I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172975
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For some reason, when ever I need to pee I start having sexual fantasies...I don't know why.. Is there a reason why this is happening? (link)
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Some women do report that when they feel the need to pee, they may also experience sexual arousal. I've done some research on this topic and can't find a specific reason why this might be, but I can't dispute the fact that it happens.
One thing to consider is many women confuse needing to pee with being very sexually excited. At the point of orgasm, for instance, a woman might fear she is going to pee - when in fact she's just going to orgasm. This confusion can be added to if the female ejaculates when she orgasms - the feeling of a release of liquid is similar to that of peeing.
This means that you may be excited before you consciously realise it, making you feel like you need to pee, and then you begin to have fantasies. Or the physical sensation of needing to pee is somehow stimulating you.
One thing is certain, and that is that nothing is wrong. This is a normal bodily reaction, so enjoy it!
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18/F
Okay, basically, the subject says it all.
About 2 weeks ago, after going to the toilet [poo!] I noticed bits of blood on the paper. Didn't really worry me too much, cos that's quite common.
It happened every time until 3 days ago when there was alot more blood [small drips in the toilet bowl] I grew more worried, but again thought it could just be one of those things. 3 days later I needed to go again and yes, it happens again. Not so much this time. Well, not enough to drip into the water O.O
I need advice as to what the hell this could be.
I know I need to tell someone and get it sorted, but today is sunday and that's quite a big problem for me seeing as I will not see parents until tomorrow. Tomorrow I most probably will tell them to put my mind at ease.
Anyway, I'm kinda scaring myself here because yes, this is a symptom of bowel cancer. I know I shouldn't be thinking the worst, but lets face it, everyone does. I need more information on this - like what it could be. ALL information is welcome. I cannot stress that enough! Like if it's happened to you or someone you know...
I really need help with this. I would surf the net myself, however, I'm on a local computer and I don't really feel comfortable with searching for this type of thing with public around =\
I'll check back in a couple hours. Thankyou to ANYONE who answers this question. (link)
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Yes, this could be a symptom of something serious. It could also be a symptom of something much more mundane and treatable. You will need to see a doctor as soon as possible for a diagnosis and treatment plan - not to mention your own peace of mind.
If you are only pooping every three days, you will want to mention this to your doctor. You might not be ingesting enough fiber, and this can also cause poop to be harder and tear your skin as it comes out - leading to blood on the toilet paper.
Write down your symptoms as accurately as you can, and take this paper timeline with you when you see your doctor. This will help him/her have a better understanding of what's going on.
I wish you the best.
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so i am 15/U.S./female
So I am a virgin. My boyfriend isn't. Basically everyone thinks that i am not a virgin because they heard rumors that i sleep around. Anyway, I really want to lose my virginity to my bf. How do I prevent my hymen from bleeding when he puts it in?? (link)
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There is no way to prevent or encourage bleeding the first time you have sex. To make things as comfortable as possible for you, though, there are some things you CAN do.
First, make sure you feel emotionally ready for sex. Consider how this might affect you as an individual, as well as your relationship. Next, make sure you feel physically ready when the time comes. If you are sexually excited you will natually produce lubricant, and your vagina will be easier for your boyfriend to enter.
Is your boyfriend not aware you are a virgin? You may want to consider telling him, as this may make him more gentle or understanding. You may also want to consider entering a sexual relationship with someone you don't feel comfortable telling you are a virgin. If he DOES know, ignore this paragraph!
You are unlikely to bleed large amounts. Still, be aware that some spotting might happen. Bring along a pad or pantyliner to keep your panties clean afterward.
Large amounts of blood, any amount of blood that does not stop within a reasonable time, or ongoing pain of any sort is not normal and requires medical attention.
I wish you the best.
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Wel in america you lot have size zeros
In uk,england, we dont
So what is a size zero in england - a six or a 13-14 yrs? (link)
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A 0 in the US is the same as a size 4 in the UK.
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hey alright so im a senior in high school and i was wondering what courses i would need to take to get into psychology. and what i would need to take in university to get into the program. also what are some jobs out there relating to the feild. please, i really need some advice. thanks in advance =) (link)
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Colleges will be looking at your grades, activities, etc in order to accept you. Most colleges allow you to specify a major when you apply. This means that you can enter college with psychology as your major.
This isn't set in stone, so if you dislike it you can change. Likewise, you can enter college with an undeclared major and change it once you are there.
You'll want to meet with an academic adviser when you are first there. The good thing about psychology is that it's a social science, and basic level social science classes are usually required for EVERY major. You can take an intro to psychology class your first semester and see how it feels.
The adviser will be able to tell you about all the psychology courses the college offers, the requirements you need to graduate with a degree in the field, etc.
Your college should also have a centre where you can learn more about career choices. They should have info on careers related to psychology and what they require - some you can go right into after college, some you will need further degrees for. Psychology is a helpful, basic minor and would be good for most jobs.
Specific related jobs include:
Counselling
Clinical Psychologist
Educatinal Psychologist
Counselling Psychologist
Research
Support Worker
Youth Worker
You can google any of these for more info.
I wish you the best - hope you enjoy college!
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For those who ever went to anger management or a counciling place of any sort, do they come with those hammer shaped balloon thingies so you can whack whoever you brought with you (like on tv)? (link)
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Probably not. A lot of counselling is just about sitting in a room with your counsellor and talking about whatever it is that is bothering you. It's a great space to vent, to explore yourself, and to be able to fully be yourself with no fear of judgement.
Some counsellors may have sandtrays, paper and crayons/markers/etc, or use other things to help the counselling along. When you first meet with your counsellor, you can ask her/him what techniques they like to use.
It's a pretty old school idea to beat things up in therapy, but not beyond the realm of possible. Just very, very unlikely.
Still, YOU are the boss of counselling. You can bring in whatever would help you - like a photo, toy, etc and then use it to help you speak about how you feel.
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Hi, I jus ask my friend to give me a blow job... can I get STDs from blow jobs? (link)
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Yep.
STDs can be transferred from oral sex. Because many STDs have no visible symptoms, it's best not to assume that your friend is clean - and likewise, they'll want to be careful to protect themselves as well.
To make oral sex safe, use a condom. Not the top choice of many people, I realize, but flavoured condoms may make things more appetizing - as well as knowing that you are both protecting yourself from possible complications.
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What is the percentage of a girl getting pregnant if she is correctly using her birth control pills, and i am correctly using a condom? I know they are not fullproof at preventing pregnancy but i have searched all ver the internet and have had no luck in finding an answer. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
I am 18 and a male (link)
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All forms of the birth control pill, if used correctly, are over 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. This means that less than 1 woman in 100 would get pregnant in a year - if all 100 women were exactly following the intructions.
The male condom is 98% effective if used correctly. That means 2 women would get pregnant out of that 100 batch.
Using both forms of birth control means that your partner is more comprehensively protected against pregnancy, as well as protecting you both from STIs.
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right im 15/m/uk my gf may be pregnant if she is what should i do:| i cant tel my parents or im going to get disowned and she cant tel hers what should we do how can we get an abortion like behind our parents back i know that sounds wrong but please advice is strongely needed. (link)
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Your girlfriend needs to find out if she is actually pregnant. In the UK, she has the right to confidential, free pregnancy testing - even if she is not yet 16.
Likewise, she is entitled to a confidential termination of her pregnancy if that is what she wants. If she is under consenting age, her doctors will be accessing whether she is mature enough to make informed decisions, whether an abortion is in her best interests, etc.
There are a number of national and local agencies specifically for young people. You can call the Brook helpline for details of a service near you, or ask in your local youth support centre for information on abortion and specialist services for young people.
I wish you both the best.
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I have a tough life and I sometimes create a better life for myself. I use people I care about or others, and I use them to comfort me. Does that make me crazy because I think about them? I make stories or illusions with them. Do i belong in a mental institute? (link)
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Nope. This is a coping mechanism, which is fancy talk for 'making yourself feel better.' It's actually a really useful skill to have.
Coping mechanisms are great to help you out in the short term. You may want to consider what will help you out in the long term, though.
If you feel you aren't getting enough real life comfort, maybe you can begin to think of ways to allow yourself to get support from other people. Do you let people know when you are upset? Have a good friend you can talk to? A journal you can rant in to your heart's content?
I wish you the very best.
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i sent a question before but i am not sure you got it. i said that i am feeling really sad and depressed well i think depressed... i wanna cut or be anorexic or commit suicide just something i want the pain to go away. i dont want my parents to find out because i am scared they will send me to a phychologist and i really dont want to go to something like that. nobody knows that i feel this way because i try to hind it. im very optimistic and stuff at school. i have had suicidal thoughts but i wont do that i promise if ur worried because i know that i am not ready to die and the pain of dying isnt worth it so NO i will not kill myself. and writing in a journal wont help me. i dont know what to do. please help i need some advice BADLY (link)
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I think the best possible thing to help you is the one thing you've said you aren't keen on - going to speak to a professional. Counsellors are there to help people work through bleak times and emotions - not to mention specially trained to do so.
Wanting to self-harm by cutting, eating disorders, etc is a sign that at your core, you're really not feeling well anymore. You know that and I know that. What you aren't sure about is how to go about changing how you feel, and that's where counselling could help.
Hiding your feelings under a mask could also be making things worse. If you don't feel free to express your emotions or behave in a genuine way, that's only going to amplify everything. Not to mention the fact that if no one knows you feel this way, how is anyone going to know to offer you support?
Check out if your school has a counsellor. You may also see if there is free youth counselling somewhere in your community. You will have a right to confidentiality (which you will want to clarify with your counsellor), which means that unless there are high risk factors, whatever you say stays private. This is true whether your parents know you are in counselling or not.
Counselling will offer you a place where you can take that exhausting happy mask off and just be yourself for an hour a week. It's non-judgemental, open-minded, and incredibly supportive.
I wish you the best.
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when you get your period, and you drink something that's cold (like milk, or water) does the temperature have anything to do with the amount of blood coming out?
my friend said during school that she couldn't drink the school milk because she is having her period, and if you drink something cold, more blood comes out. so what if you drink something hot? will that make less blood come out?
13/f (link)
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The temperature of things you eat/drink does not have any effect on your period. None at all.
In fact, there's really nothing you can do to increase/decrease the flow of blood. Your body works to its own time scales.
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Ok well I went to this carreer choosing site and like all my jobs are in the same areas and when I looked at education, every job needs the exact same classes. Only, all those classes (the extra electives) are my worst subjects and subjects that I hate. I don't want to pick those classes and just pick classes that I like but thsi is high school and you're supposed to pick school courses that will help you get to your job. But picking those classes i am possitive that i'd fail them and not pass high school. what should i do? (link)
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If you like the sound of these particular jobs, you may want to do a bit more research. Why? If you dislike or hate all the subject areas needed to be successful in these areas, you're probably setting yourself up for a job you also will not like.
Subject areas are usually closely related to the work itself - not to mention the classes you would have to take at university.
For example, if someone thinks it would be cool to be a scientist but hated math and science, they would not be making choices that were well suited to them.
You want to study things that are you well suited to, that you enjoy, and that you would like to learn more about. The subjects you choose in high school will not actually make a huge difference to you - your specialisms at university will. Right now, you should be focusing on figuring out what you enjoy and making good grades.
That'll enable you to go to a good university and make more informed decisions when you arrive! Best of luck.
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Is there any way that you can not want to be a lesbian but you still are? I try not to be. I try to be with guys but I just don't feel right when I kiss a guy, but when I kiss a girl it feels so right. I don't want to be a lesbian just because it's so hard to these days and I don't want to have to tell my parents. Also I'm Christian so it's against my religion. Is there anyway to make myself straight? (link)
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You are who you are, no matter how you feel about it. Many people are raised with the idea that there is something wrong in being gay, due to religion, ignorance, etc. This can cause some huge problems for people who grow up and realize they are or might be gay. After all, who wants a life full of struggle?
The good news is that it isn't all struggle. You don't have to force yourself to be with a guy just because you that should. You don't have to live a lie. As you get older, you will create a network of supportive and loving friends, and hopefully find a place where you can feel at peace with yourself.
This won't happen overnight.
As regards your Christianity, the two aren't mutually exclusive. There are a number of Christian organizations for gay people - it gives people a time and space to talk about their faith and sexuality in a helpful way. These people recognize they are gay, they are pleased to be gay - and that they are also pleased to be Christian. You can have both! These exist both online and in person (google for more info).
It sounds as if you've already tried to live a straight life and it's not working. There's really nothing that will magic you out of being gay - but there will come a point where are you happy to be who you are.
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I recently just found out that I am gay, and I really want to "come out" to the rest of my family - but the problem is were Roman Catholic, and in my religion it is a DEALY sin to be gay, and also I'm afraid that they wont accept me for who I truly am as a person. I've heard my family say some degrading things about gay people, they treat them like they have the plauge, so if I come out to them I'm afraid I might get kicked out of my family. I can't go anywhere either, all of my family friends, and friends are homophobes because of what society or the media tells them. It will be just such a great feeling to get this off my chest, but I'm afraid of the consequences. Thank you guys for understanding. (link)
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It's very easy for people to be discriminatory or judgemental at a label - for example, hating gay people without actually knowing any (or black people or asian people or....). Oftentimes once people have a 'face' to a previously unknown category, it causes them to rethink their position.
I don't want to present a rosy picture of the situation to you. Your family's religion may or may not complicate things. You might want to consider getting in touch with P-Flag for some literature re: coming out to family, likely reponses of family, etc. There are also Roman Catholic organizations devoted to gay catholics (Quest). Either of these organizations might be able to offer you more information as well as support.
It's taken you a number of years to understand your sexuality, and your family will not be able to snap their fingers and automatically accept things (or at least, probably not). It takes time to reframe your expectations about another person.
Some common responses by parents:
- this is a phase
- denial. denial. denial.
- calling it a sin or unnatural
Of course, some families are terrific and loving. Most fall somewhere between the two extremes. It just takes a lot of time, patience, and conviction in who you are.
I wish you the best.
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I am a fifteen year old girl and the boy i am hooking up with wants to step up the relationship, so he wants to finger me and i am totallyyy ready for that!!, but i have a lot of pubic hair, so i am nervous he will get grossed out about it. should I shave for him? Thanks. (link)
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The human body has hair on it. That's just a fact of life, and nothing worth anyone getting grossed out over. How women groom themselves is totally up to the woman - don't bother to shave for your boyfriend if YOU don't want to shave. It's a lot of hassle and upkeep.
And let's face it, your boyfriend will be so thrilled to be stepping things up, the last thing he's going to be doing is analysing your hair style!
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here's two things i've been told about sex from my friends, and i'm not sure what's true and what's not:
-your vagina makes "farting" noises when having sex.
-there is the possibility of peeing on him.
true or false? =/
thanks! (link)
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If air is pushed into your vagina, it might make a squelching noise. This is not hugely common - certain positions make it more likely, however. It's a normal part of sex and nothing to dread.
When the human body is sexually excited, it is very VERY difficult to urinate. Your friend may have been referring to the lubrication females experience when excited. Some females also squirt out more lubrication when they have an orgasm.
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does anyone really know when they are ready to have sex? does everyone have doubts about their first time?
i'm very indecisive in the first place and have doubts about everything, and i'm afraid i'll never know when i'm actually ready.
does anyone really ever know? (link)
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Yes. People do know when they are ready.
If you've got doubts, it means you are not ready. What might help is you taking some time to think about your expectations.
Do you want to have sex only in a committed relationship, or not?
How long do you want to know someone before you have sex?
Do you want to be in love?
How will you protect yourself and your parter from possible consequences - pregnancy, STDs/STIs, etc.
Are you ready for the extra pressure sex can put on a relationship?
Do you feel physically and emotionally ready?
When you are ready, you will know. It's okay to have doubts, because they are strong signals from your mind that you need to take more time to think things out.
I wish you the best.
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when i was 9 or 10 my brother molested me. the molestation went so far i would even call it rape. while it was going on i told him no i didnt want to but he made me think i was wrong for not wanting to. afterwards he tried to have these sex talks with me about how to do sexual acts and what happens when guys get excited, i finally told him i didn;t want to talk about this with him. it took alot of courage but i hated it, i hated him. he told me if i told anybody he would tell them that i touched him, and that nobody would believe me. i felt disgusting, and i thought [still think] people will think i am disgusting for letting that happen to me.
now im 15 and it still horrifies me. i have never told anybody because im afraid they will think i am gross. i can never tell my parents, NEVER, because they will not believe me. He hides it so well and soemtiems i even wonder if he remembers doing it. once i braught it up, he acted like he didnt know what i was talking about and i sut up quickly, i didnt want to talk about it. I know it happened... but there is nothing i can do
now it is a huge problem b/c i have been dating this great guy for 3 months and i won't let him touch me. at first i just told him i was prude but when he puts his arms around me i freak, and once i decided to just ignore it and make out with him as uncomfortable as i was, he hand started to go up my shirt and i ran out of the room and started to cry hysterically. this shouldnt still be happening, but it is affecting me now more than ever.
i need this to go away
please help me forget about this and overcome my fear of somebody touching me. my bf is going to dump me if i keep doing this, he doesnt know why, im never going to tell him.
please help im desperate (link)
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This is not your fault. You were a child, and an older person manipulated and abused you. Sexual abuse is really, really toxic stuff - if you truly want to work through it, you will most likely only be able to do that with a professional.
This means seeing a counsellor - your school might be able to recommend one, your community might have a charity that offers counselling to teenagers, or you can ask your doctor. A common effect of sexual abuse is the person (no matter how old they get) feeling dirty and somehow at fault. Even if they logically know it isn't true, their emotions can interfere in them forming successful and healthy relationships, or enjoying sex.
I'm not saying this to scare you, only to inject some reality into the situation. If you are nervous about entering counselling, you could start small - phone a free helpline for sexual abuse/rape (google will give you numbers), or correspond with a professional via email.
You may feel you are gross, but no one who hears your story will think that. When I read your question, my first thought was what a horrible situation someone else had put you in - you said no, you were a child (and even if you had agreed to the sexual activities, you were too young to consent and it would NOT be your fault), and you have been abused.
I send warmest feelings to you, reassurance that at least one person you've told thinks you are SO BRAVE for sharing your story, and very deep hopes that you will speak to a professional about this.
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Earlier today my dad was yelling at me because I forgot to mention my depression at the Doctor's when I was going there mainly for my ear infection. He yelled at me, and I started to cry because I felt horrible, and then he yelled at me saying that I am just a big cry baby and I am always crying over something stupid! But I can't help it.. I seriously can't. If someone yells at me, or scolds me I cry because I feel so guilty. But I don't want to easily cry anymore! I wanna feel stronger than that (since I am NOW 16!! And I should be acting like an adult) As my dad thinks, I really need to grow up!
But it's hard to not cry since I am sensitive and very emotional, and I am really depressed, so when I am in a sad or depressed state I cry over anything. Maybe it's normal for a teenager girl like me, but some times I feel I am just 'over-doing' it. How can I fix this?
Thanks. (link)
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I don't think there's anything wrong with crying. It's an honest response to how you are feeling, and it's not very supportive of your father to yell at you when you are feeling vulnerable.
If being an 'adult' means bottling up emotions and hiding your feelings, then I say DON'T grow up. I think it takes a lot of courage to experience life as you are - whether that's depressed, afraid, or any other emotion a person may feel.
If you would like to look at the reasons for your depression and frequent crying, counselling might be helpful. It will give you a safe, supportive space to let your feelings out, meaning you might feel more stablised and therefore less likely to cry all the time. Counselling might also give you an opportunity to experience crying in front of someone and only getting kindness in return, allowing you to think more carefully about your relationship with your father.
All in all, I think counselling's fabulous. Your doctor might be able to recommend a counsellor, or you might speak to your school to see if they offer counselling.
I wish you the best.
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