Hi, I call myself Ignatz after Dan Herriman's character in the old "Krazy Kat" comic strip. I'm 44, father of 3, husband to one, crazy about music and books and food and movies and history and martial arts. I've had some wild and crazy times in my life, and I figure I might as well put in some of my perspective.
I promise not to talk down to anyone or make fun,and I promise not to BS anyone. If you're old enough to ask a frank question, you're old enough to get a frank answer. Oh, and if you ask me a question directly, please be patient. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. My life's a bit hectic. :-)
Gender: Male
Location: St. Louis, MO
Occupation: Professional dad
Age: 44
Member Since: October 29, 2007
Answers: 328
Last Update: January 23, 2015
Visitors: 35708
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I’ve been married now going on 3 years to a beautiful Mexican woman but things have been bad from the very beginning.....
she has a son 17 years old he does not do well in school since he has come to live with us the first year he got A's and the after that F's he never leaves his room is all ways on the pc and all ways makes excuses not to do his chores around the house.
Just about every argument me and his mother get in are about the fact that he does not take care of his responsibilities’ try being very nice about how I bring the subject up but no matter what she acts like I’m trying to hurt her son.
The last argument was because he was making excuses why he could not mow the lawn.
I told her don’t worry about it I will do it my self
She got mad and started telling me that I’m being ridiculous and I could not hold back any more I told her if she does not let her son grow up then
He will have trouble when he gets older and it’s possible that the way she babies him he may end up gay when I told her that he came running out of his room with a samari sward threatening me with it so I told her to get control of her kid before someone gets hurt. She took the sward and then he called the police on me he said for verbal abuse LOL anyway
That was 3 weeks ago and she thinks that it was ok that he did that because he was protecting his mother.
she was not crying for help I was not even near her now I don’t know that I can stay married to a woman that make that ok for her son to do and I’m starting not to trust my wife any more one day she is nice then 2 min later she is trying to start a fight with me when she does I just have to leave as it is all ways one sided and I’m never aloud to speak.
she was not legal in the us until we got married and I’m feeling like this whole marriage was just to get her green card she never treats me like a friend or listens to any advice I might have instead she takes it as an attack and starts the hurt game.
I am just about to file for a divorce since I can’t be the only one to flex in this relationship
How can I get her to listen to me and not take it as an attack on her or her son I’ve felt alone in this marriage from the beginning?
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Friend, I think you are being used. She's definitely playing with your head, jerking your strings and making you dance.
There may be some cultural differences at play here. Latina women in general are very devoted to their children, and what seems to be babying to an American perspective is just normal for them. It's not unusual for Latino men to live with their parents until they get married themselves. Also, she may have different expectations for your behavior. She may see your willingess to compromise as weakness. You may have to play the macho card and be very firm with both of them.
I would definitely set ground rules for everyone. No weapons in the house, for example. Lay down the law, be reasonable, but be firm. If she and her son don't have enough respect for you and your happiness, they can walk.
Hope this helps.
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I'm 15/f
i just got out of an 11 month relationship with a boy named jimmy well i'll start by saying
i have a really messed up family..
and lately its really been taking its tole on me
i love my dad but he can be really verbally abusive to me when we get in arguments ;; calling me a cunt, bitch, that he hates me and wants me to get the fuck out the day i turn 18 and thats not the worst he's said to me.. my mom had phybromialga (when she does normal things like going up stairs a few times her knees will hurt her for days) and my mom is really unhappy with him a lot and takes off quite a bit leaving me to suffer but she needs his income
me and my dad got into a huge fight (it happens to often) but everytime it seems to be happening i freakout MORE AND MORE and i'm becomming a very angry person and its scary =[
i told my exboyfriend jimmy that i think we should take a break because i'm taking out my anger on him and things are way to messed up with my family that i cant handle fighting with him all the time as well ;; i felt like if i stayed with him we'd end up ending BADLY
well.. now he basically doesnt talk to me
i miss him and idn if i did the right thing
because its hurting me not being with him too
but on the other hand new cute boys are comming along and they make me feel exited and happy which i havent felt in a while =/
my friends are telling me i'm rebounding and that i need to stay alone for a while
i dont know whats best for me
i dont know what i want
eh any advice?
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It sounds to me like your relationship problems are just the beginning.
What your father is doing is emotional abuse. You do not deserve to be called foul names like that. Nobody does. The way your father treats you is affecting everything else in your life. You're justifiably angry, and it's going to get worse unless you can come up with an outlet.
Is there an adult you can trust with this? Have you spoken with a counselor at school? If you don't feel safe at home, the counselor may be able to come up with a better situation. I'm not talking foster care or anything like that, but perhaps some counseling for you or your father. You definitely need some sort of advocate, and an adult you can trust is a good place to start.
One more thing: my mom was in a similar situation when she was your age. She kept her grades up and got into college on a full scholarship. This was after years of her father telling her that she was useless and there was no point in educating her past high school. College is your way out, if nothing else is.
Hope this helps.
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okay well im in the school right now trying to research on a retard project, wellllll. : /
can anyone tell me about famous canadian dishes that can be carried out on a budget for normal kids that go to school eyyy ? help please. :)
MUCH appreciated by far. xoxo (link)
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Poutine is classic Canadian food. So are buttertarts. Pea soup and dough boys (made with yellow split peas rather than green ones; the dough boys are little dumplings cooked in the soup). Newfoundland codfish chowder. (geez, I'm getting hungry now.) Seal flipper pie and barbecued moose may be a little out of your projected budget.
Depending on your culinary skills and personal tastes, I'd go with the pea soup. It's dead easy and can be made in a crock pot. Poutine requires a deep fryer and access to fresh cheese curds (the fries have to be fresh out of the oil, otherwise the cheese doesn't melt properly).
Hope this helps.
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Does it really hurt to get a graft for your gums...?? Do they put you under anesthesia at least or novacaine? (link)
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It doesn't hurt all that badly. They'll give you novocaine for the incision area and the place on the roof of your mouth where they take the graft. The stitches will be covered up with a sort of hard plastic stuff that will allow you to eat and drink without getting anything into the incisions. You'll be uncomfortable for a couple of days, but it's not enormously painful.
Hope this helps.
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20/f My little sister died eight months ago and all but one of my friends in college completely failed me. They continued to spend most of our time together talking about and doing things I couldn't participate in. They often played violent video games when I was in the room even though I told them how much it bothered me (and they weren't playing when I eneterd the room). They even criticized how I was grieving and got mad at me for being a killjoy. I have spoken with them over a dozen times about how their behavior often excludes me or just makes me feel worse. I know it's selfish, but I wanted to be the center of attention for a little while, while I healed from my tragic loss- but they refuse.
I am moving away soon, and would really like to forget most of them and never return. Only, two of them are getting married soon and I have been asked to be a bridesmaid. The only other bridesmaid is the bride's 17y/o sister who has no money and is very irresponsible. I would pretty much be on my own for planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party and I would be doing it from far away. This would take a lot of time, energy and money. I really don't feel like putting in any work for her- but I still would like to attend the wedding as I've never been to one and would like to see the one friend who went above and beyond to support me during my time of need.
I'm not normally this selfish. But the bride-to-be has treated me awfully. At this point I don't even care about her. She's getting married because she was pregnant (miscarried though, after knowing about the child for two weeks). She's only dated this guy for six months. And she's annoying and stupid. She doesn't know how much I dislike her because I see no point in intentionally hurting her.
Should I suck it up and help her anyway? Is there a polite way to refuse being a bridesmaid, but still be invited to the wedding? Or should I not go since my only motives are selfish? (link)
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In your place, I would politely decline. It seems that you're being thrust into the maid of honor role, whether you like it or not. It's difficult enough to do all that planning for someone you really care about. For someone you don't like much, it's a severe headache in the making. Add the distance factor and you might as well put your head in a vice. :-)
There is a pretty good chance you'll still be invited to the wedding, though you might not. I wouldn't lose much sleep over it. There will be other weddings, as you and your friends get older. Give it a couple of years. It sounds like a change of scenery will do you some good too.
Hope this helps.
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(1) my boyfriend and i threw a party and he madeout with two gay guys and got a huge hicky from one. so i kissed (a little more than a peck) a gay guy to show my boyfriend how it hurts. So did i cheat or did he cheat?
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Think about it: if he had kissed girls the same way, there'd be no question about cheating. He kissed someone who would find him sexually attractive. You kissed someone who would not find you attractive (ostensibly; attraction can be a slippery thing.) I wouldn't call what you did 'cheating' per se, any more than kissing your best female friend would be.
I think you and your boyfriend need to have a talk. Get everything out on the table. He may be closeted, and if he's messing around on the side with other guys, you need to know about it.
Hope this helps.
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Hi I would be greatful if anyone can help with any ideas on how to deal with nerves and shyness. I currently have alot of things in my life where i need to keep control of my nerves.
I am soon taking my driving test, A levels and a new job as a waitress but I am finding my nerves are getting in the way, I start shaking, going bright red and I carnt speak properly. A few times I have failed a few exams because my nerves got the better of me.
I would be greatful for any help. Thank you. (link)
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Sounds like you do have a lot of stress going on. If it's really a problem, there are drugs that can help deal with panic disorders. If you want to handle these things drug-free, then there are other ways.
When you get nervous, your brain triggers a physical reaction and dumps adrenaline into your system. Your heart races, your breathing gets short, and you shake. (this is called a fight-or-flight reaction.) It can help to realize that you're not going to die, it's just your brain stem freaking out on you. Breathing deeply and slowly can help break that reaction and slow your heart rate. Focusing on your breath instead of on the test (or whatever) can help you break the mental fixation.
Some people find meditation or contemplative prayer to be helpful; others swear by repetitive exercise. I like exercise myself, as I get bored sitting in one place. Qigong and yoga emphasize focused thought along with physical movement. Find something that works for you, that allows you to clear your head out and focus only on what you're doing.
And something that helped me deal with test anxiety was just attitude: walk in thinking you've already passed the test. Even if you don't know an exact answer, a lot of times you can eliminate wrong answers through logic.
Hope this helps.
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f/13
last week my friend had to go to the doctor and she said that the doctor told her to take her pants of (underwear too)..........well any way i have to go next week also nd wat if he tells me to take my pnts of also...i noe hes a doctor but i still wouldn't feel comfortable doing that so if he tells me to what shouuld i do?
should i say no?
help!!!!! (link)
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Any time a doctor (or anyone) asks you to do something you're not comfortable with, tell them you're not comfortable with it and ask why it's necessary. The reason should not be "trust me, I'm a doctor." Try to come up with an alternative that you're comfortable with, so that your boundaries are respected and the doctor can do whatever exams are needed. This way, everybody wins.
Obviously, if you're going to the gynecologist and you need a pelvic exam, then your pants need to come off. Again, there should be a reason beyond "Because I said so" or "It's just easier for me to examine you that way." A good doctor will work with you, rather than expect you to obey unquestioningly. You're old enough to demand logical, reasonable explanations.
Hope this helps.
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For my high school play, im a freshman and wre doing seusical the musical. I need to try out for something and i dont want to look like an idiot trying out for a lead and then not getting it. Is there a small part, or something that you guys reccomend trying out for?
Our director gave us a form to fell out and ive already put down Showbird. anythgin else?
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As a former high school (and college) theater geek, I'd say shoot the moon and go for the lead roles! Even if you don't get it, there's a good chance your nerve and courage will be noted and you'll be cast for a meatier role than you would have considered otherwise.
Personal story: in high school I tried out for the role of Carlos in 'David and Lisa'. It's not a lead role, but it's a major supporting one. Carlos is a tough Puerto Rican kid, and I had the accent and the attitude down. The director cast me as David's father, a smaller role but much more demanding. She thought I was too good to be Carlos.
Don't worry about looking like an idiot if you don't get the part you audition for. Get up there, put yourself into the character, and enjoy. If you get the part, great. If not, move on to the next audition.
Hope this helps.
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while browsing through few sites i found, in girls, aerola shapes differs in every girls....what does it indicate? (link)
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Nothing. It's just individual genetic variance, like toe shape or finger shape.
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If I were to say something to my counselor or a nurse about my depression could they talk to my parents without my permission? I've been wanting to see someone about it but I refuse to if my parents have to get involved. If that is the case, who else could I see about it? (link)
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Simplest thing: ask the school counselor about the confidentiality policy. Find out what they can report and what they can't. If you need an excuse, tell them you're researching free speech issues.
Generally, they can't report anything unless a crime is committed. Again, get the specifics on your school.
Hope this helps.
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i met this guy and known him since school started. i like him alot and i cannot figure out if he likes me. one time he asked me to go driving around with him and i did. i text him afterwards and said thanks and he said it was fun and that we should hang out more often. and if i mention another guy he kind of gets protective? and he compliments me sometimes, and other people think it is obvious that he likes me. but the thing is the other night i asked him if he wanted to go somewhere and he made it sound like we were going to do it, but then he said it was too late... i didn't know if he really wanted to do it or not and also if i want to talk i have to be the one who sends him a text or i.m. first. am i just analizing the whole situation too much? do you think he likes me?
-plus, when i texted him the other night when he said it was too late to hang out he kept talking about how bored he was and then randomely, out of the blue he said, "man, i really need a girlfriend or something." (link)
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I'd say he likes you. He's sending up flares, hiring skywriters, doing everything but ask you out directly. Guys are incredibly afraid of rejection and of making mistakes. So he's playing coy and dropping hints everywhere in hopes that you'll make the first move. He may have been putting up a little barrier the other night so as not to seem too desperate, but I wouldn't worry about it too much.
So, ask him out, keep it casual, see how it goes.
Hope this helps.
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I'm looking to install a file sharing progam such as limewire, bearshare, ect to download mp3s with. I had bearshare on my old computer but I got a ton of spam and viruses with it. Is limewire any better? I really don't want to screw up my new computer. Any suggestions? (link)
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I use BitTorrent. It's a little different from limewire, but it isn't as subject to hacking. Limewire is getting hacked by big carriers such as Verizon. They'll either choke off your bandwidth or disconnect you completely.
Hope this helps.
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My dad has one, and he hasn't played it in ages.. and I've been loving a lot of bands (mostly like indie) (for ex. arctic monkeys and the fratellis i LOVE to death!) and it just got into me that I want to learn how to play the guitar! :P one of my friends takes guitar lessons but its like normal guitar.. or bass guitar. uh idk i'll ask her. and i know a couple of other people who play like drums and stuff. i dont really want to make a band or maybe in the future if i wanna stick with it. i could practice with that friend who takes guitar lessons cause she lives closest to me i guess. i know its quite a big thing.. but like with the arctic monkeys they taught themselves to play so I guess anyone can right? i know it wont take like a week or months to get it right but w/e what are the first things i should know and learn and stuff? i have no clue where to start. i dont know much about the guitar.. except i play guitar hero 2 sometimes haha thats it. and i've been in orchestra for 3 years and played the cello. hm i should have joined band (the drums are hawt but in 5th grade mostly guys did it so i was shy to do it) but idk the cello just sounded nice.. and mellow. and i digress. btw im 13 and a girl........... and yeah thats it and thanks like a bunch if you can help me! (link)
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Well, you've got a leg up on some people that want to take up guitar, in that you've already got some concept of fingering from playing the cello. Presumably you can also read music and tablatures. Guitar may actually be easier for you, since it's a fretted instrument and you don't need to be as precise in your finger placement.
YouTube is full of free guitar lessons, in all sorts of styles. The classic starting point is the Mel Bay guitar course, if you don't mind learning from a book. The basics of playing are the same for all guitars: finger placement, scales, chords, etc. The use of effects, feedback, distortion, etc are unique to electric instruments, but those can come later. Figure out the guitar first. Your friends can pass along what they know, and you can figure out a fair bit yourself from just noodling around and playing scales.
Of course, nothing says the cello can't rock. Check out a band called Rasputina and tell me the cello doesn't rock.
Hope this helps.
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Does anyone know of any really good books? Because i (link)
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Lessee here: Madeline L'Engle is most famous for "A Swiftly Tilting Planet" and its sequels, but she's written a number of other good novels that have less of a SF/ fantasy bent. They're not exactly a series, but they do share characters and locales.
Lloyd Alexander's last book "The Golden Dream of Carlo Chuchio" is great historical fiction dressed up as a fantasy. There's no magic, but there is a treasure map and a book of fairy tales, and an incredible scoundrel named Baksheesh. Very funny, and it does have a point.
More funny book can be found in "The Neddiad" by Daniel Pinkwater. It's available online at theneddiad.com. Very funny, and a good introduction to magical realism.
Hope this helps.
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ok well there is this boy that i really like hes 18 and im 14. I saw him on hi5 and i have talked to him through msn and he is really sweet the thing is i want to ask him to be my boyfriend i know he will say yes. But i dont want to go behind my parents back and im scared they may find out they are strict and i know my sister will be disappointed as we have a really close relationship. What shall i do??
thanks a lot
xxx (link)
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One thing to keep in mind here. This fellow is legally an adult, and you're not. If your parents find out about your relationship, particularly if it gets to be physical, they can bring criminal charges against him. Corruption of a minor and statutory rape come to mind, even if you agree to everything the two of you do. Legally, you're not an adult, so you cannot legally consent to sexual activity. If he were younger it would be different from a legal standpoint, but he's not, so there is that possibility. We're looking at ten-year prison sentences.
Do you really want that kind of drama in your life? If your parents decide to press charges, they can make things really difficult for both of you. This is sort of worst-case scenario stuff, but it can happen.
I'd look for somebody younger, if I were you.
Hope this helps.
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15/f (almost 16). Okay. so I have gone on a diet.
Nothing from any magazine or whatever..just a vegetable//fruits/less sweets/less food alltogether diet. It's working quite well and I see the pounds fly off.
But...I'm suddenly always starting to question what I eat. And I'm afraid it might be too much. Its getting to the point where I think eating is bad in all, and I don't eat for days. Because I'm afraid I might get fat. Even the fact that I take ballet at 6 o'clock each day doesn't help me get over this paranoia..
What can I do?
I understand people MUST eat lunch and have a good breakfast, but I'm always ALWAYS afraid I'll gain weight :( I've never been worried so much about this, in fact. I guess its just ..I like what I see when I look in the mirror.
Advice? :/ (link)
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Okay. Sounds like you've got a full-blown eating disorder going here. There's nothing wrong with eating clean (no junk food, no sugar, etc.). Not eating for days is definitely a bad idea, especially if you're training as a dancer. What you're doing is shifting your body to starvation mode. It starts eating up your muscle to keep running, and leaving the fat reserves for last. Chances are you're losing muscle mass and water instead of fat. (Notice the color of your urine: if it's darker, that means you're metabolizing protein.) There is help for this, and it sounds like you've caught it early. Talk to your parents, or a teacher that you trust. Heck, even talk to your ballet teacher.
Eating disorders are pretty prevalent in the dance world. My sister and I both studied ballet for years, and the pressure to be tall and thin is incredible. I'm tall, but I'm not thin; my sister is thin but not tall. Needless to say, our dance careers didn't last all that long. (All this goes back to the old corps de ballet days, when all the dancers were to be as identical as possible. Thankfully, that's being broken up. Look into modern dance groups like Pilobolus and choreographers like Bill T. Jones. Bill T. Jones in particular is famous for using non-standard body types in his company.)
You definitely need to eat more, so that you can dance properly and you won't hurt yourself. Don't worry about 'getting fat'; a clean diet and regular exercise will keep that from happening. If food is becoming an obsession, you may need professional help.
Hope this helps.
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any good music?
i would prefer modern songs
YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE WORDS IN THE SONG
thanks!
also.. if anyone knows what the song that hayley does her floor routine in stick it to.. thanks (link)
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Blue Man Group's "The Complex" has a number of good instrumentals, as does the Cirque du Soleil's body of work. For a changeup, try Charles Mingus' "Goodbye Pork Pie Hat" or Thelonious Monk's "'Round Midnight". (Nothing like hard-bop jazz to get the judges to sit up and pay attention.)
If you like the Branford Marsalis suggestion, track down "Rockit" by Herbie Hancock. That's the seminal turntable-jazz '80s b-boy jam. The video's easily available on YouTube.
For more of a classical feel, try the album "Hush" by Bobby McFerrin and Yo Yo Ma. Some of the tracks have words, but most are vocalized instrumentals.
Hope this helps.
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I was wondering if there are any places online that I could read free doujinshi? Preferably without having to download anything.
Ugh. I did a few searches and all I'm finding is porn and its really not what I wanted XD (link)
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Okay, doujinshi is essentially manga fanfiction. Unfortunately, the major search engines (esp. Google) rank by the number of hits, and porn sites tend to be heavily trafficked. (A lot of fans seem to produce hentai doujinshi, but that's another topic entirely.) You may want to first look for fan sites or forums devoted to whatever manga you're into, and then follow links to the doujinshi stories/ strips. Yahoogroups may be a good place to start looking for forums.
Hope this helps.
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I have a strange problem in approaching women,i always have a negative thought that i would get rejected so i avoid most of the time.Can anybody help me out in refering some ebooks(free download)
Effective ways to flirt with women
How to impress women?
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Check out a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It breaks down the whole thing into behavioral analysis techniques. You may have to lay out some money or get it from the library, but it's got some solid advice.
Hope this helps.
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