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Mentality
I am Muslim . I understand the community. The actual religion of Islam is beautiful . The community, is different. Whenever I am at an azima, or gathering, it's like a competition (who married a doctor, who's kids or who is in the better college, who went to Hawaii . It's sick. Another thing that annoys me is that the people try to hind women from sex by covering them up. Yet all many men allow them to do is have sex and cook and clean.its sicker. I do know some Muslims that are different, but it's just the majority..... Also women do to men's every bidding the man comes home from work and then women are treated like servants...... After all, the man did work the day in the office - while the woman worked at home ..... Cooking and cleaning and not having a lunch break. It's SICK!!!!!!! Plus, most women cover up so if you show up in a bathing suit to a pool or shorts when it's not it is considered eb or shameful/forbidden. Again not all Arabs are like this............. I want to be part of a community but I don't know who to be with as in church group ?????
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Actually, I'm Muslim too. And I agree with you. The religion itself is amazing. I started loving it so much when I did research on my own and tried to understand WHY things are done the way they are. It's amazing to see the reasons behind it and see it play out in real life. For example, it's suggested to sleep on your right side. And now it's medically confirmed that sleeping on your right side is best for your heart as opposed to on your back or stomach. I find that stuff so interesting haha.
I feel like the hardest part of being a Muslim in this day and age is that (assuming you live in the United States) you have to take your basic principals and apply it the best you can in the environment you're living in. Another thing that is always difficult is that you can't let certain people influence you. For example, in my community there are also people trying to outdo each other. Believe it or not, that's everywhere. You will always see that amongst the older generation. But you need to be strong. You need to simple do your absolute best and not let this doctor or that engineer keep you from feeling proud of your accomplishments.
Times are slowly changing. There are older generations that are stuck on the ideals of a woman staying in the house and only cooking and cleaning. I feel like it's mostly the people who have recently came to America, rather than the generations that have lived here. It's how they grew up. Did you know the Prophet came home every day and helped with the household chores? He didn't come home and order his wives to do this and that. He helped them. That's how it should be. A couple should help one another in anyway possible. If one has had a tough day the other helps and vice versa. That's how it should be. So don't let those old ideals make you angry. Because the new generation is changing regardless of how the older generation feels. If those women want to do everything in the house, then let them. But and your future spouse (assuming you're not married yet) can have your own compromise that you will be happy with.
Everyone tries to do their best with religion. And that's what is the point. You always do your best and don't make it really hard on yourself or even make it extreme. So just do your best and try your hardest and try not to let people shake up your faith.
It's tough finding a community. But don't give up. Maybe you won't find one now, but perhaps when you move out of the house (assuming you're living with your parents) then you can go to a different mosque and find people you can relate to that won't make you feel uncomfortable. To be honest, I still haven't found those great group of friends. I'm polite to everyone when I go to the mosque, but I know someday I'll get there and you can too. Don't worry :)
If you have any more questions feel free to ask! Good luck :)
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You're seeing the patriarchal system at its worst; even on its best day its a depressing system! You don't state your age but I'd guess you're in your early teens?
Basically, the answer is in your future and your hands. The way you act and react to your culture now will affect those who come after you. For example, if young children saw you in a bathing suit all the time, they'd probably think you were mad but they'd get used to it, it wouldn't feel so threatening to them. (That is an extreme example, I'm not suggesting you try it now!) Work at being the sort of adult you'd like to know, open-minded, tolerant, whatever, see ifit has an effect on those around you.
Hope this helps, let me know how it goes?
Best wishes x
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You leave out your age and your location, which makes it a bit more difficult to advise you about looking for another mosque or community centre.
The parts of your complaints - about oneupmanship and competition - I'm sorry to say that is present in most larger communities, whether they are religious, or workplaces, or even just Parent Teacher Committees. You can find some groups where that behaviour is minimal, but you'll struggle pretty damn hard to find a place where it doesn't exist at all. That's not a Muslim thing - that's a human thing.
It does sound like you want to find a group of women who think more like you, and have values more like your own - and that is a great thing to do. You might have to get creative to make new friends like that. You could volunteer for muslim organizations you know are more liberal or pro-women, or maybe find a book club or study group that is more female friendly.
Remember you can be part of more than one community, and have more than one circle of friends. If you have needs and interests that aren't being met in your current community - widen your circle - but that doesn't' necessarily mean rejecting your current community entirely.
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