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Been with bf over three years..am I wasting my time?
So my bf & I met when we were both 18 & got together a couple months later. I had cheated on my previous bf with him, but I felt so bad about that I told the very next day (we just kissed,& it turns out to be my current bf's first kiss), & when I told him he asked why. After my first boyfriend & I broke up after 3 months on & off. Less than a month after we'd been broken up, I started dating the guy I cheated with-who turns out to be my steady bf since late 2010. I took his virginity in January 2011, & all was well for a while. Then he started lying over stupid things (where he was, that he had to go home, who he was with-said he was with his friend Kyle, but he was with a girl he "used" to like,& talk shit on me)..or "forgetting" to tell me things, & making the same promises over and over. It doesn't help that he never seems sincere & using uses a sarcastic or mocking tone, & usually extremely critical of me. I do love him so much,& he's my first,& we have had a lot of good times, but I don't know what to do anymore. Help please??
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If he is mocking and critical of you my advice is to dump him now. Even if you still love him, dump him anyway. It will never go back to what you first had no matter what. It doesn't sound like he has any respect for you as a person. It is time to move on with your life and find a boyfriend who will treat you right.If someone truly cares for you they would never do anything to make make you feel bad on purpose. You deserve better so go on out there an find it!
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So kudos on coming clean to boyfriend. It seems that ever subce you guys have reach that high level intimacy that he feels that he doesn't need to try. You guys have been together a long time and it seems that since he knows you well enough that he is acting the way he is because he knows your not going to do something. Your relationship has already dramatically changed. Him being critical, mocking and being overly sarcastic is proof of that. I understand he's your first and you love him, but you have to ask yourself are you really okay being with someone treating you the way he is? Honestly answer, and if its no I think its time to move on. You owe it to yourself to find your perfect match. But if you think its a rough patch your going through, openinly communicate and tell him what your thinking and where your coming from. Communication is always the best in relationship. Whatever you decide just to do what's best for you and sometimes that means letting go of people you love. I hope this helps and good luck!
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So kudos on coming clean to boyfriend. It seems that ever subce you guys have reach that high level intimacy that he feels that he doesn't need to try. You guys have been together a long time and it seems that since he knows you well enough that he is acting the way he is because he knows your not going to do something. Your relationship has already dramatically changed. Him being critical, mocking and being overly sarcastic is proof of that. I understand he's your first and you love him, but you have to ask yourself are you really okay being with someone treating you the way he is? Honestly answer, and if its no I think its time to move on. You owe it to yourself to find your perfect match. But if you think its a rough patch your going through, openinly communicate and tell him what your thinking and where your coming from. Communication is always the best in relationship. Whatever you decide just to do what's best for you and sometimes that means letting go of people you love. I hope this helps and good luck!
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If you are not happy with him anymore, leave him. He's just bf, not husband. Relationships, if becomes painful, try giving a break and see if it works. If it does not work then,move on.
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My best advice and the best that worked for me when I was in this same exact situation set him free. As hard as it is gonna be act like it isn't bugging you. Don't call him let him call you and when he does don't be saracastic like he is to you. It's no game but it is just letting yourself know you can live without him and makes you feel a little better that he is chasing you. Trust me it works I did it to my boyfriend when he was doing these things and now we are getting married and have a 1 year old son. He is a male and sad to say but he is getting bored all males do you need to give him some challenge you need to make him miss you and wonder why you havent called. He needs that and if you set him free and he doesn't come back it's his loss not yours sweetie and I promise the right one will come... Good Luck to you!!
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I'll be honest.....you need to dump him. He sounds like an asshole and why you put up with it is questionable. Maybe it's karma for you cheating on your previous bf but it sounds like this dude isn't just talking to you. There are millions of other guys out there, don't ever settle for a shithead. You deserve better.
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Oh God. This one is hard. I don't want to tell you guys to brake up to soon. I think you guys might need some serious talks with each other and after you guys talk I would get some space. For the sake of both of you get some space.(like if you were living together I'd suggest moving out for a little while or even if you are not living together, it sound like both parties need some space.) After saying everything that needs to be said (like you telling him he is sarcastic/critical. Also mention with him lying about stupid stuff how should you trust him with big stuff?)Make him think about everything that has gone down.
He might be feeling some kind of way towards you and instead of just telling you how he is feeling he is "acting out" for the lack of the right word. Some people instead of telling you they got a problem with you(or a bone to pick) they just start acting really nasty. Don't ask me why. After 3 years of being together you should mean something to him. Meaning after you guys have talked and had some time apart from each other he might be ready to work at what ever is wrong in your relationship . Or maybe after having some time apart you guys might agree it is time to walk(away from each other.) I don't know. I wish you the best. I hope it works out. June
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It's very common for relationships to "fizzle" at around 3 years. You've made it longer than that, so congratulations.
That said, relationships that reach the "fizzle" stage in general fail. Most people who make it through this phase have some other external reason for sticking together; being married, having kids together, owning a home or business together, etc.
You need to sit down and talk with him about his treatment of you, including how critical he is of you. You have to decide whether this relationship is something you want to continue or if it's better off being over with. Just because you have a history with someone doesn't necessarily make them right for you.
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You definitely need to talk to him. Let him know that his behavior is unacceptable. For a relationship to work you need to be able to trust each other and if he is lying and sneaking out with other girls how can you trust him? If he wants to be in a relationship with you he needs to be honest with you. Also if he is telling you he is hanging out with one of the guys and really he is with some other girl chances are he is doing something he shouldn't be doing. yes I mean most likely cheating. I mean why lie if you're innocent right? Another thing he is being critical of you and that makes you feel terrible. That is verbal abuse and you should NEVER stand for that.
Ask yourself these questions:
Am I truly happy?
Can I trust him?
Do I really want to spend my life with someone who makes me feel this way?
If your answers are no...maybe you should consider leaving.... You're young and there is no rush to settle down.find someone who will treat you like a princess and nothing less. You deserve to be happy and if happiness is something he is not providing then you are in fact wasting your time.
But if you are happy and you truly want to make it work he has to put effort in as well. It won't get better if just one person is trying. Sit down with him tell him exactly how you feel and let him know changes need to be made. And if he does happen to make changes and treat you better hopefully you will be able to trust him again. Good luck and I wish you all the best.v
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Hey!
Cheer up! No you are not wasting your time. You just want to trust this guy very bad. You want him to love you just the way you love him. So no I don't think you are wasting your time - Instead see it like this - You are giving everything to make this relationship work.
Our first 'guys' are very special to us and I totally get it. But things stop when he bad mouths you in front of someone else behind your back. If he has problems with you then talking about you behind your back will not set things right for either of you. I think you should talk to him - Tell him you love him and that you really care but his unthoughtful actions have hurt you. Ask him straight out if he wants to be together with you or just part ways.
We all have can make out when someone is lying or insincere to us. So when you have this conversation, pay attention. If you feel that he is lying or being insincere - accept it and let him go. There is no point in being in a one sided sincere relationship. I know you love him and yes it will hurt. But the best part is - you have done everything you possibly could to make a go with this relationship. You have done your part and now it's his turn. If he doesn't recognize it now, he probably never will.
You still have time to fall in love. Maybe this guy is not your prince charming after all. I hope things work for you. But if it doesn't - well - then do things you always wanted to do - Finish your education, join a hobby class. It's not the end of the world. If I could survive heartbreaks and being a wreck trust me you can too :)
Hoping things work out for you!
Don't give up!
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