Just be yourself. Remember it's not about all the stuff on the outside. That stuff never brings you happiness or fulfillment. These things make us happy very short term, then we have to buy a new outfit or change it. Once I realized that keeping up with all the fashion trends was bringing me down and not doing anything for me I became a lot happier person. With that said wear what you want, be free about expressing yourself. Don't let it affect your financial situation though. If it's costing you money that should be spent on other things then it's a problem. A person can be a shopoholic as much as an alcoholic or overeater, etc. If I were face to face with you I would want to know how you are doing spiritually and mentally. Maybe there is something else missing that requires you to keep changing. Try to figure out what need this change fills in your life and is there another way to fill it. One last thing, being indecisive is a bad thing. Not being able to make choices or dragging them on can be a huge cause of depression. I am not sure if any of that is going on here with the limited amount of information you've given but try to take a look at other areas in your life and see if you're a decisive person or if you have problems making decisions in other places too. Hope I was helpful. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

Wow that's a lot to happen in a couple of months. I'd need to know what you mean by inflammed. How long has it been since you've had sex? Is is painful? How many times have you been having relations? It could be that your using something that hasn't been used before and it is simply irritation. If you take it slow and stop for awhile and then gradually start up again, the problem may clear up. If it's not simply irritation, then you need to go to a doctor. If you are embarrased to go to your regular doctor for this there are plenty of clinics that deal with venerial diseases and the like. The doctors at those clinics are usually pros at stuff like this. They can take one look usually and figure out if you have anything and if you do what it is. Most are curable so not to worry. AIDS which is not does not show in this way. Herpes most likely wouldn't show up this fast. I have a friend who recently had soreness and puss in that region. She got all worked up about it only to find that it was an ingrown hair follicle. It caused a sist which she had removed, so you never really know with these things. So it's probably nothing to get to worried about but you should definately stop your sexual activity immediately and go see a doctor. Hope I was helpful. That's my advice.

We need to treat each of these issues seperately. First don't worry about things you don't have control over. If you have lukemia(god forbid) there are ways to treat and deal with it. Don't think about all that until you know for sure that you have it, it is not constructive and will bring you down worse, be positive. As for mono, lots of people get mono. It simply takes a few months to get rid of. It makes you very sleepy and lethargic. Are you sleepy all the time, I mean "ALL THE TIME". If you have energy you probably don't have mono. The doctors, if they're good, can test for all this stuff and you should know in a matter of days. If you find out you have this stuff, treat it in the most appropriate way that your doctor/s tell you to. The heart murmur is a tough one. Many people have heart murmurs from time to time. If you don't have it regularly it's hard for them to figure out what it is cause you literally have to have it going on while you're in the doctors office and he needs to get you hooked up to a machine before it goes away. I wouldn't worry to much about it unless it's a regular thing or it's debilitating in some way. I have heart murmurs from time to time and have since I was young. I have them a lot less now than in the past as I have done away with a lot of stress in my life and live healthier. The bottom line is be positive. You won't be dealt anything you can't handle. If you break your leg you need a cast. If you are hungry you eat. If you feel sick you go to the doctor/s, get tests done, and wait for the results. That's what you are doing now, no need to pannick. Whatever happens with the tests you'll then know what you need to do next. You've done the right thing so far. Just remember be positive through all of this, positive thinking can cure a lot. Hope I was helpful. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

The answers are not outside. They are not at school. All the answers are in between your ears. It's all in your head. Now I know that doesn't make it any easier, but think about what about home makes you depressed. Change it. Keep busy. The times we are most depressed is when we are alone. Why don't you like your family? Start to like them. What? you ask. Really start to like them. Stop looking at the annoying things and look at the positive. Maybe your mom is on top of you to do things, so do them. Get them done before she asks you. I didn't say this was going to be easy but you'll be a lot happier. Don't focus on the fact that she doesn't do something the way you want her to, focus on the fact that dinner was really good. Or maybe just the fact that she took the effort to make you dinner. You can be a positive force for yourself and others around you. It will make a huge difference in your life. I don't know enough information to tell you more than that. Be reissured most people out there have or are suffering from depression, so you are not alone. I don't know if you are in an abussive household or anything like that, if you are then we are talking about something very different and it's a good thing to tell your counselor about that. But if it's not abusive then you have to do something about your depression. Do is the definitive word. Do something. Help yourself. I know that you can better your own life even at an early age if you put some action into it. Hope I was helpful. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

I don't blame her. Listen I wouldn't hang around somebody or for sure date anybody who was getting intoxicated all the time. If one of my friends was dating somebody like that I could see myself distancing from that person so I could stay away from that bad element. She's just protecting herself. It has nothing to do with you. It's not that you are any different she just doesn't want to take the risk of being around anybody who is involved in this sort of stuff, and I for one agree with her. But she is not really relevant to your situation. What is relelvant is that you're dating a drug user, possibly an addict. First of all how do you know he doesn't do it around you. He could easily get wasted before he meets up with you which I would bet happens regularly and you know that it does. Second it's not safe to be with a guy like that. What if he drives drunk. What if he starts using harder drugs. What if he already is and you don't know it. You said he does weed and drinks often. How often? Is this what you want in a relationship? Tell him to quit for two months and see if he makes it. If it's even an issue or he refuses to take the challenge you can bet that he is an addict. It's not something you should get caught up in. If you really care about him you'd distance yourself from him and tell him you'll date him if he straightens his act out. Be a friend view him as sick, not bad. Try to get him help. AA is great and works for a lot of people. But as far as your friend goes...maybe you should ask yourself if maybe she's right about what she feels. Maybe there is some truth to it. Is it worth losing friends over a boyfriend? Which has a greater value? What is the deciding factor over who is acting in the most appropriate way? Figure all this out and you'll have the answer. I think you may already have it anyway. Hope I was helpful. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

I read your post and didn't really find anything peculiar about it until you got to the "im afraid hes going to get over me and move on..." etc. Look you can still be friends and e-mail. But the truth about life which you are learning right now is that people are replaceable. It's just how it is. You'll go to college and you're high school friends who seem closer then family will be more distant and eventually you'll stop talking to them. When you leave college you're inseperable college friends will disappear as you get further away from college. If you move from one town to another or change jobs again it'll happen. If you get married then your whole life changes and you won't have as much time to spend with friends so only the closest remain. It's just a simple fact of life. The people whom you associate with right now you may not even talk to 10 years from now. It's just how life is. So he's going away, ah such is life. The getting over you, and all that stuff sounds a little troubling. It's not about owning another person or wanting them to feel a certain way. We have no control over others. The only person you control is you. Furthermore if you're a healthy individual you can be without anyone for a year and it's no problem. Just be yourself. Get over him now. Just be with you, it's all you need. When the right time comes whether it's him or somebody else you'll have a boyfriend in your life. Hope I was helpful. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

Why do you want to confront her? Do you want to still be friends with her? Do you want to expose her for who she is and be done with her? It doesn't sound like the later since you said you don't want to "...pushing her away" so I'll assume you still want to maintain a relationship with her. Well...I'm not sure what kind of a relationship you really have with a person who lies to you all the time. Relationships whether intimate or not are based on trust. When a person lies they violate that trust. Once trust is violated it's hard to regain. And even if it is regained it's never the same. Why is it that you want to maintain this relationship? ...On the other hand, we all have problems. Our job in life is not to judge other people. It's best to always assume the best about another person. She probably has a good reason to be doing what she is doing. Whether it is covering something up which could be a hurtful situation or something in the way she was brought up has damaged her value system. Either way it is how she is. So you have to figure out why it is you want to confront her and what you mean to gain out of this relationship. Once you can answer those two questions you'll have the answer on how to approach her. Just keep in mind you can't change another person you have to accept them for who they are. Never say to yourself, "well she'd be perfect if I can get her to change this one thing(it's usually more than one thing anyway)" She'll only change if "SHE" wants to not if you do. She may always be a liar and even if you confront her succesfully it may be something you have to accept to maintain a relationship with her. Hope I was helpful. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

Stay away from carbs. Sugar is really really really bad. First thing is cut out soda. No fruit juice either. Drink water. Coffee is okay. Skim milk is great.

When purchasing foods look at the labels. Try to buy foods where the ratio of protein to calories is 10. For example if it's 100 calories per serving then it should have 10 grams of protein. If you can't find enough foods that are 10 to 1, try 12 to 1, ie. 120 calories to 10 grams of protein. If not then 15 to 1. 150 calories to 10 grams of protein. Never buy any foods that are over 200 calories to 10 grams of protein or 20 to 1.

Dieting all starts in the grocery store. If you don't buy the junk and have it laying around the house you don't eat it. If you have it lying around the house you're sure to eat it.

The best foods to eat are chicken without the skin, fish, lowfat cottage cheese, meat, skim milk. Stay away from potatoes, corn, and yes soy beans. Do not cook with vegetable oils other than coconut which is the best and then olive oil. That's it do not use other vegetable oils. Also use as little oil as possible. Do not eat breat, crackers, cereal, cake, or other baked goods. At least try to keep them to a minimum.

Oh and when you eat that salad, make sure you use a lowfat low calorie dressing. Three tablespoons of dressing can be worse than eating a big mac. Try to keep your dressing to below 50 calories, anything over 100 is a big no no.

Now that you've changed to more protein and less empty calories. I would reccomend a multi-vitamin every day preferably with a meal. Once you got this in motion you have to exercise.

Losing weight is about burning more calories than you take in. You need to do weight training. Contrary to popular belief resistance training with weights will burn more fat for you than aerobic exercise. Just look at all the overweight people in those aerobics classes that have been doing it for a year. Then can run around for a half hour and not lose their breath but haven't really shed the weight they want to. There are many reasons for this but this is already getting to be to long.

Do a weight program. Do enough resistance that you can do 3 sets of 8 reps on each exercise. At the end you should feel like your muscles have exerted themselves. For the first couple of weeks you will be in pain the next day from the exercises you have done. Just work through it, this goes away in a couple of weeks.

Don't worry about getting to muscular or anything like that. It takes years of hard core working out and supplements to get huge and you aren't going to do that.

Hope I was helpful. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

----
I would like to add a thanks to wiseal for his vote of confidence. But I do have to disagree with him about something. This whole thing about saturated and unsaturated fats is one of the biggest myths of dieting and health. I can give you many reputable articles done by doctors and scientists that will show you(if you understand biology and chemistry) that saturated fats are actually better for you. Unsaturated fats have a blocker that blocks thyroid process, in otherwords it slows your metabolism. So unsaturated fats slow you down, slow down your ability to burn fats, and you absorbed them much quicker. Saturated facts are actually better with coconut oil being the best(it actually speeds metabolic rate and has 40% fewer calories). Of the unstaurated fats olive oil is the best since it does not block thyroid process, all the rest do. All this saturated/unstaurated stuff comes from one study done in the 50's that was never proven. The soybean/corn lobby in this country is very powerful. It is not to their advantage for this information to be disseminated. Ever gone to the grocery store and noticed that the beef will often say "corn fed angus". Angus is the type of cow. Why corn fed? Cause corn fattens them up and you get more marbeling on the meat. Sorry to add so much but I want this to be very clear. Try to use as little oil as possible. If you use vegetable oil use coconut first then olive and that's it. Overall don't drive yourself crazy with to many things about when you eat or before what or how many meals. Wiseal is correct about these things, but you are just starting out. Cut calories. As far as exercise goes with people telling you do 10 of these and those...get a weight set, download a weight program from the web do 3 or 4 days a week. Do chest/triceps day 1. Do back/biceps day 2. Do shoulders/legs day 3(or split into two days). Do this every week. As you become better you change it up, if you stick with it you can figure it out or I'll help you with it. You can start with just a few dumbells and a flat bench(relatively inexpensive). As you get more advanced with the diet and exercise you can look at when you eat your meals, which foods to eat first, meal size during the day, when the best time to exercise is, etc. Right now the key is to just get started, I guarantee you'll get results. Bottom line, less calories in then exerted equals weight loss. It's a very simple formula. You cut calories by eating less and eating foods that are low in calories. You use calories by exercising. Good Luck!!!

I'd need to know a little more about the situation before giving any real advice...Have you seen any professional help for this? Anger usually comes from fear. So if you can figure out what it is that you are afraid of and get to the root of it, you can then probably get rid of the anger. What happens that you get angry? What are you fighting about? What leads up to the fight? These are the questions you should ask yourself. Once you get a handle on those you can deal with your problem. It's hard to deal with anger once you're already angry. You need to cut it off at the pass before it happens. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

You are 13 and way to young to be doing stuff like this. Look...there are a lot of things that feel good but aren't really good for us. There are a lot of things that are good in certain situations but not in others. For example if a person were prescribed a drug by a doctor in order to treat something that would be a good use for that drug. Another person might take that same drug recreationally and get sick, die, or create an addiction. Same drug, different application, different results. The same hold true for most things. If you are in your 20's and you love somebody or are married to him and want to snuggle with him it could be a healthy thing. But the fact that you are 13 means it probably is not as you are not developed enough spiritually, emotionally, and are probably not mature enough. I know it feels good to cuddle just like a drug feels good to the drug addict but I think we'd both agree it's not good for him and I'm not sure the cuddling is a good thing for you. My advice is wait to cuddle with boys you have the rest of your life for that. You don't however have the rest of your life to be 13 with all the wonderment and experiences a young person should have. Have sleepovers, go to the amusement park, play games outside with your friends. Be a girl, enjoy life, just do it in a healthy way. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5209@yahoo.com)

It doesn't matter how he feels.

This life is about you. When you go to bed at night you are the one who brushes your teeth. You are the one who takes care of you. A very wise man once told me, "I have no right to know what you think about me." If you're asking yourself the question does he care as much as I do, then it's time to move on. You don't seem very confident in yourself. No good relationship is made up of one person playing video games and ignoring another human being. A good relationship doesn't consist of a person saying bad things about their partner to other people(especially using some lame excuse about medicine, how pathetic). A good relationship doesn't consist of a friend telling his friends girlfriend tales about him. And why is the girlfriend talking to her boyfriends friends about him anyway. All of this points to a very unhealthy situation. It won't help you to read his mind. But the answer is either he doesn't feel the same about you or he isn't capable right now of feeling the same way in which case he'll lie. Either way this is not what you are looking for out of a relationship or life. Move on. Find somebody you can grow with. Find somebody who will prioritize you over a gamming adiction. Find somebody where you don't need to ask yourself whether they care about you or not. Find somebody who it won't matter whether they feel exactly the same way you do because it is an irrelevant question. That's my advice.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

No,

A real relationship is not made up of this girl, that girl, she's hot, etc. A real relationship is a union between two people that makes both stronger. A guy who is doing what he's done to you is probably in it for the power(ego) which comes from lack of self esteem. You sound somewhat co-dependant by the mere fact that you would even ask such a question. The best thing in my opinion is to work on yourself and figure out what's best for you. Be an individual, grow for yourself. A quote from Ayn Rand, "you shouldn't say the words, I love you, until you understand the meaning of the word I." You need to figure out who you are and only then can you find the right partner for yourself.

John
(bobcohen5309@yahoo.com)

The best program I ever used was the legendary abs program. It is amazing and only takes a few minutes.

You start laying on your back and swing your legs to a 90 degree angle from the floor and then kick up to the ceiling like you're going to land on it and then swing your legs back down. do 2 sets of 20 with 45 sec rest in between.

wait 30 secs

do 25 crunches with your legs in air at 90 degree angle and do the crunch to the ceiling not to the knees.

immediately do 20 half situps feet on floor and crunch but this time elbows toward the knees.

Try this for a few weeks. when you have it down contact me again.

bobcohen5309@yahoo.com

john

I am here to help you with whatever problems you have. I have traveled the world. I have mentored and sponsored people in the past. I have volunteer taught. I have worked with disabled people.

Ask, I am here for you.

Just remember it really is a beautiful world out there.

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