I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172965
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
Ok my boyfriend wants to eat me out right?
And i want to its jus im scared.... I mean wat if he doesnt like it or sumum.....
Wat if i dont taste good???
And also im still and virgin and he has asked me many times to have sex and i want to im jus not really comfortable with my body. I mean wat if after he sees me naked he doesnt like me nemore?
And im scared if he eats me out that might lead to sex...... What are the chances of that>?? (link)
|
If you are washing yourself once daily with a non-scented soap (the lips, etc - NOT inside your actual vagina), changing your panties daily, etc your vagina will smell/taste fine. You can experiment with yourself by tasting yourself (via your finger). One thing you may notice is that you are likely to taste differently at different times in the month. This is normal.
If your boyfriend wants to do this, chances are he'll be more than okay with your taste/smell and your body. However, if you aren't comfortable you may not enjoy yourself.
In order to help get more comfy with your body, there are some things you can try. This include viewing yourself naked, using a mirror to look at your vagina, painting or drawing pictures of yourself, etc. You can also think about how valuable your body is, and all it allows you to do.
Your body, while pleasureable and wonderful, is not the be and end all. If a boy that you were in a relationship with suddenly turned around and dumped you after seeing your body - good riddance. Do you want a boyfriend who cares more about your flesh than your heart or mind?
If you definitely don't want to have sex, then you need to make that decision and stick with it. Share it with your boyfriend as well.
Oral sex does not automatically lead to sex, though it is a pretty big step on the way. However, I do believe that when people are clear about how far they are willing to go, they can stick with it. It's about your conviction and ability to be clear with another person about what you do or don't want.
It sounds as if you are just feeling uncomfortable with the whole issue of sexuality, while your boyfriend is ready for more. You may want to consider how you'll talk about this with him, as it's not smart to allow yourself to be pushed into any activity you aren't ready for. And it's okay to not be ready - everyone gets there in their own time.
|
How do i convince my parents to let me go to boarding school. i love my dad but i really dont get along with my mom and i just want to go to a boarding school. i think it will be a really good experience and it will give me a really good education. what should i do?
14/f (link)
|
Perhaps you could start by researching different boarding schools - location, number of students, cost, classes on offer, etc. There may also be info about the number of their students that go on to college; this is info your current high school will be able to tell you, allowing you to do a comparison.
Boarding school is a huge transition, and it's not something to be taken lightly. If your desire to move away is based solely on your relationship with your mother, you might want to take a lot of time to consider if this is what you really want. Many people don't get along with their parents at your age, and while it can be extremely frustrating, being at home still offers a lot of advantages (and freedom) that boarding school may not have.
This is something that your parents will probably not immediately jump on board with, particularly due to the cost, the idea of you moving away, etc. Be sure in yourself before you broach the topic with them, and then just try to stay calm and have an adult-to-adult conversation with them.
Whatever happens, I hope it's right for you.
|
|
I have a beautiful little 6 yr old boy, and have always dated men..But for some reason, I just do not feel attracted to men anymore. I look at girls more appealing than guys and think about both when I masturbate. What is up with me, I'm only 23. What does this say about how I;m supposed to be? (link)
|
I don't think there is a way you are 'supposed' to be - there is a way you are.
I would encourage you to think back on your history. Have you been attracted to females in the past? Would you want to date a female now?
Many people do not come to an understanding of their sexuality until they are older, so it is possible you could just be acknowledging that you are a lesbian or bisexual. On the flip side, you might just be going through a period where you don't particularly want sex - and that's okay.
Fanticize about whoever you want. The glory of fantasy is that you get to indulge yourself without worrying what anyone else thinks. Keep your mind and heart open - this journey might take awhile.
I wish you the best.
|
hi, i know this is going to sound weird and embrassing and this is the reason why i can't tell anyome. im 18
basicly, im still a virgin, but my boyfriend always brushes his penis on my vaginal area and sometimes just leaves it at the entrance. his never cummed on me but sometimes he does have pre-cum on his penis. i last came on my period on the 4th february 2007, and i haven't come on my period since. im so scared that i could be pregnant that i did a early first response pregnancy test on monday which was the 5-03-07. however, it came out negative but i still haven't come on my period. i sometimes get cramps like i feel my period is going to come but it still hasnt.
2 weeks ago i lost a family member and have been really stressed out. do you think this could be the reason for my late period.
i beg you reply back a.s.a.p. im so scared im always crying. please help thank you very much (link)
|
Does your period normally arrive like clockwork? If not, then you're not late enough to cause a huge amount of worry.
Bereavement is a huge stress, and this can affect your cycle. The cramps you have felt are probably due to PMS, and your period is likely to arrive any day now.
If it's not here within the week, take another pregnancy test. If it's negative, you may want to see a doctor just to confirm everything is okay.
Once you're over this bump in the road, you might want to consider if you are happy with the level of protection (or not) you are taking. While pregnancy isn't hugly likely from the scenario you describe, it is possible.
Sorry to hear of your loss, and I hope you can be gentle with yourself during this time.
|
|
Well, me and my boyfriend have been together for about 4 months, he is 21 and i am 19. i had just asked him if he would give me his myspace password and he said that he wouldn't. He said that he had nothing to hide but that he felt that we should have our own space and if i did look through his myspace i would take things that his women friends write and take them the wrong way, (which i do alot.) He does have alot of women friends and i do get a bit jealous. So i guess i was just wondering if his answer was valid or is he trying to hide something? (link)
|
Perhaps both?
I do think it's important that both people in a relationship do have their own space - whether this means physically or emotionally. While of course you want to really get to know your partner or be around them, this can be quite claustrophic or smothering. People need their own space to recharge, keep their own identities, etc.
I suppose the only thing is that he's said you might have a problem with things other women write him. On the other hand, he openly said this and you agreed that you do have a tendancy to take things the wrong way.
Trust is huge in a relationship, and can take a long time to fully form. Trying to keep tabs on a partner this way can really make a relationship go sour. Ease off, let him have his space, and just see what it's like to believe him. If he's done nothing to warrant this level of worry, this issue probably has more to do with you than him.
I wish you the best!
|
does anyone know about thought waves and their frequencies and the fact that whatevre thoughts yo think will happen
is that true (link)
|
There is a phrase that goes, 'Thought becomes words, words become action.' I do think this is true.
This doesn't mean that by thinking a strong thought, you'll automatically get some result. (Someone liking you, passing a test, etc.) Rather, it means that the power of thought is a pretty strong force.
For example, people who really believe they are capable of losing weight are much more likely to put in the effort to eat right and exercise - and will therefore lose weight. People who think they have no motivation, will never lose weight, etc are much less likely to follow through on their goals.
Thought is linked to how you feel about yourself and other people, and if you are the sort of person who will be thinking positive/negative thoughts - it will show in how you act. Again, not because the thoughts have any sort of magical power, but because if you are consistently negative or positive, your actions are likely to reflect this.
|
|
Well lately I have noticed a bump just where my pubic hairs are above my vagina and it hurts whenever I touch it... Is there anything wrong? I'm starting to freak out!!! :( (link)
|
If you've had sexual contact with someone else, this could be a sexually transmitted infection and you'll want to see a doctor.
If not, this soundsas if it could be a boil or pimple. The only cure for this is time - and to avoid messing with it.
|
Okay so I am with this guy now I am madly inlove with. He loves me back, too. More than anyone or anything in the world. We have both never loved anyone before eachother. He is absolutly perfect. Except..... He's had sex with two other girls before. This absolutly tears me apart. We're supposed to be moving in together in a few years then we talk about being together for the rest of our lives, but I can't help but think how I'll never know what it's like to loose my virginity to a virgin as well...
He in no way what-so-ever loved either one of his past sexual partners. One was even a one night stand.
I have been thinking about this all so much lately, not that I am going to have sex with him any time soon, but I just can't stop worrying and feeling sad about this whole thing. I mean, I'll be his number THREE. :(
Should I be feeling this sad and bothered by this whole thing? What should I do? I feel stuck.
(link)
|
It's understandable that you would feel this way, and it's okay to feel sad and worried. It might be helpful if you think about WHY you feel sad, anxious, or worried - what specifically about this situation bothers you? Sometimes understanding what motivates us can help us deal with our feelings.
You may also want to take a step back for a moment and look at the reality of the situation. Your boyfriend isn't a virgin, and there's no way he can go back in time to erase his past experiences (even if he wanted to!).
It's important to realise that sex is always new and always different with every partner. This means that his experience of sex with you is likely to be very different than with his other partners - especially as there are deep feelings involved. While you won't be losing your virginity to a virgin, you will still be creating a totally new experience with your boyfriend.
Of course, your other option is to end the relationship in favour of finding a virgin. Of course, there are no guarantees you'd find one that also matched the other qualities you want in a guy - but if it's that important to you, don't compromise. If this guy's only real 'flaw' is not being a virgin, well, none of us are perfect.
Why not have a conversation with him about your feelings, as he may be able to offer you much more reassurance and insight than I can. I wish you the very best.
|
i wanted to start fingering myself
but im worried about how much i will bleed.
do you know how much i will bleed if i haven't done it before? (link)
|
Chances are you will not bleed from fingering yourself, even if you have not done it before. If you are gentle and only use one finger at first, this gives your body a chance to get used to having things in your vagina.
Be aware that fingering alone may not be as pleasureable as you expect. It's a common idea that fingering is the be all and end all for women (and for some it is!), but many women prefer their clitoris being touched.
Best of luck.
|
|
me and my boyfriend have been together for a long time and we are sexually active. we recently have stop doing it. last month we did it and before he would ejaculate he would take it out and ejaculate on my stamach. i got brown\ pinkish discharge but it was mostly blood (kind of heavy)and i have no idea what it is. could i have the chance of being pregnent? ( i am very stress out also for the last month)i dont know if it was my period or not and i've never felt in symstoms ( vomiting etc)im freak out because i have white discharge but i haven't recieve my period this past february. i am very scared of getting pregnant. me and him already talk about this but he is not sure what to do. can you give me an info of what happens before pregnancy? is this natural for my menstruation or its just irregular? (link)
|
Every woman's period is different. I'm not clear if the blood you are describing happened during/after sex, or if it happened when you were expecting your period.
White discharge can also be a normal part of the menstrual cycle, provided it does not smell, look, or feel too strange. During ovulation (when an egg is released from your ovaries) discharge changes slightly.
Because I'm not very clear about what you actually experienced, and because I'm not a doctor, I can only recommend some steps you can take now. First, take a pregnancy test - and make sure you read the intructions carefully. If it's negative and your period still does not come within a week, take it again. If it's negative and your period still has not arrived, you'll want to see a doctor to figure out why.
If it is positive, then you'll need to see a mdical professional to discuss your options.
If you are experiencing itching or discomfort in your vagina, the white discharge could also indicate another problem (like a yeast infection). Again, a doctor can check this out and treat you accordingly.
If I haven't answered your question fully, please feel free to ask another one with more details. I wish you the best.
|
|
ok my fiancee and i are sexually active,i am experiencing pregnancy symptoms, my period were suppose to come on today, but i just got a drip of blood and thats it, what does this mean? (link)
|
Some women do experience spotting during their pregnancy. So, yes, the spotting could be due to a possible pregnancy - or because of a number of other reasons.
If your period has not kicked in normally by the time you read this, you might consider taking a pregnancy test. If the results are positive, you'll want to speak to a doctor about your options and healthcare. If it's negative, you may want to consult your doctor anyway to see why your period is suddenly different than usual.
I wish you the best.
|
|
whats ecstacy do to you, increases your sex..something? whats that phrase called again?..."it gets you horny for sex".. i cant exactly remember what it does, but something to do with sex. (link)
|
Ecstasy can make your emotions intense, and make you feel more alert in regards to sound and colour. It's often called a 'clubbing drug' because it produces a feel-good sensation, allowing people to dance more freely. The effects last between 3-6 hours.
Ecstacy users can be left feeling tired or depressed for days after taking it. It's also dangerous as it commonly causes dehydration. Ecstacy is also linked to other long-term side effects.
I think 'libido' might be the word you are looking for - it's a fancy term for 'sex drive.' Ecstacy does not have a specfic effect on the libido - some people say it helps, while other people say it causes problems for men with erections, and probablems orgasming for men and women.
|
my boobs are normal
but i dont have nipples like normal girls
they are some how.. inverted?
is this normal (link)
|
Most females do not have nipples that are always standing up, like those portrayed in magazines or movies. This is normal.
Nipples may become erect when the female is feeling sexually excited, or when she is cold.
After giving birth to a baby, breastfeeding can cause nipples to stand out more prominently.
|
|
hi i havent had my period for about three months and i swear on my life iv never had sex but iv been fingerd alot and inm scared that that has stopped my period, i dont know wat to do... (link)
|
If you've had your period for awhile and it comes regularly at the same time every month, this could signal that something is not quite right. It would have nothing to do with being fingering; this does not affect your period.
Only a doctor would be able to properly examine you and see what's going on, as well as any treatment you might need.
If your period is a relatively new thing in your life and it's been a bit irregular, it can be common to miss it for a few months before it comes back. Again, if you're concerned, it would be best to see your doctor.
I wish you the best.
|
|
my friend, ( 18/f ) is a lesbian. me, ( 15/f )i am straight. she went out with my sister but they both cheated on each other. i talk to my lesbian friend alot of my sister.thats basically all we talk about but thats fine. my friend is still in love with her and all. but shes always calling me and talking to me about her problems and everything. i think mabye she likes me. how do i tell. she said there are only a few people she will ever listen too and im one of them. idk mabye were just good friends but how am i supposed to know if she likes me? (link)
|
This is what friends do - talk to each other about their problems, ask for advice, listen to each other. It doesn't matter what their sexuality is.
If your friend is still in love with your sister, this adds an extra element of complication because by staying in close contact with you, she's sort of staying in the loop your sister is in.
If you are feeling unsure of her feelings, it sounds as if you guys are close enough that you could just ask her. I really think it sounds as if you're just good friends - after all, the way to come on to someone usually doesn't involve talking about how much you love someone else.
I wish you the best.
|
Hello,
I am a 16 year old female, and I am horrified to say that I have stretch marks.
And not just around my breasts.
All over my stomach, running along from my arm pits to where my elbow ends.
Behind my knees.
Around my hips.
And some on my back where my arms are.
Now I am about 180 pounds the last time I checked.
About 6'5.
And I am very pale.
But the worst part is that if they do fade away,
I can still feel them.
It feels like I am running my finger across a old washboard!
I have asked my mother about this and she has really nothing to say to me.
But there is no real health danger...so she wont
take me to a doctor or anything like that.
It lowers my self esteem.
And I feel like no one would EVER want to be in a physical relationship with me.
Advice?
(link)
|
You're right - stretch marks pose no actual physical health risk, but they can have an effect on a person's confidence.
Stretch marks are fairly common, particularly as a result of the fast growing that often accompanies the teen years. They will eventually fade away, as well as losing that texture.
You can help by keeping your skin moisturised and helping its natural elasticity work. Lotions with added Vitamin E or Vitamin A can help improve the way stretch marks look in the short term, while you are waiting for them to naturally fade. The lotion moisturises, while the act of rubbing it in can improve your skin's circulation.
Other treatment options are available, which a doctor would be able to discuss with you. Generally, though, I would say time and moisture will do the trick.
While I can understand your fears about whether someone will want to be in a physical relationship with you, it's important to remember what you would want out of one. If you want someone to love you for YOU, to be attracted to you for who you are, then stretch marks won't even enter the equation. It's also important to realise that, similar to any physical 'problem', you are going to be noticing it much more than other people will.
I wish you the best.
|
|
after you get your period do you still get discharge? (link)
|
Yes, the female body continues to have discharge even after you get your period. It serves several purposes - namely cleaning the vagina and keeping it moist.
Most women have a small amount of discharge daily, and the consistency of discharge will change depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
Any discharge that is different from usual - for example, a strong smell or thick texture - could be a sign that there's a problem.
|
I'm a 23 year old girl
This is important ,...I love my bf with all my heart but it seems like I completley lost interest in sex .
To be honest I never was interested to have sex with any one ,....I do love him but I just don't want people to get close to me ..I DON'T LIKE THAT.When he is on top of me I get sick and very uncomfortable and sometimes want even to cry ....But I never told him nothing
I hate the fact that I can't satisfy him ,since I always has an excuse or come home very late just to escape from the occassion....
I want to stop feeling this way ,.....The problem is me not him
Tell me what to do ....,
(link)
|
A psychosexual therapist is trained to work with people who are having sexual problems. When you met them for the first time, they would do an assessment to see if your problem was mainly sexual or emotional, and they would work from there.
If you are unhappy with not liking sex, this might be a good way to really understand what's going on and try to solve it. This therapy would involve a lot of talking about your feelings about sex in general, your relationship, and yourself. It could also include 'homework' or techniques to help you begin to overcome some of your difficulties with sex.
It might also be helpful to let your boyfriend know that you are having these problems. A strong relationship depends on honesty and good communication - if you can be clear about your feelings towards him and also explain your difficulties, he might be able to support you. It would also mean that you would not have to put yourself through the ordeal of having sex until you were ready for it.
I wish you the absolute best.
|
|
how does one get out of an existential crisis? (link)
|
It could be argued that all of life was one giant existential crisis. In fact, many philosophers and psychotherapists would say that an existential awareness can actually really motivate people.
That doesn't help with the angst they cause, however. Try to express your feelings in some way - a diary, painting, music. Alternatively, move your body around - dance, running, gardening.
If you are deeply bothered and this crisis is having an effect on your daily life or mental health, you could also consider counselling as a great place to explore your worries, fears, or anxieties.
I wish you the best.
|
I have a cousin who looks up to me and asks me lots advice about sex, but I havent actually had sex. There is one question that she asked me, and I couldnt help her. Her bf was fingering her, and she said that he was going really deep, and she said that she started to bleed. I know that bleeding when you get fingered for the first time is normal, but this was deffinately not her first time. Did she pop her cherry, or could it be something else?
Thanks! (link)
|
Bleeding while getting fingered at any time isn't necessarily a common thing. Bleeding could come a result of a torn hymen, a scratch internally, etc.
If her boyfriend was being particularly rough (or not, but just has untidy fingernails!) he could have created a tiny tear. This might not even be causing your cousin pain, but it could be enough for there to be bleeding.
Of course, this could also be the start of her period.
It's good that you offer your cousin support, but do make sure you feel comfortable giving her advice - and that it's accurate. Do let me know if you've got any other questions.
I wish you the best.
|
|