A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 96919
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is a salvia high like a full blown trip or is it more of an intensified marijuana high?could someone describe what it feels like?oh,and if it's as intense as i've heard...why is it still legal? (link)
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Salvia is a full blown trip. Its a good idea to be sitting down if you try it. Preferably not close to anything sharp.
Why is it still legal?
We can only guess. But we have good guesses.
1) The duration of effects that could be considered debillitating is normally around 3-10 minutes. Thats generally not long enough to run across trouble outside of hitting your head on something sharp (see first paragraph)
2) Salvia has never had any serious crime related to it that would make it require legislation. This is partly because it isnt tested for in connection with crime which is partly because its not illegal. The cycle goes ever deeper.
3) Because most recreational drug users are looking for a better, longer high than is offered by salvia, they will turn to other things that are easier and cheaper to obtain to get those highs. Salvia also in some circles carries the stigma of being "a high school'ers way to get high"
Im going to go out on a limb and assume you have probably done some form of illegal hallucinogen. If this is true salvia is something you will do once and probably never waste money on again.
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Isn't facebook for highschool people? I'm 13 and I have a myspace and I know that a lot of people in highschool left myspace because all of us younger kids came on, and now all my friend are like "omg switch to facebook!!" but it seems like it would just annoy those older kids who switched. Isn't facebook mainly for kids in highschool? (link)
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Facebook was originally for university students only. Then it was ruined by being opened to high school students.
Adding yourself wont really hurt it anymore than it already has been.
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Hi, I was wondering if someone can help.
I'm looking for an adjective to describe my way of looking at life. Basically, i see life as pre-destined, and whatever happens happens and couldnt have happened any other way.
What is the name for this sort of thinking?
Thanks :) (link)
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Close Minded
Comfort Seeking
Dependent
Insecure
The way you think basically is a shield that you can hide behind to comfort yourself because you cant quite handle the fact that the world is not fair and bad things sometimes happen for no reason at all.
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I want a truck when i get my license. I dont want a huge one, or a small one. I want a medium sized truck. Something built in the USA. And i want it to be one of those trucks that wouldn't be squashed in an accident-something strong/sturdy. Right now im thinking about something from Chervolet,GMC,or Ford. Right now mainly Chevys'.
Any advice is helpful.
Thanks in advance. (link)
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If you are die hard about a chevy or a ford you want to get one made in the 80s or before thats been well taken care of.
If you are getting anything 90 or newer I would reccomend honda, toyota, or jeep.
Jeep has a decent matinence record and dodge slightly worse, anything Japanese will last past 150k miles, but fords and chevy's of any modern kind tend to start having problems around 60k miles and not stop.
I used to have a 2002 toyota tundra. Awesome truck, it had a crew cab so I could bring friends around, it looked good and ran better. Toyota engines are top shelf in the durability area.
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My boyfriend and I were fooling around last Thursday.
I gave him oral sex and so consequently got some semen in my mouth.
We kissed after that, so maybe some sperm got in his mouth?
Then I received oral sex from him when he licked me around my vagina.
My question is, is it possible that I got pregnant if the sperm traveled from my mouth to his to my vagina? (link)
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Unlikely, but still within the realm of possibility.
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i had sex last night and we agreed that he would pull out, but i dont know if he actually did. i was wondering if you would be able to feel it? he wasnt wearing a condom, and im scared that he may not have pulled out. thank you. (link)
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We have no idea if he pulled out.
But even if he did, you could still be pregnant.
If you can get a morning after pill, you should.
Regardless, you are going to need to take a pregnancy test soon.
www.coolnurse.com can give you more details on specifics like time to wait before testing, etc.
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im getting so scared to go away to school. how do people do it?! i hate being home but going away scares me so much. im going 5 hours away n i am so excited sometimes but other times im scared to death. how can i handle it? any help wud be soooo much appreciated! i dont know who to talk to about this..
thanks (link)
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Its awesome.
I moved out of my parents house the first day I could move into the dorms. I was only 2 hours away, but I packed my stuff and was on my way at like 9 am, alone.
I found and moved into my new room. I got my stuff arranged. And then I went out to try to meet new people.
It took a few days to have it sink in, but I finally realized "Im not at home anymore"
I began coming and going at random hours, changing my schedule (at one point I was sleeping from noon to 6 pm, waking up and going hang out with people until about 2 am, doing school work until 8 am, going to class until noon, and going back to sleep) all just because I could.
Its a blast.
The other thing, that I couldnt truly comprehend until I was moved out.
I didnt have to see anyone I didnt want to.
Now THAT was a new experience. After high school, and knowing the same people for 4 years and being stuck with people I hated, all of a sudden if someone cropped up on the radar that I didnt like, I just stopped seeing them.
It can be harder if your campus is smaller, but overall the social dynamics that existed in high school do not exist in college.
Dont join a frat or sorority. It seems like a good idea, a way to meet people. What frats and sororities basically are, is a bunch of people who really LIKED the high school social ladder. They were at the top, or wanted to be, and are willing to put up with crap in order to get it back. My personal recommendation, anyway.
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I am a college student and engaged. I have been with my fiancé for over a year and a half. Because of a scholarship I have to wait over four years to marry him.
I can tell that he has lost sexual interest in me. It is not at the same level as it used to be. That is though to be expected and I understand that. He does occasionally look at pornography, and I am ok because it is not an obsession.
We played truth or dare one night, and from this I learned that he is extremely sexually attracted to my best friend. He proceeded to ask me questions as whether I would have a "threesome" with her or let him have sex with her. (He has never done anything sexual with another woman, and vise versa... so I somewhat understand the curiosity). During the game he dared me to ask her if she would be ok with that.... It tore me a part.
It was never spoken of again. Today I was looking through his history, and found that he was staring at a picture of her in a bikini. I confronted him; he admitted he was looking at her. I feel horrible, ugly, ignored, and most importantly emotionally abused.
How am I supposed to marry a man who will be lustfully looking at the bridesmaid more than the bride? (link)
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I dont think its going to work.
I am in college. I am not officially engaged, mostly because its going to be about 4 years before we could get married, so we are just living together and everything.
We've been together a few months past two and a half years. The sexual interest is definitely not gone.
Now, she and I have had talks about... diversity. She knows I find other women physically and sexually attractive. Shes fine with it because she knows that in no way is it an escape from her. We are a very sexually active couple even more than two years later, and the sex still has a huge range. Anywhere from sweet to extremely hot and sensual. She knows she just has to look at me the right way to get me in the mood.
If after a year and a half the interest is gone, then hes not the one for you.
I know thats not what you want to hear. But I think that its the truth. He is not bothering to be aware of how you are feeling, and there is not enough communication in the relationship for it to come up. He is secretly fantasizing about her. And you are making excuses for him.
But I will tell you, no, its not normal for sexual interest to just dissapear. Especially not after a year and a half. When they talk about it in marriages, they are usually talking about marriages that are 5-10 years old where the magic is waning. Usually with kids and jobs and such getting in the way to hurt the sex life.
There needs to be a long frank talk. You need to find out what his level of interest is, because I dont think you want to end up married to a guy and making excuses as to why he has to cheat on you or force you into threesomes because he isnt into you anymore.
The final word I have. Yeah, if you are each other's firsts... He is going to be curious. He is going to want to have sex with other people. If he had been with others before you this would not be as much of a problem, and it may be something he needs to do for himself.
If this is the case, you should not feel obligated to allow him and to make sure you are ok with it. If you arent OK with it, that may be what YOU need to be ok. And if you cant be there waiting for him when he is done to see if he is still interested, that may be what you need to do to be OK too.
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15/f.
I have never made out. I know its sad, im old! :P But whenever I just peck a guy he tries to stick his damn toungue in my mouth. And I back away like noo! I would love to just go and makeout with the world, but I am worried I will make a complete fool of myself and then like the guys will be like wow what a loser haha. I know it comes natural, but when I'm about to makeout with someone I just get all weirded out and freaked, even with a guy I am seriously attracted to! It makes me sad when I can't just go out and have fun and kiss the cute guy I'm hanging with haha! Plus I want to actually have a boyfriend, and when guys ask me out I turn them out, because its weird to date someone without making out or doing anything. My last boyfriend all we did was hug and peck haha. What would help me not be so nervous and just do it already?! Also, after I get the hang of that, say I'm in a relationship..well I am NOT giving it up to some guy I'm dating, thats for marriage. But will the guy like leave me if the only thing we do it makeout, like not even bj or hj or any of that stuff? I would think most guys would at least want more than kissing.. :/
Thanks so much sorry its long I appreciate everyones answers and for reading all this! (link)
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I love how you try to kiss a guy and they lead with the tongue and you think youre making a fool of _yourself_
Half of your problem is the guys. Its kind of intimidating to be assaulted tongue first by a guy, especially if youre under the delusion that theyre so much better than you are. If you could get a guy to just let you kiss them it would probably work out better for you, but guys at that age are hardwired to go in for as much as they can get as quickly as possible.
As to the future of your relationships.
Premarital sex does not have the public stigma associated with it that it used to. Sex before marriage is both common and normal these days. So most of the guys you meet are not going to want to wait until marriage.
On that note, I dont know exactly what to tell you. Perhaps if you are religious and you dated some guys who are into your religion? Though, at 15 if you want to wait no one should have a problem with it, its not until later that it becomes a bit more...well I guess expected would be the right word. You'll have a harder time in college, in high school theyre willing to go on the hope that you might change your mind.
A word on sex in relationships today.
If you want to wait until marriage, there is nothing wrong with that. If that is how you feel you want your sex life to be, if thats what feels right to you, then that is what is right FOR you. Remember that you can always turn a no into a yes later.
The above being said, it will make you incompatible with some people. In the modern world, the same as you want to wait until marriage, there are those out there who definitely dont.
Lets say you know Bob.
Bob likes you as a friend and finds you attractive, but bob has been sexually active from a young age. Bob is going to look for someone who doesnt have any problems with sex because he is a sexual man and wants a woman to whom sex and sexuality are equally a part of who she is. Bob would not be a good date for you, because sex is something that he has different standards.
This doesnt mean bob or you are wrong, or either of you are a bad person, it simply means that you want different things out of a relationship, have different priorities, and you should not date each other because you both need to find those who share your priorities.
Watch out for the Bobs of this world. They arent bad people by any stretch, but in this day and age you will find alot more people who are used to being able to be sexual even from a young age. If that is not you, then dont feel pressured to do things because someone else expects you to.
Also realize that if you get yourself into a relationship with someone who wants things you dont want they will eventually look outside of you to get them, so its not a great idea to end up with someone you are perpetually telling them they have to wait.
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Okay I'm planning to have sex soon. I'm protected & ready.
But, my friend was talking to my boyfriend and said
"I don't know why she is worried about it hurting when you fingered her"
Seriously, does that make any difference?
My hymen is no longer intact because I was rather active when I was young + fingering and other reasons.
He can use 3 fingers and he goes in pretty deep. His penis isn't that thick either. So does fingering help to stretch out or can that not match up to a penis? (link)
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Spacially speaking, you should be fine. Just have him go slow.
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15/f. is it normal for a teenage girl to grow further away from her dad, and to begin seeing him not as a father, but as a "man"? I just get really weird feelings around him. Like, I can't be in open clothes around him or something. It's awkward. I know he won't do anything, but I'm just paranoid..? (link)
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Its relatively normal.
We're hardwired to reject and feel alkward around our parents. Its what starts a long, drawn out, tear filled period that ends with you moving out.
Most people have a kind of personal bubble too. You learn its there by watching other people who have bubbles, and you kind of develop yours. And certain things intrude on your bubble and make you uncomfortable.
Your dad seeing you less than dressed is a normal thing to intrude on your personal comfort zone.
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My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex sometime soon.. within the month. We are both 16 + virgins and we are going out to buy condoms together. I'm also on birth control, have been for nearly 5 months and I'm excited for sex.
Is that strange of me? I'm actually looking forward to it and I feel really comfortable about it too. Most of my friends didn't feel like this before their first time.. so i feel out of place.
:/ (link)
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Yeah, it is kind of strange. Very few people (especially on this website) seem ready when they have sex. Few seem to have thought it through.
Youre wierd in that you act more mature than the average person. At least thats what I think from the limited info here.
Nothing else to say really. Condoms + BC seems like youre being intelligent about this.
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hey im katie, and i'm 23.last night i went to my ex mike's party. got drunk. hooked up with his friend but had to keep it a secret cuz my ex wanted to hookup with me. he found out & got upset. ihooked up with my ex also. i like his friend hes cute and he likes me but i just met him and my ex sapposedly still has feelings for me. helo, any advise on the situation? (link)
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________________________
Quote::
Stop getting drunk and hooking up with people
________________________
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My five year old son isn't interested in paying with other kids. My husband is VERY concerned. He will play with his sister and his cousins (all younger, all girls) and an occasionaly older girl who will act as a follower. My son likes to be in charge, he is the 1st born. Do you think any of theses characteristics are a sign that there is something wrong with him socially? He just seems to prefer the company of adults. (link)
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Something wrong with him?
Sweetie, it just means hes different. Different isnt a problem.
At 5, its not a sign of anything. It could be that he wants to feel grown up. It could be that he is imitating you. It could be a ton of different reasons.
He shows leadership tendancies, so in that direction you should encourage him towards his strengths while teaching him not to be arrogant about being a leader. Who knows, you might end up with a presidential son some day.
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ok so i just had sex with this guy. he didn't use a condom, bad i know!! he pulled out and everything but now my best friend has me worried about pre-cum. is there anyway to tell if he came in me at all? (link)
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Morning after pill, or pregnancy test.
Both would be reccomended.
Dont do it anymore. Unprotected sex is risking your future. Dont make that mistake.
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So my boyfriend plans to come over to my house and I guess meet my parents...but see, the thing is, they don't know I have a boyfriend.
I think that they suspect it because I've never brought guys to my house before, because I've never wanted to have to deal with it.
Anyways, I want to tell them he's gay, so they think that I just have a gay friend so he can come over all the time.
And it would be totaly believable that he's gay, cuz he is kinda metro haha. (link)
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Dont lie.
Its pointless.
If you dont want them to know, dont tell them. Parents are naturally suspicious.
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alright, so if a guy gets raped, and the woman gets pregnant, does the guy have to pay child support for the kid? (link)
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Probably not.
Im not going to pretend that I know everything there is to know about every court case ever, but Ive never heard of a law case where this came into question.
If a woman managed to rape a guy and get him to cum inside her, and got pregnant, AND kept the baby, I dont think at that point a court would force child support. The child would more than likely end up a ward of the state in foster care.
That being said, the difficulties involved in raping a guy and getting pregnant from it are many.
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I'm so sad to say that my boyfriend of six months and I are probably coming to an end. We fight so often now and things are just getting tough with us. But I have a big problem, he's a huge part of my life. He spends almost everyday with me, my mom is the one who takes him shopping when he needs new clothes, we even buy foods that only he likes to keep in our pantry for him. We're so close, I could never imagine having another relationship with a guy like the relationship him and I have.
I don't know how I could ever let go when the time comes. How should I deal with it? (link)
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You should sit him down and talk to him and work on the relationship.
In EVERY relationship, the magical feelings and passion eventually fade, you start seeing each other as people, and you start pissing each other off.
Six months sounds like just about the right time for that.
Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him that you dont want to fight with him constantly and break up, and that you need to figure out together why you are fighting so much. Tell him you dont WANT the relationship to end and you want to try to save it with him, because you think hes worth fighting for.
If you are incapable of fighting FOR a relationship and only manage to fight IN a relationship, youre going to be asking this question a few years down the road 6 months into a new relationship with a new guy whom you adore but are fighting with alot.
From the details youve given, it doesnt sound like its time to be mourning this relationship yet. It sounds like its time to sit him down and talk about both of you trying to be a little more mature and trying not to push each others buttons.
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15/f
okay ..
this is probably gonna be kinda sorta long but ohh mann. so like,
I just got my first kiss on valentines day this year and I was rlly relieved cuz i thought i would NEVER get kissed and omg i was SO nervous .. well like, im rlly scared to do anything sexual for some reason
im like, prude
ha i dont WANNA be but i dont wanna be a slut either
well .. the guy i kissed is the ONLY guy ive kissed and yeah, weve kissed more than once
but never made out
and okay .. i just have a few questions i would like answered.
1. how do you makeout and is there a wrong way to do it ?
2. about blowjobs ? is it like, nasty ? is there a wrong way to do that ? and how do you do it?
3. handjobs? same concept.
4. sex ? does it rlly hurt for girls as bad as everyone says it does .. i wanna do it butttt im more scared of it hurting then getting caught or anything.
if someone could answer any of these questions, i would greatly appreciate it
(link)
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1) Making out... Im going to agree with the poster below me. It kind of comes naturally. Different people have different preferences, and as you make out more you'll figure it out (and probably start correcting guys so they kiss the way you like)
2) Anything involving sex can be nasty if theres bad hygine. Never be afraid to tell a guy to go take a shower. If youre past the point when youre comfy naked with whatever guy, feel free to shower with him to make sure hes clean. Other than that, no oral sex isnt nasty. Sex can get messy sometimes, but thats part of the fun.
As to specifics, we cant tell you exactly how to give blowjobs on this website. The poster below me put a link, if that doesnt work then google "blowjob instructions" and theres a wealth of information out there.
3) See the last paragraph from 2. Actually, just reread 2 and replace every instance of the word "blow" with the word "hand"
4) Sex hurts a varying amount your first time. Some girls are smaller inside than others. There is the hymen to consider, but that membrane varies in thickness and size from girl to girl. I know some girls who didnt hurt or bleed much at all, I know girls who hurt or bleed, one or the other alot. I know girls who both hurt and bled alot.
The bleeding part, thankfully, only happens your first time. Its not that big a deal.
Hurting... hmm.
You are a certain size. So outside of your hymen, if hes thick enough and you're tight enough, it can hurt. And you will have to stretch a bit to fit him in.
Youre built to stretch like that, so likewise its not a big deal. Just make sure whomever takes it slowly.
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15/f
okay so like, im rlly skinny and my boobs arent HUGE but theyre not small either
and like,
for some reason, im rlly self conscience about them
like, guys ask me for pictures and i dont wanna send them mainly because im scared of what theyll think ?
like, omg im gonna sound like a moronic idiot buttt how big should your nipple be ?
also, when i shave down there, i get like, razor burns no matter what .. is there any cream or anything to help that?
please .. any advice is perfect :D (link)
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First, a lesson on guys.
Guys like breasts. All breasts. Big breasts. Small Breasts. Perky Breasts. Saggy Breasts. Theres a guy for every type, and theres generally multiple types for every guy.
Theres something about being part of the half of the world without breasts that makes me love them. (though, im more of a hips, butt, and leg man myself)
Thats the other thing. Some guys just like breasts, period. There are other things that they actually have preferences about. Your nipple can be just about any size. Diversity is fun.
Also, advice on shaving is to get a beard trimmer.
You can use it to keep your hair short enough to not get in the way, but long enough to still be soft. It eliminates razorburn while still keeping you nice and trimmed.
Id personally recommend brazillians, or laser hair removal (though thats probably not a possibility) if thats something you can do/afford.
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