Imperfectionist's advice column

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Q: is it true that when someone appears in your dreams, it's because that person misses you?

Uhm... i heard that before and honestly i doubt that is true...
i've had plenty of dreams with Chuckie (the killer doll) and i'm pretty sure i didn't miss him...
you could have just been thinking about the person before you slept. Or they've been on your mind and some point lately.

Q: I am a sophomore in college. Last year I guess I had a little too much fun. i had sex with a lot of guys and i regret
it. i was never given the time of day from boys in highschool and the fact that guys wanted to hook up with me actually
made me feel good about myself. but my self confidence is a different problem. my friends are awful to me and always make fun of my past sex life and keep asking how many
people ive had sex with. i dont want to tell them but i dont
know what to say. i know what i did was wrong but ive changed and i regret it and im sick of being disrespected. i know they are awful friends and i should find new ones
but i want to gain my friends respect. whenever i try to stick up for myself they dont take me seriously. what can i say to stick up for myself that will actually make them stop?

Those people are not your friends. and if you really feel that you need the respect of people that are putting you down like that you REALLY need to work on your self esteem sweetie. I mean you can sit them down and talk to them. tell them honestly that if they can't stop it, because it makes you feel like sh*t that you can't be friends anymore, but honestly those friends don't even seem worth it.

Q: I m just sick of my fucking lyf,,i got failed in my final sem for which I have to burn my ass for another six months in filthy southern part of india.My friends cousin everyone left meh alone in this solitery planet.My girlfriend is also fed up with me now a days.I havent told all this things to my parents as I know how much they will hurt.Please give me one solid way to leave this era forever...Ron Goth

Because there are people that do care about you whether you realize it or not.
and because people have had it so much WORSE.

Q: to commit suside i don't want to live please tell
the painless methods

i've got a great tip on how to do it..
sit down and imagine every single person you care about. and every person who has been in your life. think about the people who care about you in some way. Think about your family. friends. boyfriend/girlfriend. anyone who has ever made you happy.
Now think about all the pain they'll feel after you did this. How much they will blame themselves. How empty they'll feel. The fact that they might even think about suicide because they feel so broken.
Think about all that.
And don't you dare say not one person won't be effected because yes... yes someone ALWAYS will.

Q: I don't plan to lose my virginity in a long time but I've been dating this guy for a long time and i've never let him get anywhere below the jeans. He's voiced about how he's wanted to finger me many times but I don't know if he'll like what he sees? I mean people have sex all the time so do guys care that hair just grows down there? Or does it hav to be shaved/waxed, completely hairless? Girls please help me out! Or what condition it was in when it happened the first time.

in all honesty, each guy has a different preference for their attractions even when it comes to shaving. Some like it bushy... but honestly you should keep it low trimmed if anything because bushy pubic hair usually stores odors which guys DON'T find attractive.

Q: Hi i am 23 yaers old and I live in montanna. My husband recently is working in another city where he gets paid very good. Whih is good, the only problem is he is 6 hours away. Its been very hard on me and my one year old son since we dont see him very often except when we video chat throught msn. Lately ive been thinking alot about our now 3 year married life and all the things we've been throught. One thing i cant get out of my head is when my husband was talking to a co-worker behind my back .. he would erase the phone calls they made to each other which makes me believe there was something else there althought he denies it. The reason i ever found out about it was because she called him one afternoon and he went outside to talk, i thought it was suspiciouse and looked throught his phone. Soon later i looked throught his call records and found out everything =( Now that his away i dont trust him at all and its breaking us apart little by little. I feel confussed and depressed. And dont know what todo. I always remind him of what he did and we start to argue. I also feel him more distant and althought he says he loves me and wants to see me i dont feel like he really isnt being honest with me and doesnt really care. My heart tells me soething diffrent, do you think its just me or there is really somthing else. I dont want to talk to any family and friends because i dont want to get them worried. PLEASE help.
Veronica M.

welp... if it was me, i'd probably freak out too but that's because i have a jealousy trust issue. and we most likely wouldn't be married. so to put it lightly, you two are married, you should be able to sit down and talk about this seeing as how communication is literally one of the biggest things needed in a relationship. And if you still feel sick... just ask the coworker. call her and be like, "please be honest with me if you are messing with my husband at least tell me to spare the pain i am going through everytime i think he might be cheating with you"

Q: hi, i'm 12 and i'm a girl . in my class there is this guy i like, in class i sit next to him sometimes when we have to sit in alferbetical order. when his friend or anyone asks are we going out or do we like each other we both go ewww!!! he annoying a bit though. but that's how i know he doesn't like me because he goes ewww anytime someone asks. i really need to know what to do and if you could help me thank you!!!!! :)

you say he know he doesn't like you because he says "ew" but you also say when people ask you say "ew" so then that would mean you don't like him also though... so in otherwords you can't say he doesn't like you based just on that fact.

Q: Theres this song from the 90s that I absolutely used to LOVE. I dont know the name.. the artist.. and I dont even remember the beat, I just remember I used to love it and now I cannot remember it and its driving me insane.

Anyways.. it was a hip hop/pop style. It was about a guy who was cheating on his girlfriend (or maybe even wife?) with another woman. I don't remember exact lyrics but I remember him saying something about how he doesn't want to come home with lipstick on his collar, the smell of her perfume.. and all that.

I also remember it saying the word "wifey" in it. I dont know if it was something like "I want to make you my wifey" or "I dont want my wifey to know"
Im pretty sure there was talk of a ring in the song too.. I dont think marriage but maybe a ring.

PLEASE HELP!! It was so big when I was like.. 10 years old. haha. Its just been bugging me I cant remember it. It sort of had an Usher style to it but it wasn't Usher..

Thank you so much!

AHHHHHHH!!! It sounds like one of my favorite artist. Fabulous

Q: I'm with this boy, we arent' dating or anything but we are a "thing" lately he hasn't been himself. I'm really good friends with his best friend and he's dropping hints like "trust me i know him, just keep your guard up" and when i ask him to explain all he says is "I can't really say much on this subject but just know i have your back" i'm not being told something important and apparently i'll find out "sooner rather than later"
i know there is something going on with this guy i have a "thing" with but i don't know what.....is my guy friend preparing me for a hearbreak?
i am 16 and a female

well for one thing be careful because friends aren't always reliable. His guy friend might not even be a real "friend" whether he knows it or not. so in this case talk to the guy yourself. ask him whats going on. why he has been acting different but do listen to what the guy says about keeping your guard up because depending on whether he drops a bomb on you (tells a not so-good truth), confirms his friend is a liar, or makes it even more obvious he is hiding something... you definitely want to expect the unexpected.

Q: k , im 12 turning 13 in may and very skinny like weirdly skinny i've always hated my body i could never be like the other kids and wear shorts or anything or i would be bullied and called chicken legs and or etc anyways i've been thinking of suicid lately because i've recently moved to a new school because cause i've had anxiety at my old school and skipped over 30 days anyways i have barely made any friends im very depressed he but i told my mom i really wanted to move so i dont wanna tell her i havent really been making friends but other then that i like the school and also i havent gotten my period yet and like everyone i know whos my age has and i wanna get it cause i have a sister and shea 10 and been devolping fast and already has bigger boobs then me -_-' and i think (shes gonna get her period before mine. and theirs alot more that i hate about my like right now but dont wanna keep going on already wrote to much ( sorry about any typo's to lazy to proof read )

now first off let me telling you one thing... not only am i jealous of you BUT my 12/13 yr old self is jealous of you (im 18 now) there is ntohing wrong with being skinny as long as you are HEALTHY. and let me tell you sweetheart when i was 12/13 not only was i not skinny but i always have been bigger then most in the ... chest area. even back then. and on this side we envy you. Pretty much what im saying is. if you're insecure about being skinny you're going to wish you were more... "thick" just like the "thicker" girls probably look and you and WISH even PRAY they were your type of skinny. same thing goes with boobs, some smaller chests want to have larger ones and i myself would have loved to grow up not so... developed. but instead enjoyed being a kid not worrying about body image. Enjoy your childhood kid. leave body image issues to high school because when you hit teen you'll be feeling it... ALOT.

Q: I had unprotected sex the 17th of March and was due to get my period a couple of days ago so i got a pregnancy test. I took two clear blue ones and they both appeared with a distinct bold horizintal line and a faint thin vertical line. Than I took a first response test and it came up negative right away. First response also comes with a digital test to confirm it and it came back no.The past two days Ive been feeling weirdly nausea and have stomach cramps Do you think I could be pregnant?

19/f

most likely you're not pregnant. but if you are still unsure your best bet is an actual trick to the doctor. and the nausea and cramps could be caused by your anxiety and worry over this. or if in your mind you believe you're pregnant it can actually cause pregnancy symptoms.

Q: Do I need to trust anybody ?
Is this world just business ?
People do cheat. In that case, why do I have to trust someone and be broken ? Cry ? Be disappointed ?
I know many of you might have experienced this.

You know... it's sad how reading this. I feel like i wrote this myself. I've been in these thoughts, I STILL have these thoughts.
No you don't need to trust anyone. Hell some of the people in the world don't even trust THEMSELVES. Sad but true. And yes it is true that i guess... it's kind of lonely... but then again being single is supposedly lonely and there are some people who don't feel that way. So depends on the purpose.
This world isn't just business otherwise a lot of the idiots in this world would not be here. Unless the idiots are the consumers in this equation... hmm.. makes sense right?
And yes, people cheat. Unfortunately they do. Whether in relationships or just "cheating" at life in general. And you don't have to trust someone, just like you don't have to cry, and you don't have to be broken and disappointed. but crying is human. Feeling broken can sometimes happen and when it comes to other people disappointment can be expected.

Q: 17/ M
Hi there.
I am a type of person who like to share his thoughts. It was just recently that I spotted this quality in me - I have a very very very good imagination. Really ! I AM NOT JOKING!!!
Ok cut down one '' very ''. Happy ? :P
Now, I thought that I can use (and I do use) this imagination to make up scripts for stories, novels or even films. I have 2 small story scripys ready. I can improve upon that. But my english writing skill is not too good to make me a good writer. I can make up wonderful novels, but the vocabulary and writing style ? It's too basic, too normal. What as a budding writer do I need to do to make myself more skillful in these areas and what do you, as an audience suggest me I should be writing. Any topic, any suggestion. What would you like to be written about...???? Any answer. Thanks.

Well, if you're going to do writing whether it's a career or hobby definitely work on grammar and punctuation first. And also how to drag people in and how to form your thoughts in a proper way. These are one of the best attributes most writers need, and a lot who don't make it seem to lack. And really what you write about can't be told. You should just write what you feel; what you want. This happens to be one of the perks of being a writer. And one of the keys to definitely writing isn't just writing something you know will entertain you and others but something others can relate too.

Q: Hey, 18/f
Okay so basically I'm just wondering is it necessary to tell your boyfriend EVERYTHING?
We have been together for two and a half years and he knows pretty much everything about me as do I him.
But there is one particular incident in my past that I don't feel comfortable discussing with anyone. I don't want him to think differently of me telling him about it just isn't an option.
He asked me before had I any secrets and I just said no then he said If I had then all of this is for nothing.
It's not like I'm lying to him or anything there are just certain things I like to keep private. Surely that's allowed?
I asked my mum and even she says she has stuff my dad doesn't know about.
Does this make me a bad person?It's literally just this one thing.
Any advice appreciated thank you in advance.

No, not at all honestly unless it effects your relationship or helps you understand you... it shouldn't really matter.

Q: Hi(male and gay,26),well I'm a self-confident 26 year old gay boy,I'm very happy with who I am and the way I am as well,I have a boyfriend,even though he says to love me with all his heart,he hasn't presented me to any of his relations yet and we've been dating for over two years now,I'm like his secret relationship,nobody who knows him knows anything about me,not even a cousin of his,what can I do?Because I know for a fact that he really loves me and so do I,but I would like a true relationship,I mean I'm not a criminal,I'd like to adopt children in the future,to live in our very own house and even to get married one day,but he keeps saying that those are privileges that are meant to be for straight relationships,I know I should dump him,but I love him very much,it sucks!I wish I didn't,thanks in advance;)

as i'm reading... i had to stop at the privileges of straight relationships part. It sounds like right there your guy might have never even came out to his family and if he did they probably aren't a fan of homosexuality. Sit down and talk to him about it. Ask him directly about this and why you feel like his "dirty little secret". he may tell you and if he makes it difficult saying it doesn't concern you or he won't tell you... your relationship most likely won't last because you just saw one of the worst things to have in a relationship non-communicating.

Q: how do we do masterbration

well for one thing you didn't tell us whether you are a boy or girl, so we don't have much to go since you know girls wouldn't know anything about stroking their own penis, and guys wouldn't know anything about fingering their vagina. And also you spelled masturbation* wrong. try google, maybe it will understand you.

Q: On February 18th i had sex for the first time, and again on February 25th.. we used protection both times, and i don't think they broke. I'm supposed to get my period the end/beginning of each month. It hasn't came yet. I'm really worried.. is it normal to miss your period after the first time without being pregnant..?

contrary to alot of people's belief sex can actually throw off your period. but you should still take a pregnancy test. because you don't want to find out too late that you are pregnant.

Q: My fitness teacher has a Crush on me but I. Don't have a crush on him and if I tell him he will hate me it already happend when I told someone but he knows I have a boyfriend but still likes me and he understood I wanted him too add me on Facebook but I didnt it will be soooo invarrising if I go to my fittness class +he gets to touch my body becuse he corrects me

hold on, hold on. let me get the clear facts before we dive in to the advice. when you say fitness teacher... what do you mean? are you still in high/middle school and that is your actual teacher? because if so that's wrong and disgusting... and you should tell someone but if we're talking about a fitness TRAINER, which is the proper term for that then just remind him you have a guy and that this is strictly business especially if you're paying him maybe even request a different trainer.

Q: So I am a 15 yeard old female, and I am bisexual. I am sure this is not some "phase". I have always had an attraction to girls, and this year I've felt that attraction even more.

Let's cut to it. I've told abou 10 of my friends that I am bi, and all of them have accepted it so far.

Basically, I have no problem coming out to the world as a bisexual, but it's my parents. They are very homophobic. And when I say very I mean extreamly. My dad hates andything related to LGBTQ, and my mom does too, but she has a bi friend.

What I'm basically asking is if you have any tips on how to come out to homophobic parents, or what I should do etc.

honestly, i am bisexual like a true one. more attracted to girls (and im a girl) than man and i have very strict christian parents. I never came out to them nor do i plan ever coming out to them because i'm 18 and they still don't even want me dating... yeah it's that strict.
but anyway i'm not going to "come out" to my parents because it's none of their business. My life should be my own. Now if you want to tell your parents just sit down and be direct.
Don't be slow at "ripping the bandaid" say it. don't let it lead to a discussion and tell them if they can't accept it, thats too bad because that is who you are.

Q: My boyfriend lost his virginity to me on March 10. I was due for my period the 29th. I don't have much to worry about right nOw but I was curious as to if sex messes up the hornones and cause me period to be delayed .
We used protection , a condom-I don't use birth control, and he pulled out before he came. Then we went for round two. He used a second condom for this. There was no bubble in the condom though I think maybe that's why I'm worried.
Anyway, some wise words could soothe me. Thanks!! :)
Oliepath----
16/f 17/m

your period can be late or even a bit too early for several reasons. sometimes even stress but yes sometimes having sex can throw it off especially if it has been awhile or if it was your first time.

bio

Hi, thanks for coming to my column.

The name is Diamond but Dia is fine.

20, female, jersey girl at heart. mixed race taurus natured woman.

So...the reason I made this was during the start of my senior year of high school I had reached a point in my life where I didn't want to live anymore. I was tired of fighting and didn't see the reasons to fight. It was a random stranger that made me realize I would be stupid to take my life and to stop fighting.

So if you think I'm going to tell you life gets easier, I'm not. Let's face it, it doesn't get easier. Through pain you get stronger and learn to open your eyes to those things that give you strength to live.

Mine happen to be music, writing, dr. pepper, anime, the color black, the way rain sounds, and an amazing boyfriend. What gives you strength to live?