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My Wife is Overweight
My wife is at least 50 pounds overweight. She has tried numerous diets. Although some of them work, she invariably gains the weight right back. Whenever I mention that she is overweight, we get in a big fight. I would like her to lose weight for her health (she's 42 years old) and also to make her more attractive. Advice please.
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Well, if your wife has tried numerous diets, obviously she's aware that she's overweight. So she doesn't need you to point it out to her. As you've already seen, that doesn't work. And as you've also seen, diets don't work either.
What your wife probably needs is some regular exercise. And it will be much easier, and more fun for her, if you do it with her. So think of something you can both do together on a regular basis... whether it's walking, biking, working out in a gym, or whatever you think she'd enjoy.
When you first suggest it, make it sound like YOU want to do it, and you want her along for the company. That way, it won't sound like your only motive is to make her lose weight. If she's not crazy about the idea, be persistent... but keep making it sound like it's something YOU want to do. Once you start doing it, it will hopefully become a habit and something you both look forward to.
But be warned: you'll probably drop some weight, too, and more quickly than your wife does (it's not fair, but guys always get in shape quicker than women do). Whatever you do, don't brag that you're losing more weight than she is! Just keep doing it, and your wife will eventually start to slim down some. Once she does, mention to her how great she looks (even if she's just lost a couple pounds). That will make her feel like she's accomplishing something, and will motivate her to keep going.
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Stop criticizing and start empathizing.
Diets, as you have discovered, don’t work. Lifestyle is what keeps you trim. You live your lives together so together you need to change your lifestyle. That means you need take her weight loss seriously as well, and if she shouldn’t be eating it, you shouldn’t either. Sit down with her and assist and participate in meal planning. Help with grocery shopping and cooking. Do NOT bring home food that is unhealthy, even if it’s ‘just for you’. Empathizing doesn’t mean you just feel bad for her, it means you ‘feel’ and ‘do’ with her, as her equal partner in this.
Instead of trying to fix her, address YOUR problem and speak to her like this:
“Honey, I know that your weight gain has become a hot topic in our marriage, and I had a few ideas about how we could deal with it together and I wanted your opinion on them.”
Suggest portion control, meal planning, banning certain foods in the house, sharing meals while eating out or eating out less. Also suggest active time together. Taking a sports class, or a dance class, or maybe regular evening walks or jogs.
Be SPECIFIC about your plans (much more so then I was above) and be positive. Listen to her fears and suggestions and try to incorporate them into a plan that will work for both of you. Don’t say ‘You need to get your weight under control.” Instead say “This is really important to me and I want to help in everyway I can.”
If she is too upset to consider taking these steps, suggest counseling so that someone can mediate between you too and help her overcome whatever is holding her back from perusing a healthier lifestyle.
You are married, and that means when your partner needs to undergo a major lifestyle adjustment, so do you. If she is overweight, your marriage is overweight.
If she is feeling defeated, you will need to patiently and gently take some responsibility for these changes yourself. Be involved in meal planning and cooking. Go grocery shopping with her, with a list that you planned together in advance. Exercise with her and praise her for her positive choices, no matter how small (ie “I know that chocolate cake looked good, but I’m really proud of you for resisting.”). It will go along way if you can show her that you are willing to be serious about making changes to make your life together better and not just demanding her to change.
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Well, no woman likes to be told she's puttin' on a few pounds. Usually, we already know it, but sometimes we're just in denial. I suggest you both workout together! That way it will be more like an active date then a workout. If you do this, I think you should take her to play tennis [or some other sport] with you, so you two won't be locked up in some stuffy workout room. Get some sunshine, go on walks, and if you have any dogs, take them on walks with you! It'll strengthen your relationship and you'll both stay healthy and live longer! :] goodluck!
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Well you never tell a woman she's overweight. I think what you should do though is encourage her by dieting with her, and working out with her. As long as your eating and doing unhealthy things, she will too.
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