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Supervisor at Work
I am a 20 year old female, I work at a grocery store with a twenty two year old male. I already know this is going to be lengthy... sorry.
When he first started working at the store, he was just a cashier, like me. Now, I know when I first started working, it made a world of difference that someone came up to me on my first day and introduced themselves, told me I'd do great and kind of became my first friend there. So I did that with him on his first day. Ever since, he and I would talk a lot, more so than he to any other cashier. A few months after he was just a cashier, he was asked to become the cashier's supervisor, which he accepted. Since I'm in college, I work night shifts so it was nice coming in to work and seeing his car in the parking lot, knowing he was working the night with me. Usually, I noticed as well, that he would put me on register 11 - the register that he spends his free time at, checking the schedule or counting money - so we could talk. Or he would put me on the self checkouts so we could talk as well. One day when I was on 11, I was looking at the schedule and saw the last three initials of his name and I finally put two and two together after working together for months that I knew this kid since I was 6 and he was 8, because we used to go to church together. When he came back over, I told him and he even told me he knew the three initials of my last name were familiar to him as well. One day I was joking with him that I over heard two cashiers talking that he and I were dating and I just laughed it off because we get that a lot. As I was telling him that, another cashier over heard and said we should just go out already and his response was "We can't, I'm her supervisor."
A few weeks after that, our store manager asked him if he could go around and hang signs because he's tall and quiet so she knew he could do it in a timely matter, seeming as he wouldn't stop to chit chat, that kinda thing. Then came time for inventory, she saw how well he did on sign hanging so she gave him a shot at inventory and he did that well too. So, a few weeks later, he was promoted to a zoning supervisor of the entire front end, including the grocery in the check out aisles, candy, cigarettes, batteries - as opposed to just a supervisor of the humans that work up front. So he told me the news and I was happy for him but I told him it's going to suck having him go elsewhere, but he told me that even though he moved from front end, to technically department 82, he'll still be up front and he'll still be able to boss me around. Since moving departments, I still see him around sometimes and he always makes an effort to stop and talk to me, whether it be for five seconds or five minutes, just like an I-moved-departments-but-I-said-I'd-still-be-here kinda thing.
Since him moving departments, I've been talking a lot to my other supervisor. The one I knew since I was little will be A and his friend (my other supervisor) will be B. Now, B will tell me stories about how A doesn't really want to date anyone because his last girlfriend was crazy or how they would got to comic-con together and he would get a weird drawing and he would laugh and say "Oh, this will definitely keep the girls away." But everything he tells me about A, he doesn't really do that with me. Like, A will talk to other cashiers but not for extended periods of time whereas if I'm on self checkout, he will stop and talk to me until he no longer can. This past weekend, A was asked to go to another store to help them with their inventory, so he did and when he came back to our store to clock out, he saw me at self checkout and stopped to talk to me about his day at the other store and everything he had to do and I counted that he was there, talking to me, off the clock for 45 minutes. After those 45 minutes, we saw a manager running through the store and A thought he should leave because he didn't want to get me in trouble for talking and not doing my job, he heard on his walkie that there was an accident outside and someone had to call 911. I told him to let me know what happened but I was expecting him to the next time we saw him but he went out and came back in just to tell me and then he left again.
It's just little things that I notice he does with me but not with anyone else that makes me think he could be into me:
-even though he isn't my supervisor anymore and I have a question and I see him, he'll help me with it but he'll tell other cashiers that he can't help them because he isn't their supervisor
-he always jokes around with me... my cousin is a vendor for our store so they work together doing stocking and when he found out who she was to me, he told her that his job all night was to boss me around but he's the only one that can
-he tells me about not work related things, like his puppy or issues he had with his dad and why his parents go divorced
-there's a cashier up front that has a huge crush on him and she'll take pictures of him and put them on Facebook and he always complains to me about how that freaks him out but be knows that I take pictures of him and put them on my snapchat but that doesn't bother him at all
-back when he was my supervisor and anybody that wasn't me was on 11, he wouldn't spend any time back there whereas when he had me on 11, that's always where you could find him
-he lets me complain to him about the weird guys at work that hit on me and he laughs and jokes back that they suck and I need someone better
-I had just recently gotten glasses, even though he has glasses too, he'll call me a nerd and four eyes
-the one day he was working on a battery display right in front of my self checkout and he told one of the other workers that the tags are stuck inside the holder and that he can't get them out because he doesn't have nails, so she went over to help him, then someone else went over to help and by five minutes, he had four girls around the display helping him and he stopped working on it and came over and talked to me, smirked and said "that's how you supervise"
-after his battery display got finished, he had a cart full of zip ties that he had to sort through, at this time I was on my break and he came over and sat with me and asked how many zip ties I thought he had so I guessed and he sat with me and talked to me while he counted all of them
-he told me one day about a girl that got his number and wouldn't leave him alone so he asked her out and made the date as uncomfortable as possible for her so she wouldn't bother him again (almost like he drives girls away that he doesn't like but he never tried anything like that with me before)
But then there's things that make me think he doesn't:
-my schedule got messed up one day and before I drove in for no reason, I was going to ask him if he could help me fix it, but I realized I didn't have his number so I went in the next day and joked about how I had to drive into work on my day off to get my schedule straightened out because I didn't have his number to help me... he didn't even offer to give it to me after
-(no lectures, please) I told him one day that all of my over aged friends were busy one night and couldn't get me something to drink for a party that I was going to and I joked with him again that I knew he was off and he could've gotten me something but I didn't have his number again...he asked me what I wanted to drink because he was just finishing work and he could get it for me, I told him someone else already got it for me and he still didn't offer me his number
-buuuut, during conversations with him, he takes his phone out and plays with it right in front of me, maybe hinting at something, I don't know
I actually probably just made him sound like the biggest asshole ever, hahaha. But he really isn't. He just has a very joke-y demeanor and if he doesn't like you, he has no problem showing it. So, do you think that's him just being friendly to me since we knew each other for so long? Or do you think he may be interested? Am I being insane and just thinking too hard about this? Thanks!
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Okay. He does act like he likes you. However, some people flirt at work and school and it means nothing. It sucks, so don't find out the hard way. Keep your wits about you. You've already shown yourself to be smart and observant by questioning his motives and posting a question in the first place.
People like this often cringe at taking a relationship to a next level, yet publicly they act like your spouse. He sounds like he can easily that type of person.
However, if you're asking him to buy you liquor and you're underaged, that's not an indicator of anything. I mean expecting someone to do something illegal for you like that isn't a sign that he doesn't like you.
However, maybe some of the other times you hinted that you didn't have his number might have been an indicator though. Just b/c you might be okay with your underage drinking, doesn't mean that others in society are. You'd be surprised how conservative many people are, especially some men when it comes to the girls they actually plan to seriously date.
Secondly, I just wouldn't deal with him. You wrote this:
"-he told me one day about a girl that got his number and wouldn't leave him alone so he asked her out and made the date as uncomfortable as possible for her so she wouldn't bother him again (almost like he drives girls away that he doesn't like but he never tried anything like that with me before)"
When men tell you stories like this, pay attention to how he treats girls. He sounds disrespectful, sneaky and indirect; not an ideal boyfriend.
You also wrote this:
"-the one day he was working on a battery display right in front of my self checkout and he told one of the other workers that the tags are stuck inside the holder and that he can't get them out because he doesn't have nails, so she went over to help him, then someone else went over to help and by five minutes, he had four girls around the display helping him and he stopped working on it and came over and talked to me, smirked and said "that's how you supervise"
So he manipulated multiple other women in front of you. Not a good sign.
He also flirts with you slightly and pays attention to you constantly yet never seals the deal. I wouldn't give it any more thought. Keep looking for someone better.
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I don't think this guy will ever ask you out, just why I can't say. I do think he likes to talk with you which says he does like you enough to have somewhat intimate conversations with you. The fact that he said to your cousin "He was the only one who could boss you around" say he is protecting of you as well.
Just why he can't pull the trigger on asking you out on a date eludes me. You are going to have to be the one to make a first move if you want to take the relationship you have with him to the next level. Just be aware that doing so may ruin what you have with him.
If you want to ask him out I would suggest you do so in a non-threatening manner. Meaning try not to make it sound like a date. Maybe by know you know of some of the things he like to do with his time off. You could say something like; you know A I've never done that but always wanted to try it. We are both off and on the same day next week and I do not have any classes could you show me how that is done. Another way would be if there is a movie you know he wants to see. You could say; A I'm planning on see that movie next week would you like to go with me. After the movie you could suggest stopping for some burgers someplace. Things like that. Once the ice is broken maybe he will ask you out the next time.
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I can't tell if its his brand of humor-sarcastic or if its a sign he's an asshole as you said, and just not interested in you. You have hinted at situations where you could have it helpful to have his number, but no where did you ever say you asked him for it. Some times, guys need it spelled out for them. You could also let him know you want his number because you are attracted and interested in getting to know him. There can be no misunderstanding there. He may not go for it, for fear of work related sexual harassment, even if you make the first move. It's way more complicated then a guy just making sexual comments, or asking you for sex. I have a feeling that it might help you to know how to determine if a person is right for you. First you have to be dating to learn more about the other but then there's a great tool for figuring out if he's right for you. If interested in "how to find the right one" let me know by writing to me from my column and I will send that info to you. Otherwise, good luck.
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