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I seriously need advice about my body :(
Recently I added a question but did not register im extremely bad about that. So ill retype my question and hopefully someone can help....so here it is...kinda embarrassing
Im slim thick I have a big breast and a huge butt boys seem to be way to attracted and its killing me they make dirty jokes about me, and touch me the way I dont wanna get touch ...I wrapped my self with a jacket on my waist like all over me. I have no idea what to do. I cannot talk to my parrents about it ...its embarrassing. Im 13 in 8 grade! I dont need this! Gosh im so shy to speak
up I just want to kill myself its like everywhere. I dont want to be a slut. Im really too smart forthat. What should I do to help myself. I really dont like my body for all of this problem. I never earn any respect. ( forget about the sentences underneath having problems with my phone)
Igo.I dont want to be a slug.
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everyones given you good advice, same i'd tell you, the touching part is not right and you have to say something to the parents so they can talk to school officials about it. You can't regulate other kids foolish or sexual thoughts but the touching is sexual harassment.
So the issue as I see it, boils down to your shyness which would hold you back from seeking help cus you are so shy and embarassed and self conscious. I think I was the same at your age. I would rather attempt to write with a blunt pencil with no lead left at the tip rather than go to front of the class to use the pencil sharpener as I couldn't handle the idea of anyone staring at or watching me do so. Made me too uncomfortable, I'd rather have remained invisible. eventually as I got to my older teens, mainly the end of junior year, beginning of senior, I became tired of being so shy all the time and prayed to God for help. Here's the idea that popped into my mind that I used to overcome my shyness. It really works and you get to progress at a rate you're comfortable with. You gain self assurance and lose fear of talking to others or joking back.
I know your situation needs to be addressed now so if you can at least tell your mom and ask her to talk to school officials about it, do so. If you are still too embarassed to do that, start working on your shyness as I outline here and then do the part of tellings others who have the authority to do something about it. It would also help if you have an older brother or male cousin who could intimidate the males and warn them to leave you alone or else. But not everyone has that available to them.
Getting over shyness:
Depending on where you're at and what is difficult for you, read thru and start at the point that is hard for you and move through. I had to start with simply smiling at any stranger I met. Won't work with friends and those you know, even classmates you don't talk to but see each day as theres already some kind of excuse to smile at or talk to them, being in same class. Find people you don't know as you come across them, any age, peer age to grandma's and smile at strangres until it becomes easy for you to do. I couldn't do this to start for fear that my smile make encourage them to start talking to me and I was terrified of having to engage in a convo with someone.
Second step, is adding a simple Hi or Hello or Good morning, etc along with your smile, nothing else and continue on about your business.
Third step is repeating the smile and then paying a person a compliment. Perhaps they have colored their hair baby blue and it actually looks good on them, you tell them, "Hey I really like your hair, that color looks good on you." Or a female clerk at the store is wearing some earrings or such that catches your eye. It must be genuine, dont say anything unless you truly mean it. Then compliment her jewelry and say you like it. Most people will answer with a Thank you and nothing more. A few will add a line explaining how they came to get that jewelry, for example, "My daughter got this for me last Mothers day." You can then reply, "Your daughter has good taste, or you're lucky to have a daughter like that." End of convo and you're turn at register is done and you're on your way.
Paying a compliment is an easy way to get used to speaking first to someone you don't know.
Lastly, start a conversation with a stranger that pertains to the situation in which you find yourself. You'll find that most people, even those who are outgoing and friendly, do not tend to start conversations. You will find that about 80 to 90 % of ppeople are the personality types that are friendly and respond favorably to anyone attempting to talk to them or meet them. Only a few are loners who do not like to talk or have anyone else in their personal space around them. Its nothing personal against you, there just are a few like that in the world. In all my going thru these exercises, I never ran into anyone who didnt respond favorably.
So what do you say to start a convo? Heres my favorite example, helping mom as a teen with grocery shopping. I was sent to pick out some cantalope. I got to the display and a woman moms age was choosing watermelon, tapping and listening to it. I asked what she was doing...see...this pertains to the situation in where i find myself. She explained it was how she tested for one that was ripe. And demonstrated with examples for me to listen to the differences. I thanked her and ask if she knew a way to tell when cantelope is ripe and she showed me. End of conversation. As you can see, it became helpful to me when I started the conversation, and I learned something that I use to this day information wise about choosing melons. And got to enjoy a really sweet but not unripe or over ripe melon. Communication is important in life. Life can't happen easily or problems be resolved or information gained without some kind of communication. This will help you gain confidence in speaking out when need be. Once you get to this point, you will be able to respond to guys wolf whistles with the comment, "You wish...in your dreams!" and laugh as you continue on. Le me know how it goes for you if you decide to work on overcoming your shyness and remember that the goal here is to not allow any males to do any sort of sexual harassment towards you.
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You may think your done with puberty but your not. You may have started early and you will finish early but not before you are somewhere between 16 & 18. Which is why most plastic surgeons will not do reductions or enhancements to anyone under 18.
First: Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are thirteen and your body is going to go through many more changes before you are finished with puberty.
Second: Yes you can and should talk to your parents about this. There is nothing sexual about being harassed in school by being touched in places no one should touch you or being touched at all. When anyone male or female tells someone not to touch them, especially in private places, and it continues it is sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is illegal, meaning unlawful and schools have strict policies against it. If you have reported this to a teacher or your principal and the boys have not been corrected or continue then you must bring your parents into the loop and have them discuss it and possibly bring the police in on this.
Yes this can and could be a police matter. The boys think its nothing to tease and touch you. Well I have a wake up call for them and the wake call comes with a badge, gun and some very fine jewelry in the form of handcuffs for them. Yes they can be arrested if you and your parents want to place charges against them.
Yes the boys can be arrested. The boys think their age can protect them. At one time not so long ago it did, not today. You have a right not to be sexually harassed in school or anywhere else. If you and your parents so choose you can send a message for every girl in school to the boys that this type of behavior is unacceptable and there are serious consequences for these behaviors.
Third: While the word slut may exist in the dictionary in its current form it is has derogatory meaning. In its original form back in 1200 BC it was actually a very positive form of word used in an affectionate manner. Over the centuries the word has become shortened to it current length and taken on a derogatory meaning. For this reason I do not accept the word as anything but slang which makes it meaningless in proper society. You are and never will be a slut even if you wish to recognize the current meaning. You have to much respect for yourself to be a slut.
If anyone calls you this have fun with them; smile and say thank you. Then just walk away. They will have no idea why you are thanking them and it will drive them crazy. Most importantly if it does not make you cry they will stop.
In about 3 or 4 years after your body has come close to taking its final shape if your breasts and but are still larger than you think you want. Then you can talk to a plastic surgeon about reduction. Until then unless your breasts are like size FF or FFF and causing you back problems no surgeon will do a reduction until you have finished with puberty.
Most importantly though is what is written in the second advice. Talk to your parents. This is what we are here fore. It is our job to protect you and to help you in these situations. As I said there is nothing sexual about what is happening to you at school. It is harassment and it is illegal. Let your parents help you.
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Hey! Having a rather more 'womanly' figure than maybe some girls of 13 have yet certainly does not make you a slut. And it doesn't justify boys touching you in ways you don't want or welcome either. If it happens at school, tell them it stops or you'll inform the teachers. Out of school, your parents (and hence their parents, because I doubt your mum and dad will let it ride if it's upsetting you)should be the threat. It is never right to do this. It's a proper offence against your person. Tell them that too. Sexy/suggestive/rude comments are a bit harder to stop. Many a pretty girl will get a wolf-whistle and a suggestive comment or two when walking past a gang of builders, or lads out on the town. It's pretty harmless stuff, so keep your cool. How about laughing it off, and countering it with a snappy "Yeah, in your dreams!" type comment and walk away. Maybe think of it as a bit of a compliment rather than something which makes you dislike your body? I mean a girl can't look TOO pretty can she? And no, being pretty/sexy doesn't make you a slut either. Might make you a bit of a heartbreaker though! But do remember that touching/handling/pressing against you you etc when you don't want it is a definite No-Go.
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First and foremost there is nothing wrong with you or your body and certainly don't think about killing yourself or anything silly like that. Firstly the guys who make these stupid jokes are just being childish. The best thing you can do is ignore it, unfortunately there is no way to stop people thinking stupid thoughts. As for being touched though - this is something that is NOT acceptable. No-one should ever touch you in any way which you are not happy about or have your permission to do. I know you said you are a shy person but your body belongs to YOU and so if anyone touches you in a way you don't like, make sure they know about it. If it's as big a problem as you have said I think you should speak to your parents about it so they can bring it up with your school and the teachers there because its behaviour you shouldn't have to put up with or need to deal with when going to school. This kind of behaviour gets ignored because others who are probably in the same boat as you probably think the same thing and so also do nothing about it - so in the end nothing gets done about it.
Respect is important and it's a great thing that at your age you understand this and don't want to be seen as some cheap woman. Sometimes you have to fight to get that respect and in this case coming out of your shell and telling someone about it (even if its a teacher if you can't talk to your parents directly) would be the first step in doing that. Never think about wanting to kill yourself. Every problem in life can be dealt with one way or another without having to resort to hurting yourself. Good luck.
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