I'm a woman in Texas. I'm married and have a school-aged child. I have a medical background. I'm quite liberal, socially. I love helping people with medical, parenting, and social questions. Don't ask me about tech stuff or finances, because I need advice on those things myself!
Gender: Female
Location: Texas
Age: 34
Member Since: December 17, 2006
Answers: 795
Last Update: September 2, 2007
Visitors: 50070
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Xenolan
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I really want to get my nose pierced. Nothing big or anything, just a little stud. Everyone tells me I have the perfect nose for a nose ring. The only problem is my mom.I don't know why she wont let me get it done, but she just says no , whenever i ask her. My bestfriend is getting hers done soon and my mom said that if hers looks good ( like not trashy i think) than she will consider it, but i dont her to base her desision on that. How could I convince her to let me get it pierced. Thanks! (link)
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Go get one of the magnetic ones from Claire's and show here where you'd want it and what it looks like with just the little stud. Then take her shopping and show her what kind of nose jewelry you'd like to use. If you know someone who has a nose ring, take a pic of that person's nose for your mother to show her how small the hole is and how easy it is to make it unnoticable for job interviews, etc..
Sabine
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Detecting Sexual Activity Through A Pap Smear Is Illegal? (link)
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Hmmm... A pap smear can't detect sexual activity. A pap smear is a test run by scraping cells off of your cervix with a brush (it doesn't hurt though you can feel it) and examining those cells for signs of inflammation, malignancy, or viral infection. The doctor's exam with the speculum and his/her fingers and visual exam can confirm that the hymen is broken, but that does not make one not a virgin. The only way to lose one's virginity is to have sex, but that's not the only way for the hymen to get broken. The only way a pap smear can detect sex is if it detects a sexually-transmitted disease, which leads to the conclusion that the person is not a virgin.
That being said, virginity is not a medical term and is not easy to define. Is a life-long lesbian a virgin just because she's never had a penis inside her, even if she's had 100 lovers and used every female body part and toy available for her pleasure? I would say she's not a virgin. Likewise, a little girl who's been sexually abused and has had her hymen broken is a virgin in my eyes because assault is not the same as consensual sex.
There are legal ramifications of doing a vaginal exam to determine whether a girl/woman was sexually assaulted. Other than that, I don't know whether the law in the US makes any legal rules about how vaginal exams may or may not be used except that you have a right to have your medical records kept private.
Sabine
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I've tried ear plugs but i still can hear some sounds made by the passing cars, slamming gates and all in front of my house. I'm so afraid of hearing sounds at night that I actually keep my ears open for sounds and I don't dare go to sleep for fear that I'd be woken up by sounds later on at night.
Sometimes, I'm so exhausted that I tell myself to just sleep but I can't. THe moment I lie on my bed, I have that sickening exhausting yet unable to sleep experience. Don't tell me to use radio, ear plugs, white noise, etc. It ALL DON"T WORK. I'm going crazy. Every single sound is keeping me up and I can't stop anticipating the next sound. Everytime I get woken up by a sound I start to cry because I'm so angry with myself for transforming from a heavy to a light sleeper. Someone pls help me sleep. I NEED IT!! I'm going crazy. (link)
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I, personally, wrap my pillow around my head to block out noises and light. But with the anticipation of noise keeping you awake, it makes me think that you actually need sleeping pills because anxiety plays a big component in your lack of sleep. Go see your doctor.
Sabine
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15/f. it seems like i ALWAYS discharge. like everyday, not just right before or after my period. and sometimes its soo bad that it leaks through. and its getting really expensive to wear a pantyliner EVERYDAY.
so is this normal? does anybody else have this problem? and what can i do to stop it?
thanks! (link)
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I think pretty much everyone has this problem. Yes, we all have discharge. If you don't wear a pantyliner, your discharge will soak into your panties assuming that you wear cotton crotch ones. Over time, the discharge will stain the panties, but if you wear cheap ones, it won't matter much.
The only time to worry about discharge is if it's discolored (normal is clear to white to yellowish-white and red/brown near your period and abnormal is dark yellow or green) or if it smells bad.
Sabine
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my little brother is 7 and in 2nd grade, and lately he's been telling me that this girl in his class keeps bothering him. he told me that she likes him, and she's not leaving him alone. my brother comes home crying (lol) saying that she's not stopping! my brother told me that he already told his teacher but she really doesn't care and didn't do anything about it. what should i do, i can't stand to see my brother like this! (link)
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Tell your brother to ask to speak with a school counselor. The school has a duty to put a stop to such behavior. Harassment is harassment.
Sabine
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okay so i've been going out with my boyfriend for 11 months and i have a problem. i don't talk to his parents that much, like i say hi, how are you? but not usually a conversation. it's not because i'm ignoring them it's just i don't know how to start a conversation with them. i almost feel awkward talking to them. if anyone can help i would appreciate it! thanks (link)
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In contrast to what another person told you, I'd avoid politics (Iraq War), finances, and religion. Ask your BF's parents what they do for a living. Ask them how their work days went. Ask if they have any plans for the summer, etc. Ask their opinion on your choice of career, college, term paper topic, or whatever. Parents are just people. Treat them with respect, but talk with them about the things that are important to them or to your boyfriend. Telling them about your wishes for the future (as long as they're not 'get pregnant, married, and get a minimum-wage job') they will likely be interested in what you say. You can also ask them questions like how they met, what colleges they went to, what music they like, etc.
Good luck
Sabine
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I know this is quite random.. but what was the Mayan's belief of their creation?
I used google and yahoo. (link)
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Try Mayan Creation Myth on Google.
I did and one of the first links was this:
http://www.meta-religion.com/World_Religions
/Ancient_religions/Central_america/maya_creation_myth.htm
Sabine
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Hi
Everything in my life has built up to a head and im not happy anymore. I moved into a new home before christmas with my son and his father which i was happy about at the time as it was a fresh start for us as a family. we moved in around october last year as since then we have been tormmented by our neighbour its as if she is living with us and our son can hardly play in his own home. To top this all off iv had alot of problems in my job which is very close to where we live and apart from feeling so insecure in my life at this time my relationship does not seam to offer me any comfort as my boyfriend has his own problems and is going through a devorce from a relationship he had years ago he also has children from this relationship. this may all seam like alot going on and it is, i have always tried to make a good life for us but everything is falling apart. Im starting to think i should make a fresh start with just myself and my son as i can not see anything improving here in my relationship, home or job i love my son to bits and only want the best for him to. Has anyone ever made a fresh break like this that turned out for the better that they could advise me on what steps to take im not really finantially secure at the moment, but im not afraid to work. so i knok we would be ok regards money.
Thanks for reading
(link)
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Are you buying the home? Are you renting a house, duplex, or apartment? I don't know how the neighbor could keep your son from being able to play, even inside, unless you share walls and she's being picky about noise. Is your lease almost up, or up in 6 months? Can you last that long?
Are you in love with your boyfriend and do you want to work it out? Do you want to be with him as he's going through this, and do you think he'll be there for you when you go through your life challenges? If you're not in love with him and the relationship is not worthwhile, I suggest that you move out and find a lawyer. You should have court-mandated child support. That's not being mean - it's only fair. You may not be afraid to work, but you may have to work several jobs to support yourself and your child. Is that what's in his best interests? To be at daycare all day every day so you can make ends meet? Hold your bf responsible for the child he helped create.
I have to say that the steps you'd need to take are to get a new job where you're making enough money to support yourself and your child on your own somewhere between where you are now and where you want to live. Then find an apartment or house and move out, explaining to your bf that this is the end of the romantic relationship and you expect him to live up to his responsibilities to his child. Then you move on.
I have had to leave my job, my home, and most of my things and move, but I always had my boyfriend/husband. I'm sorry you're in the situation where you have to choose, but sometimes the brave thing to do is to leave a bad situation.
Best of luck to you.
Sabine
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I am a freshmen female in a college in New York, and I have been in almost a year long relationship now. I found out tonight that over spring break, right after we had our biggest fight, he'd told some of his friends from home that he'd had sex with me. I thought he was a decent guy, and he agrees it's wrong to discuss that because it's personal.
I found out today and am furious, because these are people I know. He INTRODUCED me to these people after he told them. The only way I found out was catching him in a lie.
I feel completely demeaned and violated. I don't know what steps to take next. (link)
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You can't trust him now. He's lying to you and betraying you. Without trust, there is no basis for a relationship. Move on.
Sabine
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I feel horrible, my grandma just passed away earlier today. She wasn't in good condition at all, and was in a hospice bed at her home with an aid and nurse, and my aunt. Anyways we drove up to her house and spent the night at my cousins but we stopped at her house twice to see her when she was still alive. And looking at her brought me to tears because I knew this was it, they couldn't do anything. She couldn't even talk or move or swallow, she had oxygen, her mouth was open and her eyes were half closed. She could hear you though and she was aware of whats going on. And I just was choking on words... the only thing I could manage was "Hi grandma" when I went next to her. I wanted so badly to say I love you... but I didn't. I feel absolutly horrible. It was the last words I said to her, "Hi grandma," but she's gone now, and I feel so bad I never got to say I love you. And now shes gone forever... what can I do to feel better? I understand this happened for the better and thats she's in God's hands now but I just wish I got to tell her I loved her. What should I do.
Thank you. (link)
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She knows. Anyone who can't say more than Hi, Grandma without choking up desperately loves her. You said "I love you" just by being there for her when she was trying to transition to the next phase. She knows. Envision her in Heaven, though, and tell her. She might be able to hear you now. She will see how you are and will be happy to know that she was loved, but will be happy for you when you're able to forgive your lack of words as you said goodbye.
I hope it gets better soon,
Sabine
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okay I've heard there is a perfume called Ferada(or at least that's how it sounds like)
but I cant seem to find it anywhere online, nor anyone really knows it
Does that perfume sounds familar to anyone?
Or do i have the spelling wrong? (link)
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Maybe Escada? Here's an online perfume dealer with a search function and pictures of most bottles.
http://www.fragrancex.com/products/_bid_Escada-am-lid_E__brands.html
Sabine
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does tampon size depend on the size of your vagina or how strong your flow is?
If it's for the flow I don't know..on the first day it's a lot but not like super a lot because I could wear a pad for 5 hours and it doesnt even fill the whole thing. (link)
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It's both based upon the size of your body and the amount of your flow. There are ratings of how many grams of fluid each tampon can hold. You may have to experiment with them, but obviously the junior size tampons do not hold as much fluid as the regular, but junior size and regular absorbency might be more comfortable and hold as much as regular size and light absorbency.
Sabine
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im moving to dallas, texas next year. i will be in 8th grade that year, and im moving from hillsborough, new jersey. it really sucks to leave everything here behind, because i've lived here since i was six, and i'm 13 now, so thats alot of my life. anyways, whats the best school you can go to in dallas? like middle school. i looked at one called lake dallas middle school.. and holy cow! for one, they dont have soccer (my fave sport) as one of their sports (though i like vball) and they have the ugliest dress code ever. so any better middle school s around dallas? i heard dallas is really big but i dont care.. list a couple that actually have websites. THANKS SO MUCH, YOU ROCK!
im so nervous.. i want to get in a really really good middle school with great kids, great teachers, lots of field trips, lots of sports, school dances, festivals maybe, and etc. haha i have a pretty high standard of what i want it to be like. hillsborough schools are amazing, its just that the 'Boro is getting a little boring now.. not that i'd want to move, but also cause my dad is getting some job there. (link)
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Wouldn't that be great if your friend moved to the same city and close enough that you could still be in the same school? In Texas, they have something called Independent School Districts. Your parents should look at the area ISDs and find one with good ratings (Texas rates its schools). Then, they should look at real estate within that school district and find the best school in the best neighborhood they can afford. It'll probably be pretty much up to your parents and dependant on where they need to live for work, etc.
Best of luck to you.
Sabine
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ok Well I'm 157cm tall but noone uses that anymore they say like 5 ft 2.
How tall in inches and feet would I be? (link)
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http://www.manuelsweb.com/in_cm.htm
Here's a cm to inch converter. You could easily have found this with Google.
Sabine
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I`m extremely angry right now so I'm trying my hardest not to randomly start cursing but I really want to.. I have been asking my parents to let me buy a Sidekick for the last 2 years. Yes, TWO years. Over the course of these two years, I haven't asked for anything for my birthday or Christmas except one item, a Sidekick 3. So for the past 2 birthdays and Christmas's, I have gotten nothing. Now I've been doing a lot of dog walking to raise money for this because I truly want it. I have saved up about $300 and I am receiving my next paycheck soon. The bottom line is, for the past 2 years I've been getting the best grades that I could and doing as much work as I can to get money without interfering with school. I come from a very wealthy family, but they just don't believe in material things. I feel I've done everything I can to get this Sidekick 3. I wrote my parents an 8 page essay on why I should purchase the Sidekick, I've worked my butt off in school and got straight A's, I haven't gotten into any trouble and I've been earning money by walking dogs. Now, I've told my parents that I will pay for the phone by myself but that still hasn't convinced them. Last night my family and I went to the mall and we walked by T-Mobile and I went inside the store and they wouldn't come in so I didn't get to buy the phone and my parents won't drive me to T-Mobile and if I even mention the word Sidekick or T-mobile they threaten to ground me and beat me up. I haven't been whiny about this situation at all, the problem is that my parents aren't open to anything and they won't even let me talk to them about the Sidekick at all. I think the most we've ever said about the Sidekick is maybe like 100 words in 2 years. I've prepared speeches and presentations but they won't listen to them so what's the point? I've put my heart and soul into being able to get the Sidekick 3 and I feel like they are being extremely unfair by not evening TALKING about it, or even going to T-Mobile to talk to the workers about it. I've done everything I could to get this Sidekick and it gets me angry to think about how my friends get whatever they want when they sit around and do nothing, while I'm a 13 year old working to get money and writing 8 page essays and preparing speeches about the Sidekick and I still don't get it. It's been 2 years and they haven't even thought about letting me purchase it, even with MY own money. They won't even drive me to the nearest T-Mobile which is 5 minutes away from my house, and look at it with me and talk about it with the workers. My parents wouldn't even budge when I found a few cheaper ones on Ebay. Now I really need your advice in a situation like this because as you can tell I have REALLY close minded parents and I've worked my butt off to earn this Sidekick and they still won't get it. What could I POSSIBLY do that I haven't done to let them get me the Sidekick? (They know all the features and its purposes and all of the info. and prices.) Job? Done. Good grades? Done. Stay out of trouble? Done. Be nice to them? Done. Act mature and adult-ish about it? Done. I'm sorry this is so long but I really want this Sidekick and my birthday this year has already passed and I ONLY asked for the Sidekick, so I ended up with nothing for my birthday. And they KNOW I could pay for it myself, they just still won't budge. It's sooo frustrating. If you could give me advice for my situation and just help me out, I would really appreciate it. I will do almost anything for this Sidekick. =P Haha.
Thank you.
With all due respect,
- An Advicenators User (link)
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Eesh. Tell us this : did they, even if it was two years ago, ever tell you why they did not want you to have a Sidekick? Is it just the Sidekick or all cell phones? Are they worried about the contracts, the monthly fees, the idea of you hooking up with a Harley rider and getting pregnant (or getting her pregnant) at the age of 13? Are they worried about you getting spoiled and wanting televisions and DVD players and iPods and who knows what else? Do they think you're still too young to have something so expensive?
Here's what it sounds like to me as a parent. They've said no and that's it. There is no amount of talking or doing charts, graphs, or essays that's going to change their minds. They think they are justified in saying no and you can continue to obsess and fume about it or you can forget it, but they will not allow you to get a Sidekick and they don't even want to discuss it any more. You have your answer. It may not be reasonable and it may not be fair, but I'm sure your parents think they're doing the right thing.
I wish there were something you could do, but I think it's likely that you will just have to accept that you lost this one. You can get seven sidekicks if you want to the moment you turn 18 (though they may have softened up in the next 5 years). But I think for now it's time to put the issue to rest. Sorry. :(
Sabine
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my dad ordered a computer from dell but they failed to included a dvd burner and floopy disc drive so they sent those parts and a ribbon connector
my dad installed the dvd burner and floopy disc but the ribbon connector did not match
where can we get a ribbon connector that will match (link)
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Call Dell again and tell them to get it right! Ask to speak with a supervisor. If you can't wait for that, are you near a Best Buy or a Circuit City or Comp USA or any of those things? You can take the computer and components in and ask the sales people to get give you the right parts. I would also call up Dell and give them an earful about what horrible customer service they're giving. Tell them you want something to make up for your inconvenience, like, I don't know... a sound card or something?
My husband works in I.T. and his company uses almost exclusively Dells and is happy with them. It's not your fault this happened.
Sabine
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okay i dont why but i feel like i have a lot of water in my body and i feel bloated. my eyes are like puffy
my friend tells me to pee it out, but i cant lol should i like walk or something? (link)
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Walk. Do not eat foods high in salt. You can take a midol or drink caffeinated beverages because they will help you eliminate fluid. Midol or even some diet pills like Dexatrim contain diuretics (things that make you pee). Those are over-the-counter. Use them as directed and not at all if you are not an adult unless your parent gives permission. Other than some caffeine, drink only water.
Get plenty of rest because it will help your puffy eyes.
If it doesn't get better within a few days, talk to a parent or see a doctor.
Feel better.
Sabine
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I have to write about this poem for english class, but i'm having trouble understanding what it is about. I think its about how you shouldn't hide yourself from others, but i'm not sure.
Loud Music
Stephen Dobyns
My stepdaughter and I circle round and round.
You see, I like the music loud, the speakers
throbbing, jam-packing the room with sound whether
Bach or rock and roll, the volume cranked up so
each bass notes is like a hand smacking the gut.
But my stepdaughter disagrees. She is four
and likes the music decorous, pitched below
her own voice-that tenuous projection of self.
With music blasting, she feels she disappears,
is lost within the blare, which in fact I like.
But at four what she wants is self-location
and uses her voice as a porpoise uses
its sonar: to find herself in all this space.
If she had a sort of box with a peephole
and looked inside, what she'd like to see would be
herself standing there in her red pants, jacket,
yellow plastic lunch box: a proper subject
for serious study. But me, if I raised
the same box to my eye, I would wish to find
the ocean on one of those days when wind
and thick cloud make the water gray and restless
as if some creature brooded underneath,
a rocky coast with a road along the shore
where someone like me was walking and has gone.
Loud music does this, it wipes out the ego,
leaving turbulent water and winding road,
a landscape stripped of people and language-
how clear the air becomes, how sharp the colors
thanks to anybody who can clear things up for me!
(link)
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I hear something a little different. I think that the poet is saying that his step-daughter is young and she likes things to be clear-cut and 'decorous' and to make sense. She likes to look at the world and see herself reflected back. She puts herself out into the world (with her voice) in order to know where she stands in it, location-wise, and probably metaphorically as well. When she views herself, she is wearing red pants, jacket, and yellow plastic lunch box. Proper and serious are the words used.
The poet is older; he prefers music that surrounds him and jam-packs the room. He likes to feel it smacking his gut. When he peers into the box, he sees not just the ocean, but the ocean with gray, restless water and thick cloud and rocky shore. He talks of turbulence and sharp colors. I think what he's saying is that since he has lived life a while, he likes how music evokes the challenges of life, or the rocky shores, which forces him to lose his self-interest and the ways in which he focuses on himself in order to see the clarity of a life with turbulent waters and rocky shorelines. I think he's saying that as we get older and more experienced with life's turbulence we are more able to focus on the rest of the world and the stark beauty to be found even in its hardships, and less on ourselves or our projections of how things are supposed to be.
Good luck,
Sabine
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I'm female and 13 years old and I have a really bad masterbation problem. Its like it completely controls my mind and I just CAN'T stop thinking about it. I'm becoming really distant with friends and family because all I want to do is be alone so I can pleasure myself. As of a couple months ago I started skipping classes just so I could lock myself in the bathroom and masterbate. What really bothers me is that my boyfriend of 17 months now wants to finger me but I say no. but its not because I think I'm too young. Its because I want to be in control. Seriously, I need help and I dont know what to do ! (link)
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That website the first advisor gave is very interesting. It's very conservative Christian and actually kind of twists a biblical quote to say the bible is against masturbation. The truth is that quote says anyone who looks at a woman with lust in his heart has already committed adultery. Then the web site author tries to say that most people who masturbate view pornography, so the bible does speak out about masturbation. That's quite a logical leap and doesn't apply to you.
What does apply to you is that you have been masturbating to the extent that it is affecting your life in a negative way. There's a healthy amount and then there's overboard. You're way overboard. Any addiction is not good. Usually, people who start masturbating will stop once their clitoris or penis has been rubbed raw enough that it starts hurting. If you are not able to stop after that, I would suggest speaking with someone about it. If you feel comfortable, you could start with a school counselor. Planned parenthood might be able to help you. If you are comfortable, also, your pediatrician could possibly help. Regarding the boyfriend, I don't feel comfortable saying much because, depending on the laws in your state, he could possibly be pushing the borders of statutory rape with whatever he does, even if you agree. When the time is right for you, you should be ready to have sex (not just intercourse, but all forms of sex) as a shared bonding experience with your chosen partner.
Sabine
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i need help. my best friend just told me that she is bilemic and has been for almost a year and that she has been getting help and is doing much better, but really bothered me that she felt like she couldn't trust me enough to tell me before she told the guy she was dating at the time and other people that she doesn't really consider close friends. what should i do...should i just forget about it and just let her know i'll be there for her or should i ask her why she felt like she couldnt tell me?? (link)
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Don't forget that bulemia itself is a hallmark of disordered thinking. It's not a healthy way of making choices for oneself. Plus, when your body is low on protein and fats, you don't think well. I think maybe she wasn't ready to tell you because she wasn't sure how people in general would react. Sure, you're her best friend, but she didn't know whether admitting to a mental health problem would be a 'deal breaker' in that regard and would change your opinion of her. You know that she has self-image issues, so it's probably no surprise that she is very concerned with having others' approval. Probably she shared it with others first because you were one of the people she could least afford to lose in her life. She needed you to be there and supportive and, since she didn't know how you'd react, she didn't risk telling you for her own sake. It wasn't that she didn't trust you, just that she couldn't lose you. So she tried confessing her problem to people that she didn't mind losing so much. Maybe that's not the way it is - who knows? But don't be angry or upset with her. She's going through enough judgment and needs your support right now.
Sabine
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