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My Best Friend
Hey guys, I'm 19 and female. My best friend is 20 and male. I went out the other night to a party (please spare the whole speech about that). I texted him and asked if he wanted to meet me at the party because I just wanted him there, he said definitely so I told him the address and he met me there in about ten minutes. He called me to let me know he was there and I went outside to get him, I hugged him to say hi and he hugged back. I brought him inside, he got a drink and we were hanging out. He went off to talk to some guys for a bit and when he came back, I was making out with some guy. He let it happen and everything but when I get drunk, I get a little emotional and I'm going through some weird stuff right now so I'm known to have panic attacks. So, I started crying. My roommate told me that he was the only one who could get me to stop crying and having a panic attack. When I did stop crying, he would take my hand and just be there for me, talking to me and telling me everything was okay because he was there. My friend that I went out with that night has a GoPro and he likes filming parties at school because he's making a montage video of his freshman year. We were later looking back at some footage he took and there was one that I don't remember but my best friend was just holding me, I was in his arms and his hands were down on my waist. It looked like, to us, that we were the only two people in the room. My roommate also told me that he had to carry me out to the car when we left because I couldn't walk. (I was a shit show that night, I already know, don't judge me). He then walked home because there wasn't room for him in the car and when we got back, he was waiting there and got me inside and upstairs.
Now, all of this, you might be thinking "wow, girl, he totally loves you." Well, he's got a girlfriend.. yea, weird, huh? I was talking to him the other night and he told me that he didn't tell his girlfriend anything that happened that night because she is already intimidated by me and he doesn't want her to get upset at what happened and he said out of common courtesy to me, he won't tell anyone that wasn't there to see it themselves.
All of my best friends said that night was so weird, I was with him all night and when I wasn't, I'm told that I was asking for him. They said it was weird, too that he was the only one that could make me feel better. My best girl friend has diagnosed anxiety so I know she would be able to talk me down from a panic attack but for some reason, he's the only one that I wanted that night and he was there for me all night.
Aside from that night, he still is always there for me. We hang out in my room all the time, we have weekly applebees dates where we go for karaoke night, we also have weekly tv dates where out favorite show comes on and we can't fathom watching it without each other.
Please, tell me what you think about this. My friends and I think it's weird that he wouldn't just explain to his girlfriend that I got drunk and he took care of me. They also think it's weird, like I said, that he was the only one to make me feel better and that when I did need him, he was there. I even texted him the next morning that there was no amount of apologizing that I could do to make that night better and he said "you did nothing wrong, you were fine, I had fun, the night was great, don't even think about apologizing." My friends think we exceed best friend behavior but even if we do, he has a girlfriend so, it's like, nothing can go beyond that.
Please tell me what you think. Thanks.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
This is difficult to answer since we don't know either of you.
Of course there is a chance that there is something between you. Believe it or not, people do have feelings for someone outside of a relationship.
Maybe he's just a really, really good friend that truly cares about you, but maybe he might also see you as something more.
It's just hard for me to exactly tell you because I don't know his feelings. Your friends see you guys though so their judgement is better.
As for him not telling his girlfriend. He probably doesn't want her to feel threatened by you. Girlfriends do get jealous of other girls who are close to their boyfriend. He probably doesn't want to make her upset or start a fight with her.
Anyways, if you really want to know, then ask him. But it really could be either or.
And I second what the other two said about the whole too many people in one car thing. People need to be smarter about that.
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First off, I'm glad adviceman49 said something about cramming many people in one car, more than there are selt belts. From an experience of sliding off the highway to end up car on its side in a ditch, due to ice even while going slow and being careful, I can say, you just never expect something like that. We we're all wearing seat belts. My preschooler and kindergartner were a little scared but one year old in her car seat was still sucking her thumb oblivious to what happened. Park elsewhere, bring umbrellas if needed and walk...get a little fresh air and exercise...its good for you. Or have the drivers go back for the cars and drive them up to the entrance of the place for their passengers to get in.
So what do I think about you, and best friend and what other friends are saying? I get a lot of girls writing in who have a male as their best friend but have similar issues. Some feel jealous when he starts dating. For others the guy is crazy about her, always has been, but she has relegated him to the 'friend zone' and hasn't picked up on the clues that he has feelings for her. So he eventually gets himself a 'girlfriend' for dating but is only half hearted in the relationship cus the one he wants he doesnt have.
What do these types of relationship have in common? Often its the fact that neither felt the fireworks or sparks the moment they first laid eyes on each other. So they think there is no possibility of romance, just friendship. However some relationships have love that grows slowly over time. My question to you is, are you 100% sure that you don't have feelings for him or him for you. You both may love each other and not realize it.
Remember, I am just supposing and imagining here:
Imagine if a week from now your best friend married. His wife now becomes one of his top priorities, there are usually 3 top priorities for a guy, among them his job, school, family, guy friends, sports/exercise and his girl or wife. Job and school are usually the priority along with his girl. That means friends, even best friends take a lower priority and if he ever had to move due to a job, you might not see him at all anymore.
Lets say this was for real....SO
Can you live with that?
Would your world be dull and lonely and fall apart without him around?
If so, you might be in love. He may mean more to you than you are willing to admit. More than best friends.
Your friends are seeing something that you are not. They might be just playing matchmaker cus its fun. But often, its a feeling, an energy, between you two that others are picking up on that makes them notice in the first place.
Don't let yourself use that fact that he has a girlfriend, to keep you from looking deeper at this.
His girl friend may be a serious thing, but she may just be there to pass the time for him. Obviously she knows you are the best friend. She knows a good thing when she see's it. So she latches onto him but she picks up on the same stuff your other friends sense so she knows that you are competition even though you don't know that.
So what possibility could a guy have for not sharing this piece of information with a girlfriend, lets say,even if he shares everything else? I am guessing he wouldn't if he thinks saying something would bring up a fight or make her upset. It could take just a look in her eyes or on her face when he's mentioned you before that tell him she would be jealous or angry so it would be stupid to mention his helping you out that night and risk stirring up a hornets nest.
You could try to have a talk if you realize that you do have deep feelings for him. You won't know if there could be romance if you don't do something and try by flirting, and you could ask if he has feelings for the other girl. You dont want to be kicking yourself in the future for never finding out one way or the other.
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There is not enough information her to give you a definitive answer. Also we would have to know you two much better than just what you have written about the two of you to give you any definitive answer.
My kneejerk thoughts are two. First: You two could see each other as a very close brother and sister type relationship. If so it would not be unusual for you to be comforted by him and feel comforted by him, only, when having a panic attack.
Second: There may be more to the relationship than either one of you fully realize. Something his girlfriend sees and why she gets upset when he is with you. She is the proverbial outsider and may see things more clearly or she is just plain jealous of the relationship you have with him. It is really hard to say based on what you have written. Here again we would have to know all the players to make that type of call.
One other thing; If you are having many of these panic attacks you should see a doctor about them. I ask this of you for two reasons. 1) 2he doctor can give you medication to prevent or limit them. 2. The doctor can seek out the underlying cause and treat that.
Now I have not said anything or made any judgment's about anything you wrote. There is one thing I do have to speak against. That is putting 7 people in a car that holds only 4 safely.
I am a firefighter now retired. I have had the unfortunate experience, to many times, of having to deal with young people riding in cars without wearing seatbelts. Seatbelts do save lives. If the car only holds four then 3 people are not seat belted. In the event of an accident the unbelted passengers can be ejected or thrown around in the car.
My most recurring nightmare is of a single car, single occupant accident. She was 17; she was speeding, estimated to be going near 100 mph, when she hit a bump in the road. She was on the cell phone with her boyfriend in his car who she was racing to catch up to. She lost control of the car and hit a tree.
When we arrived and looked in the car it appeared as if she was a sleep. There was no blood except for a slight nose bleed. I wanted to reach in and shake her to wake up but she was dead. She was not wearing a seatbelt. If she had been there is a good possibility she would have survived. We had to use the Jaws of Life to cut open the car to retrieve the body.
She was going extremely fast though it does not take excessive speed to throw an unbelted passenger around a car. What is more important your life or a parking space?
It is our job to rescue people and we do it willingly. Rescues always hurt us especially when they are young people. When the rescue turns out to be a body recovery it really hurts. What gets us threw it is we are doing it for the friends and family of the victim.
Think about this next time you go to the Wawa store. Is the parking place worth your life? How are your parents going to feel at 3 in the morning when some police officer knocks on their door to tell them you have been in an accident and they need to go to the hospital or morgue?
Take two cars, save your parents the possible pain of an early morning knock at the door. If you don't believe what I'm saying; do a ride along with your local fire department or rescue squad on a Friday or Saturday night. If you’re unlucky enough to get a really bad call you will never speed again and you will never get in a car without a seatbelt for you.
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