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Anal Sex: I don't want to dissapoint him, but I am afraid?
hi I'm 19 and my boyfriend said he wanted to try anal sex... The thing is that I never tried it before and I think it will hurt like reallllllly bad. I want to make him happy but at the same time I think that it could be painful :/ I don't know what to do because I love him so much and don't want to disappoint him. We have been dating for a year now. If you know what I could say to him, or any advice in general I would love it! By the way I love your column!
Thank you :)
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I've got to say firstly that you should never do anything you're uncomfortable with.
whilst anal sex can be pleasurable it can also be painful to varying degrees and that differs from person to person. My advice is to talk to your boyfriend it sounds like you really love him and if he loves you just as much i'm sure he'll be willing to Listen and talk about it before you make any decision
Remember sex of any kined should be pleasurable for both of you
I wish you luck
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Oh wow thank you, I haven't been on here in years, I am surprised. The first time me and my boyfriend did anal it was rather painful. Tell him to take it nice and slow and use lots of lube. Around the 3rd or 4th time I did it I enjoyed it. It all depends on size really, he's really really big so the first time was just plain painful and I bled, I still bleed sometimes. Whereas his first time doing anal with a small toy, he enjoyed it, so it all depends on size, size of penis and size of person taking it. Have fun, tell him you're nervous, tell him how you're feeling, tell him you want to take it slow, communication is key! If he hurts don't be afraid to tell him to stop or to slow down or to not move for a second or two. And when I say slow I mean like 60 seconds for him to just get in you, take it very very slow the first time. Like turtle slow.
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Hey there, here's my advice:
If you both love each other very much, while you want to please him, he'd want to please you. So he most likely won't want to do this if you really don't want to. So you should sit and talk to him about it. Sex is fun. Buts it's a lot more fun when both partners are happy with the situation, so you should definitely converse. Also, if you decide you do want to try it and you're still worried, tell him and he could ease you into it and it'll be more of a comfortable experience.
Hope this helped! ~ Becki
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Anal sex can be painful especially at first. I will say that there are some women who say they truly enjoy anal sex once they get use to it.
I think once we all reach adult age we experience an adult physical which for both men and women include an anal penetration as part of the exam to exam different interior organs. Penetration even by the doctors finger is generally painful for most of us.
One reason for this is the anus is a one way valve, so to speak. It is designed to allow waste out or to open from the inside out. Not the outside in.
One reason men & boys are infatuated with anal sex is the sphincter muscle is much tighter than the vagina muscles and most women have better control over this muscle as well. Anal sex provides a much firmer grip on their penis.
Normally I advice that any sex between adults must be consenting by both parties. In the case of anal sex the person being penetrated has the final say for this sex act. So if you say no that is it anal sex is not going to happen.
Should you decide you want to try here are some things to think of and to do.
1. The larger in girth your boyfriends penis is the harder it is going to be for him to penetrate you, and possibly the more painful it will be. So it is very important that you use plenty of anal lube.
2. You have to be relaxed. If you are nervous or uptight it is going to hurt as it will be harder to get past your sphincter muscle.
3. Do not allow anal sex without a condom.
4. Even with a condom do not allow him to go from you anus to your vagina without first stopping and thoroughly washing his entire groin area.
5. Your boyfriend has to agree and understand that if you say stop, no or pull out and he does not or tries to continue it is now rape.
One thing you might want to think about is this. When I give advice on sex one thing I always say is what happens in the bedroom between consenting adults is fair game. Nothing is off limits, strange or weird if you both consent to it.
Now anal sex can work both ways. If he wants to have anal sex with you he could be agreeable to you having anal sex with him first. This does not make him gay, remember what I just said. It is just you and him with as strap on dildo. If it means so much to him to have anal sex then he should be willing to share the pain.
My thought is he will quickly forget about wanting anal sex if he first has to allow you to have it with him. When it comes to pain we men can be real wimps.
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Hi. Anal sex is one of those things that some women enjoy and some very definitely do NOT enjoy. It's also something that many guys find (or find the idea of) very appealing. And one that certainly attracts a lot of myths and overblown ideas and discussion. We're making a bit of a generisation here, true. But I believe quite a reasonably accurate one. I'd say that it really has to be the choice of the woman. A choice of 1.'NO...it does not appeal to me even in theory and I'm not even going to try it'. 2. I'll try and then I'll decide and my decision will not be negotiable'. Or 3. 'I want to try it, and want to get to like it.' To isolate just the physical facts from the myths and attachments. Yes, it will most probably feel uncomfortable initially. The rectum is at the end of the day 'an exit and not an entrance' as it were. And the lining is not as robust as your vagina. It produces no natural lubrication. It does not relax internally when sexually aroused. If you have no STD's and are perfectly healthy in all respects the back passage contains bacteria. If they stay there, no problem. But if they become transferred to your mouth or particularly your vagina (by obvious means, I'm sure I needn't explain) then although not in any way life threatening, they can and probably will make you feel pretty crap/ill until treated. So condoms, and/or pre-sex enemas, and lots of suitable lubricant...essential if you want to try. Personally, it sounds all to mechanical and contrived to me, not 'sexy and sensual' at all. Anal sex has never appealed to me in particular (ps. I'm a guy...which overturns our generalisation a little, I fancy?). To sum up...the womans choice in my opinion, always. And if the guy cannot or will not respect her wishes, he's not, and won't ever be much of a catch will he? Trust your judgement. If you've never fantasised about having anal, or felt a desire to do it YOURSELF, it has the odds stacked against you enjoying it, surely? pps. There is no equivalent of a clitoris up there waiting to be discovered and stimulate you in a new way either, of course. That's biology, not sexual behaviour.
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I would just tell him that you think i would feel painful and aren't comfortable doing it. IF he loves you he will understand. Stay firm on your decision. Hope this helped :)
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