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I can't help but consider the sperm + egg
I desperately want a child. I want, my husband wants, we want. However, my husband and I purposely will not conceive a child. The reason is, we feel that what we want is not the most important thing. The most important consideration is toward the person who is most directly affected. The most important consideration is toward the child. Making a life-altering decision without consulting the one most affected seems wrong. Also, there is a chance that once the child is grown, he may look back and feel “I would have preferred non-existence. There, I would have remained safe from all harm." Also, any harm that comes to the child would be my fault and my husband’s fault. If we had not conceived the child the harm would not have occurred. Do many other people think this way?
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Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
You have your children. You guide your children. You teach them right from wrong and you let them go and make their own way in the world. Are they going to get hurt--definitely. Will it be your fault-- sometimes. Will they hate you-- at some point all children hate their parents.
You are looking at all the reasons to not have a child but it doesn't sound as if you have looked at the positives equally. What if-- your child discovers the cure for cancer? What if-- your child is the President someday? What if-- your child is the inventor that allows us to live on Mars as we live on Earth? What if-- your child brings you unimaginable joy and pride? What if--your child brings you comfort?
There are always ups and downs to having a child. If you are so concerned that your biological child may hate your decision to give him or her life one day why not adopt a child that needs a home-- a child that someone else already made the decision for that needs someone to love and guide it through life.
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Wow. I've never thought of it this way! But it makes me recall something I once read about a certain religion that I thought was really interesting (and I'm sorry, I can't remember which religion it was, but anyway...)
They believe that all souls start out in heaven, where of course they're very happy. And God wants them to remain in heaven, but he wants them to be there by choice. If he kept them there, it would be His choice, not their's. So he sends every soul to earth, where they can live a life of free will and choose for themselves whether they want to return to Him. And all of these souls, as they await their turn to go to earth, hope that they'll end up in a loving family, with parents who will guide them in the right direction and make their time on earth as good as possible. Of course, some aren't so lucky; they end up in less fortunate situations and their time here is more difficult and painful than it is for others. But (according to this religion), there is no "non-existance" -- every soul will end up on earth at some point. If you're a good person who truly cares about the well-being of the souls you're blessed with, then you're actually doing a good thing by bringing them into your life.
I obviously don't know what your religious beliefs are (not even sure what mine are!), but I kinda feel like there's at least something to this. An egg and a sperm, and what they develop into, are just a bunch of DNA... but is a "soul" - the person inside - really created out of thin air at the moment of conception? I find that hard to fathom... I think it had to exist somewhere already. And if it's bound to end up in a human body anyway, why not yours?? You and your husband are obviously very caring and intelligent people who have given a great deal of thought to the well-being of your potential children. If that's not a sign of some wonderful parents, then I don't know what is. There may be a little soul waiting somewhere, hoping they'll be lucky enough to end up with you.
Just another way to look at it. Good luck with your decision!
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For you and your Husband to even ponder that the child would grow up and prefer to not have existed makes me wonder if that is how you both feel about your existence? If so, and you both like children, then you need children in your life more than anything. The wonder in a childs eyes as he discovers little things like his toes, or he responds the first time to seeing a puppy, all kinds of first's. Those things help you to be glad you are alive, even though it's risky. However, I'm not sure that either of you are ready to actually have your own biological kids yet. Maybe you should think about taking in foster babies or toddlers. That way you can't be blamed if they prefer non-existence, you had nothing to do with that. You were just the one there that tried to make their existence livable. Since they were already stuck here. Also it will give you a clearer perception on whether or not you and your Husband are actually cut out for parenthood? Good luck.
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It is a common fear. Parents want to make sure that the child will have a lifetime of happiness full of love, security, and safety. I think every good parent worries about what will happen to the future of their child. What you have to remember is how much love you can give your child. You can only do the best of your ability. At least you are not a person that wants to not keep a child safe. I do not think that your fears are unfounded. However, you must remember that with all things comes good and bad. It is how you handle the situation that will make your child love you even more. Having children is a risk worth taking. I promise you, you will not regret it.
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