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I dont know know what to do!
28 female
I rent even know where to begin I guess I will start from the very beginning. My parents got divorced when I was 3 so I only got supervised visits with my dad every other weekend and then my dad died when I was 12 ,so I barely remember him. Well the other day I got a message from a man on facebook that said that he was my dad's cousin, until then I didn't even know that my dad had cousins. I thought the only family he had was my aunt and uncle which is his brother and sister. He said that he wants to come see me in October, but I don't even know this man that claims he is family. I don't know whether I should meet him or not. I talked to my mom and she said she didn't know if he was family or not, but my aunt says he was my dad's cousin. What should i do ?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I do not think it is right for any of us to tell you to see or not to see this man that is a decision you have to make for yourself. What I can do is maybe clear the water a bit as to why after all these years he has decided to reach out to you.
I define family as immediate and extended. Immediate family is mom, dad, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, sisters,brother and our own children and grandchildren as well as first cousins. These are usually the family you will know the best then come the second and third cousins.
As you get older the cycle of life take sit toll. In my own case a near death experience disabled me forcing me to retire early. With time on my hands I started to search the internet for both distant and misplaced relatives. I started this 14 years ago.
Just recently a branch of the family I knew of but lived in England reached out to me and suddenly my family has doubled in size. There is a larger story here but the reason for that side of the family reaching out is the same as my searching for them. The oldest had just retired and had the time to search. She found some writings on the web I had done and traced them back to the origin and they put her in contact with me.
It is very possible based on what you have written that this cousin may have just found out about you and is reaching out to you. Through him you may find a whole side of your family you know nothing about.
I understand your concern about meeting a stranger. Since your Aunt knows of him then he is also related either her nephew or cousin. If you decide to meet this man I would suggest you ask your Aunt to host the meeting. Y+I believe you will be more comfortable this way and he might be as well.
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As long as your aunt has verified that he is indeed a relative, then i see no reason why not to meet. However, distant relative that he is, its possible no one really knows anything of who he is in character and personality. He could be a Godly Christian man. He may be the total opposite. So even if your Mom is okay with you meeting him, I would not do so alone like if he arrives and says he wants to take you out for ice cream, just you and him....I would not go alone with him.
If for any reason you are not curious and do not want to meet in October, then give him an alternative, if he is just curious himself, and perhaps he can come for holidays or some family get together either at your Aunt and uncles place or at your Mom's. Once you can be sure he is an honorable trustworthy man and if you want him to be a part of your life, then future meet ups are up to you.
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