I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172976
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Hi, I am a 14 year old boy and I'm pretty unsure about my sexuality. I think I'm gay because I have these urges to kiss my best friend, but the thing is when I see a hot girl pass by, I get turned on. So then does that mean I'm a bisexual? I'm really confused and depressed. (link)
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Sexuality is a hard thing to figure out. Whatever else you may think about the subject, know that it's normal to be confused - for many gay or bisexual people, it's not as easy as just 'knowing' instantly. After all, since people are small children, society presents an expectation that people will grow up to be straight. Who WOULDN'T be confused?
The best thing you can do is to just try to be gentle with yourself. You may only like guys, or you may like both. Either way, your happiness is what matters. Why not just allow yourself the time and space to think and feel your way through this?
Keep an open mind and see what happens. You may stumble or make a few wrong turns, but if you try to be true to how you're feeling, you'll eventually end up where you need to be.
I wish you the best.
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I am not a very bright person! Whenever I try to bring up a conversation, people always tell me that what I say either isn't right, or very "professional" but I try hard to make it sound that way. I am usually trying to sound that way at my job when I want to join in on a conversation my co-workers are having. And every time I do, they look at me really retarded and I am thinking to myself they must not think I am very smart. I don't think they have ever seen the "smart" side of me since I am always doing clutzy things at work, and trying to relate to what they are talking about. I hope that makes sense, so I am asking if anyone has any tips on how I can sound more professional without looking like a total idiot? Thanks.
[And if it helps] I am a very talkative person and the only way they talk to ME is if I start to mingle with them first. (link)
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This sounds like a basic communication problem. If you are making a conscious effort to sound 'professional', this means you are playing a role. Because of this, you are probably concentrating more on what you say, as well as how you are saying it. This can lead to uncomfortable conversation.
People are generally more comfortable around people who are comfortable in themselves. This means having a natural response to questions, not actively planning how you want to come across.
For example, when you asked this question I assume you were asking for help in a genuine way - not worried about looking professional. As a result, I felt enough empathy for you to WANT to respond. I thought you sounded like a warm, genuine person.
If you had written a really scripted question, it might have ended up sounding dry, stilted, or perhaps not gotten your feelings across.
I wish you the very best, and would guess that if you try to really act the way you feel that things will improve.
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hi, well i live in england, and was just wandering, what america is really like? is it like in the movies? because over here, its crap, everythin is grey, all the colours turn grayish, because of the weather(dark, dull windy etc). my uncle came back from new york recently and told me it was amazing, but he had to go so i didnt get to hear anymore. any help? (link)
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I live in England now so certainly empathize with you about the current greyness of it, but I was born in America and lived there for 21 years.
America is hard to explain to someone who hasn't been there. You've got plains full of nothing but corn and cows, huge mountain ranges in different parts of the country, giant forests, etc etc. You've also got parts of the country where it's hot/warm all year round, others that are warmish all year round, some which have all four seasons, and some which have all the seasons but HUGE amounts of snow and freezing temps in the winter.
To add to that, you've got cities, towns, and entire areas where you might only have a couple of people living in a huge empty space. You've also got some areas (though shrinking) where no one lives, though these are mostly protected lands.
You have people who had parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents enter the country from virtually every other country on earth, alongside indiginous people who've been there for ages.
In short, there's so much variety that it's hard to sum up in one easy catchphrase.
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What is it a pantyliner?? (link)
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A pantyliner is a very, very thin pad. It's useful if your period ends with a day or two of blood too light for a tampon/pad, and it's so slim you probably won't even remember you're wearing it.
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13/m, Hi, ive had pubic hair for a couple years now, and ever since ive gettin it, ive been mastrabating, and ever since i got pubic hair, it seems like my maturing process has slowed down. I dont yet have under-arm or facial hair. Is it just that i mature slowly, or am i maturing more slowly, because i am not yet fully mature, and i am mastrabating. Please help (link)
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Your body matures at its own rate - masturbation has nothing to do with it. Some people will have pubic hair long before any other type, while some people get hair all over simultaneously!
At 13, there is no real level of concern that you don't have facial or underarm hair yet. If you were to take a picture of yourself now, and then compare it to how you'll look at 16, there would be a huge difference. Other changes that should be happening in the next few years include your voice deepening, your penis growing, and possibly seeing more hair elsewhere.
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ok, so here is the question. but im just wondering.
my friend said if you give a blow to a guy and u dont spit out the sperm you can get pregnet.
is that true? how do you play anywyas:S (link)
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This is absolutely not true. A woman gets pregnant when sperm enters her vagina. So if it touches your mouth (and stomach!), skin, etc - you aren't going to get pregnant.
However, you CAN catch sexually transmitted infections from giving a blow job - whether you swallow or not. To play safe, make sure the guy is wearing a condom.
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Well im 15 and I've had my period since i was 13 but I've never been swimming during my period and im scared to. Im suppose to be going swimming tomorrow with my boyfriend. I know i can use tampons but i've been told that if you don't change your tampon alot during swimming then theres leaks when i get out of the water. Is that true? if it is then can i stop it from leaking when i get out of the water? (link)
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No, you don't have to change your tampon any more if you're swimming than you would if you were not swimming.
Tampons sit up inside your vagina; the muscles in your vagina are very snug around the tampon. This is why tampons are able to absorb blood, rather than the blood oozing around. This is true whether you're on land or in water.
If you are concerned about any leaks, you can always pop into the toilet when you get out of the water to doublecheck and build your confidence. If you normally wear a tampon AND a pantyliner, though, keep in mind that a tampon might not be enough for you to be protected when you are out of the water.
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My name is Alaina and im 19 last halloween(2006) i found out that i had chlamydia, they told me i had could have had it for about less then a year. i was wondering how long does it take to become sterile from chlamydia, or does it vary from person to person? thank you (link)
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If Chlamydia is left untreated over a long period of time, it can lead to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease.
PIV is an infection of the reproductive organs and can lead to infertility. This can happen by scarring, which can block the fallopean tubes.
If you have been diagnosed with a recent case of Chlamydia and have been treated, chances are you will not suffer any long term effects. Of course, you'll want to make sure you protect yourself in future.
There are no guarantees about fertility in any case, and your doctor will be able to give you more detailed info based on your specific case.
I wish you the best.
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well..i'm a senior in high school..and i applied to lots of colleges and got accepted..the problem is..im worried about it. like im already overwhelmed with high school classes..and i cant imagine classes being harder than they already are..and no i dont go to a private school or anything like that..so what do i do? (link)
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It's natural to feel worried. After all, you're leaving behind a phase of life that you understand and entering one where you don't quite know what to expect.
College is very different than high school. Where in high school you may have the same class every day, in college you may have it once or twice a week. This gives you a lot of time to complete assignments; also, many courses don't have as much homework as high school ones. They are more likely to have projects that last longer, or rely on exams more than coursework.
Your professors will have office hours where you can drop in to see them if you have any questions about the work. Many larger colleges and classes will also have teaching assistants to help. Colleges will also have learner support centres where you can get free tutoring if you need it.
College is generally more laid back. You get to organize your time to suit you (do you like morning classes? afernoon? etc), attend less hours a week than you do while in high school, and probably have a ton more activities to choose from. It can take awhile to settle in, but it's truly a great time. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised!
I wish you the best.
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Okay when Im shaving "down there" it's all good but like right after it starts getting itchy.And it will last a couple days.How do I get down there shaved without paying the cost. (link)
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Shaving is essentially like a mini-attack on your skin, particularly the sensitive area of your genitals. While nothing can guarantee 100% success in eliminating razor burn, some things can help. These include:
1. Shave after you bathe - in non-scented water. If you shave after you've taken a bath, or at the end of a shower, your skin will be more hydrated, the hair will be softer, and the hair will be standing up more.
2. Use a new razor. A new razor means you won't have to go over the same area again and again, which can really bother your skin.
3. Use a shaving cream for sensitive skin that will help soothe the skin, like something with aloe in it.
4. Shave in a downwards direction. Shaving in the direction the hair grows is much easier on your skin.
I wish you the best.
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My name is Lauren and I am 17 years old from Australia. I have been shaving my genitals for about 8 months now since I started dating my partner. I haven't had any specific trouble up until now. I recently had a bubble bath and it seemed to make my skin a little dry, when i shaved (not sure if it was before or after i shaved) but i got these red bumps all over my genitals and especially on the inside of my legs. I want to know is this something serious or just razor burn. The bumps are itchy and quite painful! please help. (link)
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Bubble bath (or any scented soap) and shaving do not mix. Your skin is highly susceptible to getting irritated just after you've shaved, and a buddle bath can cause something like what you've described.
If the red bumps are ONLY where you would have shaved, then chances are this is related to the shaving. If the rash extends past the area where you were shaving, seeing a doctor is the most effective way to figure out what it is and how to treat it.
If the bumps are only in the shaved area, only time will be able to help you out. You can google for a list of things which might help speed the process along. If your razor burn/bumps do not go away within a couple of days, you'll want to see a doctor. Don't shave again until your skin is healed properly!
Best of luck.
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i really like this guy and we have been going out for a while. the furthest we have gotten was fingering me. everytime we do something after i feel guilty. during it i feel fine and enjoy it. i feel like my parents and friends and family think im all innocent making me feel guilty what should i do? (link)
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Sexual activity is always the choice of the individuals involved. Strong feelings of guilt can be for a number of reasons, but it sounds as if you're worried because you aren't being honest with your family or friends.
As far as that goes, sexuality is something many people choose to keep to themselves. As long as you are playing safe and not doing anything to hurt yourself or anyone else, that's fine - keep it to yourself! It's your body and your relationship, and if you feel you are at a point where you are physically and emotionally ready to engage in sexual activities, then worrying about what other people might say can only confuse the issue.
Of course, part of you might agree with whatever it is you think your parents or friends might say. You might want to think carefully about how you really feel about these issues. It's normal to enjoy activities as they are happening - the body is hardwired that way. Think about your feelings when you AREN'T in the middle of getting hot and heavy. Whatever decision you make, you have to live with.
I with you the very best.
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My boyfriend and I use the withdraw method and now my period is late. The last time we had sex is about week and a half ago. However, my missing period is my only symptom: no sore breats, morning sickness, cramps, nausea, dizzyness or the 'feeling' of pregnancy. I took a pregnancy test and it turned out negative so I'm waiting a week to see if my eriod starts. Are there any other medical problems that could lead to a missed or late (by two/three days) period?
For others wondering about contraception methods or sex a good place to check out is wikipedia (I think that's spelled right). Another thing, you should be on everyone's fave list, this is a great site for advice! (link)
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The withdrawal method isn't the safest way to make sure you don't end up pregnant. Have you considered condoms, the pill, the shot, etc?
As far as reasons a woman might miss her period, there are a few. These include:
1. Pregnancy. (obviously!)
2. A girl has only recently started her periods.
3. Lifestyle changes - rapid gains or losses of weight, new job, bereavement, too much exercise, not eating enough, smoking, or high levels of stress.
4. Illness - this includes any problem affecting your reproductive organs, as well as serious illnesses of any type.
5. Certain mental health disorders - including one where a woman can convince herself she is pregnant, leading to her periods stopping. Other problems such as depression can also affect your period.
6. Hormonal problems.
7. STIs.
If your life hasn't changed much since last month, you can eliminate most of the factors on this list. I think what you're doing is right - wait to see if your period starts. If it doesn't, retake the test. If it comes up negative and you still have no period, you'll need to see a doctor.
If it's positive, you'll also want to see a doctor to discuss your health and options.
I wish you the best.
Oh - and thanks for the compliments. Much appreciated!
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I have my period and the blood color is like a tan or biege.
does it mean infection (link)
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Not necessarily. People sometimes think their period should be bright red, like blood, but in actual fact it's usually more of a brown colour.
It can also be maroon, very dark brown, etc. This is because your period is different from, say, falling down and cutting your knee. That's 'new' blood. Your period isn't brand new.
Your period may also appear to be a light colour if it's not as heavy. It can be helpful to keep track of your period over the months - when you have it, what days are heavy, etc. This can help you know what's normal for your body and help alert you if anything changes.
If you've been getting your period for a long time and it's always the same - except for this time - then you should see a doctor. Otherwise, you should be fine. This is assuming that you haven't done anything that could cause you any problems (meaning unprotected sex, etc).
Best of luck.
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I was just wondering about 2 things. First off, I have noticed alot of people look in your eyes when they talk to you & I tend to look at someones mouth more when we are talking. What is the difference & what does it mean? Also, how can you "read" someones eyes? All I see is a glassy eyeball. How can you tell how they are feeling by looking into their eyes? Thanks! (link)
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Body language is a really interesting thing. When people speak to someone who is making good eye contact, that person will subconsciously feel as though the listener is really interested in what they have to say. It can also be easier to speak to someone who is making good eye contact - imagine trying to speak to someone who never looked at you!
Some people who have slght hearing problems might look at lips without even realising why - it could be a way of helping themselves understand the conversation better. Or, you just might be someone who likes lips!
As far as 'reading' someone's eyes - by looking at body language as a whole, you can tell a lot about how a person feels. Crossed arms or crossed legs can indicate the person is not feeling very open towards you, for example. As far as eyes go, there is a whole school of theory about them - it's called NLP. This is short for Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
This is partly the idea that you can tell a lot about if a person is looking up, down, or either side. This can include knowing whether a person is visualising things, telling a lie, etc. You can find out a lot of info if you Google the topic.
Best of luck!
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I like this guy but I have heard that he may be gay is there any way of telling ?
please give me some answers (link)
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There is no way to automatically be able to tell if someone is gay or not. And seeing as around 1 in every 10 people is, chances are you know all sorts of gay people who have not told anyone about their sexuality.
Where did you hear he was gay? From sources that you can trust, people you actually think have inside knowledge of the guy you like?
An option you've got is to do what you would do with any guy you liked. Depending on your personality, that might include asking him out, flirting, or trying to be friends first. If he's straight and likes you back, super. If he's straight and doesn't like you in that way, or is gay, at the very least you might end up with a friend.
I wish you the best.
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Well last month at the start of december(about december 4th) i got my period and i was suppose to be due at the start of last week but it hasn't come. im worried. could i be pregnant? because me and my bf had unprotected sex on December 29th(but we didn't finish, as in he didn't cum in me) and once again the next day but we used a condom and he cumed when he had a condom. Im scared. I don't want to be pregnant. What should i do? Could I be pregnant. I'm only 15 years old turning 16 on march 1st. help!! :( (link)
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Anytime you have unprotected sex, there is a chance of pregnancy. Even if your boyfriend didn't cum in you, his pre-cum could have had thousands of sperm in it.
Things to think about: is your period normally regular? Has there been a big change in your lifestyle - not eating enough, a big increase in exercise, a lot of stress? These things can all affect your period.
Your best bet might be to get a home pregnancy test. Read the instructions very carefully and follow them exactly. If the test is negative, you will want to wait a few days and try again. If it is positive, you will need to see a medical professional and dicuss your options, which include continuing with the pregnancy or ending it.
I wish you the best.
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Just wrote this to compliment you. You give such good advice. you tell it like it is. Oh yeah, and why do you like to give advice about tampons? I was reading your column and I saw that yu wrote that. Just wondering. Oh yeah, and am I writing to you to much? I mean, the whole frist page of your column has nothing but Triple G. I'm like a leech. I never let go until you put salt on me, and alot at that too.
$$$$$Triple G***** (link)
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Thanks for the compliments. Happy to have helped.
I give advice based on what questions people ask. I get a lot of young people asking about tampons, and I'm pleased to be able to offer them advice they might not be able to get anywhere else.
I'm happy to help people who have multiple questions, and can point out that there's no need to identify yourself by a nickname when you write unless you want to - you can remain completely anonymous.
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I havent had sex yet, but i masterbate reguarly and i have a vibrater, is it bad if i use my vibrater and havent had sex yet, so its like im not a virgin anymore? (link)
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You're a virgin until you've had sex. It doesn't matter how much you masturbate or if you use a vibrator. If anything, regular use of a vibrator may mean your first time having sex will not be as painful.
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and a great way to learn what you like.
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So my parents are REALYY strict about sex/religon/ etc. and if they EVERY found out that i gave oral a few weeks ago they would FREAK OUT!!! My mom might have an idea because I have these sores on my mouth that came back after 2 weeks of them leaving. Do you have any suggestions of where I could go without them finding out? Thankyou (link)
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There's no way your parents can find out you've had oral sex unless you tell them.
If you have reoccuring sores, you may have a cold sore (which is herpes). This can also be trasmitted by kissing, so even if you did have it people wouldn't be able to jump to any conclusions.
You'll need to get tested by a doctor. You can make an appointment with your normal doctor (have you have a regular physical in awhile? have you got any other reason to see a doctor?) - but make sure to ask him/her what their policy is on confidentiality. Likewise, if your parents' insurance covers the STD testing, they may find out.
A local health clinic should be able to offer you confidential and low cost/free sexual health services, which include testing for herpes. Herpes is not cureable, though if you have an outbreak on your genitals doctors can proscribe tablets to speed up the healing process.
You can look in your phone book for details of local services, or try a search on the internet.
I wish you the best.
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