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Did I sound too available?
I went on a coffee date with a guy yesterday, and it went really well...we talked the whole time and he seemed really interested. At the end of the date, I said I'm glad we met up and we should do it again. He said absolutely and asked why my schedule is like. I said that I'm in a certain city (where he works) during the week, and around during the weekends. I said "I'm pretty open for now"...and after that there was no word or confirmation. Just a bye and that was it. So I'm wondering if i sounded too available or over eager and turned him off? I mean, I thought I was being honest... But now I'm thinking he might not reach out for a second date bc of that. Any thoughts? Especially by men...
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Dear Coffee Girl,
Sometimes people question themselves when it comes to dating. But if you know what you want in your life then don't be afraid of that. Too many people get scared and they settle. If this person doesn't reach out and give you a 2nd date then they were never meant to be the one. Appreciate yourself and know that someone out there will eventually turn one of these coffee dates into a night out and a relationship where you get coffee together as a real couple. The future is so bright no matter who you end up with but only you will know who that will be.
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Hey! i think that you sounded a tiny bit too eager. Like a grain of sand tiny. When guys experience said over eagerness, they usually forget it in like five minutes because it's not a big deal, and then they start remembering how cool you are and how much they want to date you. I know because I'm a guy.
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You probably did sound overegar, but not with the part where you were honest about being available. You were overegar when you suggested you meet up again in the first place. Always leave the planning up to the guy. This is not about playing hard to get. It is about the fact that most guys are lazy and will put the minimal amount of effort they can into a relationship if you let them. You took the initiative to tell him you would like to have a second date with him. This tells him that you will do the work for him: instead of him wondering whether or not you will accept a second date, you have volunteered to sit around wondering whether or not he wants a second date. Don't put yourself in these positions. Let him initiate next time.
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If he was interested, it probably wouldn't have mattered.
If this was part of what turned him off, then he was probably already not feeling it.
Honesty is the best policy. You didn't do anything wrong, and if he is the kind of guy who is turned off by a girl who likes him, actually being willing to make time to see him again, then he probably isn't the guy you are looking for.
You don't sound the least overeager. Most guys who complain about girls being overeager are just not into the girl to begin with, or are assholes, or are just calling her 'overeager' when they actually mean something else felt off about it.
Don't worry yourself.
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When I met guys the first time off a dating site, I met at coffee places too. If we didn't hit it off one or both of us would say, "Thanks for meeting me but I don't think this is going to work out."
If we did hit it off, we acknowledged that by saying things like you did, " I've enjoyed meeting with you and it would be great to get together again if you feel the same way." I always made statements that gave the person an option to confirm or an easy out with the "if you feel the same' piece. Then he could say "Um, thanks but no I dont feel the same way.
Coffee dates/first meets are to determine if you want to see each other again or decide its a no go. So its normal to ask to meet again and go over schedules. There's nothing wrong with your schedule in reality being very open. I don't like to lie about things just because of how something will look.
If the guy is quick to make assumptions and then false judgements of you and is turned off by that, it's actually better that he didn't take you up on a 2nd date. You're better off without him if you're looking for someone mature.
On my coffee dates, if we both wanted to meet again, one or the other of us would suggest an actual day until we found one that worked for both of us. We might plan where or what to do but sometimes wanted to research what was going on socially around town first.
Your guy is confusing to respond with an "Absolutely" and ask for your schedule and then not promise to call you the following day or at whatever time he says, after he checks his calendar at home, and then sets a date with you. If he knew his schedule, he could have set it right then. The guys I met did. If we liked each other alot, we made a firm date before parting. tr
Of course, I don't know your age but I was in my forties close to fifty meeting guys same age who almost all were mature enough had self confidence and didn't worry about looking eager or desperate because in fact we were not. We'd be glad to go back home and not see the person again if we did not enjoy the others company. But if we did, we knew it was silly to let a person slip out of our grasp if they might be perfect for us and so set a date to call or meet.
Always go for honesty when questions are asked about your schedule. To avoid looking too eager, all you need to do is not be apologizing and explaining why your schedule is so open.
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