A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 96941
Main Categories:
Love Life
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
|
I don't mean to get graphic... but I've been on the pill for about three months now.. a little more... i've still got two weeks before my next period but I have some symptoms of a pregnant woman. My nipples are extremely sore and sensitive.. it will bother me so much that I can't sometimes wear a shirt to bed without a bra. This doesn't occur this badly before my period anyways. And I'm not so much tired, I'm exausted. I haven't noticed any nausea. Should I wait to take a pregnancy test? Could I be pregnant? (link)
|
The most straightforward answer is yes.
Yes, you could be pregnant.
It could also be the hormones in your birth control giving you similar symptoms.
Outside of a doctor or a pregnancy test, thats about as much certainty as anyone can give you until you start showing.
|
|
So ever since I was like 17 I've wanted to move out straight after high school and still go to college. I found a boyfriend and me and him were together my entire senior year of high school... and things were great between us! We had talked about moving out for a year and when the day came to sign the papers, he didn't want to because his mom said that she wouldn't approve. He listens to everything that she has to say and he is a year older than me. He doesn't speak his mind to his mom and we are stuck doing what she wants us to do... like get married at 23 and have kids at like 27.. I've had all these plans about getting married when I was 21 and having kids at 23.. and majoring in elementary education. I have a feeling that I'm pregnant and it seems like my boyfriend isn;t being mature about it. I have no idea what he would do if I was. It just seems like we have to plan our lives the way he wants to.. He wants to party and stuff right now and stay in school... and that's still an option because I have 15,000 in the bank just for college and I can't use it on anything else. What should I do? I love the kid to death and I really think that we are going to get married one day.. but I can't live with the fact that he wants to wait to grow up!!! (link)
|
Getting married before you finish college is a mistake. A huge one.
Everyone needs some of that craziness in their lives. Everyone needs to be on their own for a while. He needs what he needs. What you dont realize, is that by going and getting serious about life, you are stoppering something.
And, when you hit about 33, you are going to have a mid life crisis of sorts and want to do what he's doing it. Its a phase everyone has to go through at some point.
You should go to college. You should understand that his maturation process cant be made instant, and neither will yours be. And though I know this sounds terrible, you should consider an abortion.
|
|
so for starters im 17. My boyfriend left about july 10th to basic training, i wrote him for about a month and a half and he never replied back, i missed him like crazy. He got back about 10 days ago he didnt call he didnt message me or anything. My friend said she had talked to him, and he seemed really happy. So i had her ask him what his problem was, and she said that he said that he never got any letters so he thought i moved on... so i finally talked to him and now he says that he doesnt want me to worry about him all the time, and always having to wonder when the next time we would talk... so he said we should just be friends..but i was like how can you be friends with someone who you were absolutely in love with. i dont know what to do, because i love him so much but i dont know if i should just move on or continue with him, i've tried moving on and it just seems like i always compare him to other guys and other guys just dont even come close...i just dont know anymore (link)
|
Upon entering the army, he is now entering a phase of life most people would refer to as "Living hell"
For the next 6 years, he is theirs. Which means he cannot possibly be yours. There is no way for him to maintain any kind of decent life or relationship. Not with being shipped this way and that and making shit for money. Its time to get over him.
Here. The rest of this is not mine. It is someone else's.
Its written from a guys perspective, but it applies to both sexes. Mentally replace "her" with "him"
:::
It's that time again. It's been 1.5 years since the last time, and I'm slightly disappointed that I've been dumped 2 times in a row. Oh well, it's hard to reign in those youngins' This one was a good one, though. I'm very sad to see her go.
_____
Being dumped sucks.
It is rarely a good experience - no matter how long you've been going out, what the nature of your relationship was, or how it ended. The very idea that someone does not want to spend his/her exclusive time with you is a pretty big blow to the ol' ego.
I have been dumped on many occasions for many reasons, for over a decade. I understand that there are many who have never had a girlfriend, many on their first relationship, and many more with little experience with being dumped. Take my advice as you will, but I can guarantee you that when the day comes (and it probably will), you will be better prepared for it, and hopefully won't end up being a huge whiny turd.
I give to you:
Lushka16's guide to being dumped, and taking it like a champ.
Rule 1: The relationship is over.
This is the most important rule of all. You need to go back to it at least once every minute in the aftermath of being dumped. It is the most difficult part, yet it is also the foundation for healing. The day you come to terms with it, is the day things start getting better.
In my experience, there are three basic parts to being dumped: Premonition, dump, after-dump.
Premonition
I have been dumped, and have dumped, lots and lots of times. There has never been an instance where it is random. For every single relationshp, from shortest (2 days) to longest (3 years), there has been a period of time where the breakup is planned. For the person about to get dumped, this period is called premonition. I have always felt a breakup coming, and it is physically a worse feeling than the breakup itself. There is little communication between the couples, an intense feeling of uncertainty, and a strong desire to make it better. The longer the premonition stage lasts, the more apt you are be stupid.
Things to avoid:
Do not go beyond the bounds of your relationship. Don't start saying, "I love you" if that's not what you normally do.
Resist the urge to sulk. Do whatever it takes to get your mind away from it. Get the gently caress out of bed, go to the gym, go for a walk, find some friends, smoke some pot, do whatever it is that you do to de-stress.
Do not start screwing around. The relationship isn't over yet. You might get yourself into some serious trouble.
Don't beat her to the punch, unless you had plans already.
Things to do:
Hey, here's an idea - talk to her. "Hey, what's going on with us, things have been kind of wierd lately." Sure, it might lead to breaking up faster, but that's the point. If it's going to happen, might as well not torture yourself.
Try working things out. I know, it's easier to post an E/N thread on SA than to talk logically to another human being, but take it from me - it can work. If you really care for the relationship, and she's not cheating on your sorry rear end, there's room for work. I've found that the best times I've had were after we've worked things out.
get ready to go through the 5 stages of loss:
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Despair
Acceptance
It might not happen in that order, it might not involve all the stages. Chances are you'll experience at least 3 of them, the most popular being bargaining, anger and despair.
Denial - Try your best to avoid it. Denial doesn't help resolve anything, makes the whole process very difficult. Remember rule 1.
Bargaining - Might as well give it a shot. There might be some things that you can reasonably change in the relationship. Give it up after a good shot at it. If it's over, it's over.
Anger - Yup, you're pissed. Get over it.
Despair - This is where the crying begins. Now is the time to NOT be pathetic. There's nothing wrong with crying, but don't make her feel bad for you or pity you. She'll only be pissed. There is little sympathy when it comes to being dumped, so don't play that card. More on this in the post-dump section.
Acceptance - Time to let go, man. Rule 1.
Here's a quick scenario as to how the whole thing might look:
Girl: Things aren't working out.
Boy: Are you sure? I thought things were fine.
Girl: No.
Boy: Well, is there anything we can do to make things better?
Girl: I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
Boy: But you were the one who wanted to be in one in the first place! Who put you up to this? Is there another guy? I'll loving kill him.
Girl: [insert despair]
Boy: [insert despair]
Boy: Well, if this is what you want, and if this feels right, and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, then we might as well let it happen.
See? That wasn't so bad. This is a really good time for some Q and A, especially since you'll want to know some of the answers in the post-dump phase. Here is a short list of questions you should ask now, while you're still communicating:
Is there anything I can do to make this relationship work?
Is there anything I could have done to make things better?
What made you decide to do this?
Is there someone else involved?
Is there anything I can do to avoid pissing off future girlfriends?
When did things start to suck? What caused it?
This is a very short list, and you should tailor it to your needs in the premonition phase. If you can get all your important questions answered, it will make life easier in the next phase. Also, be sure to indicate that you don't want to see/talk to her for a while. This is KEY. More on this in the next section.
Post-Dump
Nearly a decade has taught me one important thing: This is a very long phase. You need to accept this.
Ok, you just got dumped. Let the emotion out the best way you know. Cry if you have to, beat the poo poo out of something, go for a run, post an E/N thread (maybe go for a run first). Be a man, and find someone to give you a hug. Talk it through with your close friends (not hers). Set some kind of time limit. Say to yourself, "I'm going to be a pile of emotional poo poo for the next hour, then I'm going to start picking myself up." Stick to it, if you're a sulking mess for too long no one is going to want to hear about it.
Inform your friends. People ought to know to be careful around you. If they care about you, they'll help you cope. Put away blatant reminders of her - her pictures, her underwear, her lifesize blowup doll etc.
Go out, live life normally, DO NOT DO ANYTHING RASH. Joining the Army doesn't help, running away doesn't help, you won't get her back if you get into a car accident/attempt suicide, you certainly won't get her back if you vandalize her property. Don't gently caress her sister/friends, don't go beating up some kid who you think might be her new boyfriend. Use Rule 1 folks, it really puts things into perspective.
Just go on with your life. That's the only thing you can do to really take it like a champ. There's a huge list if things you shouldn't do, because they're very annoying, and you'll feel stupid about it later.
Spend lots and lots of time away from her. This is actually a strange situation. Say you spend 4 months away from her and are feeling great. The next time you see her, it'll take you back about 2 months. Then you'll recover, and the next time you see her it'll take you back 1 month. Then 2 weeks. Then 1 week. See what I'm getting at? Recovery is a long process, and there will be setbacks. Don't think it'll be peaches and cream the first time you see her with another guy. Try to avoid her socially until you're certain things are ok. This may take months or years. Rarely weeks. This is why avoidance is key. You don't need to go out of your way to avoid her, just let her know that for a while, you don't want to see her.
Don't play the pity card. Yes, you're upset and hurt and heartbroken. Tell it to your friends, not to her or her friends. Avoid putting up depressing away messages, profiles, blogs, or anything of the like. Understandably, you want her to know how much she hurt you. It does you little good to do that, remember rule 1? Don't go to the same party as her and sit in the corner looking all depressed. She's not going to want you back, you pansy.
Don't go visit her. First of all, it will hurt like a mofo. Secondly, girls are evil and will do lovely things like hug you, cuddle with you, tell you how much they miss you, or hit you with pepper spray. Rule 1 - it still applies. She doesn't want to be with you, just wants to make herself feel a little better. If she wants to come back to you, she'll call you up and say so. Being around her is most likely going to annoy her and make you feel really lovely. Girls have also been known to employ the use of a guy named Todd, who is only there to make you turn emo.
Don't start looking for answers. If you're smart, you already asked them when you two were breaking up. Don't call/IM/email/fox her friends. Yes, they're close to her and they know what's going on. Chances are, they won't tell you what you need to know. They're her friends first, yours second. I'm letting you know now - if you do take this path, you will find out nothing of any use. Do you really want to know if she's seeing someone else? Do you really want to know if she is in bed crying because she misses you? Back to Rule 1. She's going through her own healing process, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Let it go, man. Her friends will report their findings to her, and she'll hate you for snooping.
On a similar note - DON'T loving STALK HER.
The above is the basic foundation for taking a dumping like a champ. There are many little nuances that I can't remember and didn't cover, so be prepared for anything. Of course, I welcome and urge the advice and experience of other goons. The only thing I can guarantee is that life will get better and you'll move on.
For what it's worth, I got dumped and quite heartbroken today, but I'm doing all right, thanks for asking.
It's almost certain that anyone who has read this and is going to get dumped for their first time will not follow my advice.
|
Alrighty where to start? Well I've known my best female friend for about a year. I always try to do the sweet things such as getting her candy, carrying her books, even going shopping with her. Even at school people always make rumors about us going out, but there are times where I feel like she has interest in me and times where I don't feel anything. She doesn't know that I like her. My question is should I confess to her or if not what should I do?
M/16 (link)
|
Hoo boy.
You have alot to learn about girls.
I'll tell you right now, transitioning from a year long friendship into romance is hard, often impossible. Why? Because if she was interested in you, it was at the start. And by now, shes buried that.
Shes going to enjoy having you as an attentive friend. But shes not going to want more. She doesnt need to date you to get what shes already happy with. Thats a mistake to catalogue for the future. If you do everything a girl would want in a boyfriend without actually being her boyfriend, shes going to look elsewhere for that.
First thing you need to do, regardless, is stop doing every little thing for her. If you do ask her out, then you want to do it on equal terms. Not when you're basically whipped. If you dont, then you dont need to be spending all your time mooning over this girl. Separation helps get over it.
Once you pull away, look for something. Does she express more interest in you? If you dont carry her books and go shopping with her, does she seek out other time spent with you?
If she chases a bit, Id risk asking her out. Right now, if nothing else, you're 16. You have many, many, many chances ahead of you. If you blow this one, you learn from it, and you can apply that better next time.
If you stop doing things for her and she just kinda doesnt notice, maybe just ignores you a bit now, etc. Move on. She was using you.
|
15/m
is it weird to never have had a wet dream before?
ive had sex dreams, i just never y'know.
and yes, i have hit puberty, about 4 years ago hah so dont suggest that
like do some guys never have them? (link)
|
Most guys who dont have wet dreams masturbate constantly, or have a regular sex life.
|
I am an intelligent junior in high school and as of now i have yet to have a real boyfriend. i look at other girls walkin around w/ their guys and i get so left out. i dont know what i m not doing. i mean, when i like a guy, its pretty frickin obvious but i can never get them to notice me like i want. and if they do its one of those "courtesy talks", like they'd rather be doing something else.
i will probably graduate 1st in my class, as much as i m working now...
but my lovelife has yet to begin and i feel like i m working so hard, but still not feeling as satisfied/happy with my life as i want (link)
|
Alright heres the long and short of it.
Most people like being able to somewhat manipulate those around them. Whether you like to make others laugh, and smile, or make them cry, its a common desire.
Men, in particular, have a tendancy towards being attracted to women they have some level of control over. Its the testosterone. Whether we can trick girls into doing what they want, whether all we have to do is ask, some guys need the command thing too, its a very common thing for most guys to be prey to.
Especially during puberty, when hormones are raging.
So enter you.
You are intelligent. We can sense that immediately. Possibly more than we are. We might not be able to get a good read on you and if we do, we are somewhat intimidated by what we see.
A girl who it is difficult to outsmart. A girl who seems impervious to cheeseball lines and all the other bullshit guys make up in high school to try to seem more attractive to the opposite sex.
We're stymied. You may even be hot, but we have no idea how to approach you. We dont know what you want. And we're scared of trying and finding out we dont measure up to your standards. Rejection is a bitch.
So heres you. Being avoided or treated courteously instead of hit on and flirted with. And you feel like its somehow a judgement negatively against you.
Its not.
One of two things will happen, if you wait long enough.
1) You will enter college. Probably a college that you have to work to get into. You will be around intellectual peers. Around men who find you a challenge rather than an intimidation. And you will become somewhat hot property to these kind of men.
2) You will end up in college and date someone much older. This person probably is just as smart or almost as smart, but has the edge in life experience, and thus comes off as wiser. (This has the danger of wearing off as you get more life experience)
The problem you have, is that you are a woman amongst boys. Chin up. It gets alot better after high school when the social hierarchy as you know it is completely destroyed.
::Edit::
See the first answer? Ignore idiots like that.
That is a common response from a guy who prefers his women stupid, or a girl who dates those guys.
Do not ever give up your drive to succeed. It is more important for you to be yourself and find someone who fits your good points (and motivation that keeps you in top grades is a good thing) than to settle for some asshole loser who wants to drag you down to his level so he doesnt feel like shit when he looks in a mirror.
::Edit 2::
Sorry. I get long winded.
Being outgoing was mentioned. That is a good thing. Theres another thing you can do.
There are many unconscious body movements people do when attracted to someone. These are body language things that are given and responded to almost exclusively unconciously.
1) Touch yourself. No, Im not telling you to start rubbing your nipples. When you are near a guy you like, fiddle with your hair. Lightly scratch your neck. Rub your upper lip. Lightly moving a finger over certain areas draws attention to them. The neck and shoulders are a common point of admiration. So are the hips.
I know girls who turn this into a game, seeing if they can get a guy to check them out without him actually intending to.
2) Smile. A genuine smile sets off reactions. If you want to (and I know this sounds stupid, but that doesnt make it a bad idea) practice your smile in the mirror. Get used to how it looks and how it feels. That way you can flash a coy "hi there sexy" smile whenever you want.
Well timed, you can make men walk into doors or traffic with that.
|
15/f
this is gonna sound way conceited, but i promise, im not trying to be. im much prettier then my friend. i mean, shes like fat and everything, so i mean obviously, guys dont like her much. plus she acts really stupid alot. anyways, since im a freshman, ive made alot of new friends. and so when me and her will be wlaking down the hall, just about every person says hi to me, and i stop and talk and make yano small talk. and she gets mad, and walks away. anyways, whenever i talk about like guys or something, she like finds some way to insult them. and its just really annoying. what should i do? (link)
|
Shes too insecure and youre too superficial for the two of you to have a relationship. She is not your friend. She is someone you use to feel better about yourself.
Its probably going to end badly.
Try not to fuck her up emotionally or use her insecurities to hurt her when it does.
|
Do you think it's possible to "Fully" trust someone again after they have lost your trust?!?!?
Thanks (link)
|
No.
Its human nature to prepare for things that have happened before.
If someone hurts you in some way, you will always know that its possible for them to hit that point. If someone lies, if someone abuses, if someone cheats, you know that under the right circumstances that it can happen again.
|
So I'm extremely liberal, but can any one give me a website that shows views that liberals have. Such as pro-abortions, etc. Also, I'm really into saving the environment, so anything like that.
Thankss =] (link)
|
www.democrats.org
www.moveon.org
www.sierraclub.org
www.pfaw.org
Google "Democratic National Comittee"
|
|
Do you think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them? I really really think I love my boyfriend, but I don't know that I'm in love with him. Does that make sense? And if you do fall in love with someone, they say you will know pretty early on, right? Or can it happen later in a relationship? Thanks (link)
|
Being in love with someone implies commitment.
Love as a term has really degenerated.
You love a shirt.
You love your friends from school whom you wont speak to after you graduate.
You love your ex.
Being in love implies a relationship that is somewhat committed. It implies that you have something special with someone that you intend to be more than just another date, another boyfriend.
Judging by the divorce rate, more than half of america doesnt know what being in love means.
|
|
Does anyone know where i can find a silver metallic purse with some pretty bling on it, i saw a lady wearing it but i forgot to ask her? (link)
|
Please do not ever describe something as "with bling" ever again.
|
|
so maybe i need to get some help, thanks for answering my question last night, but before i read it i ended up doing it last night, i really need the help, but im just scared to tell them about it. how should i bring it up to them? (link)
|
You self injured once.
You do not have a complex yet.
You are also apparently intelligent enough to realize that this is not an answer to your problems.
Think about what caused you to want to do that. Think about the answers you got to your previous question.
If you choose to do it a second time, or want to and want to stop yourself, talk to a school counselor. Honestly, its easier sometimes to start with an adult who isnt your parents. They can help you find the words you want to say when you need to tell others and they can help you figure out what to do from there (and help your parents too).
The school counselors do have to tell your parents I believe, just so you know. So talk to them and tell them that you want to speak to them first, before they bring your parents into it. But your parents do need to know as well.
|
|
im 13 year old girl and thinking of joining kidnation 2.. um do you think this is a good idea or will i regret it in the future? (link)
|
Depends mostly on you.
Im watching the first one. Its hilarious, but thats mostly because I can identify the behavior of the kids.
You watch them doing things that imitate their parents and try to emulate adults. You watch some of them turn into little brats while others work hard and willingly. The show showcases the best kids and how cool they are, and the worst kids as well.
Basically, the thin you want to think about is this. You would be on national TV. I look at some of the kids on there and think "You know, I would be mortified if I were that kid and I rewatched this in my 20s knowing the entire nation watched it once"
|
here's what you need to know:
i've been with this girl for about 6 months now and we've had a great run, full of it's ups and downs. the problem is that she lives really far from me, we see each other every 2 or 3 weeks, and we argue a lot.
i met this new girl,she lives a couple blocks away, goes to school somewhat near to me, friends say she's into me, and i'm into her to.
how do i let go of my gf if in a solid yet gentle way? i know it's gnna hurt her, but how can i soften the blow?
p.s. my gf really really really really really really likes me, so its guna b hard! (link)
|
Do it in person. That shows respect.
Tell her that the distance is something you cant handle. Tell her that you think shes a wonderful person, but that you cant be in a relationship with someone that only gets to be a wonderful person with you one or two days of every month or so.
Tell her that you're stressed out, and that its really hard to have a relationship with someone who you cant just go see when you need to be with her. Tell her that you're sorry, and that you will leave it up to her if you still want to be friends after this.
Be strong, be firm, and be unwavering. The WORST thing you can do to her is go in there and tell her this and then let her talk you out of it. Tell her that the decision is already made, you had to make it for your own sake.
|
When you love someone, do you love them for the way they make you feel? It seems like an obvious answer. I'm possibly misquoting here, but there is a quote that goes something like:
"Love is the realization that someone other than oneself exists". But if you really think about it, it could lead to an interesting debate... (link)
|
Why do I love my girlfriend.
I love her because she understands me.
I love her because after almost 3 years of being together she has seen all of my bad points and still loves me.
I love her because the sex is fantastic.
I love her because she is the easiest person to talk to Ive ever met.
I love her because she sometimes is able to pick up on jokes I make that I dont expect anyone but me to get.
I love her because she makes me smile.
I love her because she makes me feel important.
I love her because she is willing to babysit my sometimes fragile ego.
People love other people because they have personal needs, and they find a person who fills those needs well and willingly. Everyone has a need to be loved. A need to feel like someone considers you important.
|
do the female condoms have sulfur in them?
how would i find out. (link)
| |
I dont think that sulfur exists in any form of condom that Ive ever heard of. Honestly, the side of a condom might tell you. But I cant imagine anything having to do with sex having sulfur involved in it.
|
|
I feel like being who i am comes off as a poser? like i moved to florida in 6th grade and came back like two years later to the same people and had found that i looked like the apparent "emo". Now what gets me mad the most is how everyone thinks they know what there talking about. I have listened to my freinds bitch many times and only now have i realized they need to get over it! They have average famileies living in a average suburb and making them seem emotionally disturbed just makes them stand out! if people have a problem with me likeing black coths and bizzare things then they can go fuck off! Now im not gonna be all like im soooo emo and punk casue im not. Nor do i ever want to be. I fell like if you try to be differnt then you get automatic lables thrown in your face and poser labled on your forhead. I dont know how to deal with all this stress! (link)
|
If the face in the mirror is no longer familiar you need to stop, take a step back, and try to figure out when you stopped recognizing yourself.
Otherwise, do what you want to do.
I live in a Student (college student) housing facility.
As 95% of the population of this housing facility is over 21, theres alot of drinking.
I do not drink beer. Ever. Its the most common thing here, people drink it all the time. I get offered it all the time. I turn it down. People forget. I remind them. I am the way that I am. I am consistent. Its not even that I dont drink. Its just that I absolutely hate beer.
People for the most part have gotten the message.
Be consistent with who you are and ignore the nay sayers. Eventually they will accept it and move on and it wont be a big deal any more. If you pay it little or no attention, eventually they wont either.
|
|
Me and my bf of 11 months have talked for a long time about sex. I'm 17 and he's 18. I'm still a virgin and he's not. I was all for it cause I know that I love him and I want for him to be my first. But when the time came I chickened out. He was really patient about it and told me not to worry about it that it will happen when it happens. I don't know what to do. I know that its something that I want to do I just can't help but let my nerves get the best of me. Plz help! (link)
|
Talk more.
Get more aquainted with him physically. More comfortable.
Ok. So you arent comfy having sex. How about just hanging out naked or less than dressed? It gets you used to being intimate with him, being exposed without being uncomfortable.
I live with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. When we are alone in the room, we dont wear clothes. Ever. Its just habit by now. But it has helped alot with our comfort levels around each other, neither of us is at all shy about not wearing clothes around the other.
Things like that can help you. If you cant overcome the nerves then just spend more time being intimate in other ways, even non sexual ways.
|
i think i am about ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. it will be both of our firsts and i am a little bit nervous about little things during this sex like if i get pregnant or just something bad happening! is it normal to be nervous and is there any little tips i need to know before doing this? and can someone please explain how the process goes like does he get a little hard then put the condom on? or how does that work?
thanks (link)
|
You are nervous because you are not ready.
You dont know enough.
Try this website
www.coolnurse.com
Its a decent medical resource that gives all kinds of good information about things like pregnancy, condoms and contraceptives, etc.
After reading most of that website, wait a year.
Seriously though, learn more before you take a step like having sex. Particularly, Im worried about you saying this.
"I am a little bit nervous about little things during sex like if I get pregnant"
Getting pregnant is not little. It will change the course of your entire life. Not only that, but you who are definitely NOT ready to be a mother, and provide a suitable role model and a house and a life for a child, do not need to bring a child into that. Its unfair to the kid if you have them when you cant take care of them on your own.
This is why I say you arent ready. You are not yet old enough to truly understand the gravity of the consequences and to know how much you should be paying attention to prevent them. You dont know that you should be well informed before you have sex. You arent old enough to understand why its so important.
Im sorry, Im hacking on your age. I dont mean to belittle you. Im sure you hear things like that all the time. The best way to describe it, is that the longer you live the better you understand the concept of larger amounts of time. When you have lived 20, 30, 40 years you understand the amount of time those time periods are. You have lived through that amount of time and so you can see all the things that happen during those spans.
When you are 13-14 you cant understand the concept of something that can alter the next 35-50 years of your life. You havent lived long enough to be able to relate to spans of time that long.
|
On me and my boyfriends one year we wanted to have sex. we have before only twice, both times protected.
well anyway we really want to have sex together on our one year, well i calculated wehn my ovulation day is, and its on that day! i want to know how likely it is to get pregnant, how much of a higher risk then normal. we always have it protected and he always knows when to pullout far in advnace.. (link)
|
Vaginal Contraceptive Film.
Found on the same Aisle as condoms at your local Walgreens/CVS/Whatever.
Its this little thing thats like a thick, flexible breath strip.
You put it inside yourself, wait 15 minutes, and it dissolves into a spermicidal gel. Supposedly these things are as effective as a condom is without a condom being used.
What I prefer to think, is that using one of these with a latex condom as well means that you are even protected if the condom breaks. Its a 2nd line of defense and theyre relatively inexpensive as long as you arent having sex 10 times a day.
|
|