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humorist-workshop
How can I be a *complete* REAL woman?
I'm 20 years old and I've been engaged to the perfect man for almost six months now.
I'm extremely mentally ill, but I'm in the process of trying to recover. (I'm deeply serious in this process and journey.)
My fiance's dream wife is a full-time housewife. And that's actually what I'd love to be as I am obsessed with cleaning and cooking and making his life stress-free and overflowing in joy.
But I just don't feel like a "real woman."
What are ***ALL*** the qualities of a REAL woman? Like her personality and what she does.
I'm really... dumb, sadly. So also, what's an easy way to learn how to pay the bills, like organize and pay them properly?
Please tell me ALL you know about becoming a REAL woman!!! Thank you!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Lets start with paying bills. I use online banking to pay my bills and I have most all my bills sent to me electronically. IF your not a computer person then have you bills come the old fashion way by U S Postal service.
Just about every bank offers on line banking. When a bill comes in go to the online banking section of your banks web site and set that bill up in your computer. It is a fairly easy thing to do. Once set up it will be there for use every time you need to pay that bill.
Now look at the bill and see when the bill must be paid by. Lets say the bill is due by the 28th of the month. I get paid on the 1st and 15th of the month. That means the funds for that bill would come out of funds from the 15th pay check. The bank asks for that we allow 7 days for the transaction to take place. Taking 7 from 28 means that I need to pay the bill on the 21st.
On you screen it will ask how much you want to pay, Fill in an amount you are sending. It then asks when to pay from the calendar select the 21st. Then click the pay button. Don't forget to update your check register. It sounds more complicated then it is.
How to be a real women is a very complicated question for being a real women is different things to different women and different men.
Marriage to day is a 50/50 proposition as many women today want both a career and a family. You say you want the type of life we all saw in television programs back in the late 50's and 60's. You want to be Donna Reed and Leave it to Beavers Mother. There is nothing wrong with that and maybe that is what your future husband wants.
Most men to day want a women that will support his career and help him climb the latter of success. She is the trophy wife, Mrs. White bread, the soccer mom. In the bedroom though he wants something much different.
The answer I see fro being a real women depends on what type of family you and your future husband plan to have. That is the real women your family will need.
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Hi there. There's such a lot of pressure these days to be a 'perfect' whatever-we-want-to-do/be isn't there? We talk and read and see and hear so much about 'lifestyle' and we're perhaps made to feel somewhat inadequate if we don't quite make the 'perfect' grade? There's nothing wrong with setting a high bar, but we shouldn't not feel we have failed if we don't sail over it at the first attempt, with no practice, no training, no preparation. So, you like housework? A bit of a domestic goddess as they say? You're likely to have a very clean and neat and attractive house then. Not all women like this aspect of living at all. But of course, are no less a 'real woman' because of it. You're not dumb either. We're not born with a knowledge of financial controls embedded in our brains mate, male or female! We learn, basically by doing it. You'll find financial institutions keep you well informed with statements, your details are available on-line in most cases. If you feel that, say a particular bill would be best paid by some form of direct debit you'll find the establishment in question are very happy to set it all up if you call and ask. You have to ensure that your bank account that you use for living day to day has enough in reserve of course. Our usual expenses do become remarkably predictable after a while. There's credit for unexpected events, or maybe an indulgence you are willing (and able!) to make the repayments on month-by-month. Work this out. Incoming versus outgoing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with controlled and managed 'borrowing'. A mortgage is a perfect example and this 'debt' is a way of life for most people for a good part of their lives. What does our 'perfect woman' do? She lives her life. Enjoys the good moments and does all she can to cope with the less good ones, and there will be less-good moments. What is she like in character? She's exactly what she is! There's no recipe for a perfect relationship, unfortunately. If there is a golden rule it is 'communication'. Get used to telling each other how you feel about things, don't keep things quiet and bottled-up. That's just storing-up silent resentment. It will boil over (explode, even!) eventually. I think you'll be fine. You ARE a 'real woman'. We learn this mysterious 'art of life' by living it, day-by-day. Will you always be perfect? Good god no!! Who is??
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The easier question is tricks to paying bills on time and organizing. How about a big wall calendar with squares big enough to write in. Most bills are monthly ones. Then you have things like the car insurance which is due once or twice a year. As long as theres enough money to cover all bills easy, then its a matter of just reminding yourself. Also get an accordian style folder with pockets for organizing. Put names on tabs and keep unpaid bills waiting in one and have another for saving bills paid if there's paper work and write down the date paid on them and check number if you use checks. Most people pay on line. You can either have bill pay set up or like myself, I go in and pay monthly on my own via the internet.
Get different colors felt pens. Designate one color for each monthly bill. For example, if my cell phone bill is due on the 25th, and I have designated baby blue as the color for cell bill, a solid blue box is the day the bill is due. The day I want to mail in payment would be earlier, like a week ahead to allow for it to be recieved in time and that day counted back I might color just a corner blue and write "pay cell bill". Its just a matter of coming up with a system that you like and this one is easy enough but you have to remember to look at the calendar every day and not let yourself be distracted when you discover its a day to pay a certain bill, just do it then.
As for How to be a Real Woman? There isn't one standard that is easy to teach a person because there are too many variables.
Heres an example: Women generally have a nurturing trait. But just because a lot of women are like that, does not mean all women fit in the same box. There are exceptions to every rule. I have 3 daughters. I have that nurturing instinct strong in me. I see it in 2 daughters but one does not have that, no matter how hard she tried with her child. It just wasn't part of her characteristics or her personality. Maybe someone could try to fake it, but when a person forces themselves to act a certain way that deep inside they know they are not, they become unhappy, stressed, etc. A good example would be a woman who is a lesbian but believes that makes her less of a woman so she pretends to be heterosexual.
All you can be is yourself. So its a matter of discovering more about who you are and being proud of that.
There isn't anything I could find on the internet that really lists character qualities of a woman, female or 'real woman' as you put it. It only covers outside looks and how women are tricked into believing what media portrays as the real woman in looks. Theres plenty of that crap on the internet. But you shouldn't be defined by your looks anymore than a book should be judged by it's cover.
I do have an idea that you might like. I did this when evaluating who I really was on the inside, my talents, strengths and weaknesses when I put up a dating profile on line. This needs as much truth about you as a resume when applying for a job. None of what you put down can be wrong but may be the wrong fit for the guy. You already have a guy and it would seem he has chosen you as you currently are and unless you've told me otherwise, he probably is not telling you that something you do isn't good enough or that he wants you to change. My first husband wanted me to change into a completely different person cus we both married the wrong person. Don't ever try to change. If the man is quiet and the lady is outgoing, boisterous...then just you making conversation could irritate him. Its not that he's wrong for not being more outgoing or you're not feminine enough because you are too boisterous. Second husband for me is so much like me, we are both chatty and never tire of hearing from each other.
So start a list of what all your qualities are. Ask Parents, best friend, your fiancee and ask yourself. Women come in all shapes and sizes so don't even go there. The style you also are most comfortable in is best for you. Don't feel you have to dress like you just came home from the office in a womans suit and heels to be a woman. HOw you look and what you wear and how you do your hair or makeup or not are all personal choices...these are also things that an employer can not rule you out for. If there is a dress code at work that you would hate to dress like, then don't go for that job!
It is hard to describe myself and I know its going to be hard for anyone, even you. But a good place to start is asking others. As for yourself, what is it that drives you, holds your attention longest, the things you most like talking about and doing,the things where time flys by so fast when you are enjoying and doing them, and these will be your passions. What a person is passionate about will likely be what brings on all your interests. I for example am creative and nurturing. Creativity comes out in art projects, sewing, jewelry making, homemade Halloween costumes for kids, in meals, in my garden, in writing, singing, etc.. (These are my examples to give you a clue) Then the nurturing which is the care and support of and encouraging the growth, development of any person or thing, is part of who I am. It comes out naturally in the home, raising of children but also for me in keeping up a garden, planting seeds and new purchased plants, weeding, watering, everything tending a garden is part of. And lastly, my nurturing nature comes out here in the advice column. I want to help others the same as my own kids with advice to help support and guide them to making the best decisions on their own.
Once you know what your strengths and talents are and you remain true to them, allowing them to flow through you, doing things that make use of your strengths and talents, you will be a real person, a real woman. Being Real, means being genuine, not hiding behind a fake persona, just being yourself.
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