A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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Is it wrong not to go out with somebody because of their religion? I like this guy, but he doesn't believe in God, and it pisses me off! I don't want to force him to believe in what I believe in, but at the same time I would like somebody to have the same views as me. I'd probably even prefer to find a boyfriend in the church. Is that wrong? (link)
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Its wrong that it pisses you off. That part of it, is selfish. You are pissed because you like him and you are in conflict because you don't think you can date him. These things happen, we arent compatible with everyone we like.
As far as dating him, its a valid reason. The fact is, that if your religion is important to you, its your right as a person to be with someone to whom that is important too. Later in life, this ranks about the same as not dating a guy because you want kids and he doesnt.
The one thing you need to realize, is that this is YOUR issue, not his. So he doesnt deserve to be punished or forced if you two arent compatible. Some people don't have a problem with things like this, other people do. Relationships are supposed to make both people relatively happy, so you have to do whatever you have to do to make yourself happy.
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So, i had sex today. and i ended my period a little over a week ago; well me and the boyfriend didn't use a condom,so he busted his load all in me. should i be worried about becoming pregnant? (link)
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Yes, you should. Wait a month and take a test, get on birth control, and use a condom if you're going to be sexually active.
Yesterday I saw a question from a girl who got pregnant her first time having sex, ever. She "didnt expect it" and now has a shitstorm on her hands when she tells her parents, his parents, and him.
Don't be stupid, or dont have sex.
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so i have a very close friend who has made it almost completely clear that he likes me. i don't like him in a potential relationship kind of way, but i wouldn't mind being able to flirt a little to get his best friend a little jealous, who was at one point my "almost lover." but i don't know exactly how to. every time he has the chance to, he'll try and touch my hair, face or hands. are there any subtle ways of responding to it that would lead him to carry it further? (link)
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Thats called "leading a guy on" or "being a tease"
Dont do that to people. If he likes you in a relationship kind of way and you dont like him in return, then keep it strictly friends and let him know that you arent going to date him. Its cruel to flirt back to get someone else jealous.
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Basically, I am a 17 year old girl and prom is coming up soon.....it seems like all that girls and guys do these days is grind, but I don't really get what the point of grinding is or why thats the only way we dance.....anyhow: do you have any tips or advice for me.....because I'm really shy and don't necessarily want to be all up on a guy....if ya feel me....
Thanks,
Spoolie (link)
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Because few people actually learn to dance, and thats all they know.
Its actually kinda funny. If you look at music trends, theres been a huge dumbing down of music. Look at Soulja boy. He is terrible, his lyrics are repetitive and mean nothing, and the "music" in the background while he flows is something that you can cook up with a 35 dollar music editor downloadable off the internet.
And yet, this trash is incredibly popular.
Grinding is the dance equivalent. No one learns actual dance moves or anything like that, they just grind and gyrate. No pride taken in it, its just an attempt to grab attention (as stated by someone else below)
What should you do? Its probably way too short notice to do this for this prom, but take some dance lessons at some point. A friend of mine was very into dance and she went and took ballroom, tango, salsa, and breakdancing lessons with her boyfriend during the semester before senior prom.
When the night came, she and he basically put on a 20 minute routine of dancing and wow'ed everyone, because of a class of over 700 with about 1000 people total at prom, they were the ONLY ones who really knew how to dance.
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I'm a 19 year old army wife. My husband and I have been married for 5 months and he just recently got deployed to Iraq. It's our first deployment and it's the longest we have ever been apart. He will be gone for 15 months. I was handling the deployment fairly well but recently I have been feeling depressed and I have been getting sick alot more and all I want to do is sleep. Everyone keeps telling me to do stuff but I can't think of anything to do I started scrapbooking but it got boring. Does anybody have any ideas on how to keep myself from being so depressed? (link)
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Work.
Seriously.
One of the biggest killers of the elderly is that after retirement, they don't seem to have a purpose. They stop working and then have nothing to do except exist, and its not enough. You arent retired but not having things to do besides sleep isnt a good way to live your life.
Also, as a married woman, if you file your taxes separately from your husband, its possible that you could qualify for absolutely ridiculous amounts of financial aid grant money towards college. If you want to go to school and havent, now's a good time. Get educated, find a field that interests you and dive into it. Make something more of yourself than you already are.
When in doubt, self improve.
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16/f. honors student..
i lost my drive to study and do schoolwork for the past 2 months...alltogether.
but then i got angry with myself, started studying and am doing SO much better. Practically all As and Bs now.
but the problem remains with one subject; chemistry. i hate chemistry, but i know im gonna need it in the near future when i study in university to become a doctor.
but i cant force myself to study it. i study for everything else, read over for every other subject..history, math, english, you name it. but i just cant force myself to sit down with a chemistry book open..and actually study. this is due to the fact that my chemistry teacher doesn't really teach us anything. i know i can get the motivation. but how can i force myself to study? i'm falling way behind on this subject..and we're already one of the slowest classes.
=| (link)
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If your parents can afford to spend the money to send you to a university that allows you to be a doctor then they probably have the money to afford a private tutor.
Id talk to your mother about the possibility.
If that doesnt work, then you need to sit down with your book and start teaching yourself. Bad teachers happen. Even in college, Ive had professors that didnt teach a damn thing in the classroom and where I learned far more from the TA in the class than the actual teacher.
I almost failed out of calculus along with the rest of my class one year because our teacher was on his last semester before retirement and simply stopped caring. I managed to pull a D in a class of 70% failures because I and a few others got together and taught ourselves calculus as best we could alone.
Sit down and do it. If it helps, set yourself a reward. Decide on something fun you will do if you achieve, and reward yourself when you do well. Setting goals always helps.
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before I ask, I'd like to make a point: I am completely aware that males find sex important and especially in the teenage years. I know that alot of feelings could be driven by this (especially in the teens again), but if I were to say that my boyfriend and I have been together a year and still we have not had sex (we've been waiting for me to get ready and be prepared), would this surprise you? Given that yes, we are still in our teens.
My real question is, do guys fall in love easily? Or is sex one of the main things they go for? And if they do say, fall in love with someone, do they still scout about for other girls?
I am kind of looking for a link to my relationship - remember! A year, no sex... and we are very, very happy just as that :)
Thanks, Faye
(link)
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Hmmm.
Teenagehood really skews the numbers on this one. Plenty of guys are relatively shitty when they are younger and grow up at some point in regards to relationships.
Theres no one coherent answer to this. Sex is important to most guys, but how "sex being important" affects the guys behavior varies widely based on any number of factors. Personality, how they grew up, personal morals they might have decided on, etc.
One general guideline, is that guys stop looking at other girls when theyre dead. This has held fairly true for me. I'm a faithful partner, but I refuse to play the "youre the most beautiful woman Ive ever seen" game with a girlfriend. Then again, I also refuse to date girls who have self confidence issues that cause jealousy.
Speaking personally, sex is important. Example, I have never made it more than a month dating a girl without having sex with her, starting with the first girl I actually did sleep with.
Now, this isnt something I demanded, its just that I am attracted to girls to whom sex is equally important. The kind of girl I would eventually consider marrying, is the kind of girl who would not marry a guy without making sure hes talented in bed.
Now, that being said, I also want a romantic connection. I was raised to believe that relationships are supposed to be stable and long lasting, not nova affairs that blossom and die within a month or two when the passion cools and someone gets bored. Ive had a few short term relationships, but most of the women Ive slept with Ive dated for 6 months or more afterwards, I'm currently in a relationship that passed three years less than a month ago, and we had sex pretty early on.
Would I say I'm surprised by your relationship? Not really. I knew plenty of people who dated for long periods of time without doing much of anything physically. A girl I knew in high school went out with me (briefly, we werent compatible) and then the guy after me she dated for 7 months before they did more than hold hands.
The hard part in all this, I guess, is figuring out motive. Ten different guys can do the exact same action for ten different reasons. And its never easy to get inside someone's head and figure that part out.
One thing to keep in mind, most guys are driven more by logic than emotion.
Example. If a girl I were dating told me she wanted to wait until marriage for sex, then I would quickly break up with her.
Why? Because I do not believe in "the one". I believe in compatibility. And I know from experience that anyone who is religious enough and holds strong enough beliefs to want to wait until marriage for sex is not going to be compatible for me. We are going to have different viewpoints on relationships and whats important in life.
Honestly, theres also the fact that I refuse to date virgins anymore either. Not that its a problem, being taken and all, but I swore off the unexperienced years ago. Decided that the last thing I wanted to be saddled with is the responsibility of introducing someone to sex and teaching them that they love it. I'd rather start dating a girl after she's figured that much out.
It all comes down to the guy, and you can only figure out exactly where he weighs in by talking to him about it. There are as many viewpoints on this as there are stars in the sky, but the one thing you can count on, is that everyone wants to get laid at some point.
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i like this guy, and he knows i do.
he walks me to my classes and stuff most of the time.
i can't really tell if he likes me.
so, if he doesn't what can i do to make him like me and stuff? (link)
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If a guy walks you to classes thats almost a 100% certain sign that hes interested as more than a friend.
Best idea, is ask him if he wants to take you to a movie sometime.
Other than that, smile at him alot, flirt, just show interest back and encourage him. If it looks like hes too shy to ask you out, then give him blatant signs.
"Man I really want to go see ______ movie, I havent seen it yet and I dont have anyone to go with..."
Insert any activity you think you can rope him into in space of going see a movie.
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i am 14. my boyfriend (also 14) has felt me up. we've made out. and i've given him a handjob.
a) opinion: am i too young for this?
b) opinion: should i slow things down?
we aren't going to have sex or anything.. i just don't know if we're already moving too fast compared to other kids my age. i can't very well ask other kids my age. it would just sound so odd: "hey, have YOU given your boyfriend a handjob!?"
i don't know.
amateur experts: help me out!
thanks a zillion [: (link)
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One of the reasons 14 is young for any kind of sexual contact is because at 14 most people ask questions like this.
Its not correct to compare yourself to everyone else to decide if you are ready. Many, many kids do this, and decide that because their peers are doing something stupid that its OK for them to as well.
Not that I'm saying youve done anything stupid yet, I'm just pointing out that deciding if you are ready for any level of sexual activity based on what people your age are doing is a terrible idea.
Another clue, if you are wondering if you are going too fast, then the answer is probably yes. Not yes for your friends, not yes for your boyfriend, but yes for you. Sexuality is an individual thing. You may or may not be ready as fast as others are. Theres nothing wrong with that.
Contrary to popular teenaged belief, sex is not a race.
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I'm 20/f, he's 22m, I always like opinions on this kind of thing.
Our situation's pretty complicated - we're not actually going out, but we act like it. He's also my best friend. We actually dated two years ago for seven months. We still like each other, and we're still involved.
He also hates Valentine's Day. (Though when we were going out, he picked me up from work with a card, a rose, and took me out to dinner. Sweetest thing ever.)
I was thinking about getting him something like a card - but he already knows how I feel, and reiterating it might just make him feel caged, and that's not what I want.
So I was thinking about getting him a small container of my favorite cologne - but he doesn't really wear cologne much anymore.
I've given him stuffed animals in the past (he's a sensitive sweet guy with a tough exterior =P), and a framed drawing for his last birthday...so I dunno. I love to personalize my gifts to my friends, but I'm not sure where to go with this one.
I was also thinking of suggesting we go to Melting Pot (Amazing fondue restaurant that you need reservations like a week in advance for), but I dunno how he'd take it.
What do you guys think? (link)
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Getting a guy a gift for valentines day?
New one on me.
Honestly, without knowing the full dynamic of the relationship its hard to say whats appropriate. You mentioned that he might feel caged so I'd say no gift but just doing something with him should be enough. Go out for dinner and a movie. Get a hotel room if you are going to spend the night together.
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why do guys want to go to 2nd? how does it satisfy them? (link)
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Because when you're dating a virgin you have to go to second base before you get past second base.
You should go look up the word "Vicarious"
Wait, dictionary.com, I'll post the entry.
3. felt or enjoyed through imagined participation in the experience of others: a vicarious thrill.
In other words, you get excited because you empathize with the pleasure of others.
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Hi…Just to give you a little background on my situation, I am a 22 year old female that has been involved with my 32 year old boyfriend for almost 4 years now. I discovered his online porn collection after about our first 6 months of dating. Now four years later I am still struggling with the same issue. After our first year of dating he moved away for work and things became stressed because of the long distance. Year two he moved even further away creating more stress. So year three I decided to move with him. Long story short, about a month after I moved in he cheated with someone long distance—go figure! I moved out of his house and after about six months we got back together again.
Back to the porn issue, the amount of money he spends on porn is ridiculous. I would approximate 5-6 online subscriptions per month. Keep in mind each subscription is around $29.99. I have tried talking to him about it. Basically all he says is I shouldn’t be snooping through his personal stuff and he needs a visual to aid in masturbation since we are long distance. I can understand the second part but why does he need to continually download more videos and pictures. A couple of years ago I would find his porn downloads and delete them so he purchased an expensive external hard drive just for his porn.
When I look at his porn collection it makes me feel like I will never compare to the women he is fantasizing about. His collection mainly consists of extremely large breasts (DD and above) and extremely large rear ends. I have neither of these things.
Recently I decided maybe since his obsession with porn will not go away I should somehow try to become a part of his fantasy. I took pictures of myself and sent them to him. He claims this will make him stop looking at porn. Later that night I checked his email and he had ordered two more online subscriptions. I already accepted him back after he cheated once and I almost feel like his porn habits are another form of cheating. Should I move on or try to deal with his obsessions? HELP!
(link)
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Oi...
You know, 99% of the time, I would answer that its your problem, but maintaining that many porn subscriptions... hes obsessed AND stupid.
If nothing else, the extreme amount of porn available free over the internet... Neither I nor anyone I know EVER pays for porn.
He cheated on you. He has a porn obsession thats costing him more than 100 bucks a month. Hes not going to change, and at 22 you really don't need to be dealing with some loser 32 year old's issues. Find someone with more going for them than porn subscriptions.
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ok...so, like, i was thinking the other day, when your cherry is popped does that mean your virginity is gone?
and i dont mean gone by sex. like maybe by tampons or masterbating or fingering? like if its popped because a tampon did it or something and someone says "are you a virgin?" do you say "no, because i have never had sex." or do you say "yes, because my hymen is gone?"
im a very random person and this has been annoying me, so yeah. (link)
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Virginity isnt an intact hymen. Virginity is a reference to purity, it means you dont understand the desire for sex from experience.
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k so i met this kid this past summer. and i just started talking to him again. he saw pics of me and says im alot hotter since the summer. and wants to hook up. im thinking about it. ive never hooked up before and im kind of nervous. but im in 10th grade. and havent yet. like. i wanna do it, but its ganna be so akward and whatnot. helpp on like how to, whats expected, etc. should i?! thanks (link)
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You mean make out, he means get laid, or as close to it as he can get.
Have a little respect for yourself and don't give a guy anything because you've known him for a day and he said you were pretty.
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OKay so i want to try pot one time.. thats it, just once, my friend offered to do it with me
what are some of the last effectf of doing drugs.. like withh doing it one time follow me my whole life
or is it not that bad to do it like once (link)
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To quote a famous south park episode "Theres a time and a place for everything children. Its called 'college'"
Know why the drinking age is 21? Its not because at 21 you hit a magical age where drinking is just morally right, or that you cant handle it until then. Its because its important for people to become fully functional person before developing habits that could potentially hurt their lives. Its hoped that by 21 you are developed enough to be able to add getting drunk to your life without screwing yourself or your life up.
Also, I can pretty much guarantee you won't do it just once.
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ok so i had sex for the first time the other night. i know i was ready so please don't tell me any of that. but we didn't use a condem, yes, i know i'm stupid. i know he didn't come in me. i know i have a big chance of getting pregnant, buuut - i had stopped my period that morning. after i stop my periods i usually just spot bleed for about 2 or 3 days after, & i have been doing that after i had sex, so does this mean i'm for sure not pregnant ? pleaseee help me. (link)
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Things to do
- Give it a month and take a pregnancy test after. If you ARE pregnant, a month should be enough time to get a positive result. Thats the only way to know for sure.
- Condoms and VCF. Don't have sex without a condom, for both STD and pregnancy purposes. VCF is vaginal contraceptive film. You buy it on the same aisle as condoms, you put one in 15 minutes before sex, and IF the condom breaks you have spermicide thats about 85% effective at preventing pregnancy. Two lines of defense is a good thing.
- Consider birth control. I don't know your age or anything, but if theres a way to get on birth control thats the responsible thing to do when you are sexually active.
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my bf and i have had 'dry sex' but only for a short amount of time and not even rubbing all that much like i rubbed up on him but his penis wasnt like on my or pushing up against me and only for like a min or two or w/e so is it bad? cause its kinda the movements of sex and we havent been dating long and im really catious but when we did it i didnt even know it was dry sex and i liked it but it totally didnt seem that bad to me or that sexual. thanx for the help :) (link)
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Its harmless and normal.
God, that reminds me of high school. Its been years since I went through the "dry sex" phase in a relationship.
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Well im a very sensitive person . just the littlest , tinyest things can set off my emotions and make me cry , being yelled at , someone say a certain thing to me , just anything . No im not an emo im 99% happy most of the time , its just the smallest things hurt my feelings . How do i control this or , like " not care " so much ? (link)
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Slow, Deep Breaths.
It sounds stupid, but I swear, it works. I have emotional bursts on the opposite end of the spectrum. Where you would cry, I get pissed off. Sometimes more pissed off than I have a right to be about a particular situation.
When I get angry, I stop, I take a few deep breaths, and I try to physically relax a little bit. Focusing in breathing for 10-15 seconds gives me something to concentrate on besides being angry, and it gives me a few seconds to compose myself. The same thing can work for crying.
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like, i know this is very random and uncalled for but i cant talk to anyone without them totally freaking out and stuff? but i am getting this huge feeling/ vibe or whatever that im going to be a teenage mom. like, i keep having all these dreams and stuff. oh, by the way im 15. and i know this is weird and all but i honestly wouldnt mind having a baby. i might not be able to afford it, but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it. my parents might murder me and try to make me give it up or kill it or something but im sure i could convince them to think otherwise. "Hello? this is your GRANDCHILD!!!!" yeah, lol. told you it was random. but give me your opinions. what do you think about all this? (link)
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Thats not God sweetheart, thats hormones.
Its called the baby bug, it means that you have developed a huge unconscious desire to have a baby (which is where the dreams come from)
"Getting a huge vibe" to me means that you have decided you want a baby and might be taking risks in regards to having one.
Don't.
Being a teen aged mom puts both you and the kid through alot of issues. The fact that you are not nearly old enough is a big issue. Most 15 year old girls would argue that they have plenty of love to give.
What you dont have, is stable support, or the ability to provide a household, or the ability to provide a suitable role model for a child.
Think about it. A child needs to have a family (more than one parent) who can provide an example for them. You need to be able to show them by example how to live so that you can eventually support yourself.
If you have a baby now, what kind of example does that set? It shows your kid that its OK not to have self control. It shows your kid that its OK to be irresponsible and to force the cost of your irresponsibility onto others (because lets face it, your parents are going to be paying for a large part of this kid's upbringing).
At 15 you have no way of preparing for this kid's future. You cant provide the money to raise and take care of a child at 15. You can't save for this kid's college. You can't pay your own bills and provide an example to your child that someday they must be ready to pay theirs.
If you have a kid now, they are going to be left with your life as an object lesson of how you CAN live. Sure, they might turn out to be more responsible than you. But you're already starting them down the opposite path, and you will be making their entire life an uphill battle.
We should seek to give our kids BETTER lives than we had, not the same, and if you have parents who can take care of you, you would be providing them a WORSE life because while you had parents who could take care of you, the same will not be true of your child.
Self control. Get on and stay on birth control until you are part of a family that can support a child in every way they need to be supported. And no, living at home with your parents does NOT constitute being part of a family that can support a child.
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hi is there any physical way to tell If a girl is horny because I know when guys get horny they get a boner but is there any way you can tell from just looking at them
13/m (link)
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Girls have signs, but they vary widely from girl to girl and are very subtle.
Things Ive seen girls do
- Rub themselves. Not as in masturbate, but as in run their hands over some part of their body.
- Expose their neck to you or touch their neck
- Play with their hair
- Check you out (girls DO check guys out)
- Look into eyes or at lips (a girl who wants to kiss you will often look at your lips unconsciously when she wants to kiss them)
- Flushing (skin blushes)
- Licking lips repeatedly
Something to keep in mind. A woman's arousal is far less physical and far more mental than a guys is. So while a guy will get hard and otherwise act relatively normal, a girl will actually behave differently around a guy who turns her on, especially when shes actively aroused. Different girls do different things, too, so one might do a few of these things alot, another might do different ones alot.
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