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Coming out of the closet
I recently just found out that I am gay, and I really want to "come out" to the rest of my family - but the problem is were Roman Catholic, and in my religion it is a DEALY sin to be gay, and also I'm afraid that they wont accept me for who I truly am as a person. I've heard my family say some degrading things about gay people, they treat them like they have the plauge, so if I come out to them I'm afraid I might get kicked out of my family. I can't go anywhere either, all of my family friends, and friends are homophobes because of what society or the media tells them. It will be just such a great feeling to get this off my chest, but I'm afraid of the consequences. Thank you guys for understanding.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I'm a roman catholic aswell, my parents are like the most religious people, racist people like ever.. my brother also found out recently he is gay. One night he told my parents and they blew off, they spazzed, screamed, +etc. then they realized kicking him out of the family won't solve anything they'll still be known to have a gay son. Anyways if your parents are so religious they should know it also tells us in our bible that we have to respect one another for our differences and look for whats inside of us. Being gay is not your choice you were either born gay or born straight. If your friends dont stay by you when you tell them your gay - they aren't really the best of friends. friends don't judge friends, and family dont judge family.. Hope i helped.
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Don't tell your family yet. I would go as far as to say don't tell anybody yet because your family could catch wind of it.
I know that keeping it inside must be really hard, but the longer you do it the easier it will get, trust me. When I decided that I was bisexual I wanted to tell the world. The thing that I realized was that the world doesn't really care. It matters a lot to me and is important to me, but it would be selfish to think that all my friends and family needed to know or even wanted to know. It's a personal thing and if it comes up, so be it, but if not, it's better not to bring it up myself and in some cases it would be better not to divulge anything.
If someone that you tell takes it well great, but if they take it badly it can ruin your relationship with them. It's not that you're keeping a secret. Nothing about you has changed. You wouldn't feel bad about not telling your friends about the first time you masturbated. It's a very personal thing that doesn't need to be out in the open to have a good relationship with someone.
If your family finds out, they will probably either kick you out or try to change you. Both of these situations will be about as close to hell as you can get on Earth. The agony that telling them will cause is much greater than the pinch of apprehension you're feeling now.
I think that you should tell people at some point. You didn't indicate your age in your question, but I'm guessing that you're in high school. If I'm wrong I apologize. In any case, when you decide to tell your family, make sure that you are not dependant on them. Have a place to live and be able to support yourself.
I had a falling out with my family a few years ago. Even though it was over something different I have an idea about what life might be like for you if it happens too soon. When I did it I was already in college. I stayed with a friend and after his parents were ok with it I moved in with my boyfriend. I haven't been to my house since, only to pick up my things. I'm paying for everything all on my own with student loans. This is probably what is going to happen to you. Be prepared for it. It's hard. Have a place to stay and have a way to support yourself financially. I suggest waiting until you are in college. Things will turn out so much better for you. You'll get treated better by your peers in college too for being homosexual. If someone doesn't like it they're not going to give you a hard time, they'll just avoid you.
I wish you the very best of luck with whatever you decide to do. Don't be afraid. Just be strong and be smart. :)
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It's very easy for people to be discriminatory or judgemental at a label - for example, hating gay people without actually knowing any (or black people or asian people or....). Oftentimes once people have a 'face' to a previously unknown category, it causes them to rethink their position.
I don't want to present a rosy picture of the situation to you. Your family's religion may or may not complicate things. You might want to consider getting in touch with P-Flag for some literature re: coming out to family, likely reponses of family, etc. There are also Roman Catholic organizations devoted to gay catholics (Quest). Either of these organizations might be able to offer you more information as well as support.
It's taken you a number of years to understand your sexuality, and your family will not be able to snap their fingers and automatically accept things (or at least, probably not). It takes time to reframe your expectations about another person.
Some common responses by parents:
- this is a phase
- denial. denial. denial.
- calling it a sin or unnatural
Of course, some families are terrific and loving. Most fall somewhere between the two extremes. It just takes a lot of time, patience, and conviction in who you are.
I wish you the best.
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IT IS A VICIOUS WORLD. I totally relate to what you are going through. I am from a ROMAN CATHOLIC family too. Aside from the our society here looks with disdain to people with this kind of feeling. I am NOT a butch but i do feel strongly to other women. Infact most of my beft relationships were with same sex. I have had boyfriends too trying to fit the mold, I did like the feeling but it was tiring & not fulfilling. It is only with a relationship with a woman that I feel great. I think I am BI too. Maybe the best thing to do for now is DON'T ROCK THE BOAT yet UNLESS of course, you really want to come out. I personally think sometimes even if we don't say anything they will still have an OPINION about us. The best thing to do right now, is surround yourself with people who can relate to you. Or seek guidance from online advice columns, exchange emails. Also this might be a cliche for you but PRAYER is also a tool to give you light.
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Let me just tell you first off that I know exactly what you're going through. I'm not gay, but I am bisexual & I know how it feels to wanna come out but not be able to. I've known that I was bi since I was about 13. I'm 15 now, but I still have yet to come out because my family is the same way. I've only come out to my friends because I knew that they'd be cool about it.
Anyways, I realize that coming out is HUGE and that it's also extremely hard, but if your family isn't the type to accept something like this, I'd probably keep it to myself. Yeah, you're gonna feel guilty hiding the hugest secret of your life, but then again, you're also gonna feel guilty thinking you betrayed them because you let them down, and made them think you were straight this whole time. Honestly, if you are totally positive you wanna tell them, I would, and hopefully, since that's your family, they won't completely blow it out of proportion. If they really love you, they won't do anything way out of line, such as throw you out or disown you or whatever. And if they do, then that just shows how much they care about you, your happiness, your feelings & your life. =) I hope everything goes well.
♥T!NA
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