I'm a happily married Wife of 18 years with 5 beautiful children. I have created with my Husband a Family life I never thought possible in this world of turmoil and confusion. Growing up through my teen years was more like an excersize in surviving, both emotionally and mentally. The first years of my adulthood I spent re-evaluating all that I had lived through, and then rebuilding myself into a person I liked and wanted to be. The realization that changed my life forever was when I came to understand; I was not who or what others said I was, or wanted me to be. I didn't have to repeat my parents mistakes, when there was so many of my own I could make. I realized I alone was responsible for my choices, and for letting others treat me badly. I was no longer a child, and could demand and expect to be treated well. By freezing out those who didn't understand that for me things had changed!! I was still young, so I didn't alway's know what to do, but I sure knew what NOT to do! Which that alone is sometimes half the battle!!
Gender: Female
Location: CA
Occupation: Domestic Engineer
Age: 39
Member Since: September 22, 2005
Answers: 31
Last Update: June 8, 2008
Visitors: 5715
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I dont want to have children myself! But I would like to about some when I get married. So I'm going to get my uterus removed. Do you think that my future husband would understand? There is already to much stress to deal with in my life so I really dont think having periods every month or have a crying baby around that needs so much attention even when your at work! So I would like to adopt a 10 or 12 year old so I still have their kid years but not their baby years. I already know what a responsability it is to take care of a kid! My dad left me and my mom while she was pregnat and mom died about 2 years after the baby was born from cancer so we live with our grandparents that are always gone so I take care of my 2 year old brother! So my real question is, do you guys think my husband would understand about all this? Thanks to whoever answers! (link)
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Sure some guys might understand. Some may even be grateful to not have to worry about the hassle of kid's and birth control. What I worry about is you. I know, you think you know, exactly how you'll feel 5, 10, 20 years from now. The truth is however, time changes all of us. There may come a time, or a person, in your future that changes everything you thought you knew and felt about life. If that time or person comes along do you really want to find yourself in a place where you took away your options? There are so many forms of birth control that are effective. In fact Depo-prevara (hope i spelled that right) even stops your menstrual cycle so bleeding stops being an issue. Just remember, everything your life is today, will be completely different in the years to come. The stresses your dealing with now will eventually pass. Dont allow your frustrations and fears today, to limit your choices of tommorrow. Take Care and Good Luck.
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We only dated for like a month and a half.
But I was completely in love with him, we told each other we loved each other and stuff & he broke up with me two fridays ago, really unexpected.
He wont even talk to me.
Im so upset, all I do is think about him.
I want him back so bad.. but like I said, he wont talk to me.
What can I do? (link)
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True Love is something that takes time to build. Love doesn't just happen it is created and built by two people over time and trials of life. What you are feeling, which is just as real, is a strong infatuation powered by chemistry. Clearly your ex has gotten past it and is moving on. The worst thing you can do is go begging after him to talk to you about it. Take it for what it is, learn from it, pull yourself together, live well and force yourself to start smiling even if you dont really mean it yet. I once was told good advice by a guy I knew regarding a guy I liked who had stood me up. I wanted to talk to the guy and find out what was up? Why he didn't show? My guy friend told me "His actions already told you all you need to know. If you go around now asking for more he will see you as some annoying little puppy dog and will just wind up kicking you again. Why put yourself through that?" He was right and whats more is he gave me a rare look into the way a guy thinks.
In the future do yourself a favor. Don't be so quick to tell someone you Love them, and beware men that throw the word Love around so easily. To that kind of guy, Love is not an emotion but instead, it is a tool they use to get what they want at the time. There was a two little poem's I learned back when I was in school that you should know. Here they are:
Love starts with a smile,
grows with a kiss,
and ends with a tear.
Next one:
Your heart is not a plaything,
Your heart is not a toy,
but if you want it broken,
just give it to a boy
Simple but true. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them. Guard your heart till someone proves themself worthy of it. Take care and Good Luck.
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I guess the answer is quite obvious but as always, fool in like always think up of excuses only until the truth is blatantly staring at you in your face.
so, anyhow
there's this guy that I recently met at the wakeboarding group.
Our group meets up once a forthnight to wakeboard.
Previously he asked me if I wanted to go wakeboard with him, but because someone interrupted the conversation, it kinda stopped there.
So when our group met up again 2 days ago, I casually asked him 'so , when do you want to go wakeboarding'. His reply was 'Anytime, just give me a call.' so of course I whipped out my mobile all ready to exchange numbers. But he doesn't take his out and instead give me his number. And NEVER asked me back for mine.
So please hit me in the face and wake me up guys and gals. Does this simply mean that he's just not that into me, or not into me at all?
I kinda thought that getting a person's number is imperative if you like him/her.
confused. boo.
(link)
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I would say go ahead and call him. At least once. Maybe he just wants to know you are interested enough to call him. Guy's are sometimes a little cautious cause they are scared of getting brutally shot down. Maybe he just was taken off guard and forgot to get your number? He may have been kicking himself all the way home because he spaced and didn't get your number. You don't know, and you wont know till you call. If you make the call and he puts you off or something, then you can kinda figure he's not that into you. At this point however, give it the benefit of the doubt and make that call. Hope it all works out in whatever way finds yopu happiness. Good Luck and Take care.
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Ok, heres the problem. I feel very comfortable with older people then I do with people my own age. The trouble with that is I'm 17 and the people I get along with are like 34-whatever. Well, when I'm at school I literally can't even look up at people. I get so nervous. I mean it's kind of pathetic but I talk to this janitor everyday more then I talk to anyone else in the school. I literally have my head down and I wear like uberly baggy clothes as well. I feel very uncomfortable with myself. I've had a shrink since I was 8 so don't suggest that. And I already take meds which obviously isn't helping. What can I do? (link)
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First of all, it's not a bad thing that you get along with adults better than people your own age. In fact, it kinda makes sense in this way; kids are on the most part, mean and judgemental about anything and everything. Probably the reason your so nervous is because you have had, or are afraid of having, a situation where you are ridiculed or ostrasized. What you really need to start telling yourself and convincing yourself of is; These people your wasting your time worrying about what they may think, say, or do, wont even be in your life 5 years from now!! Instead of looking around worrying what they think. Start looking around and forming opinions about them.
As for how you feel about yourself. I wish I knew what exactly are the things you don't like, or are uncomfortable with about yourself. For me it was glasses, bad haircuts my Mother kept inflicting upon me, and those old black and white shoes with inlays to correct my pigeon-toed problem. Oh yeah, and the cords pants my Mother insisted on buying, they didn't help either. Like you, I also felt at ease with older people. I knew all the janitors by name as well as the NARC's. Which of course made me a bit strange to my peers. I didn't care because I just considered them to be not intellectually evolved enough to be able to handle associating with adults on any other level than as an authority. I kept it to myself, but in my eyes they didn't quite matter as much because they still had soooo much growing up to do mentally. Therefore, what my peers opinion of me was didn't really matter to me. Cause I had already passed judgement on them. (I know that sounds bad but it's truly how I coped with being so different than most of them.) That made it pretty easy to associate with them (peers) without fear and overwhelming nervousness. Once I felt better about myself that is. That's what I think you need to focus on is what your feeling about yourself. When you get that right in your mind the rest will fall into place. I wish I had more info so I could help give you some ideas on that. Write me back if you want to and give me more details about what makes you so uncomfortable with you. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care.
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So the other night I got home from a concert and my boyfriend said he "knows for a fact" that I am cheating on him. I work late hours (til between 12am and 3:30am) and go out with friends maybe once a week, and sometimes grab a beer if I get off work early. I have no desire to cheat on him...but no matter what I say he does not believe me, I told him I love him and have no interest, check my timecard for work, etc. Still he thinks I am lying. I really just like to go out and have a good time with friends once in a while. Its gotten to the point where he makes sure I wear plain cotton underwear to work. How can I convince him to allow me to keep hanging out with my friends at night and that i am not cheating? he doesnt drink or like going out so I cannot invite him with, plus he works during the day so when i go out he is just sleeping anyway. I feel like I have said everything to him I possibly could. (link)
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Instead of wondering what else you could say to him, you should be wondering whats really going on with him?? In my experience guy's who start accusing their woman of cheating is actually the one doing the cheating!! If he keeps you busy convincing him you are true to him then you wont be looking at what he may be doing. I advise you to start taking a closer look at what he is doing and with who. If you know him well and can read him pretty good, try turning the tables on him. Next time he accuses you tell him that you think the only reason he's accusing you is because he is cheating on you. Watch his face when you accuse him because you might just see the truth there before he has a chance to mask it. Take care and Good Luck.
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I desperately want a child. I want, my husband wants, we want. However, my husband and I purposely will not conceive a child. The reason is, we feel that what we want is not the most important thing. The most important consideration is toward the person who is most directly affected. The most important consideration is toward the child. Making a life-altering decision without consulting the one most affected seems wrong. Also, there is a chance that once the child is grown, he may look back and feel “I would have preferred non-existence. There, I would have remained safe from all harm." Also, any harm that comes to the child would be my fault and my husband’s fault. If we had not conceived the child the harm would not have occurred. Do many other people think this way? (link)
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For you and your Husband to even ponder that the child would grow up and prefer to not have existed makes me wonder if that is how you both feel about your existence? If so, and you both like children, then you need children in your life more than anything. The wonder in a childs eyes as he discovers little things like his toes, or he responds the first time to seeing a puppy, all kinds of first's. Those things help you to be glad you are alive, even though it's risky. However, I'm not sure that either of you are ready to actually have your own biological kids yet. Maybe you should think about taking in foster babies or toddlers. That way you can't be blamed if they prefer non-existence, you had nothing to do with that. You were just the one there that tried to make their existence livable. Since they were already stuck here. Also it will give you a clearer perception on whether or not you and your Husband are actually cut out for parenthood? Good luck.
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I truly want to save my relationship with my new boyfriend but don't know how to do it. We talked on the phone, as friends, for 7 months, and I loved everything about him, while he lived in another state but once he moved back home and we actually starting seeing each other I'm starting to feel smothered. After just one week of being home, he asked me to be his gf and I accepted but the next day he told me he loved me and then he wanted to see me every single day. He talked about suicide if we weren't together and couldn't see each other. He constantly says "I love you" and gets upset if I don't say it back to him. I really care about him and want this to work - I don't want to start hating him - but I want him to back off and be mature and reasonable. We are both 18. I'm getting ready to go off to college soon. I want to be with him but I don't want him to be so needy and clingy. What can I say to him that won't hurt his feelings and still give us hope of being together? I told him once already that he is "freaking me out" by saying he loves me all the time. BUT...he still does it. I hate myself for wanting to be with him so badly before and now I question my motives. Please Help! (link)
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Sounds to me like you have the makings of a potential stalker there!! He clearly is in the process of staking his claim on you. All the while manipulating and pressuring you to not only be with him more than you want to be. He also try's to force you into exspressing emotion that he really doesn't care if you really feel. What he cares about is that you understand that you belong to him! If it's not already to this point, you can bet it will get here and then it only gets worse. My advice to you is go to College and try to extricate him from your life before he won't go and things get dangerous!! As for you wanting to be with him so badly. Your Wrong. You want to be with the guy you thought he was. Maybe that guy is still out there. Keep looking cause this guy is not him. Unless your just dying to become another statistic of domestic violence, you better get this guy in your past, and out of your future!! Be careful how you handle this guy though he clearly has issues and unfortunately for you he is focused all his attention on you.Good Luck and Stay safe and you might want to avoid being alone with him, especially when and if you break it off with him.
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I really like guy number 1 but he's really quiet, in person but we have a ton in common and I think he's really amazing just super shy so he makes me shy. Guy number 2 is a very nice guy who I've gone out with before and I've known him since I was 6 and he has a girlfriend now. I still might have feelings for guy number 2 because I find myself thinking about him a lot, but I try really hard not too. And guy number 1 is amazing. But I don't know if it'll work out because we never talk. What should I do? Forget both of them? Or forget like, everything? I'm just really confused is all. (link)
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Actually the answer to your problem is much simpler than your making it. Guy # 1 is your top pick. You just need to find a way to break the ice and let go a little. Guy # 2 is clearly in your past for a reason. If things didn't work then, what would possibly make you think it could work with him now if he has a girlfriend??? You might say, well he will drop girlfriend for you. If he does that however, it makes him a dog and it's just a matter of time before he dumps you when the next best thing comes along. Be smart don't backtrack in life. Try doing something together with guy # 1 that neither one of you have done before. Maybe bowling, minature golfing, or rock climbing. I don't know. That's the part you should bring up and talk with him about. Tell him you feel like doing something new just for the fun of it. Have some ideas of what you'd like to try and see if you can get him to suggest anything. If you can get him in an enviroment where you are both out of your element, You have to interact to figure it out. Soon you both will be talking and laughing about your attempt to get thru it and the shyness will fade. The ice will break if there is chemistry between you. If not move on. Men are like busses if you miss one another will be coming along soon. lol Whatever you do, don't go back to what didn't work before and wont work this time either! Have fun and break that boy out of his shell. lol
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40/M
I've known this woman for many years. In fact, I am and always have been very much in love with her, but since she was happily married I have always kept my stronger feelings to myself.
I say "WAS happily married" because about six months ago, her husband died after a long illness. I have comforted her as a friend, but so far that is all I have done. I want very much to tell her of my deeper feelings, but I'm not sure when it would be appropriate.
Let me stress that I'm not thrilled that her husband died - he was a good person who made her very happy. It's just that I also want to make her very happy, and though it happened in a tragic way the fact is that she's available now (I know that sounds really awful put that bluntly, but it's the truth). I have to admit that it's getting very, very hard to keep a lid on my feelings - especially since when she IS ready to start looking for a new relationship, I want to be sure she looks at me first!
My questions:
How long should I wait?
Would it be appropriate for me to tell her NOW how I feel, but also that I am willing to wait for as long as it takes for her to be ready? (link)
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I think life is too short and waits for no man. Somebody has to help her turn the page and keep living. If you love her like you say you do, then your the perfect one to help her find reasons to smile again. However, don't make it weird with words. Approach her as the loving friend you are and want to be.
Ask her to go places with you because you could really use the company. 'You hate to eat alone but you really have a craving for a certain deli. Please dont make a hungry man go alone or do without'. lol Surprise her with little things you know she likes and tell her when you saw it you thought of her. Actions are so much better than words.
The problem with certain words in this situation is that once faced with the actual word "Date", "Love", or "Moving on" the natural reaction is going to be of a sense of guilt or confusion. Possibly even a feeling of "No, it's too soon!" By simply not saying the words and instead going ahead and living them, you will be giving her someone she can depend on and trust without having to feel guilty. When the time comes that she is ready to take that next step you will be in the right place cause she hasn't felt the need to push you away.
Woo her without telling her you are. It's worth a shot and seems to make a whole lot more sense to me than wasting more time. Like I said before 'Time waits for no one' and today is all we have. Tommorrow isn't guaranteed. Make the most of what you already have with her and build upon it every oppurtunity you can find. Just avoid letting 'words' make the situation awkward. Be her friend and walk with her from there. Good Luck
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well there is this really hot guy and he likes me but he has a gf since last december and i dont know wut to do cuz i really like him and i want to break them up or shouldnt I????????????? HELP!! (link)
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If you can break them up and wind up with him you will find out he is no real prize. One of the things you will learn in life is how you get a man is how you will lose that man. If he can be stolen away from her, he can be stolen from you!!!If he really likes you, as you say he does, and he is a man worth wasting your time on, he will be man enough to dump her so that he can be with you.If he doesnt do that, then it means 1 of 2 things. Either he doesnt like you enough for you to waste your time on him, or he just isn't a good guy for you. He's more interested in playing you both than choosing. Your heart is not a plaything, your heart is not a toy, but if you want it broken just give it to a boy!! Careful who you give it to girl.
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It's probably likely that none of you have a medical degree and thus cannot really answer my question and be 100% correct. Unless ofcourse you have this problem too.
I don't know if it's normal or not to have random stabbing pains. I get them in my side and in my back. I've asked my friends if they have random occurences like that, they said no.
It's not my appendix(the symptoms don't add up) and I don't have my gallbladder anymore. I'm just curious I suppose to see if any of you share these random spurts of pain and if you've had them checked out.
Note - I'm not going to a doctor(now at least) becuase I don't have insurance, or a job at the moment. (link)
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I get these stabbing pains and have for years. For a long time I had no clue what they were till I had an ectopic pregnancy around the age of 25. During that surgery the doctor discovered I had endometriosis which is one of the leading causes for infertility in women. After researching more I discovered that stabbing pains are a common symptom of this disease and it explained years of strange sudden pains. However as you said I have no degree so it could just as easily be Gas?? Cant say for sure but if it is endometriosis you can minimize pain by being careful to eat a diet rich with fish and other good stuff around time before,during, and after your period. Also Remember Chocolate is not your friend!!! lol it makes pain worse but it tastes soooo good!! lol and good luck
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