A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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how do you know when your ex boyfriend is still in love with you
how do you get him back? and getting his trust back. no, i didn't cheat, i lied, but it wasn't really a lie, it was all a misunderstanding, all about a stupid girl. help. (link)
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Its a matter of his willingness.
I am going through something similar. Sometimes, you just have to accept that something is over. Its hard, especially when they are ready for the relationship to end and you are not. Its difficult to get over that sense of "but I could fix it, I know I could". But you have to take things one day at a time. You have to relearn how to live your life just for you. And you have to start looking.
Because, while there were many things about her that I loved, they arent things that no one else can offer me.
Its tough. I know. I am working on facing the fact that she who was my best friend in life, the person whom I loved above all others, doesnt want to be with me. Its a huge blow to the old ego. But I'm moving on. You will eventually have to as well.
Its as simple as lifting your head, and taking a step forwards. Once thats done, take another step.
As time goes on, you've relearned to walk and you've relearned how to walk to someone else.
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i ve been masterburting for 3yrs now does it ve any effect on my life, and what is the best way to stop ?? (link)
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Masturbation, as has been said below, is a healthy way to keep yourself sane when you are not in a sexual relationship or are not ready for one.
Its not abnormal for males or females to masturbate more than once a day, though that varies heavily with personal preference. Many people even continue to masturbate when in a sexual relationship, for a variety of personal reasons.
Generally speaking there are no negative side effects to it unless you are doing it upwards of 10-15 times daily. At that point it becomes a question of addiction and it is possible you could injure yourself if you are masturbating once an hour or more every day. Otherwise, you're fine.
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if you let a boy touch you is that bad..like in your private parts???? (link)
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Id wait a few years more if I were you.
Sex and sexuality are things meant to be enjoyable. However, theres a reason why there are laws about it, and why your parents have raised you so that you think it might not be a great idea.
Its because sex and sexuality are combined with feelings that you arent old enough to understand or deal with. You arent doing it because you love someone and want to share that level of intimacy with them. You are doing it because you have seen others do it, and because others have told you it feels good.
Especially with sex, thats not a good idea.
My suggestion, is tell boys no. Reconsider that after you're old enough to drive.
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- 16/f
- never had sex
- never did anything sexual with anyone (no oral or fingering, etc.)
A while ago...like about a week or two...I saw a spot on my left inner labia. It's totally flat; not lifted up at all. It's dark...basically black...and it's like the size of a pencil eraser (like the top, circle part). It doesn't itch or hurt at all. I don't feel it what so ever and nothing different is happening with my vagina as in discharge, smells, etc. Everything else is totally normal. Tonight I took a shower and I noticed another spot but on my skin this time. It's not right on my vagina...but RIGHT under it (on the left side, also)...on my butt cheek but the way bottom so it's basically right BY my vagina but not on it necessarily. I don't know what these are but I'm a hypocondriact and I get so nervous so quickly about things. I googled it and it was a lot of people asking things about things similar to what I have but I couldn't find any good answers.
Does anyone know what this is or has anyone ever had this happen to them? (link)
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The best response you can get is see a gynocologist.
None of us are doctors. I have a decent amount of experience with female anatomy, and with conditions and diseases, but I couldnt tell you what this is. You should speak to a professional.
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I know alot of girls these days who shave there arms. Is that weird? there arms are so soft and i want to, but then again I don't. what would happen if i shaved my arms once, how long would it take to grow them back?
p.s., i shave my belly, and the next day its pokey but it's really soft(:
help, is this weird?
should i do it or not (link)
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I wouldnt. I cant think of a single girl ive met who had copious enough hair to bother me in the least.
However, if a girl had stubble arms, that WOULD bother me. I like my ladies soft, most guys do, and the short hairs on arms are usually soft enough to be pretty much unnoticable.
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ok i have been with this guy for two years and we have a 1yr old daughter.. well i found out four months ago he cheated on me so i broke up with him.... well a couple of months ago we talked and he said he wanted to try to work it out that he loved me and so we started talking again... well a week after that i went to take my daughter to see him and i wanted to see him well he was on the phone with another gurl knowing we r trying to work it out.. well i got mad and left.. then not too long ago he called me and asked me if i would get mad and start a bunch of shit if he was dating someone.. and of course i said no know ing that i needed to get over him... well now he and that gurl r bf/gf and i cant get over the fact of that... i want to get over him so bad but dont know how.. i mean i am talking to this guy and he is really sweet but the thought of him and his new gf just hurts so bad... well i dont understand how to get over him will someone please help...
thanks (link)
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Its not easy. Believe me. I was dumped out of a 2 and a half year relationship less than a month ago. We arent speaking. I lost my best friend as well as my lover, and its incredibly hard.
Ive had to face up to the fact that the woman I thought I knew, I didnt know at all.
The first, and often hardest thing, is to accept that the relationship is over. I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I will probably never see or speak to this person again. Its not easy. You created a space for this person in your life. You let them in. Made yourself vunerable to them. And they pretty much just pissed on you and moved on.
Its also hard, because you start questioning yourself. "Could I have done better?" "Will I ever meet someone who does for me what they did?" "what am I going to do from here?"
You have to realize that these questions often cant be answered well. Sure, you can think of something that might have helped. But it didnt. You did what you could at the time. But the time for blame is past. His fault, your fault, learn your lessons that you can and forget he ever existed.
The only "last laugh" I have is that she moved back to where her parents are. Where there are probably about zero decent guys. So if she ends up dating again, hes going to be less than half the man I am.
Ultimately, you have to start remembering how to make yourself happy. You have to relearn how to be alone. I also have taken small joys by reclaiming things in my life. For instance, the song that was "our song" is now once again "my song". I can listen to it without feeling for her, without missing her. Without feeling lost. Little victories that keep me sane.
Oh, one last tip. Spend time separated. Dont talk to him, dont see him, avoid anything that makes you think about him. Empty your life of pictures of him, delete e-mails. Some of the wounds can only be healed slowly with time. You have to give yourself that time.
You wont get better if youre constantly peeling the scab off of an emotional wound.
If you want someone to talk to at more length, send me a private message.
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Alright well I've been seeing my boyfriend for four months now, and he is in the army. We are very much in love, and he has asked me to marry him, but we don't really consider ourselves engaged yet, we probably will in December when we are going to tell everyone we want to get married. Anyway, he dated his ex for almost two years, and she cheated on him twice while he was at basic training. They broke up a few weeks before he met me. Well we'd been dating for about a month before she started problems. She started telling people they were still together, threatening me, leaving me messages, etc. She told me he always calls her and tells her that he can't wait to come home for Christmas and see her and make love to her. I know none of this is true because his phone is turned off, and plus, she lives in West Virginia where his dad is and there's a good chance that he won't be going to West Virginia for Christmas, he'll be coming straight here to Pennsylvania. Anyway, I confronted him on the things she'd been saying last night, and he freaked out, thinking I'd been messing with her. He said that she doesn't just drag stuff out... but the thing is, neither do I. I have not said anything to her that she has not asked for. I never threatened her, called her names, or anything. I simply told her that it was pissing me off what she was doing, and that she should stop. It made me a little upset that he stuck up for her though. His best friends wife said it's because they dated for so long and he doesn't want to be mean to her and it would just make things harder when he goes home if he were to flip out, and I'm sure that's true. I'm just confused. What should I do about this? (link)
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Christ.
Do not fucking marry him.
Heres how it works. Right now, the army owns him. That means that unless he is an officer (highly unlikely) he has no life or space for a genuine relationship.
He has his own drama to sort out that you dont need to get into. Stay friends. Talk to him. Hell, stay in love with him. But dont marry him until he discharges or youve been dating a year or two.
I will say this, and you can believe it or not, but 4 months is not enough time to get to know someone well enough to know that getting married to them is a good idea.
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how do you get over a guy who dumped you?
15/f (link)
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This is not mine, it is someone else's. That being said, its the absolute best advice on breakups I have seen in my lifetime.
::Post Begins::
It's that time again. It's been 1.5 years since the last time, and I'm slightly disappointed that I've been dumped 2 times in a row. Oh well, it's hard to reign in those youngins' This one was a good one, though. I'm very sad to see her go.
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Being dumped sucks.
It is rarely a good experience - no matter how long you've been going out, what the nature of your relationship was, or how it ended. The very idea that someone does not want to spend his/her exclusive time with you is a pretty big blow to the ol' ego.
I have been dumped on many occasions for many reasons, for over a decade. I understand that there are many who have never had a girlfriend, many on their first relationship, and many more with little experience with being dumped. Take my advice as you will, but I can guarantee you that when the day comes (and it probably will), you will be better prepared for it, and hopefully won't end up being a huge whiny turd.
I give to you:
Lushka16's guide to being dumped, and taking it like a champ.
Rule 1: The relationship is over.
This is the most important rule of all. You need to go back to it at least once every minute in the aftermath of being dumped. It is the most difficult part, yet it is also the foundation for healing. The day you come to terms with it, is the day things start getting better.
In my experience, there are three basic parts to being dumped: Premonition, dump, after-dump.
Premonition
I have been dumped, and have dumped, lots and lots of times. There has never been an instance where it is random. For every single relationshp, from shortest (2 days) to longest (3 years), there has been a period of time where the breakup is planned. For the person about to get dumped, this period is called premonition. I have always felt a breakup coming, and it is physically a worse feeling than the breakup itself. There is little communication between the couples, an intense feeling of uncertainty, and a strong desire to make it better. The longer the premonition stage lasts, the more apt you are be stupid.
Things to avoid:
Do not go beyond the bounds of your relationship. Don't start saying, "I love you" if that's not what you normally do.
Resist the urge to sulk. Do whatever it takes to get your mind away from it. Get the gently caress out of bed, go to the gym, go for a walk, find some friends, smoke some pot, do whatever it is that you do to de-stress.
Do not start screwing around. The relationship isn't over yet. You might get yourself into some serious trouble.
Don't beat her to the punch, unless you had plans already.
Things to do:
Hey, here's an idea - talk to her. "Hey, what's going on with us, things have been kind of wierd lately." Sure, it might lead to breaking up faster, but that's the point. If it's going to happen, might as well not torture yourself.
Try working things out. I know, it's easier to post an E/N thread on SA than to talk logically to another human being, but take it from me - it can work. If you really care for the relationship, and she's not cheating on your sorry rear end, there's room for work. I've found that the best times I've had were after we've worked things out.
Dump
RULE 1
Get ready to go through the 5 stages of loss:
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Despair
Acceptance
It might not happen in that order, it might not involve all the stages. Chances are you'll experience at least 3 of them, the most popular being bargaining, anger and despair.
Denial - Try your best to avoid it. Denial doesn't help resolve anything, makes the whole process very difficult. Remember rule 1.
Bargaining - Might as well give it a shot. There might be some things that you can reasonably change in the relationship. Give it up after a good shot at it. If it's over, it's over.
Anger - Yup, you're pissed. Get over it.
Despair - This is where the crying begins. Now is the time to NOT be pathetic. There's nothing wrong with crying, but don't make her feel bad for you or pity you. She'll only be pissed. There is little sympathy when it comes to being dumped, so don't play that card. More on this in the post-dump section.
Acceptance - Time to let go, man. Rule 1.
Here's a quick scenario as to how the whole thing might look:
Girl: Things aren't working out.
Boy: Are you sure? I thought things were fine.
Girl: No.
Boy: Well, is there anything we can do to make things better?
Girl: I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
Boy: But you were the one who wanted to be in one in the first place! Who put you up to this? Is there another guy? I'll loving kill him.
Girl: [insert despair]
Boy: [insert despair]
Boy: Well, if this is what you want, and if this feels right, and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, then we might as well let it happen.
See? That wasn't so bad. This is a really good time for some Q and A, especially since you'll want to know some of the answers in the post-dump phase. Here is a short list of questions you should ask now, while you're still communicating:
Is there anything I can do to make this relationship work?
Is there anything I could have done to make things better?
What made you decide to do this?
Is there someone else involved?
Is there anything I can do to avoid pissing off future girlfriends?
When did things start to suck? What caused it?
This is a very short list, and you should tailor it to your needs in the premonition phase. If you can get all your important questions answered, it will make life easier in the next phase. Also, be sure to indicate that you don't want to see/talk to her for a while. This is KEY. More on this in the next section.
Post-Dump
Nearly a decade has taught me one important thing: This is a very long phase. You need to accept this.
Ok, you just got dumped. Let the emotion out the best way you know. Cry if you have to, beat the poo poo out of something, go for a run, post an E/N thread (maybe go for a run first). Be a man, and find someone to give you a hug. Talk it through with your close friends (not hers). Set some kind of time limit. Say to yourself, "I'm going to be a pile of emotional poo poo for the next hour, then I'm going to start picking myself up." Stick to it, if you're a sulking mess for too long no one is going to want to hear about it.
Inform your friends. People ought to know to be careful around you. If they care about you, they'll help you cope. Put away blatant reminders of her - her pictures, her underwear, her lifesize blowup doll etc.
Go out, live life normally, DO NOT DO ANYTHING RASH. Joining the Army doesn't help, running away doesn't help, you won't get her back if you get into a car accident/attempt suicide, you certainly won't get her back if you vandalize her property. Don't gently caress her sister/friends, don't go beating up some kid who you think might be her new boyfriend. Use Rule 1 folks, it really puts things into perspective.
Just go on with your life. That's the only thing you can do to really take it like a champ. There's a huge list if things you shouldn't do, because they're very annoying, and you'll feel stupid about it later.
Spend lots and lots of time away from her. This is actually a strange situation. Say you spend 4 months away from her and are feeling great. The next time you see her, it'll take you back about 2 months. Then you'll recover, and the next time you see her it'll take you back 1 month. Then 2 weeks. Then 1 week. See what I'm getting at? Recovery is a long process, and there will be setbacks. Don't think it'll be peaches and cream the first time you see her with another guy. Try to avoid her socially until you're certain things are ok. This may take months or years. Rarely weeks. This is why avoidance is key. You don't need to go out of your way to avoid her, just let her know that for a while, you don't want to see her.
Don't play the pity card. Yes, you're upset and hurt and heartbroken. Tell it to your friends, not to her or her friends. Avoid putting up depressing away messages, profiles, blogs, or anything of the like. Understandably, you want her to know how much she hurt you. It does you little good to do that, remember rule 1? Don't go to the same party as her and sit in the corner looking all depressed. She's not going to want you back, you pansy.
Don't go visit her. First of all, it will hurt like a mofo. Secondly, girls are evil and will do lovely things like hug you, cuddle with you, tell you how much they miss you, or hit you with pepper spray. Rule 1 - it still applies. She doesn't want to be with you, just wants to make herself feel a little better. If she wants to come back to you, she'll call you up and say so. Being around her is most likely going to annoy her and make you feel really lovely. Girls have also been known to employ the use of a guy named Todd, who is only there to make you turn emo.
Don't start looking for answers. If you're smart, you already asked them when you two were breaking up. Don't call/IM/email/fox her friends. Yes, they're close to her and they know what's going on. Chances are, they won't tell you what you need to know. They're her friends first, yours second. I'm letting you know now - if you do take this path, you will find out nothing of any use. Do you really want to know if she's seeing someone else? Do you really want to know if she is in bed crying because she misses you? Back to Rule 1. She's going through her own healing process, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Let it go, man. Her friends will report their findings to her, and she'll hate you for snooping.
On a similar note - DON'T loving STALK HER.
The above is the basic foundation for taking a dumping like a champ. There are many little nuances that I can't remember and didn't cover, so be prepared for anything. Of course, I welcome and urge the advice and experience of other goons. The only thing I can guarantee is that life will get better and you'll move on.
For what it's worth, I got dumped and quite heartbroken today, but I'm doing all right, thanks for asking.
It's almost certain that anyone who has read this and is going to get dumped for their first time will not follow my advice.
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ok me and my girlfiend have been dating for 5 months now so the other day me and her had sex and she was giving me head and stopped so i put my dick in her and we was getting it on well i forgot to take it out and i cumed in her and it was alot i told her like right after i did it and i told her if she got pregnant that i wud b there every step of the way i just want to know if she is pregnant or not this was writtin 10-21-2007 and we had sex 10-20-1007 also im 16 and she is 15 does that effect anything and it was alot of cum because i felt it like shoot out 4 timees while i was fucking her but she stoped and put her pants back on n stuff and we kinda talked but then we both noticed that it was a lil wet in her pants by her vagina area does that mean all the cum came out since that night her stomach been hurting and she been getting tired alot im nervous please tell me if she is pregnant or not
(link)
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First, morning after pill. Find out if any of your local pharmacies sell them. Find an 18 year old friend. See if he (get a guy) can buy one for you.
Second, if shes "pregnant" yet you cant tell. She definitely wont be showing any signs yet at all, not after a day and a half to two days.
There is definitely a chance that she is pregnant. No one except a pregnancy test in a few weeks can tell you if she is or not for sure. Get a home test kit, and be prepared to visit a doctor.
In the future, wear a condom. You're 16. You're old enough to know better than that man. Also look into vaginal contraceptive film. Its sold in the same aisle as condoms. Its spermicide, and can be used at the same time as a latex condom.
Protect yourself and her.
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I got sexually used by a boy I believed I loved. And I am so upset! I'm freaking outraged. I'm a great girl, ok? I loved him with all of me, and would have done anything. I was so close to giving up my education for this guy who wasn't even willing to wait 24 hours for me to make up my mind on wether or not I wanted to have sex with him. And stupid me ended up doing it too! I AM A GOOD GIRL. I'm kind and compassionate and I try my very hardest to be good to people, to talk to the lonely, support the struggling, and feed the hungry. I'm not a saint.. but I'm not a bad person, ok? Why the hell couldn't he like me for me??
I can't breathe. It hurts so much. I alternate between crying and yelling at my reflection in the mirror.
I need an honest, brutal answer here - why won't guys just fall for girls? Why can't you just love us if we truly deserve it?
Despite what all of you may think now, the problem here is not me. I AM NOT THE PROBLEM. It has nothing to do with my unrealistic expectations on love, or age, or experience, or my choice of boys, or ANYTHING.
The problem here is boys, all of them. And I demand a freaking answer. PLEASE explain why we go through this, why boys cant just want us the same way we want them. Why we fall in love with the person while they fall in love iwth the body.
I'm so angry and so sick of being angry. And I'm hurt. Every second of every day I'm hurt, and I believe I deserve an answer to why I have to feel this. Someone out there should be able to explain WHY I have to feel this just because the male species are obssessed with sex. Its unfair.
And you know what else? Tell me how you can NOT love someone who loves you? If you find a girl who is willing to take a bullet for you, follow you anywhere you go, if you find a real keeper who CARES so much, how can you not care back? Cause personally, I have a real hard time not liking people who sacrafice things for me, people who call to make sure I'm doing fine when I'm sick, people who spend their nights praying for me, and mornings thinking about me.. How can you not love someone who loved you first? Who treated you right, and deserved you.
My main question, because I know I had many and they're hard to keep track of, is: How can you hurt someone, not care for someone, who loves you? Is that really something that is posible to do for someone with a heart? (link)
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::Edit:: Post Rating
I'm glad I was able to help. The advice was harsh (neccesarily so) because Its a hard lesson. Ive had to learn it without being told, so if you are able to take it to heart then hopefully you can move through life with a few less scars.
You're an intelligent young woman whos also a hopeless romantic. Theres nothing wrong with that. I love finding someone I can throw myself head over heels for and be safe about it. Unfortunately, the world is seldom friendly enough that that works out very well.
Good luck, and God Bless.
::/edit::
Unrealistic expectations for one.
You were willing to give up your education? You arent approaching this from any more mature a standpoint than he is, from what I can see. Thats brutally honest. Im not saying the problem is entirely yours, but its at least partly.
So, you loved him. Its entirely possible that he didnt love you. That is not his fault. You cant love everyone. I was told "I love you" last weekend. I didnt love her back. We are just friends now, because its obvious to me that its not possible to maintain a friends with benefits arrangement.
Why did he have sex with you?
More than likely, he had sex because he knew he couldnt keep up a charade of having fallen for you as hard as you have fallen for him. He wanted to get laid while it was still an option.
That part is his fault.
Its not about deserving him. Its about compatibility.
I just got out of an absolutely horrible relationship. I worked and I slaved and I did everything I could to protect what we had, to nurture it. In return, she kept her mouth shut and stopped telling me what was going on for a month and a half. She let us die, and then dumped me.
Did I deserve that? No. But she was too self centered to ever hit a point where WE were more important to her than SHE was. In that way, we were not compatible, because I put us first, and she did not.
In the end, the best answer I have for you is to get over it and keep looking. Its harsh, I know. But from a guys perspective let me tell you that women are just as good at being shitty and ripping out your heart.
Ive been stepped on repeatedly in my life by the women Ive dated and some I havent. You get up, you move on with your life, you find someone else to get involved with.
Though, Ill give you another piece of advice based on my life.
Falling in love with people who havent fallen just as hard just as fast is an absolutely terrible idea. Think about two people in an airplane going skydiving. The first time you go skydiving, getting yourself to jump out of a plane that high up is about the hardest thing you will ever do. Now imagine youre skydiving with a friend. He or she watches you jump first. Watches you fall away.
Now the jump is even more real, and even more scary. If you jump at the same time, its easier for both.
Love is the same. If you jump first and yell "come on in, the water's fine" that doesnt mean someone else is automatically going to jump in the pool with you. Falling in love with someone does not mean that they owe you the same. The world and peoples emotions do not work that way.
I have a question for you though.
He wasnt willing to wait 24 hours. He used you.
You didnt say rape, you said used. Which makes me think you said yes even though you didnt want to. That you consented.
Why?
Why did you feel the need to go that far for someone and feel like this about it later? I think that a big part of the problem here is that you built some average joe jackass up onto a pedestal saying "Oh god, hes so amazing, I love him and Id take a bullet for him" when in actuality he wasnt worth that.
And you feel like shit because you just realized that you are an absolutely terrible judge of character.
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I'm 17 years old, and so is my boyfriend. He'll be 18 in February 08.. and here's what's going on.
sorry if this is kinda long
Well, we've been together for a year and 3 months and we're both crazy about eachother.
Because of what happened with his parents he doesn't want to get married until his late twenties.
He's a senior this year and is leaving to go to college next year. The colleges he's applying for are all at least 3 hours away. Neither of us know what to do. I can't move away with him. So he said I should wait for him, and we'll see eachother a few times throughout the 4 years he's in college.. But school is his number 1 priority, I mean, he's not happy unless he's getting straight A's. And in college he'd be even more busy than he is now, in highschool, right?
I love him so much but I don't think I'm strong enough to wait so long, not knowing if he's began liking someone else, or something like that. I trust that he wouldn't cheat on me, but I can't be sure NOTHING would happen. I mean, it's college! lol.
Please help me.
I love him so much and I'd die without him. (link)
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Its probably better for both of you in the long run if you break it off now. Hes missing out on alot if he goes into college with a girlfriend. You're missing out alot if you spend your senior year loving a guy at distance.
And I speak from experience when I say, that distance hardly ever provides anything decent in the way of results.
Odds are, heartbreak now, or heartbreak later.
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this guy has a gf but he likes me 2. I lke him back and he wants to hookup and stuff and cheat on her with me. yah i no its wrong but i really lke him and were gonna go out anyway after they break up . BUt they might not breakup for a while. shes also a "friend of mine" but i dont rlly like her. idk what to do bc i like him alot and dont want to wait but if anyne finds out my life is ruined.thanks! (link)
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Ok.
So,you want to date this guy whos going to cheat on his current with you, then date you once hes done with her (which may not be for a while)
What makes you think you're any more special than he is? Surely not the fact that he ISNT just going to break up with her for you. All he wants is some play on the side. Someone he can go to to get his rocks off when his girlfriend doesnt do it for him.
Congrats, you are nothing more than a piece of ass to him. He wants to sleep with more than one girl at a time and he thinks you're stupid enough to say yes because you like him.
Do yourself a favor and dont ever be that girl.
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do you think this guy actually has a chance of winning? and will you vote for him? lol just curious.. i mean cause there are so many other good people running this year.. i wish Al Gore ran again.. but theres also Hillary Clinton and that Obama guy who are good IMO. but the colbert guy is pretty funny so i also want him to win. whats your opinion? btw i cant vote now.. im not american and im just 13, ahha. (link)
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If Stephen Colbert actually ends up on the presidential ballot I would vote for him with no question.
Why?
1) Hes not expecting to win. Hes not a person who has spent his entire life building towards a political place of power. He isnt running because he wants to cut deals to friends or just to live in the white house.
Hes a comedian with an intelligent understanding of how screwed up our country is. I mean, compared to bush, if nothing else Colbert is a liberal with probably double our current president's IQ.
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20fcanada.
lately my love life has been a complete mess.
ive never been 'single and looking' before in my life... so now i find myself alone in a new city with very few friends and i was wondering if anyone had good ideas on ways to meet quality guys?
(i work at a lingerie shop, so i dont have the chance to meet guys at work, and im taking some sewing/fashion classes... again, no -straight-guys )
Thanks. xo (link)
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If you're in college, just spend time on campus. I have a friend who is 22 and graduated, but hes taking a few classes here and there towards his masters (like 1 a semester) while he saves money for the rest of the courses.
Going to that class gives him reasons to be on campus. Just being there increases his chances of meeting someone hes compatible with. Worked for him before.
Bars arent generally a great idea. You cant get a decent sense of someone else in a bar. Everyones got the facade on. The best people to say hi to in a bar are the ones who look like they were dragged there by a friend.
Other than that, develop a hobby. Pick something up if you dont have any social ones. People will throw out "grocery store" or "gym".
Truth is, find something you like to do that can involve strangers. You then get to meet people who have something in common with you. Sometimes all you need is a firm foundation for that first conversation.
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How do you have a catfight?
Like I understand its a lot of pushing and like "clawing" at them but what if you were like completely dominating them, like sitting on top of them...what would you do?
Like how do you win a catfight against someone who is easy to beat? (link)
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A catfight is just the slang term for girls fighting each other.
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15\f
my friend told me that having sex isn't even that pleasurable! It was her first time though...
I was just wondering; is she right? the first time doesn't even feel good? and when does it start feeling good?
thanks (link)
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Theres this condition that happens amongst girls your age .
Its called "Your body isnt anywhere near fully developed, so doing things with it that its not prepared itself to do can have unusual outcomes"
Sex is pleasurable. When both people are physically mature, and both people know what theyre doing, it can be extremely pleasureable.
Thing is, that at your age, other stuff gets in the way. Most guys under 20 are terrible at sex. Most girls under 20 are about the same. Combine that with physical circumstance and its not that sex itself isnt pleasurable, its that the sex your friend is having isnt pleasureable.
If you want to enjoy sex, wait. You will more than likely never find a decent lay in high school.
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Hi, I'm 17 and think I may be pregnant. I'm not sure yet so I am scheduling an appointment soon for the doctors. I was with my boyfriend for two years and September 2nd was the last time we had sex. I had my period September 11th and it was a regular flow-no 'spotting'. Now I'm not even sure if it was my period because I feel sick liked I've caught something, have gained a little weight-but that could be diet related, and my stomache feels chubby even when I flex it-its like jiggly and mushy feeling(so wierd).
Me and my ex are no longer together and live 300 miles away from eachother, and don't speak much but still love eachother deep down- yet I have no intention of being back with him. I'm scared I may be pregnant but am not sure and although I'm waiting to see a doctor I'm still freaking out! I should be graduating my last year of highschool this year early and moving on with my life... But does that include a child?
What I want to know is if that stomache jiggly/fat thing is a pregnancy symptom or if it is... Should I be seeing this now? I've only noticed it THIS last week.
& If I find out I AM pregnant do you have any suggestions on what I should do...(Keep it, abortion,adopt..ETC.)???
I don't care much if it's constructive criticism, as long as its a true opinion. All I'm asking for is your suggestion because I am still young, but yet could regret this for the rest of my life and have a guilty concious.
Please answer HONESTLY.
-Thanks-
(link)
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::Edit::
Thank god.
I broke up with my girlfriend on the first of october, we hadnt had sex in a while, she moved approx 265 miles away from me, and shes your age.
This post freaked me the hell out. But we're in Texas.
::/edit::
First things first, you get a test.
I always say, that if you think you might be pregnant, you should test it. Go from there based on results. If you are, you will test positive, its been a month and a half.
If you are pregnant, you should tell your boyfriend. Regardless of the ending of yours and his relationship. It is his child too, and above all you owe him that as the father. If you were to carry it to term he has rights to the child (including claiming the child if you choose to put him/her up for adoption).
If you choose to have an abortion, I believe you should still tell him. If nothing else, once again he is the father and he deserves a chance to make a case for the child's life.
Everything else is to be decided based on you, your family, the kid's father, etc talking.
P.S. Are you located somewhere in Texas? Your situation sounds remarkably similar to a friend of mine's situation. Similar enough that Im wondering if you live close to me.
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My boyfriend broke up with me for another girl and i love him so much i just want to how cal i get over him please say just dont talk to him and it might help. ='[
(link)
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This was written by someone other than me. It is, however, the absolute best breakup advice I have ever seen. Read it all. You will be glad you did. Its written from a guy perspective. Just switch every instance of "her" with "Him"
::Begins::
It's that time again. It's been 1.5 years since the last time, and I'm slightly disappointed that I've been dumped 2 times in a row. Oh well, it's hard to reign in those youngins' This one was a good one, though. I'm very sad to see her go.
_____
Being dumped sucks.
It is rarely a good experience - no matter how long you've been going out, what the nature of your relationship was, or how it ended. The very idea that someone does not want to spend his/her exclusive time with you is a pretty big blow to the ol' ego.
I have been dumped on many occasions for many reasons, for over a decade. I understand that there are many who have never had a girlfriend, many on their first relationship, and many more with little experience with being dumped. Take my advice as you will, but I can guarantee you that when the day comes (and it probably will), you will be better prepared for it, and hopefully won't end up being a huge whiny turd.
I give to you:
Lushka16's guide to being dumped, and taking it like a champ.
Rule 1: The relationship is over.
This is the most important rule of all. You need to go back to it at least once every minute in the aftermath of being dumped. It is the most difficult part, yet it is also the foundation for healing. The day you come to terms with it, is the day things start getting better.
In my experience, there are three basic parts to being dumped: Premonition, dump, after-dump.
Premonition
I have been dumped, and have dumped, lots and lots of times. There has never been an instance where it is random. For every single relationshp, from shortest (2 days) to longest (3 years), there has been a period of time where the breakup is planned. For the person about to get dumped, this period is called premonition. I have always felt a breakup coming, and it is physically a worse feeling than the breakup itself. There is little communication between the couples, an intense feeling of uncertainty, and a strong desire to make it better. The longer the premonition stage lasts, the more apt you are be stupid.
Things to avoid:
Do not go beyond the bounds of your relationship. Don't start saying, "I love you" if that's not what you normally do.
Resist the urge to sulk. Do whatever it takes to get your mind away from it. Get the gently caress out of bed, go to the gym, go for a walk, find some friends, smoke some pot, do whatever it is that you do to de-stress.
Do not start screwing around. The relationship isn't over yet. You might get yourself into some serious trouble.
Don't beat her to the punch, unless you had plans already.
Things to do:
Hey, here's an idea - talk to her. "Hey, what's going on with us, things have been kind of wierd lately." Sure, it might lead to breaking up faster, but that's the point. If it's going to happen, might as well not torture yourself.
Try working things out. I know, it's easier to post an E/N thread on SA than to talk logically to another human being, but take it from me - it can work. If you really care for the relationship, and she's not cheating on your sorry rear end, there's room for work. I've found that the best times I've had were after we've worked things out.
RULE 1
Get ready to go through the 5 stages of loss:
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Despair
Acceptance
It might not happen in that order, it might not involve all the stages. Chances are you'll experience at least 3 of them, the most popular being bargaining, anger and despair.
Denial - Try your best to avoid it. Denial doesn't help resolve anything, makes the whole process very difficult. Remember rule 1.
Bargaining - Might as well give it a shot. There might be some things that you can reasonably change in the relationship. Give it up after a good shot at it. If it's over, it's over.
Anger - Yup, you're pissed. Get over it.
Despair - This is where the crying begins. Now is the time to NOT be pathetic. There's nothing wrong with crying, but don't make her feel bad for you or pity you. She'll only be pissed. There is little sympathy when it comes to being dumped, so don't play that card. More on this in the post-dump section.
Acceptance - Time to let go, man. Rule 1.
Here's a quick scenario as to how the whole thing might look:
Girl: Things aren't working out.
Boy: Are you sure? I thought things were fine.
Girl: No.
Boy: Well, is there anything we can do to make things better?
Girl: I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
Boy: But you were the one who wanted to be in one in the first place! Who put you up to this? Is there another guy? I'll loving kill him.
Girl: [insert despair]
Boy: [insert despair]
Boy: Well, if this is what you want, and if this feels right, and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, then we might as well let it happen.
See? That wasn't so bad. This is a really good time for some Q and A, especially since you'll want to know some of the answers in the post-dump phase. Here is a short list of questions you should ask now, while you're still communicating:
Is there anything I can do to make this relationship work?
Is there anything I could have done to make things better?
What made you decide to do this?
Is there someone else involved?
Is there anything I can do to avoid pissing off future girlfriends?
When did things start to suck? What caused it?
This is a very short list, and you should tailor it to your needs in the premonition phase. If you can get all your important questions answered, it will make life easier in the next phase. Also, be sure to indicate that you don't want to see/talk to her for a while. This is KEY. More on this in the next section.
Post-Dump
Nearly a decade has taught me one important thing: This is a very long phase. You need to accept this.
Ok, you just got dumped. Let the emotion out the best way you know. Cry if you have to, beat the poo poo out of something, go for a run, post an E/N thread (maybe go for a run first). Be a man, and find someone to give you a hug. Talk it through with your close friends (not hers). Set some kind of time limit. Say to yourself, "I'm going to be a pile of emotional poo poo for the next hour, then I'm going to start picking myself up." Stick to it, if you're a sulking mess for too long no one is going to want to hear about it.
Inform your friends. People ought to know to be careful around you. If they care about you, they'll help you cope. Put away blatant reminders of her - her pictures, her underwear, her lifesize blowup doll etc.
Go out, live life normally, DO NOT DO ANYTHING RASH. Joining the Army doesn't help, running away doesn't help, you won't get her back if you get into a car accident/attempt suicide, you certainly won't get her back if you vandalize her property. Don't gently caress her sister/friends, don't go beating up some kid who you think might be her new boyfriend. Use Rule 1 folks, it really puts things into perspective.
Just go on with your life. That's the only thing you can do to really take it like a champ. There's a huge list if things you shouldn't do, because they're very annoying, and you'll feel stupid about it later.
Spend lots and lots of time away from her. This is actually a strange situation. Say you spend 4 months away from her and are feeling great. The next time you see her, it'll take you back about 2 months. Then you'll recover, and the next time you see her it'll take you back 1 month. Then 2 weeks. Then 1 week. See what I'm getting at? Recovery is a long process, and there will be setbacks. Don't think it'll be peaches and cream the first time you see her with another guy. Try to avoid her socially until you're certain things are ok. This may take months or years. Rarely weeks. This is why avoidance is key. You don't need to go out of your way to avoid her, just let her know that for a while, you don't want to see her.
Don't play the pity card. Yes, you're upset and hurt and heartbroken. Tell it to your friends, not to her or her friends. Avoid putting up depressing away messages, profiles, blogs, or anything of the like. Understandably, you want her to know how much she hurt you. It does you little good to do that, remember rule 1? Don't go to the same party as her and sit in the corner looking all depressed. She's not going to want you back, you pansy.
Don't go visit her. First of all, it will hurt like a mofo. Secondly, girls are evil and will do lovely things like hug you, cuddle with you, tell you how much they miss you, or hit you with pepper spray. Rule 1 - it still applies. She doesn't want to be with you, just wants to make herself feel a little better. If she wants to come back to you, she'll call you up and say so. Being around her is most likely going to annoy her and make you feel really lovely. Girls have also been known to employ the use of a guy named Todd, who is only there to make you turn emo.
Don't start looking for answers. If you're smart, you already asked them when you two were breaking up. Don't call/IM/email/fox her friends. Yes, they're close to her and they know what's going on. Chances are, they won't tell you what you need to know. They're her friends first, yours second. I'm letting you know now - if you do take this path, you will find out nothing of any use. Do you really want to know if she's seeing someone else? Do you really want to know if she is in bed crying because she misses you? Back to Rule 1. She's going through her own healing process, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Let it go, man. Her friends will report their findings to her, and she'll hate you for snooping.
On a similar note - DON'T loving STALK HER.
The above is the basic foundation for taking a dumping like a champ. There are many little nuances that I can't remember and didn't cover, so be prepared for anything. Of course, I welcome and urge the advice and experience of other goons. The only thing I can guarantee is that life will get better and you'll move on.
For what it's worth, I got dumped and quite heartbroken today, but I'm doing all right, thanks for asking.
It's almost certain that anyone who has read this and is going to get dumped for their first time will not follow my advice.
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i'm in dier need of a story idea, anything would be good. i have MEGA writers block. please, can anyone help me? (link)
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I realize this response makes me a jerk...
But for the love of Christ, don't sit there and type the word "dier" and tell me you're a writer.
Please?
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Is it bad to drink? (link)
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It is very possible drinking this could kill you.
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