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Lesbian with a straight: Is she using me?
I'm a lesbian, and i'm always getting used by my straight friend. She is always dirty texting me, and touching herself when she's talking to me, but she says that only i turn her on and she wouldn't date me because she doesn't want to be a lesbian. She has a boyfriend, yet she comes to me when it comes to pleasure. I love her as a best friend, maybe more, but only if she accepted. But, it seems like lately, all we've been doing is "making love" and she doesn't even love me.
Is she gay? Why is she using me like this? When she asks me to turn her on, etc, she tell me to "Make love" to her. Does that mean she loves me? because she normally says sex, unless she's talking about me. We've never actually done it, but we talk and touch ourselves.
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I think your friend is very confused. I am guessing that she is a lesbian but just as you said, she doesn't want to be. Unfortunately she has decided to use you while she figures it out. Maybe her parents won't accept it, who knows what her reasons are, but she isn't ready to admit it. You have to make some decisions about this. If you stop letting her use you then you may not be friends anymore but I think you should give her an ultimatum. Tell her either drop the guy and all the pretense and have a real relationship with you or take sex out of your friendship. If she really does care about you she will do one or the other.
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Don't let anyone use you. I wouldn't suggest being a part of anything where the other person is in a relationship because that will only cause drama and people to get hurt and their emotions to get confused. If she actually likes you she will be with you. She can't base her sexuality off of whether she "wants" to be straight or a lesbian ect. She can be bi, or a little curious about girls, but if she still likes men she isn't a lesbian of course. I don't think she loves you, but she may want to experiment with you because she seems very unsure of her sexuality and it's much easier to do something you aren't sure of with someone you trust instead of a random person. She might say make love to differentiate her sex with a female from calling it sex when it's with a guy. Might make it easier for her to accept if she isn't calling it sex since you're a female.
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I mean she's obviously not straight. Her sexuality isn't important, really the problem is her using you. If she has these supposed feelings for you whether she can't date you or not why does she have a boyfriend? These are questions you should wonder and ask her. The only advice I could really give you as a woman who has dated women also, ask her straight up what is going on? And if she beats around the bush, no pun intended that make it clear that you guys should only be friends if she can't even talk to you about what is going on. But it sounds like something is there.
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Hi there. It's highly possible that your best friend may be bisexual--being that she displays profound feelings towards you and her boyfriend. Perhaps she's "bicurious" at the moment and is currently exploring her true sexuality. She's telling you that she doesn't want to be a lesbian and yet she comes to you aside from her boyfriend for pleasure. I think there's this deep part of her inside that's saying she's bisexual, and that she loves both you and her boyfriend. Perhaps she's afraid to physically admit it.
I've been a bisexual for about 9 years and I developed true feelings for my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time a few times in my life. I fell in love with them both--but I feel like my best friend understood me more. My boyfriend didn't really care.
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She's disrespecting you, and using you, even though she might not mean to be.
Yes, some people may just want causal sex. Others may genuinely want romantic relationships with more than one person at the same time. Lots of people get confused about their sexuality at some point in thier lives.
None of that justifies cruel behaviour, and her behaviour towards you is cruel, no matter how genuine her desire or confusion. And she is still betraying her boyfriend - even if you are helping her do it. She doesn't get a pass on her bad behaviour just because yours isn't perfect.
She is also almost certainly perfectly aware that this arrangement isn't the kind that makes you happy. She knows that your feelings run deeper. She probably knows even if you haven't told her, and I get the impression you have. So she is choosing her happiness at the the expense of yours. That's what it means to be a user.
You need to let her know, very clearly, if you aren't happy being her secret, occasional, fuck buddy. Then you need to put an end to that part of your relationship for good. The only way to get the respect you deserve is to demand it, and the only thing that will save this friendship is if it goes back to just being a friendship, unless she decides she can have the kind of honest relationship you desire.
Don't hold your breath. That's not very likely.
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Your friend can want to do sexual things with you even if she doesn't love you. Some people just want casual sex without the love. "Making love" is a common euphemism for having sex. It doesn't have to imply that she loves you.
I don't think it's fair for you to say that she is using you when you are doing this with her despite knowing that she has a boyfriend.
I think speculating on your friend's sexual orientation is besides the point here. If she has a boyfriend and isn't planning on breaking up with him any time soon, I think that's an obvious sign she isn't after a committed relationship with you.
It is possible that your friend is confused or in denial about her sexuality, and that is a difficult situation to be in, but that is her problem.
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