Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84183
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Ok, so basically our town's high school sucks. The schooling is good, it's just the building I'm concerned about. God forbid if there was ever a fire, I'm not sure everyone would be able to get out safely! You have to go through some classrooms so get to other classrooms, some rooms are just made up of room dividers, what happens if there's a lockdown and someone's in the building? The people in that "room" are an open target. There aren't too many Exits, some classrooms are outside in these trailor-type things, and it's just an awful place to be! I was wondering if any of you know of a way I possibly could report our school for being a safety hazard? We really!!! need a new HS if you haven't noticed yet. I just don't know how I can help get a new one? There's a lot of old people in our town so they voted down a new HS because they don't want to pay the taxes and don't have kids in school so they don't care. Please help!! Our town needs a good school for learning! Thanks!! (link)
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I think you need to notify your town's Fire Marshall. I think it is again code for any room NOT to have two entrances/exits. I know that is the case here in CT. And you are right, many small towns with a lot of senior citizens always vote down budgets that call for new schools. And guess what, there are loads of seniors out there. Getting the PTA or your side would help.
Find out who runs the PTA in your school, (it's a parent organization) See if you can meet with them. See if they will start a campaign. The more involved the better.
I wouldn't bother with the school board. They want more money too, but mostly for salaries, not for new buildings. Good for you to get involved with an issue like this. Your concerns are valid, and the changes that you are asking for are going to save lives. Why do we always wait for a tragedy to happen, before we make needed changes. (By we, I mean adults!). Go for it, girl. And good luck to you.
Michele
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how do i stop being sad? i just feel so sad all the time and i dont know why? i feel like nobody cares! im drifting apart from my best friend and i feel she doesnt even care... she never wants to hang out and i hate it! & i used to be so close to my big sis but she never has time for me anymore... i feel so lost! & at night a always cry.. am i depressed? i hate feeling this way... but i cant help it. (link)
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Honey, this is not a good thing, and you should be concerned, I am glad that you came here for advice, Hope I can help.
First, you say that you have made attempts to spend time with your friend and your sister, but they are too busy, so something. So if you are making attempts to be with people, but they are just too busy, then it is time to find some new friends. People who are depressed usually don't want to spend time with anyone. They are not interested in company. For the most part, they just want to be alone. It it hard to find out that the people you love and care about are too busy for you. And I know it is hard to make new friends. But if that is the issue...then it is so much easier to deal with than clinical depression, which could require weeks of therapy with a psychiatrist and medication.
It is not unusual for people to grow apart honey. It happens all the time. It just seems more awful when you are young, because you don't have the ability to look at the big picture. You and your sister are sisters for LIFE. Nothing can change that. your relationship with go through ups and downs. There are times when you will feel close and times when you too, are too busy for your sister. But when you are both grown women, it is very likely that you two will become close again.
As far as your friend goes. Well many of us make friends and lose friends, and make new friends all our lives. We make friends in our neighborhoods, at school, through our relatives, and through clubs and organizations that we belong too. We make friends with people that we have something in common with. If it is true that your friend has found some new interests and does not feel that she has a lot in common with you right now, there is nothing you can do about that. You can't dictate how other people should feel. What you can do is find new friends. I think there is another girl that you may know slightly, who feels lonely just like you do, and would love to have a new friend to share things with. No one can do this for you, honey, You have to do it yourself.
Here is another point. Maybe your friend and sister are spending less time with you because you are so unhappy. And your unhapiness brings them down. If that is the case, then I can tell you right now.....happy people do not want to spend time with people who are unhappy, and who complain a lot. You have to look at your behavior and decide whether or not, you are driving people away. People do love you and they do want to care, but it is too frustrating for someone to try and make a person happy, when they keep finding reasons not to be. And here is a clue, being happy comes from within. It does not come from having lots of friends, or from being the prettiest girl in the school, or from going to the mall, or from having the cutest boyfriend, or from being the best in soccer, etc. etc. etc.
It comes from loving yourself, and from knowing that you are on a path to a great life that will be full of good friends, and a career that you will find challenging, and from knowing some day that you will find the right man who will be a good husband and great father, and from helping other people.
I hope that you find this helpful. good luck to you.
Michele
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Okay, so I start this 2-year community college on August 20th. I already applied for financial aide & got it back and got my classes all set.
I'm having doubts now.
I've been wanting to go to this one 4-year university since last year. For some reason, I really want to go there now instead of the 2-year. Is there anyway at all I could somehow switch? It doesn't have to be this semester, I can wait until January for the spring semester. But I would just like to know if I can how would I go about doing this. Thanks. (link)
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There is no problem with the colleges, The four year university will be happy to let you sign up, especially after you complete one semester at the community college. The problem is that your financial aid won't follow you for the January semester. When you apply for financial aid, it is for the whole school year. both semesters.
So the only way that the four year university will accept you is if you pay cash for the full Janauary semester.
Next year ASAP (Jan or Feb. of 08,) when you apply for Financial Aid again, list the four year university as one of your schools. Then you will receive financial aid fir that university that will begin in Fall 08, for the university.
I hope this makes sense. I know it is confusing. I know some students and parents who found out the hard way.,
Michele
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what are some similar songs to "whos to say" by vanessa carlton? i absolutely love that song (link)
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Go to this webesite called
www.pandora.com
and type in the name Vanessa Carlton
They will first play a song by her, then then will find songs for you that are similar to hers. They have a computer program that chooses these things. You can try it with any artist.
And yeah its free, and you can listen to it all day if you like
Michele
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How can I maintain or improve mental health?
I am from Tonga (link)
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WEll, I would say from reading books, You are from Tonga, and I don't know if there are a lot of books available to you, but you are on the internet, and there are lots of books and publications and websites dedicated to mental health. And I am not sure if you mean, emotional health, mental health, and/or intelligence.
If I take the litteral meaning of your words, then I would say mental health means the absence of things like depression, schizophrenia, obsessive/compulsive disorders and stuff like that, and in some cases, people who have these problems have chemical imbalances or brain disorders that they cannot help, and many of them need to be on medication to maintain their mental health, so in that case, .....if you have problems like those, then you need to see a medical doctor.
I hope this helped.
Michele
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okay. so when i masturbate i only get pleasure from stimulating my clit. after about five minutes i get like a heat wave through my body and my heat starts beating faster and that only happens for like 5 secs. then i keep doing it but it starts to tickle. can anyone tell me why? i would really be grateful.
15/f (link)
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Well, you stimulated yourself into an orgasm, and now your clitoris is hypersensitive, and it needs to calm down before you can have another orgasm. The fact that your clitoris is now hypersensitive, is why it tickles. Don't worry, it's a good thing.
Michele
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Please. Does anyone out there know ANY legitimate place we can get help with our house. It is going into foreclose & we are probably going to lose it! I have already pleaded with our lender & at this point they just want all the money we are behind & that's it! I don't know where else to turn. Thanks for any help. (link)
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I hope this helps, dear. Good luck to you.
This is a government agency. HUD. Go to this link and find the office closest to you and call them. Tell them everything and get their advice, it's free.
http://www.hud.gov/offices/hsg/sfh/hcc/hccprof14.cfm
Michele
YOU COULD ALSO TRY TO GET A LAYWER AND FILE BANKRUPTCY. YOUR LENDER DOESN'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT BECAUSE YOU COULD ACTUALLY END UP KEEPING YOUR HOUSE. CONTACT A BANKRUPTCY LAWYER. YOUR FIRST CONSULTATION SHOULD BE FREE. IT COULD AT LEAST STOP THE FORECLOSURE FOR A WHILE SO YOU HAVE TIME TO BREATH. IN A BANKRUPTCY, WHICH COULD TAKE UP TO 6 MONTHS OR MORE, THE JUDGE WILL ULTIMATELY DECIDED WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HOUSE. HE CAN ORDER THE LENDER TO LOWER YOUR PAYMENTS. OR YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION COULD IMPROVE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO KEEP THE HOUSE. ONCE YOU GET TO COURT, THE JUDGE WILL NEED TO SEE THAT YOU CAN KEEP UP WITH THE NEW PAYMENTS. PLEASE GIVE A BANKRUPTCY LAYWER A CALL.
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i kinda like this guy
and hes so cute
but hise teeht r hideous no joke!!!!!
and he needs an eye brow wax
how od i focuz on the good?!? (link)
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Eyebrows are easily fixed. Teeth are not. Are they just crooked, or are they full of cavities? Crooked teeth may require braces, which are very expensive, and maybe his folks can't afford it. but as an adult, if it bothers him, he can get braces himself. Bad teeth can also be a sign of bad hygiene. Do you want to get involved with some one who doesn't care enough to brush his teeth? Maybe you should wait awhile. I know we should all focus on the good things, and when we grow and mature, we do that. You will too, but each of us has the opportunity to look our best.
YOu should also be looking at his personality. Is he nice to you, is he respectful? Is he quick to anger, is he violent? What about those things. If a guy turns out to be an abuser, it won't matter how cute he is.
Michele
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15/f
Ok so I have a yeast infection, and I haven't started my period yet. I told my mom everything and she said it was a yeast infection. So when you use the ointment that you have in a tube so you can put it in your vagina, and it burns a bit (because it's a side effect) can you put some vagisil cream up there to make it stop burning?
Ok and also, I haven't started my period yet but I think I might be spotting. when I looked at my panti-liner (I use them because I have so much discharge) It had red on it. And when I went to the bathroom and wipped some reddish brown stuff was on the tissue. Is the red/brown stuff just because I used the creams (the tube one you stick up there and the vagisil) the night before and they combined to make it red/brown??
thanks for your help and sorry it was kind of long!!!!
(link)
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The red spotting could be due to the yeast infection. If you want relief from the itching, try yogurt, plain yogurt.(I know gross, but it works.) It has bacteria in it that eats the yeast. (Oops, gross again, sorry.) I hope your mom has you on a form of Monistat. That is for yeast infections. And it works very well, usually over night you will have great improvement. But yeah, the yogurt can help you out with the itching.
MIchele
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I'm a 17 year-old girl and I'm at my first job (I'm not going to name it). I love working at this place because the people I work with are fun, it's right by my house (which is good, since I can't drive yet), the rules aren't strict and I've gotten used to everything.
Here's the problem, I'm about to start my senior year in high school AND I'm going to be getting my driver's license in about a month. When I graduate, I'd LOVE to move out and get an apartment. When I get my license, I'd LOVE to get a car. Thing is, I don't get many hours which means I don't get that much money. I've tried talking to my boss about it, but he says that we have a certain amount of hours we're allowed to give out each day/week and when we opened (a couple months ago) we overhired.
I need more shifts and more money, but I can't get any! I've been looking at other job locations, but none of them seem as appealing and I REALLY don't want to switch jobs because I love my current one so much. But the car and apartment are VERY important to me and I can't make that happen unless I figure something out.
Any thoughts/ideas? Please help me out on this because I have NO idea what I should do. (link)
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Honey, you are doing great, and I am glad for you. Lucky that you found a job close to home. And while I know you like this job, you ARE going to leave for the same reason that all the great workers before you left. Because of the low pay. Some jobs just are low paying, they have to be. You don't say where you work, but for example, say you worked at Dunkin'Donuts. Well, the owners usually pay minimum wage. If they paid the workers a fair wage, like say $12.00 an hour, the rest of us could not afford to buy coffee. So these jobs are for young kids, mom's with kids in school and husbands who earn money to support the whole family. AND - Unfortunately for people who don't have a college education and employable skills.
But working here is a great stepping stone to your next job. Work hard and keep this job as long as you are not driving. Save your money. So that you can buy a car when the time comes. Don't buy one until you can afford it. (too bad that gas costs so much today.) Once you have a car, and a good work record behind you, you can go look for another job. YOu'll have experience. Use this job to learn skills, to gain knowledge of how to manage, organize, and learn. Learn to be a good employee and a good co-worker. Many employers who do hire young people, are not always looking for knowledge. They ARE looking for kids who are responsble, reliable, and can learn fast. Show up on time and show up each day that they are scheduled. I hope you will continue your education and go on to college, even part time, that way some day you can afford all of the things that you want.
Good luck to you, and keep up the good work.
Michele
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I had been going with this one guy for say 7 or 8 months and we did everything together, he would proceed to see me from 1 to 3 times a week and always told me from the start of our relationship that we were only friends and when he bought me things he also told me not to take it wrong as we were only friends so after about a 3 months relationship, I decided to test his feelings for me and told him that I got an offer to go to eat with someone and that was when he stopped seeing me for a couple of weeks, so after calling him repeatedly without an answer, I was almost ready to give up on us when I tried one more call and he anwered and came by to repair some stuff for me so our relationship continued for another 4 or 5 months and I did not see anyone else but I have to say I was getting bored as we did nothing for fun, he was more or less a handyman during this time, he still would not relate to me how he felt, although when I had relativies from out of state he initiated the meeting at his place and it went well. but still no talk of how he felt about me except friendship came up alot and it was not long after that I decided to test his feelings for me again and I had the chance to date someone else and we danced but that was all as I still have strong feelings for my ex- boyfriend, he always said to go have fun as he could not keep up with me and wanted me to find someone that I could have fun with and that would make me happy, but when he found out that I had gone out with someone new they drove me there, he then told me bye over the phone and that was the end of our relationship, I still think of him and miss him to no end. Can anyone tell me how I can make this right and get him to forgive me. I did not know his feelings about me at all and I found out the hard way. Oh yes I am a female and I am over 50 yrs. (link)
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Hi, I am a female over 50 too, so I can relate. I honestly think that he is trying to control you. He tells you one thing, but does another. He says he just wants to be friends. And even treats you that way. Even though you made it obvious that you were ready for a more committed relationship, if he should change his mind. When you gave up and took him at his word and saw someone else, he says goodbye. And you let him get away with it twice. Do you want him to have it both ways? because that is what he has with you. Some guys are committment phobic, or they want total control. And that is what he has over you. It is not fair to you that he keeps you guessing about your relationship with him. And it is normal for YOU to want to be in a committed relationship. Every woman, and many men want to know that they can count on someone to be there for them His signals are not clear. He does it on purpose. And he is very good at it.
Oh don't fear for a moment, he will be back. And you'll be so glad to have him back, that you will give up all control of your life over to him, and he still won't give you the committment that you are hoping for. But you'll be extra good so he'll stay around. And you know what is going to happen......he is going to meet some woman who won't take that from him, She'll give him an ultimatum, and he'll be gone. And he'll be able to say to you, but dear, you know I always said that we would just be friends. And you won't even have any self esteem left.
You say that you did not know his feelings for you, and that you had to find out the hard way. And you say that because you think he is hurting over your actions. That's bull. He is just manipulating you. Please do yourself a favor, look for another man to be in a relationship with. A real man, not someone who manipulates women and uses them.
Do not call him. And if he calls you, tell him what a jerk he is, and that he is a poor excuse for a man, and hang up.
And stop wishing that he would return, because when God wants to punish us, he grants our wishes.
Good luck to you dear.
You sound like a wonderful person, and someone who is not used to dealing with guys like this. There are lots of them out there. Don't date anyone unless someone you know, knows them. You are too vulnerable. At least this time just your heart was broken, it could be worse you know.
Good luck to you
Michele
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well, this is kind of an embaressing question but ok, i am pretty sure i have some kind of vaginal infection, i have hd it for about 5 days, i have been aplying cream for it that my mother got me, it has only beed one day since i have been using the cream, but i see no improvement... i cant go to te doctors for atleast another 4 or 5 days maybe a little longer like 7 days or so because my mom went away on a buinsess trip... and so i am kind of worried, i dont want it to et worse and it is really irritating me.. but ironically it is more irritating when i put the cream on it.. is there anything i could do to makeit better, make it o away.. i dont know if the cream i am usin is the right kind, is there anything else i could to help the healin proccess or actually identify what exactly it is that i have? and i canty call a doctor either because i live in a country that is not my own country and i cannot speak the language yet... any ideas? help me please... i am desperate.... (link)
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We need more information to give you a correct answer. A vaginal INFECTION means you have a bacterial infection, which can ONLY be treated with anti biotics and you can ONLY get them from a doctor. A vaginal infection would probably involve pain, inflammation, foul smelling discharge, even cramping if it is advanced enough.
If you have a yeast infection, that is easy, and hopefully that is what you have. A yeast infection involves itching, lots of itching, very itchy and a thick white discharge that looks like cottage cheese (sorry) and does not have a foul odor. And that you can treat overnight with MONISTAT which you can get in any drugstore here in the US, (I don't know which country you are in.) and you can treat it IMMEDIATELY with yogurt. Yes, applying yogurt will give you instant relief from the itching, but you will still need to get the MONISTAT to cure it permanently.
Michele
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I'm tired of promisses that can't be kept. I want my Mother to look at me, and actually see me. Know me, not like a daughter but as a friend. Understand what Im going through, and make everything okay. She's never home, never talks to me like a person. She's always yelling at me for things I didn't do or should've done. I don't have a room anymore, ever sence my friend let me barrow a spare air conditioner my brother has moved in on me. I told him I want him out now, leave out of my room and he laughs at me like I can't do anything.. I woke my Mom up hoping she would do something like an idiot and she was like One niight he's fine on night he's not he's staying in here! And im like fine im sleeping in his room.. noo ur sleeping in your room so why can't he! I was saposed to go school shopping with her Saturday and she hasto work like usual! I like mesh into the wall, and she only talks to me when she wants something. She was bitching like well I haveto wake up in 6 in the morning so you both need to go to bed and I was like thats not my rpoblem scotts a drunk! Its not my fault you cant control him! And that you only get 10 dollars for gas because he cant drive himself! She's only punishing me! Always I open my mouth to be noticed and it something bad, something that threatens her. Shes already said she wants to move into a one room apartment and leave this all behind. Shes planning on leaving me and Im afraid one night she wont came home. I have a Dad yes but hes no better! Blamming me for everything because his boys cant do anything wrong. I dont wanna live here anymore. I have a friend who will take me in, but My Mom wont go for that shes always hated carolyn. I cant stand it here, she keeps threatening to not let me over there, I have really no where to go!I wanna leave. And let them forget they ever had a daughter. (link)
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Wow, I don't blame you for feeling so bad. I was kind of treated the same way when I was young, but at least my brother and I were both treated badly. It has to be worse for you, since your brother seems to get away with everything. Your mom (and dad) are really bad parents. Especially if they are letting your brother get drunk. And not doing anything to intervene. I am sorry that your mom only talks to you when she is yelling or wants something. That sucks, I know. You are so young though. I don't know what you can do. Staying with a friend would be great for you, but she doesn't have to let you go. Maybe in time, she will care even less, and it won't matter. I mean if you just stay there, and she doesn't come after you, and nobody, (like authorities/school) know, than you can stay. This happened to me when I was about 15, I moved in with some friends after a fight with my mom, and she didn't bother to come after me. And since I continued to go to school and stuff, no one knew any better. And my friend's family was glad to have me. YOu may have to be patient a wait a while. The more mature you become, the easier it will be to leave before you are sixteen. (Provided you have a safe place to go.)
And growing up in a home like this, makes you old before your time. You must have friends (carolyn) who don't live in homes like this.
One thing I would suggest.... I know it's hot honey, but if you got rid of that air conditioner, your brother would stop sleeping in your room. (I wouldn't want him in there eigher, if I were you.) Think of the soldiers in Iraq. It's 120 degrees there! Getting rid of the air condition put the control back into your hands. And no don't give it to him. Break it first. Push it out the widow. Hey he works and you can buy an airconditioner for about $100.00 today at WalMart. Why isn't your brother driving? Did he loose his license because he got caught drinking and driving? I wouldn't be surprised. He is a looser.
Honey, you have a very strong sense of justice. You know the difference between right and wrong. And so do your parents, but right now doing the right thing would be to difficult for them. They are weak people. You have inner strength. Don't forget that. This too will pass. Some day you will be 18, and you can leave and never go back. Just be sure you have an education and skills that can get you a good job so that you can support yourself. I ran away a couple of times, but always had to come back. You know $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. So in high school I took secretarial classes. Typing, bookkeeping, office skills. That got me a good job so I left for good at 18. Well today, if you have computer skills, which I am sure you do, that makes you employable. YOu won't make it if you just get a jjob at WalMart or McDonald's. Education is your key to getting away from this mess. Please hold on, it will be better for you in the end. And once you are out your hardest job will be to not grow up to be just like your mom. Not as easy as you may think it is. Whether we like it or not, good or bad, our parents are a great influence on us. Good luck to you dear. And leave me a private question if you like, in my in box.
Michele
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so i have foot calluses and it's embarrassing..i could never wer sandals because i don't want anyone to see my feet..my uncle actually told me that i can shave it off..and it works but it just grows back and i wondering if anyone knows how can i get rid of it... (link)
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I think you should attack this problem from two sides. Inside and outside. Vitamins. Like Vitamin E and Omega Three Fish oil. They come in capsul form and no you won't taste any of the fish oil, as long as you buy reputable brands. Like Nature Made. These supplements will actually soften the skin all over our body. Then on the outside, you could rub vitamin E on your feet, but there is also a new product that I have used and it works wonders. Virgin Coconut Oil. EMU oil has also been recommended for this problem. Give it some time. Use the products every day. And you will see a difference. IN the mean time, check out your shoes. Do they fit properly? Do you wear heals all the time? That could be a problem. Good luck dear.
Michele
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16/f
Oh where to begin -- I feel unstoppable right now! For the last two years I`ve been on a never ending journey to enhance my life, and I am loving the results. It`s an amazing feeling and it is just growing stronger. Forgetting modesty (something that really used to hold me back), I`m attractive, intelligent and full of potential. In my honesty box the only comments from guys have said (for example - sorry for the language) "I wish I could fuck you!"
I haven`t had a boyfriend for almost three years and I`m okay with that most of the time. I just don`t see why guys only want me for my body -- I`m so much more than that. I can`t seem to make friends with guys without them eventually commenting non-stop about my body (I find it quite innapropriate).
How do I show that I feel as good inside as I do outside? I`m sick of being called a "stuck-up bitch" and getting into fights, that`s not me at all. I would love to have closer relationships with guys, and maybe something that actually means something. Nothing too serious, I`m young I know. I don`t know what anyone could tell me but I would love to hear any suggestions. Thanks so much! =) (link)
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WEll I think that that is the problem. And coming from someone much older, I would say it is NOT a problem. It is because you are young. You are certainly more mature and sophisticated than most of the boys you have access to. These boys too, will grow into men. Some of them will mature and learn to appreciate all of a woman's assets. Looks and brains are a great combination, and you are right to want to be appreciated for both. Some boys, though will get older, but never grow up. They will only ever think of women as sex object. They have no use for a woman who can think for herself. Your job, is #1) be patient. In time you will meet some wonderful men. #2) learn to know the difference between a many who loves all of you, and one who just wants to go t bed with you. I think the fact that you have taken a few years off from dating is awesome and has contributed to your learning about "relationships" from the outside looking in. You see all of the trouble and anguish that your friends, guys and girls, are going through. The best thing you can do for yourself is to also gain some power. By that I mean get an education (College) so that you can enhance your intelligence and have earning power. So you never HAVE to rely on a man. If you look good enough to model or act or something like that, go for it. Just try to avoid the emotional pitfalls of being involved with someone who only sees your outer beauty. Because in time, it does change, and there will always be cuter, prettier, and younger girls around. Beauty fades but inner strenght and brains do not. Good luck to you dear. You sound like a young lady who is going to achieve great things. And may I suggest, people who dedicate their lives to helping others, you know, selfless acts of kindness, etc. etc. are the happiest people on earth. And what better place is there than working for a non-profit organization, to meet a man who is not self-absorbed, and thinks about others with an aim to making a difference in the world.
Michele
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I just asked the question about the FAFSA. I was wondering when is a good time to apply for FAFSA if you want to start in January? It'll probably be at the 4-year university I was talking about. I had a friend who started there this past January, but I'm not sure how she worked all that out.
Thanks (link)
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You still have to apply in January for the upcoming school year which starts in Sept of one year and ends in May of the next year. When you apply for financial aid, they fund the whole year, if you change schools, the funds to NOT follow you. Any money you don't use in the college that you were funded for, will be returned to the government. I hope this makes sense to you. My friend found out the hard way, she got financial aid for her son every year to go to his college in Vermont. He got an opportunity to attend college for one semester in Alaska, He went, but the aid didn't follow, she had to pay in full out of her pocket for that semester he spend in a college in Alaska.
Michele
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I filled out a FAFSA & everything, and I've already applied to a college. Its a two year community college, and after that I plan on going to a 4-year university. Tomorrow I go for Freshman Orientation & I start on August 20. But I was wondering how in the world do you get money for college through FAFSA? They keep saying on the website that I'm eligible for this and that, but it doesn't tell me how to get it or apply for it. (link)
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WEll, first of all, I hope you are applying at the right time. If you just filled out a FAFSA for this fall semester, 2007, I think you are too late. Mostly all of the free money has been given out. And it is too early to fill out the FAFSA for the Fall of 2008. The best time to fill out the FAFSA is in January or February of the year you are starting college. Yes that early, for the fall semester. AND PLEASE Apply every year, whether you get money this year or not, keep applying. YOu won't get that much going to a community college. You'll get more when you switch to the four year college. Each college has their own financial aid dollars too, and they have their own forms. If your college has a website then maybe you can download the applications for their own financial aid. If not, contact the financial aid department for the community college and get the forms mail to you. Fill the out ASAP and send them in.
FAFSA will only tell the college how much they are giving you. The college will notify you. If it is your first year, some college will wait for the FAFS award before they make you pay. Some will not. BEing your first year, don't count on the money coming in on time. See if the college will wait for the award before they charge you.
Contact the financial aid office for that.
And don't forget, next year apply as soon as you can for the Fall of 2008. Apply in Jan or Feb of 2008. Also remember, whatever the award amount is, they will give you one half for the fall semester an one half for the spring semester which begins in January. And when I say give you, I mean they give in to the school on your behalf. If there is any money left over after they apply the funds to your school expenses then they send it to you.
Also, you may be offered student loans also. You are allowed to apply for up to $4,500 per year, in government guaranteed loans. If you have good credit, you may be able to apply for more, if you need it, but the bank will want personal guarantees. They also have things called parent loans. Good luck to you. I am glad that you are going to college.
Michele
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I am 42 and I just recently got married to a woman I have known my entire life but we both got married to other people shortly after high school. She has three teenage daughters Sam is 19 Meagan is 18 and Audree is 16. Their father left them shortly after my wife had her youngest daughter and so she has raised them all by herself. They have always been pretty affluent because my wife's family has quite a bit of money and she is a magazine editor. She lets the girls get away with murder and they get everything rthey could possibly even dream of wanting. I have a very big issue with this since my three sons (19 18 aand 17) are expected to follow very strict rules. I was in the army for several years and my children are expected to abide by my rules or face the consequences.
The girls however are completely out of control, especially the youngest one, Audree. My wife and i both agreed on a curfew for the all six kids when they moved in. She convinced me to change the curfew of my sons to be midnight for all of the kids. I agreed but with hesitation. Like always before my kids have always gotten here on time or before their curfew while her daughters completely disregard the rules. For example, Audree was late for curfew 4 times out of the 7 days last week. My wife didn't even talk to her about it. When i confronted her al she said was "She is only 16. I think we should just let her live her life." I found out the other day that her girls have never been grounded, never had acurfew, and are very open about teh fact that they go to parties and drink. Sam has gotten in 4 accidents since she has lived here, and Meagan has her boyrfriend over all the time without supervision, all things i dont tolerate from my own kids. Audree came home in tears the other night because she got a ticket for driving 19 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT! My wife just hugged her and tried to calm ehr down the entire night and i never heard a single word about the ticket, which i had to pay for sicne none of her kids have jobs. I almost feel as if she is condoning this outrageous behavior since she never repremands her kids. I don't know how to explain to my kids about thsi double standard in our house but i feel like i can't interfere quite yet with her disiplining (or lack there of)since i am not their real father and have only been in their lives for 3 years. I just don't know how much more of this disrepect i can take from them. They are beautiful girlsand i love them like my own. I wish i could treat them this way though. I feel like i owe it to them to lay down the law and punsih them for things like curfew and partying and bad grades but i dont know if it will just put more stress on our relationship that could eventually cause tension between my wife and I. How should i handle this? (link)
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Well thanks for leaving me a question. I am sorry that you didn't leave your name though. Since you are an adult, I would like to address you by your name. I call the young kids honey but doesn't seem right in this case.
I am sorry for your problems too. This is a very big dilemma. First let me start by saying that I would be considered by most to be a lax mom. But I trust my two boys so I don't give them a lot of rules. They have proven to be trustworthy, and I usually know where they both are. I KNOW that they do not drink or take drugs. Both are against it. They have never gotten tickets. They drive responsibly. Are employed. In other words, they are growing into responsibe young men. I always hear good things about them from teachers and employers. I am sure it is like that also with your boys.
I can tell you this, if your wife were my friend, I would have told her a long time ago that she was asking for trouble by not dicipling those girls. Girls are tough and personally, I am glad that I had boys. As you know, girls can get in trouble and be left holding the bag and she and her parents (in this case you and your wife) have to deal with the problems. Your wife is not being realistic about raising these girls. By indulging their every whim, they will grow up to believe that life will always give them what they want. And you and I both know that this is not true. (Hey if there is a place were we can go and get all that we want, I'm going first!Right!)
When the girls act whiney and spoiled and have a fit when they don't get their own way ...friends will dump them, so will boyfriends, marriages won't last, and God forbid they have kids and raise more whiney brats just like themselves. And guess who will be stuck taking care of them, you guys, of course. The girls are already making poor decisions, and not having to suffer the consequences of their poor decisions, means that they are not learing from their mistakes. And the way things are going, they are going to be making some big ones. Going to parties and drinking is just asking for trouble today. I can;t tell you how many times on this website I have advised girls who did just that, and woke up next day, no clothes on, and have no idea what happened, who they were with, and whether or not they are pregnant, or still virgins, etc, etc. And they don't want to tell anyone, they just want to forget. Hopefully they can.
Listen you already know all of this. I am not helping you by confirming your worst fears. But I want you to know that I am on your side, but mostly I am on the side of those boys. While I am worried about the girls, you are the parent that is asking for advice, so I can only help you.
I was in this same spot, my second marriage which, I was sure was going to be forever, lasted less than 2 years. Why, for just about the same reasons. Bottom line was, that the marriage was not good for my boys, so I knew that I had to place their needs before my own.
Here is what I suggest. I think the two of you should go into therapy. IN front of a therapist, and faced with the possibility that her marriage (2nd one) could end, maybe she will agree to some rules at home that you and her can live with, and that your boys are used to, and that the girls will have to learn to live with. And I agree it is for their own good. (sounds so corney) I would find it hard to believe that a family therapist would condone your wife's child rearing practices. Maybe she can help her to see that her daughters are headed for heartaches and trouble that all the money in the world will not be able to get them out of. Or all the love.
You say that you do not want a divorce and well I would venture to guess that your wife does not want a second divorce either. So maybe she will be willing to go see a family therapist.
Your boys have to come first in your life. If you see this as being detrimental to their futures, you have to make the decision to leave. Can you stay married and just live apart for a while? Stranger things have happened. But still, for the rest of your lives, when your boys do good, you'll feel like to have to hide it, and when her girls make mistakes, you'll feel like you can't say anything. I wonder why none of this was obvious to you before you got married?
As a parent YOU are responsible for raising responsible, reliable and resourceful young men who respect themselves and other people. Who are honest, charitable, kind and generous. Your wife is responsble for the same things with the girls. I am sorry that she cannot see that, if you cannot help her to see that, then you must think of your boys first. I know that we love our spouses differently. It's romantic. And as parents, sposes, whatever, we are adults. We will pay the consequences of our actions. One way or the other. But kids, if they don't grow up responsibly, then the parents end up paying for their mistakes for many many many years.
There are so many things about your marriage and relationship within the household that I do not know, and will have a bearing on what your next step is. But if you really want to save this marriage and your boys, and the girls, then I think family therapy is in order.
I hope you can find a way to make that happen. It is worth a try. And it shows how much you do love all of them. Good luck to you. Please write again if you have more questions.
Michele.
RESPONSE TO YOUR FEEDBACK:
Ryan, raising girls is no different than raising boys. What would you have done different if you had three girls instead of three boys? You have the right idea. So go for it. It is very important that your wife back you up. You HAVE to show a united front. The girls will try to get between the two of you. You can count on their NOT LIKING the changes. And no you don't yell at them, you should never have to yell at them. That would mean that you lost control, which would mean that you don't have confidence in your rules and the reasons for them. You both have the upper hand if you choose to use it. You hold all the cards, you just have to be willing to put up with some whineing and complaining for a while.
So, no yelling. Stay calm and keep your word. Don't create punishments that you are not willing to follow through on. In other words don't say you are grounded for the whole summer, if you are not going to actually ground them for the whole summer. If a weekend is all YOU can tolerate then that is what you tell them. What I always tell my boys or tell myself, is you'll thank me for this when you are older And Ryan, you can count on that. It is going to be harder now, but it will be smooth sailing later, when they are mature and realize that you did it for their benefit. It takes time and patience. And count on this, as they get older, their mistakes can become very costly So you guys have to put an end to the impulsive behavior now. GEt each girl a copy of Dr. Laura Schlessingers book: Ten stupid things that girls to to mess up their lives. It is full of common sense. I have read that court judges make this required reading for girls who end up in court. Don't let your wife say you are being to hard. And Ryan, don't be too hard, be fair. And trust is very important. When they break the trust that you have for them, they have to earn it back. You both also have to be trust worthy, say what you mean and mean what you say, and do what you say, and say what you do.
I hope this helps further.
Michele
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I can never seem to talk to guys! My best friends:
Helen, Sarah and Katie talk to guys in class and out ( and obiously me) but i can never seem to get in a conversation that they are in so i just go with someone else like Jess (my m8). It might be because they are the coolest boys in our class and i am just scared, but i would like some advice on what i could do.
Oh.. and i am 13/f if that helps.
And i do like this boy called Harry and i think he likes me, if that helps. But Harry is in the middle (not popular, but not unpopular) if you know what i am saying. An that i really want a boyfriend too.
I am sorry that this is long but, i had to explain everything, so then you would understand.
Thanks alot, anything will do, just say what you think.
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I know it is hard to talk to guys. Especially when you are young and just learning about relationships. Some girls just seem to do it naturally, but for those of us who find it awkward, here are some things that worked for me.
Well, girls and guys have a lot in common today. You probably have a lot in common with the boy who are your age. Like music, bands, video games, on-line websites. etc. So ask about those things. What kind of music do you like? Then tell him what you like. Who are your favorit groups, then (after he answers) tell him yours. Ask him about brothers and sisters? Love em or hate em. Compare notes. Ask about kids in school who are 1.) real popular 2.) great in sports 3.) smartest in school, 4.) worst teacher, 5) best teacher, then tell him yours.
Ask about favorite foods, candy, ask about utube, myspace, etc. etc. Then also be a GOOD LISTENER. When and if he does something smart, amazing, cool, unsual, daring, scary, etc. etc.
Say "hey that was smart, or amazing, or cool or unusual, or daring or scary, etc. etc.
I think these will help you get started Good luck to you
Michele
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would it feel weird if you & your boyfriend went out.. and did some things.. like lets just say "have sex" (because thats the closest thing i can come up with). and you break up ... would it feel weird if you lost it to him, and then ya'll broke up?
maybe i'm scared he might tell somebody what we did.. that's the thingg... >. (link)
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You are smart to be concerned about this.Your gut instincts are telling you that your boyfriend has a big mouth, and you should be careful. We women would make a lot less mistakes if we listed to our gut instincts. They are usually correct.
So you say that it would bother you if you and your boyfriend were intimate, and he told someone. So don't forget that. Because it could happen. the only way it won't happen is if you wait, wait and wait. Wait until you are sure the he is mature enough to not kiss and tell. Or wait until you are sure that he is not going to grow up very soon, and if you want a mature relationship, then you will have to move on.
Once you have figured that out, then your decision to be intimate with your boyfriend will be easier to decide. There is no reason why you should NOT consider his behavior, (I mean how he would act, after the fact) if you guys had sex. I
mean you must know girls who did have sex with their boyfriends, they boyfriend blabbed, and now they are sorry. So to avoid that, and yes I think you are smart to want to avoid it, then don't have sex until you can be sure. And don't ask him because he'll say that he would never tell, go by is actions. Even test him a little. Tell him something about yourself, something a little secret, and see if he tells anyone, then you'll know that he has a big mouth. Good reason to avoid him altogether.
There are lots of guys in the world. Find a nice one, you'll be much happier in the end.
Michele
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