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He disclosed my sex-life to his friends.
I am a freshmen female in a college in New York, and I have been in almost a year long relationship now. I found out tonight that over spring break, right after we had our biggest fight, he'd told some of his friends from home that he'd had sex with me. I thought he was a decent guy, and he agrees it's wrong to discuss that because it's personal.
I found out today and am furious, because these are people I know. He INTRODUCED me to these people after he told them. The only way I found out was catching him in a lie.
I feel completely demeaned and violated. I don't know what steps to take next.
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I've been through this and trust me it is hard. I felt betrayed and violated too. He promised he wouldn't say anything and the very next day he told his friend right when I came over. It made me feel awkward and weird, because that is something you should keep private between the two of you. It is no one elses buisness. I talked to him about it.
I told him this: "What you did made me feel degraded because you told your friend something that was a big deal to me and meant something to me. And you just go and tell him something that intimate about me and I just met him too! How do you think that makes me feel? It made me feel like you were bragging about it like what we did was some sort of prize, not something special between you and me. That was immature and disrespectful. I can't trust anything you say now!"
After I told him that, of course he apologized. But I almost broke up with him. I listened as he explained and decided to make things work. A relationship is more than sex. So you decide whether or not what he did can be looked over. If you look it over make sure to make it clear that it better not happen again. Or you can dump him right away. But keep in mind, everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. Since me and my boyfriend (now fiance) had that talk over a year ago, when his friends try to pry into his sexual life, he is discreet and will just smile and not answer the question. It isnt like his friends don't know we are having sex, but the fact that he wont go into detail makes sex even better and more intimate. Your man needs a reality check! So give him one!
And try to look into his eyes too from his situation. I realized some guys don't make sex as such a big deal as girls do. He wasn't trying to boast or brag about it, but the subject came along and he was asked about it. Now he didn't go out and fully go into detail but he still told. Not to be disrespectful to me, but in a way he felt pressured to say so. That shows immaturity. But Thank God every guy can mature! Show him it hurt you and let him know and fully understand why. He probably didn't realize why it was such a big deal to keep a secret. After that, you decide what measures to take. Only you know whether this relationship is worth the mistake he made. Hope I helped and if you need any more help, message my inbox.
~Sherah
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first: dump him, fast.
second: change your social network. however, just because they know you have a healthy sex life doesn't mean they would lose respect for you, so don't hit the panic button or treat them (or yourself) like a contagious epidemic!
third: remind yourself that you're an intelligent & attractive woman. tell yourself you deserve better than that jerk - and that the next time, you'll be more careful in vetting the guy you hook up with.
fourth: stop thinking like a victim. you've got/done NOTHING to be ashamed of. it's your (ex) bf who is the creepo.
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You can't trust him now. He's lying to you and betraying you. Without trust, there is no basis for a relationship. Move on.
Sabine
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Tell him goodbye and that this was inexcuseable. He cannot be trusted with any personal detail about you. What kind of guy does this to a girl? Obviously he lacks maturity, tact, intellect and any kind of decency.
You need to kick him to the curb and find someone else regardless of spending a year with him. He has zero respect for you and it's not about to change apology or not. He deserves to get dumped if you ask me.
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