you and make people to hate you. again people who are good like you will only attract good people, all the guys that don't notice you is just because there not good like you. you will see that when you see a guys that is nice and want you, he will treat right. those guys need girls they will to have sex with. don't be desperate so you will not fall in to wrong hand. when I got my girl I was the first guy in her life I treat her with care because she different from others. you so special girl you just have to wait for the special guy.
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I really wanna get into creative arts, such as art, acting, singing, writing etc... but my mom wants me in something involving academics because she thinks she needs someone to know what's going on and my dad wants me to do something athletic because he loves sports, and I like sports, to be honest, but not enough to put my heart into. You know, wake up 2:00am to practice, and I like sciences and politics, but after 30 minutes I'll get bored out of my mind. I know about the paparazzi, but to follow my passion I would deal with it. I'm afraid they won't support me. What should I do? (link)
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your life is your life you have to take charge of it. so go be whatever you want to be but be sure that what you want be by first doing it , like writing songs, sing to you friends and so on. through this you would be sure that is what you want. then you can go and tell your parent about it
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Recently i got a new teacher and i find him really odd(not sure if he is flirty). the way he talks to me is different. He stares at me while taking class. He even comes and sits near me if the desk is empty. And i usually sit in the first bench so he pulls his chair and puts it near my bench and sits. he also stares at me. Mostly i dont look at him i put my face down when he is near. He doesnt look at my face alone while teaching or clearing doubt. i feel very uncomfortable. even if i have doubt in the subject i feel uncomfortable to ask him. he is married and 30+. (link)
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he may truly develop interest in you but it may not be dating interest, it may be academic interest may he thinks you intelligent. just be free till he prove otherwise
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This guy is obsessed with me. It's been going on for years. I had a feeling at first that feeling was confirmed when he wrote a poem. This poem was about me and it was sexually explicit. So I got scared and stopped going to the same places as him etc. So fast forward two years and I stopped being scared. So, I wanted to see what kind of feelings does he have for me. He likes to keep our conversations short which frustrates me. Its really hard to tell what kind of person he is or how crazy he is from talking to him. My conclusion was he is really shy and has a big crush on me. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. When I tried to make conversation with him I asked if he had a Tumblr. He said “No”. I later found out that he indeed does have a Tumblr. Some other guy gave me the address. When I first visited his blog I became intrigued. Its erotic and I loved it Then I began to read some stories that he wrote. And what do you know? They are about me. It’s like I’m his muse. At this point he will not receive anymore contact from me. Because he is obviously sick and needs help and I don’t want to fuel his obsession. Also I think he is cyberstalking me. There’s more however I will not share at this time for personal reasons. What do you think? Thanks. :)
(link)
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it all depends on if u love him if you can stand him. all what is doing, is freaky behavior you can change that but you must be sure you ready to go down that part if not just stay away from him. but if you realtime love him you need to reach out to him. first tell him to stop pasting or writing stuff about you instead he should be telling you those stuff face to face you have let him feel that he can tell you every thing so from there you start telling him what you like and don't like about him. and he will be the man you want him to be but you need to be careful
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really weird question i know, i love women 100%, i've only been with women, i prefer deep relationships and i love foreplay, every inch of the female body is amazing.
but if im out of a relationship and its been a year or two between sexual encounters on a few occasions being insanely alone i enjoy to put on a womens bra, stuff socks inside and masterbate, thinking of a girl just getting love whether with a man or female, i have no female qualities and very secure in the fact that i am a man but is this a fetish of loneliness? why do i do this? i feel guilty and disgusted afterwards but when im in the moment feeling what would be breast is amazing at times. I don't know, scared to talk about this so if you have nothing nice to say please don't say anything at all. i am 23 (link)
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you need a girl that will show you love. you have to look for that girl and stop feeling guilty it going to keep waying u down and this will affect your life negatively.
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hi, I'm 26 year old girl. i had an medical abortion on 2nd may. i used misoprostol for it. it almost bleeds one and half week. after that a little bleeding and brownish dischrage continues at the interval of 4-6 days which start n stops several time. all sympotms of pregnancy were gone. after three weeks on 24 may i took home test and it was positive. My last menstrual date was 23 april. and on 24 may i was feeling little pain in my pelvic same as on my period.....bleeding is also continue from 23 may and it is still going on...but the amount of bleeding is not so heavy....it soaks hardely one pad in a day. im confuse is it my period aur what???? i heard that after an abortion in next period bleeding will go heavily. im also confuse that termination is worked or not?? i dont want to go for an ultrasound....plz suggest me something. I'm suffering from so much stress.
(link)
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what has been done has been done but next time don't do it again. you don't have to be afraid u have to have that scan because is what that can tell what is really going on, don't be afraid.
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I am a girl,age 23. my father has died in 2009, my mom is alive but she never take care of me. i live with my elder sister,she has 3 kids. she always quarreled with me. if i don't do any household work, she got angry with me. i have boyfriend,who never let me cry,he love me so much.i didn't meet with him for last 3month because my sister never allowed me to meet with him. i stay my room whole day lonely.nobody of my family call me or ask me anything. my study is also hampering day by day. for my condition my boy friend also feeling very bad for me and his study also destroying day by day.i cant tolerate this anymore.it is seem to me that my death is the nice solution for all.my family will get rid of me and my boyfriend will get a better life.i have no way to live.what should i do beyond this?
(link)
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suicide is not an option because has long has you are alive you have chance to be what ever you want to be. any time you are sad think about your boyfriend, think about how is going to make you happy. then you need to find a solution out off this there is always a solution just know that this is to make you stronger because you are a unique being and soon you will get the true happiness you deserve
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