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i dont know what to do im not sure if i really am depressed?
i sent a question before but i am not sure you got it. i said that i am feeling really sad and depressed well i think depressed... i wanna cut or be anorexic or commit suicide just something i want the pain to go away. i dont want my parents to find out because i am scared they will send me to a phychologist and i really dont want to go to something like that. nobody knows that i feel this way because i try to hind it. im very optimistic and stuff at school. i have had suicidal thoughts but i wont do that i promise if ur worried because i know that i am not ready to die and the pain of dying isnt worth it so NO i will not kill myself. and writing in a journal wont help me. i dont know what to do. please help i need some advice BADLY
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I think the best possible thing to help you is the one thing you've said you aren't keen on - going to speak to a professional. Counsellors are there to help people work through bleak times and emotions - not to mention specially trained to do so.
Wanting to self-harm by cutting, eating disorders, etc is a sign that at your core, you're really not feeling well anymore. You know that and I know that. What you aren't sure about is how to go about changing how you feel, and that's where counselling could help.
Hiding your feelings under a mask could also be making things worse. If you don't feel free to express your emotions or behave in a genuine way, that's only going to amplify everything. Not to mention the fact that if no one knows you feel this way, how is anyone going to know to offer you support?
Check out if your school has a counsellor. You may also see if there is free youth counselling somewhere in your community. You will have a right to confidentiality (which you will want to clarify with your counsellor), which means that unless there are high risk factors, whatever you say stays private. This is true whether your parents know you are in counselling or not.
Counselling will offer you a place where you can take that exhausting happy mask off and just be yourself for an hour a week. It's non-judgemental, open-minded, and incredibly supportive.
I wish you the best.
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