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Feeling Smothered


Question Posted Sunday April 13 2008, 5:13 am

I truly want to save my relationship with my new boyfriend but don't know how to do it. We talked on the phone, as friends, for 7 months, and I loved everything about him, while he lived in another state but once he moved back home and we actually starting seeing each other I'm starting to feel smothered. After just one week of being home, he asked me to be his gf and I accepted but the next day he told me he loved me and then he wanted to see me every single day. He talked about suicide if we weren't together and couldn't see each other. He constantly says "I love you" and gets upset if I don't say it back to him. I really care about him and want this to work - I don't want to start hating him - but I want him to back off and be mature and reasonable. We are both 18. I'm getting ready to go off to college soon. I want to be with him but I don't want him to be so needy and clingy. What can I say to him that won't hurt his feelings and still give us hope of being together? I told him once already that he is "freaking me out" by saying he loves me all the time. BUT...he still does it. I hate myself for wanting to be with him so badly before and now I question my motives. Please Help!

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my2cents answered Sunday April 13 2008, 7:16 pm:
Sounds to me like you have the makings of a potential stalker there!! He clearly is in the process of staking his claim on you. All the while manipulating and pressuring you to not only be with him more than you want to be. He also try's to force you into exspressing emotion that he really doesn't care if you really feel. What he cares about is that you understand that you belong to him! If it's not already to this point, you can bet it will get here and then it only gets worse. My advice to you is go to College and try to extricate him from your life before he won't go and things get dangerous!! As for you wanting to be with him so badly. Your Wrong. You want to be with the guy you thought he was. Maybe that guy is still out there. Keep looking cause this guy is not him. Unless your just dying to become another statistic of domestic violence, you better get this guy in your past, and out of your future!! Be careful how you handle this guy though he clearly has issues and unfortunately for you he is focused all his attention on you.Good Luck and Stay safe and you might want to avoid being alone with him, especially when and if you break it off with him.

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Razhie answered Sunday April 13 2008, 6:26 pm:
He is bullying you and trying to control you.

Demanding you say "I love you." back is an early warning sign. As are his sucide threats and his refusal to respect your comfort level in the relationship.

It's more then immature and irresponsible, it's manipluative and agressive.

If, at a week into knowing someone (and it really has only been a week of *really* knowing him) they are already making you this uncomfortable and behaving this badly, I can't say I hold out much hope for him changing his ways. He doesn't even know enough to 'hide' this crazy behavoir for a while. He might not have the sense to realize why what he is doing is wrong.

If he can't see why it is not acceptable, you should tell him to hit the road.

Of course, I know you aren't going too. So at least tell him that you will not tolerate him trying to bully you into saying "I love you back." and that you would really appercaite if he would be a bit more reasonable in talking about your relationship. Explain to him what you think it a reasonable amount of time for a teenage couple to spend togeather (everyday is NOT reasonable) and that you want to be able to compromise so that neither of you get upset or resentful.

Take care of yourself.

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