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Liking your best friend secretly
Alrighty where to start? Well I've known my best female friend for about a year. I always try to do the sweet things such as getting her candy, carrying her books, even going shopping with her. Even at school people always make rumors about us going out, but there are times where I feel like she has interest in me and times where I don't feel anything. She doesn't know that I like her. My question is should I confess to her or if not what should I do?
M/16
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girls are tricky tricky people. i would know because i am one. ok, i am kind of in a situation like you are. i've been best friends with this guy for a really long time- like four years. and we get along really well, like you and your friend. the thing is, there's always been this weird sort of underlying "tension" (if you could call it that) in our relationship- because we both know that we have both liked each other at random points in time. basically, a few years ago, he was being really mean to me and making me really angry, so we quit talking for a few days. then when he apologized he said that he had been like that because he really liked me and didn't know how to act. and i told him that i really respected that he was able to tell me that. so, if we apply it to your situation, if you tell her that you really like her, since she's such good friends with you, she's not going to shrug you off. and it seems like she likes you back. so the best thing to do is to have a conversation with her about it. as for me and my guy friend, we decided that just being friends would be best because then we can just function better. and besides that, we can ask each other for advice about stuff. but that decision wouldn't have ever happened if we hadn't talked about it. oh, and by the way, she probably has a good idea that you like her :) from my past experience, that's what it sounds like. but at some point in time, it's going to be best to tell her so that you two can work something out.
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Hi,
Well, the first thing I've got to answer with is a question;
What would happen if you didn't tell her?
The answer to that one is pretty much always "the same thing as always", which sounds like it has been "nothing" so far.
It depends if you're willing to risk rejection from her, and possibly the consequence that you wouldn't be good friends with her anymore. It's tricky to stay good friends with someone you really like, but who doesn't want anything to happen.
There are two ways you can approach the problem;
Sneaky or blatant.
Sneaky;
Gradually increase the amount of time you try to spend with her. Drop subtle hints about what you like about her. Compliment her on her hair if she changes it. Basically, from what it sounds like, you already spend a lot of time with her. The only difference between that, and being her boyfriend is a degree of intimacy, and a little more time. Once you put in the 'more time' part, it is quite possible she will notice your extra effort, and either shrug you off kindly by telling you she's not interested, or add the intimacy.
Blatant;
Ask her out for dinner, or some occasion which is difficult to mistake as a casual "friendly" event. Or even more blatantly, decide what you're going to say (make it shortish), and just tell her you like her.
Personally, I tend to the sneaky side of things, as it usually limits public fallout, and allows a lot more diplomacy in the case that she doesn't really like you.
p.s. You don't necessarily need to be buying her lots of things. Buying too much stuff for people does a few things- makes the receiver feel pressured or guilty for not giving something in return (whether or not the something is a relationship, or gifts back), and can also be a bad way to waste a lot of money on people who ultimately don't care for you (i.e. this is how you attract people who don't like you for yourself, but like you for your gifts)
p.p.s. I've found a saying to be fairly true, I don't regret the things that I have done half as much as the things I did not do, when I had the chance to.
-K
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Hoo boy.
You have alot to learn about girls.
I'll tell you right now, transitioning from a year long friendship into romance is hard, often impossible. Why? Because if she was interested in you, it was at the start. And by now, shes buried that.
Shes going to enjoy having you as an attentive friend. But shes not going to want more. She doesnt need to date you to get what shes already happy with. Thats a mistake to catalogue for the future. If you do everything a girl would want in a boyfriend without actually being her boyfriend, shes going to look elsewhere for that.
First thing you need to do, regardless, is stop doing every little thing for her. If you do ask her out, then you want to do it on equal terms. Not when you're basically whipped. If you dont, then you dont need to be spending all your time mooning over this girl. Separation helps get over it.
Once you pull away, look for something. Does she express more interest in you? If you dont carry her books and go shopping with her, does she seek out other time spent with you?
If she chases a bit, Id risk asking her out. Right now, if nothing else, you're 16. You have many, many, many chances ahead of you. If you blow this one, you learn from it, and you can apply that better next time.
If you stop doing things for her and she just kinda doesnt notice, maybe just ignores you a bit now, etc. Move on. She was using you.
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