khadiya's advice column

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Q: okay so my family is really close. it would be with my 2nd cousins that i am talking about. they are from michigan and 3 years ago my cousin decided to go to college in vermont to play hockey... so since we are only like 2 hours away from the college we went up there to see the team play almost every weekend for the past 3 winters. and his mom and dad are always here to watch him play they stay for like 2 weeks and try to see as many games as they can, fly back to michigan and then come back not long after, its great to see them so much because i can remember my mom used to cry when they would come out here or we would go there because it would be about a year before we would see them. but not anymore!!! well my other cousins (my aunt and uncle have 5 kids) one lives in michigan still, one in ohio with her bf of 7years, another sister lives in texas with her brother and then the youngest, in college in vermont. we are all spread out, i havent seen the girl cousins and their boyfriends(the one in ohio i met and i loveed him) in 7 years!!! so i always as my aunt if we can fly them out here for a game (i ask in the beginning of the season) my aunt says well they have to work...blah blah and now my cousin is a senior will be a senior in college and i want to get them up here to ct so we can go to thegames but i wanna suprise my aunt and uncle. what can i try with my mom to convinve her to get this starteddd cause she wants to but i dont think she is as serious as i am.

where do i start.what do i do?

keep pressing the issue with her until you see that the plan is gettin off the ground. once she see that you are really serious it will motivate her too.

Q: ok well long story short my phone had been dropped in the water by a friend.she gave me $100 which is about half.my parents wont help pay cuz they said its may fault.im only 14 yrs old so a real job is out of the point.i need $450 for the phone i want.i kinda need the money quick.i also would have to pay for activation fees and i dont know how much that is.also im thinkin of insurents just incase lol.so does anyone have any ideas thank you

here is a pic and the price of my phone:
$229.99
http://www.wireless.att.com/cell-phone-service/cell-phone-details/?device=LG+Trax+(Refurb)&q_sku=sku1220006
here is a pic and the price of the phone i want:
$449.99
http://www.wireless.att.com/cell-phone-service/cell-phone-details/?device=Pantech+Duo&q_sku=sku1080007

car washes, bake sells garage sells. anything helps. Sell you and your friend's too little clothes. get out and wash some cars. Help old people clean their houses. You will collect easy if you help people who cant really help themselves.

Q: whenever i walk my legs are always touching..

how do i get rid of that fat over there?

squats can help. But just because your legs ouch doesnt mean its a bad thing.

Q: so, i'm going camping for a music festival on wednesday. i'm supposed to start my period that friday. we leave on sunday. i'm supposed to start my period on friday- yeah, it sucks. there will be a limited amount of showers, and i didn't plan on taking more than two while i was there because you have to wait for hours and it's just a hassle (it sounds gross to only shower once or twice for five days, but thats what everyone else does too).

anyone have any advice for keeping myself clean/what i should do? they only have port-a-potties and things like that, too, by the way. i don't like wearing tampons, but i will if i have to. any help is appreciated!

Tampons will be the best way to go. And when you get ready to change tampons, wrap the old one up in lots of tissue instead of just letting it fall in the toilet, because you cant flush a port.

Q: 15/f

i've had bulimia pretty sure for almost 2 years and i've been thinking how my life would be so much better if i didn't do this. I binge and purge and i'm so stupid because i worry about gaining weight then i do that? it's dumb i know but i can't control it. like i ate today then i felt all anxious and didn't feel better until i threw up. i feel ashamed and guilty
i guess i'm not overweight i'm about 5'6", 125 pounds. i want to lose weight and i know this isn't the way but i can't bring myself to actually say it. i'm worried if i stop i'll gain weight. i don't know what to do.

who and how should i tell someone?

Tell your parents. Tell anyone close to you. They will understand. They can get you the help that you need, or they will find someone who will. If you are scared to come out and tell them, write them a note., and ask them to read it. And on the note tell them you dont want anyone to preach to you about how its wrong, you just want help.
I think your very brave for taking a stand and saving yourself. Good luck.

Q: 16-f
dating a 17-m

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a year and i want to get him something amazing for our one year since he's bought me nice things i dont have much money and i dont want it to be something of his interests i want it to remind him of us together not just something he likes.
some things we've went through in the past year to maybe help/or bore you are:
-lost the car at the mall and walked all the way around the mall to find it & felt retarted because it was right where we started
-took 3 months to kiss we waited an hour in his car after everytime we hung out to work up the courage to kiss and i finally got the guts after awhile
-Our song is Collide by Howie day (i sent it on his facebook saying i liked it and we listened to it for awhile and it reminded us of eachother so ya)
-we havent taken many pictures only 2 and they arent very good looking at all! im gonna try and get good ones and maybe get a picture frame to go along with the gift.
-he likes to hold me down and lick my face and make it so i cant wipe it on him lol its fun
-and the other day i chased him around with a worm cuz he hates them & he kept picking me up and putting me in puddles

theres alot more but ya im sure you are bored.

-he's very cuddling and emotional
-i love him and have loved him since the day i met him seems cheezy but i couldnt see myself with anyone else
-give me your best ideas im begging i want it too be amazing for him he's spent so much on me to get me a white gold ring for v-day and a necklace a cute frog for my b-day/christmas.

PLEASE HELP
sorry for the size of this message just wanted to get it all out
thanks in advance

This just popped into my head.
Make a little slide show with the song you guys like with pictures of you and him (even if they are singles) that have little sayings like "we belong together" and stuff like that. Just make the slide show as long as a certain verse in the song or something like that. Im sure he will love it.

Q: Has anyone ever been scared of leaving school? After senior year, well i am scared. Because school is cool and i actually have a blast with all my friends and such. Im so scared of graduating, i feel like im going to get hurt.
does anyone know what im saying? or am i just overeacting?
thanks.

Your over reacting. If they re your friends now they should still be your friends afterwards. Just keep in touch, and still hang out like normal. You actually get to do more things and make new friends after you graduate.

Q:
somepeople tell me that my friend is trying to make me jealous and/or test me if i still like her. she tells me that guys hit on her or crushes on her and ask her out. but she doesnt go out with them. i cougar her to go out with the guy who ask her out but she tells them that she is busy every week but she always see me on the weekends or the week days sometimes.(yes she might not like those guys) but when i ask that question before of "why she doesnt except to go out with the guys and rather spend the time with me". they relpy that she is making me jealous or testing me. why is she doing that when she doesnt like me in that way? i told her i like her more than a friend but she doesnt. its kind of like she want to ask me "do you still like me?"

i am a girl bisexual. i dont show my feeling much up front but i show it when i am not around that certain person.

Maybe she does like you. Or she might be trying to let you know she's Bi also. I dont think she is making you jealous she just isnt interested in the guys.

Q: 18/F

I dated my current boyfriend for almost a year before, but he broke things off, and we were apart for a little over six monthes. We had a lot of problems the first time, but when we got back together this past August my boyfriend seemed to have cleaned up his act. He was much more apreciative, respectful, responsible, and attentive. He said that breaking up with me was the worst mistake of his life. Things were great for around six or seven monthes, but especially in the last month or so he's been slipping into his old habbits: not calling me all day, calling me back two hours after he said he would, showing up late, taking forever to do anything, calling me names(mostly jokingly, but it still bothers me), hitting back when I smack his arm or something(also pretty much jokingly, but still), etc. He also lost his job not too long ago, so he's always broke and when he does come into some money he blows it on stuff he doesn't need rather than pay some bills or buy parts for his truck that's falling apart. He's not working very hard at getting another job either. He's been so good to me up until recently and I care about him so much, I just don't know if I can put up with his bs for much longer. I really feel like I need to brake things off, but it feels wrong, like I'm going to leave him just when he needs me most. I don't want to loose him forever or cause him to do something stupid(he's not the most stable person), but I can't take anymore of the stuff he's pulling. There's also another factor, my bestfriend. He's this amazing guy who's been right in front of my eyes for the past year, but I'm just now relizing how good we are together and what a great boyfriend he would make. I've been having a lot of feelings for him lately, that I probably shouldn't be having, but I can't help it. He's such a sweet guy, he's never taken advantage of me in any way, he's there for me when I need him most, he's a great listner, he makes me smile, and he always keeps things interesting. Best of all we're always in sync, and we can never stay mad at eachother for more than a milisecond. Lately when I'm with my bestfriend is the only time that I feel comfortable, and can relax. With him there's no pressure what so ever. The only problem is that I'm scared that if I do break up with my boyfriend and things do go past friendship with my bestfriend I might mess everything up and lose the best friend I ever had, plus my boyfriend used to be very paranoid about something happing between my bestfriend and me, so he'd probably freak out big time. Not to mention my bestfriend would feel incredibly guilty if he thought he was even one of the reasons why I broke things off with my boyfriend. Help!

Look at it like this: What if you and him get married? And while yall was married, he lost his job, his car is messed up, and when he does get some money he doesnt pay bills. Would you rather try to save your relationship and be on the streets? Or not take the chance at all, and find something better? Love doesn't pay the bills. And yes I know you and him probably aren't think about no marriage or anything like that but if thats the only way I can get you to see you can do better, then Hey I went for it.

Q: how long will i need to wait to have sex after i get birth control? like we reaaaaaally want to. we've been together for 7 months and haven't! i mean..do we have to wait a full month for the bc to kick in? does it work at all right when you start using it?

Every one has it right, about a week or more and USE CONDOMS! But thee most important thing is MAKE SURE YOU TAKE THE PILL EVERY SINGLE DAY AT THE SAME TIME or it will not be ass effective!! If you miss a day and try to double up, it doesnt work. If you take it a different times every day, IT DOESNT WORK CORRECTLY. So be careful! Or try some LONG TERM birth control.

Q: Okay, My mate is fifteen and she went to a parety a few months ago and drank too much then slept with a guy from her class.
They were both virgin's before hand but she now recons she could have a sexually transmitted infection... Is that possible?
And also I think she should go to see a doctor for help but she's scared because she is under age for having sex.. Can they do anything like with the law or something if she asks for help? And also if she does have an S.T.I doesn't she have to tell the guy she slept with... how can she do that? help.. I'm worried about her, they can be serious sometimes right? x

If they are both virgins, then its not possible. Unless he is lying. She probably has a yeast infection or something like that. She should still go get checked out though, because Yeast infections are bad too. They can spread and cause serious internal problems.

Q: baby mama?
drillbit taylor?
21?
street kings?

i hate how all good movies come out at once. so help me choose, please. =] 14/f. i know street kings is R but i love keanu reaves so idk i guess an adult would just have to be there if you think thats the best choice.

I would just watch them online, but If I had to choose one, I would probably see 21. People try to make funny movies these days, but they are never really funny.

Q: hello, a few weeks ago i was dumped by my girlfriend and i hardily ever get to see her, i brought her a valentines present and its a neckless.
i now hav found somone else i like but she has a boy friend and its her birthday friday and i was wonderin if i should give her my ex's preasant or wait until i see my ex and give it to her. if i choose to wait to give it too my ex i wont see her for months anyway. but it might be pointless giving it to this new girl i like because she has a boy friend

hope you can help thanks x

Its pointless to give it to either of them, This girl has a boyfriend, Buy her a card or something. Your ex is well your ex. She isnt going to appreciate the gift so why waste your time giving it to her? The best thing to do is save it for someone else that comes along and if you think they are special enough to have it, give it to them.

Q: My wife is at least 50 pounds overweight. She has tried numerous diets. Although some of them work, she invariably gains the weight right back. Whenever I mention that she is overweight, we get in a big fight. I would like her to lose weight for her health (she's 42 years old) and also to make her more attractive. Advice please.

Well you never tell a woman she's overweight. I think what you should do though is encourage her by dieting with her, and working out with her. As long as your eating and doing unhealthy things, she will too.

Q: Okay, I live in Florida, and my prom is on May 10, 2008.

This is the dress I bought:
http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=299536&CategoryID=35707

But I need help with what color shoes and which kind of shoes I want!

I've been thinking either silver, white, or clear shoes. I'm not sure though.

Give me your honest opinion please! :D
Don't forget to look at my dress, thats the link above!!

Thanks,
G.

No White shoes!!! Who ever said that was wrong!!
Gold shoes would be gorgeous with that dress. With some gold jewelery that will make the shoes stand out. Silver may be nice. But im leaning more towards the gold. Something strappy and with a chunky heel so your feet wont be to uncomfortable.

Q: Ok, well i am 14/f and i started my period 4 months ago. I really want to wear tampons because they are easier and you cant feel them. Every time i try to insert one, it hurts, i am angling it and i have it halway in, but when i try to push the rest up there, it just wont go and it hurts really bad. I have only got it in one time, and i pushed it up far, but when i set down, i could feel it and it was uncomfortable. Now, i cant push it up there even if i try.

Have you tried reading the instructions are looking it up online? Are you sitting on the toilet or squatting when you put it in? You are supposed to be sitting or squatting. Try looking up techniques online and see if that helps.

Q: My husband and I have been together for 9 yrs. Like every relationship we've had our ups and downs mostly downs but I love him[I must love him if it hurts this much to be without him] you see he just asked me for a break I felt my world crashing down the day of our seperation I still feel horrible and don't know how to deal with it.
I'm a female and 24 my husband is 34

When men are more older than their significant other, the feel like they are better than them or like they know more. If he wants a break, give him a break. Do something else to occupy your time like exercise, meditate, or run. It will clear your mind.
And dont linger over this situation as much, because grieving over a dead or almost dead relationship is a waste.

Q: 15/f
i know this is long but to whoever anaswers thanks a billion!

i know im young and im gonna meet a lot of ppl as i grow up, but my bestfriend and i are completely split apart. A few months ago we were super close and tahts when HER bestfriend was hanging out with someone else and completely ditched her in a way, so we got even closer.(we've been friends since we were 10)so now shes friends with her bestfriend again and now shes tlaking behind my back majorlyyy like she hates me. i know i have a lot of other friends but in a way i miss her, shes still my friend. but shes doing to me what her bestfriend did to her. and i know this for a fact, she runs around her bestfriend like shes a queen and tells her absolutely evertyghing.

thats the short version, its a lot more complicated taht that with boys and..other things related to taht, but thats waht im worried about. How i was there and now she completely ditches me fro something "better". im not even kidding she kisses her bestfriends ass, and when something happened with her and her boyfriend she went to everyone else BUT me. and apparently when i asked her to hang out the other day(for the first time since..december?)she went to her bestfriend and asked her how to get out of it she hates me itll be awkward,,and so on. and her bestfriend just laughed. see her bestfriend doesnt like me so much because she used to be jealous of how close me and my bestfriend are.
anyways the end..
haha sorry this is sort of confusing but i realllllly need help please!!

anyways im just asking if i should try to deal with this, but i know if i talk to her she'll go tell the other person no matter waht(weve gotten into many fights before) or if i should just let it go...

also..one big problem is that i feel like im losing myself thsi year, and shes moves on especially because she thinks shes a lot better than me and im like ntohing and worth nothing.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Let it go. If she cant be friends with both of you then thats not a real friend. When you dont let this situation bother you so much then you will feel better about yourself. Just give up and find a new true best friend. Dont even give her the time of day, and if something happens and she tries to get back in your life tell her that you have found real friends.

Q: I'll try not to confuse you all.
Well My ex boyfriend *bob and i went out for 5 months anyways while we were going out his cousin asked him how's your girlfriend and he said good and so on the he said what nationality is she he told him and he said nah you can't be with her or marry her she's not one of us and we are basically the same we only just speak a different language anyways bob ignored his cousin,bob told one of his friends what his cousin and his friend said your cousin is right then a lot of his friend started saying it and he got really confused so he broke up with me because he was just really confused,then he realised he really liked me and we got back for one week and he broke up with me ebcause he lost feelings he said he thinks hw lost feelings because of the first break up and now no one tell me to move or whatever i don't know i just want to know how do you make your ex boyfriend like you again i really really love him =[ and i honestly need him back please any advice would perfect.:(:(:(:(

You dont need him. If he broke up with you because of something someone else said then what makes you think that the next time someone tells him something he wont believe it?? I know you dont want to hear anyone say leave him, but thats what needs to happen. Sorry.

Q: Okay, well me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months(as of today!), and well i guess you could say i love him.. But i've still kinda liked one of my best guy friends, i've like him for almost 2 years now, and i can't seem to get over him, and he told me that he liked me, which probably wasn't the best idea, but he said he wanted to tell me cause it was bugging him from me not knowing. And well sometimes i think i like him more then my boyfriend, but then other times i can't really see him more then my bestfriend. And last week i thought i REALLY liked him, and me and my boyfriend almost broke up(nothing to do with my friend), and i was kinda hoping we would have.(i know, bad thing to say) but now, i'm glad we didn't. And my friend is in Flordia right now, and i havn't talked to him in like a week, and i don't like him as much right now, but when he gets back, and we start talking alot again, i have a feeling that i will start liking him. Like he's ALWAYS there for me, not matter what, and he's such a great friend, and he's like everything that i'd look for in a guy. But i don't really want to end things with my boyfriend because it would kill us both. I don't really know what to do, if there is anything, and i've tried "following my heart" but that just confused me even more. Sorry for this being so long, any advice would help. Thanks. :)

If you've liked this guy for two years and he didnt tell you he liked you until you had a boyfriend, the best thing to do is stay friends with him. Its probably killing him that you have someone in your life now. I think if he liked you as much as he says, he would have tried being your man before you got one.

bio

Its A brand new year!! And I havent really been giving advice lately so now IM BACK!! If you have something to ask dont hesitate to ask. DONT BE SHY!! I've been there! Or I know someone who has!

I am a black albino female whose been through alot!!! I have a lot advice to give. Im a very knowledgeable person, and i look at things from many different views. Im very blunt, so if you dont want to hear it straight dont ask me!! any thing else you wanna know get at me!

LET ME REINTRODUCE MYSELF REAL FAST, REAL QUICK!
iM A BLUNT PERSON, IF YOU ASK A GROWN UP QUESTION, IMA GIVE A GROWN UP ANSWER. RECENTLY A GIRL ASKED HOW TO GIVE A BLOWJOB AND I WAS VERY BLUNT AND UPFRONT WITH HER. I GOT SHUNNED FOR MY ACTIONS SO, BASICALLY. IM GOING TO TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING QUESTIONS LIKE THIS. BECAUSE ALL THOUGH THESE KIDS ASKING THESE QUESTIONS ARE YOUNG, THEY OBVIOUSLY BEEN DOING SOMETHING THEY AINT GOT NO BUSINESS DOING BECAUSE THE WOULDNT BE ASKING THOSE TYPES OF QUESTIONS.