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Gender identity / confused
(Sorry, not sure which category this would fit into.)
I'm a 16 y/o (born) female.
So.. Yesterday on my 16th birthday, I decided to come out 100% to everyone in my family. Everything went well, but for the longest time, I've had problems about deciding what my sexual orientation.
So for now, I'm settling as bisexual. But bisexuality isn't just 50/50. I'm more of 80/20. Girls being the 80. I am staying at genderfluid.
I want top surgery because I want my breasts gone, BU I don't exactly have 10k lying around. I prefer she/Her pronouns, and I always go by my birth name, even though on my more masculine days, I would prefer Spencer.
So.. my problem is..
I can see myself dating a guy, but that's it. I can't picture myself having sexual relations, or settling down and having kids. I can however, see myself with a girlfriend, a wife, and I CAN see myself adopting kids and having a family with a woman.
I want my breasts gone, and I want to cut my hair.
I do not have a problem with having a vagina. I wouldn't want a penis.
(I don't ever plan to have kid through a sperm bank.) -I have a genetic disability that I do not want to pass down.-
So, would that make me trans, or not trans enough??
I'm considering asking my mom to let me take "T". (Testosterone.)
I'm just stuck wondering.
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Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Doesn't Fit Any Of These Categories?
There are plenty of words out there for different identities that don't fit neatly into the more popular ones. First off, there is the Kinsey Scale, which goes 0-6, 0 being completely heterosexual and 6 being completely homosexual. Some people might lump everything between 1 and 5 into bisexual, but that's not really right. Secondly, there is homo,hetero, and biromantic. This is for who you can see yourself in a relationship with, but not necessarily sexually. It is entirely possible to be homosexual and biromantic, or for that matter homosexual and heteroromantic. As for your gender identity, I tend to just fallback on genderqueer, which is a catch all term for everything in between male and female. There is also intersex, but I honestly always forget what does and doesn't fall under that label.
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While you have convinced me that you are sure of what you want your present age is a limiting factor. While you may be able to start hormone therapy with parental consent you will not be able to have the surgery until you are at least 18 or a psychiatrist signs off that you must have this surgery.
In order to have the surgery (even as an adult) you want a psychiatrist must agree that you of the right mind for this surgery and it actually takes two psychiatrists to agree in most states. You need to be in their care for at least two years and live as a male, in your case while in their care.
If you are allowed to take hormone therapy your breast will shrink some and your periods should also stop. If they don't then you may also want to consider having your Uterus removed.
With your breast getting smaller it will be easier to live and dress as a male. In effect you will be a transgender person during this period. You are 16 in high school and being transgender could bring about a host of problems for you not the least of which is if the school will allow you to live as a transgender and use the bathrooms of the gender you identify with. This is important as it is part of the requirements of living as a male that you do.
Then there is the other students. Transgender is a relatively new classification of a person's physical and sexual identity. Something that many do not understand and think badly of. You could be bullied at school or worse.
While I won't deny that this is something you want to do and may need to do. I do suggest you think about waiting until you are out of high school to start the transition. This is definitely something to talk to the psychiatrists about.
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First thing to do would be to have a talk with a professional who handles this sort of thing, anything to do with hormone therapy and appearance change for those who are transgender. There are those who can give better counsel having heard lots of the same from many children and teens and even adults by now. I have watched enough videos on you tube of people who are transgender, or fluid gender or some combo to understand that while it is awkward and difficult to be your age, that coming to any final decision is a long process. I'm thankful to hear your family is receptive to this. Your might also want to check online for a support site for those who are LGBT or any site specific to transgender or fluidgender people. On one of the latter you might find those a mix of both if you post your situation. Its always helpful to hear of the processes of those who've gone thru this before you as they may have helpful info to pass on you may not have thought of yet. In the meanwhile, you might take to binding your breasts and cutting your hair short before making the kind of changes that you can't switch later. Its unlikely you'd regret it but its best to talk to others in your shoes and also to professionals first. Good luck.
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